Decree like a man, or why roles change
A man who has the skills to change a diaper or carry a baby in a sling evokes sincere admiration of the mother's audience, as a loving father of the highest qualifications, but at the same time risks being the object of ridicule from the male fraternity, as he is engaged in a "woman's" business. Maternity dad is a rather rare phenomenon for our mentality, and even some decade ago it was generally exotic - today it begins to meet more and more often.
DECRETARY DAD: HELLEN OR HERO?
A mother with a stroller or a baby in her arms looks quite familiar and ordinary for everyone. Almost all mothers know each other in the favorite places where the toddlers walk and are very often friendly, like their children. A rare dad who goes for a walk with a stroller, most likely, does not know anyone and walks by himself, walking along the indicated route in anticipation of a saving phone call.
A man who has the skills to change a diaper or carry a baby in a sling evokes sincere admiration of the mother's audience, as a loving father of the highest qualifications, but at the same time risks being the object of ridicule from the male fraternity, as he is engaged in a "woman's" business. Maternity dad is a rather rare phenomenon for our mentality, and even some decade ago it was generally exotic - today it begins to meet more and more often.
In Western countries, you will not surprise anyone with such a state of affairs, but in our country the dad on maternity leave causes a whole storm of emotions: from admiration to neglect. Nevertheless, some families consider this very variant of the distribution of family roles as optimal for them. The reason is most often a financial issue, that is, the spouse's earnings are several times higher than the husband's salary, and the loss of a job will entail a significant decrease in the family budget.
Another argument in favor of the husband's maternity leave may be the threat of the wife losing her qualifications, while the appearance of a nanny in the house is either unacceptable or financially difficult. Another reason may be the spouse's ability to switch to a floating work schedule or to do it at home if the wife does not have such an opportunity.
Whatever the decision to raise the baby is due to the dad, such cases have recently become more and more.
Is this a tribute to Western fashion or a loss of maternal instinct?
Is it correct to consider a maternity dad as a gigolo, and a working mother as a heartless careerist?
Is the father able to completely replace the child's mother?
Such changes in the psychology of modern family life are easy to understand, having mastered systemic thinking, which makes it possible to see the whole picture in its entirety, without getting hung up on the experience of one or two married couples.
MOMS GO HUNTING
The skin phase of human development, forming the era of consumption, dictates its own requirements and translates the values of the skin vector into the category generally accepted in society. The measure of everyone's success is material and social superiority, personal efficiency and productivity, any processes are maximally rationalized and optimized. Engineering and technical progress is progressing by leaps and bounds, jurisprudence is developing significantly, and more and more areas of our life require legal registration, trade and business from the negligent category of speculation are moving into an absolutely acceptable way of making money.
It is in the skin phase of development that the struggle for gender equality begins, the rights of women in almost all spheres of life are equalized with the rights of men, only now a woman has a desire, and with it the opportunity to realize herself in society on an equal basis with men. In other words, today, for the first time, a woman wants and can take place professionally to the same extent as she previously realized herself as a spouse, mother, keeper of the hearth. A modern woman feels the need to satisfy her innate psychological properties at the same level - both in the family and in society.
Such a woman's desire for realization leads to the fact that the question “who will sit on maternity leave” as such arises in modern families, because 20-30 years ago there was only one answer to this question.
In Western countries, the skin phase of development came easily and naturally, harmoniously fitting into their usual lifestyle, dictated by the skin mentality. In the post-Soviet space with the urethral-muscular mentality, the psychic of each person resisted the onset of the cutaneous phase with all its might because the values of the cutaneous vector did not fit into the urethral character of the Russian people.
Cutaneous economy and the desire to restrict oneself and others in everything is sharply opposed to urethral generosity and the unacceptability of any framework and restrictions. Rationality and logical thinking in the skin is completely opposite to the non-standard and completely illogical thinking of the urethral. The cutaneous phase dictates individualism in everything, while the urethral mentality is the embodiment of the priority of the general over the particular.
For these reasons, in Russia the skin phase of human development came with great resistance, therefore, all its manifestations, including the change of family roles, began to occur in the West earlier than in our country.
However, the development of mankind is inexorably moving forward, and our women also began to feel the need for social fulfillment, so they increasingly began to go to work, leaving babies to be raised by their husbands.
DAD DECREE - WEAKNESS OR COURAGE?
To begin with, only one specific type of man has the desire and ability to deal with a small child - these are representatives of the anal vector. Of course, in the modern world, where a mother goes hunting, a representative of any vector can deal with children. But only the anal man has natural desire.
Endowed by nature with such qualities as patience, perseverance, attention to detail and scrupulousness, the desire and ability to bring any business to the end, doing it in the best possible way, cleanliness and accuracy, the desire to adhere to established rules, instructions and recommendations in everything, the anal father is better than anyone the other is able to replace the child's mother.
If a man also has a visual vector, then the highest joy for him will be such exciting moments as the first smile of a child, the first tooth, the first word, the first step and similar discoveries.
In addition, for the baby himself, it is even better that at an early age it is the anal father who is engaged in it, if the mother aspiring to work is a skin-visual woman for whom caring for a baby becomes a very difficult task. One of her specific roles is as a teacher, instilling culture and discovering children's talents, here she has no equal, but the child still needs to grow up to the age of kindergarten and elementary school.
With all this, it is for him, a man with an anal vector, psychologically more difficult than others to decide on such a step - to take on a woman's work, while his wife will provide income. In his view, only a man can be the head of the family, and his authority must be indestructible. If this prioritization continues, the mustachioed nanny will feel comfortable, even working as a “mother,” because the welfare of his family remains the main value for him.
In the realities of the Russian urethral mentality, it is even more difficult for a man to agree with the role of a maternity dad, because skin values (material wealth, comfort, career growth, and others) do not find internal acceptance even in the skin phase of development, and the realization that the family is provided by woman, causes an internal protest.
It is easier for our man to agree that going to work is extremely important for the woman herself, that she wants and strives for it, and that the lack of social fulfillment of the wife can have a more negative impact on the child than the lack of daily maternal care, which is greatly facilitated by the various benefits of civilization.
The self-awareness of the maternity dad is determined mainly by family relationships. If both partners understand that caring for a child in the first years of life is a very difficult, time-consuming, tiring, albeit quivering, and also extremely important work that requires the full commitment of their time and energy, in this case it does not matter which parent takes take on these responsibilities, and who is engaged in making money, since by and large both parents give their best.
It remains only to decide in which area which of them is able to get more pleasure from their activities.
As for the child, the main point when changing parental roles is always the psychological feeling of security and safety, which can only be provided by a strong emotional connection with the mother. If this condition is met, then the basis for the adequate development of all innate psychological properties of the baby is already there.
We read in the next article:
“Divorce and children. How to leave, but stay?"
