Mind for Mind - psychological trainings today
Phrases like “I am a man / woman, mother / father, smart, handsome, interesting, successful person” in the modern world sound just like childish babble. What does this realization of my "I" give me? Does this make it clearer for me how to live, how …
Knowing yourself in practice turns out to be difficult and contradictory. Almost every day there are new psychological trainings, "gurus" from psychology are bred in a race with practical directions. Online psychology trainings are also gaining momentum.
But the fact remains - even after completing dozens of these courses and working on various topics of psychology trainings, you will never get answers to the questions:
- Who am I?
- Which life partner is right for me?
- Why don't I find common language with people?
- How to raise my child?
Try to answer these questions right now. Isn't the formulation more than vague?
Who am I?
Phrases like “I am a man / woman, mother / father, smart, handsome, interesting, successful person” in the modern world sound just like childish babble. Apart from the designation of social roles, all subsequent words have absolutely no meaning. What does this realization of my "I" give me? Does this make it clearer for me how to live, how to interact with other people? Maybe they explain all the variety of my internal states and help somehow cope with these states?
For example, why do I feel so lost from time to time? Why, even when everything is good, I still feel bad? It seems that sometimes I lose touch with this life. I am depressed? Or am I slowly losing my mind? The influence of psychologists has a temporary effect or has no effect at all. I feel bad, and that's it. How can I help myself?
Or a gigantic feeling of resentment holds me down. At some point, I discover how much it interferes with my life. How many trainings and lectures on psychology are devoted to the topic of forgiveness! But … one big BUT. It doesn't get any easier from them. Even if I assure myself that I am no longer offended, that I accept a person or a situation as they are, inner feelings do not go away. This is reflected even on the physical level: the feeling of a tightness in the throat and a heaviness in the chest still torment me. Is it right to forgive at all? What is resentment? How to deal with this feeling?
Or I suffer from severe anxiety, here and there I see horror stories. My life is full of tension. Sometimes I'm even afraid to sleep in the dark. How long will I go to different psychological trainings, how long will I find new fears and phobias? "Living" fears leads to a new round - now I'm afraid of something else. Even if I become "more resilient" to these fears, I still get blown away from time to time. Is it possible to get rid of unfounded fears in principle? Life without fears and anxieties - how is it?
Which life partner is right for me?
The same situation is with the choice of a pair. Even if, for example, you can say that you need a more calm partner in life, because you yourself are a hurricane of passions, this is too little for choice. Plus all these conventional wisdom that opposites attract, but at the same time that it is important to have a common thinking, common values and so on. That is how it is, but something does not add up.
And what about the scary stories, "that when she got married, he was so good, and then …" or "she seemed so good, and then she broke my heart." Is there an answer somewhere how not to get into such a situation? Why does this happen at all? If you've already burned yourself once, how do you deal with it? How to choose a partner consciously and accurately?
Do you need a “purposeful, confident, caring, loyal man”? Or “loving, affectionate, understanding, reliable wife”? Fine! Where to find them?
You can, of course, find some kind of male or female training. What if they will open “all the secrets” and give “all the keys” to “happy relationships”? In practice, this rarely happens. It is one thing to feel desired, strong, confident, another to be called, to be them only in words. Knowing "secrets" does not give an inner feeling that it is a fact. Even if with the help of various psychotechniques we learn to experience these states for a while, they still do not become ours. It will remain a beautiful recipe with no ingredients to cook.
Why don't I find common language with people?
Finding a common language with people is generally difficult. Sometimes everyone around you seems like complete idiots. Here I am - with my vision of the world, my understanding of good and bad, worthy and unworthy, with my values. Of course, I try to leave others room for maneuver, saying that “they are different, they have their own life, their own experience,” but in fact I still do not accept their behavior where it is at odds with my ideas. Here we are usually resentful or angry.
We don't understand why people behave in one way or another. And since we don't understand, we don't know what to expect from them. So, we are afraid. And since we are afraid, we are looking for ways of protection, that is, we are trying to insure ourselves against deception and their unpredictable behavior.
We will be taught this, and not for free, at NLP trainings. Less advanced trainers will say that by the way a person is looking, you can unambiguously determine whether he is lying to you or not (looking to the right - lying, to the left - telling the truth), more advanced NLP trainers will say that everything here is individual for everyone person. At the same time, they will teach manipulation techniques.
However, you need to understand exactly that tracking the micro-movements of the face and body will never lead to a real understanding of a person, his feelings and desires. He will still remain a kind of alien for you. And manipulation will never replace our real relationships and dialogue.
It is a big mistake to build relationships with people dear to you on manipulation, because this does not create closeness and deep understanding of each other. This is a dead end.
How do I raise my child?
No matter how many lectures on psychology you listen to, you will not be able to understand how to deal with your child. Upbringing goes by touch. Parents who want the best for their children are always looking for answers to seemingly trivial questions. What happens to the first child, when the second is born in the family, how to prepare him for this? Why is the child stubborn and what to do about it? Why is my child unsure of himself? Why is my child withdrawn, how can I help him?
Can all these questions be answered universally? This is what many psychologists are trying to do. If you have two or three children, then you can see exactly how different they are. Explain everything with the signs of the zodiac, names, heredity? Doesn't it look like cave times? Is it possible that over millennia of development, mankind has not made any progress in this matter?
Our children - our future - are still swaying in the seven winds, and we still don't know how to help them in certain situations. The scourge of the last decade has become the diagnoses of "hyperexcitability", "attention deficit disorder", "autism". Often, parents simply cannot cope, find an approach to their son or daughter. As a result, these children do not receive proper development. Psychologists can have many opinions regarding one child: as many psychologists as there are opinions. How do you make sense of this stockade of recommendations and diagnoses?
Often, in search of answers to these questions, we not only turn to a psychologist or go to psychological trainings. It also happens that we decide to master this discipline ourselves - we are studying psychology at a university. And some are not limited to education in their region, but specially go to study psychology in Moscow or St. Petersburg. Only here the situation is not clear.
As a result, all these consultations, online trainings, mountains of literature and textbooks on psychology lead to a huge number of useless explanations in a person, causing psychological discomfort and great confusion. By the type: “Here I get out of the situation, because I cannot cope with it, because my mother is a great authority for me since childhood, she is generally an authoritarian person, I immediately take the position of a child with her, but I have to take the position of an adult, and to take the position of an adult, I need to feel confident, but to feel confident, I must …"
And so on ad infinitum. No matter how beautiful all sorts of topics of trainings in psychology sound and no matter what methods are offered, without understanding their internal properties nothing will work.
Now, assume for a moment that the answers to all of these questions already exist. We can already get out of the children's sandbox of manipulations, affirmations, psychotechnics, explanations and understand ourselves, understand those around us, understand our children in a way that no one has ever understood. These answers are given to us by the training "System-Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan.
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And the last thing. As you may have guessed, this is a promotional article. Although unusual. Its author first checked everything on himself and is responsible for his every word. It is based on the direct experience of participation in the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan and is written with knowledge of the matter. The promised result is guaranteed not by a couple of hundred, but by more than twenty thousand grateful reviews, which can be found on our forum. In the video section, you can watch and listen to what people who have undergone training have to say about themselves.
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