Why do children fight
"There would be a desire (to fight), but there will always be a reason!" - a slightly paraphrased well-known expression precisely emphasizes the primacy of the very desire to fight. And the presence or absence of a visible reason is the tenth thing that we can observe all the time.
Children fight, almost everything, which is not a secret to anyone. Even the smallest ones strive to arrange mini-scuffles, not to mention the older ones. Sometimes this turns into a real problem for parents, which they would like to solve, but do not know how to approach. They try to discuss it on parental Internet forums, in response they receive conflicting advice. They turn to psychologists, but even they do not bring much clarity by their search for motives in the range from disliked-under-fondled to overloved-fondled. Well, some dads, and there are still a lot of them, know without any advice that the best means of upbringing is "vitamin P", and without further ado grasping the belt according to the bad old anal tradition.
Indeed, without precise guidelines, it is difficult to understand why the child is actually fighting, which means that you have to blindly fight the investigation, which is at least ineffective. Yuri Burlan at the training "System-Vector Psychology" gives us these guidelines and helps us, without resorting to outside help, to set priorities ourselves and use the most adequate opportunities to influence children if necessary. So, let's figure out from a systemic point of view why the child fights.
"There would be a desire (to fight), but there will always be a reason!" - a slightly paraphrased well-known expression precisely emphasizes the primacy of the very desire to fight. And the presence or absence of a visible reason is the tenth thing that we can observe all the time. In children, such a desire is initially present on the basis of a deep mental mechanism laid down by nature - the desire for ranking - and is activated at the very first contacts with other children.
In the context of human relationships, the ranking mechanism can be easily seen through the hierarchy of the primitive flock, which is built on the principle of the importance of the species role for the functioning of the flock as a single viable developing system. At the top of the pyramid is the urethral leader with the absolute right to distribute prey among the members of the pack, behind him is the olfactory advisor, sound ideologue, oral herald, skin commanders, and so on. The specific role is determined through the properties and desires assigned to a person from birth for its fulfillment, that is, a vector. Rank - this is the "right to bite", the order and size of the piece when dividing prey, and it is interesting to the male not in itself, but as an opportunity to feed his female, getting an orgasm in return. So "cherchez lfemme", for every action of a man, look for a woman, without her he would not lift a finger.
Since the time of the primitive flock for fifty thousand years, there has been a fantastic development of humanity and a change in the environment, but "the right to bite according to the table of ranks" continues to operate in modern society, which still remains entirely hierarchical at all levels. In the general case, ranking occurs among men, and through them women are already indirectly ranked (the general's wife is the general's wife). However, there are exceptions to the general rule and nuances, about which another time.
In adults, depending on the vectors, there are many acceptable ways to improve their status, for example, career growth, athletic performance, business success (for skin) or recognition of professional achievements, honor and respect (for anal), and so on. And children have yet to master them, and not without the help of their parents, who must direct them in accordance with innate properties, because at birth the child has a vector set in an archetypal (that is, primitive) state. This is the starting point from which his psychophysical development begins, which occurs until the end of puberty.
A very important period after the infant, which takes place mainly in the arms of the mother under her protection and in the conditions of a certain natural "inviolability", begins literally from the first independent steps of the baby; and in this connection I remembered an episode from the dacha life of our sister and my "three heroes". The eldest of them at that time turned three and a half, the middle two, and the youngest hero, at the age of about a year, moved at first only by crawling and, being in a four-legged state, obviously enjoyed privileges - the older besyats (cousins), being moved, stroked him and called him Nikitushka. The idyll did not last long: the younger lost his special status as soon as he mastered upright walking and entered the general brawl games. As if someone invisible with one click turned on the mechanism of the very ranking that drives boys from a very tender age.
The methods of determining the rank available to babies are the most primitive: take away, hit, bite, others are still unknown to them. It makes no sense to scold or punish for this, to encourage, of course, there is nothing here either. Gradually, the child will begin to feel his natural place in the team and apply acceptable ways to increase his rank.
Therefore, it is so important that a child aged three to six years attended kindergarten, mastering the basics of communication and developing immunity. It is known how much easier such children adapt to school than children with home preschool education, on whom everything falls down at the same time in the first grade: the new system of relationships with outsiders, and the immune shock, and ranking with other children.
It is systematically clear that visual and sound children are often at home. It is on them that all the screaming and fighting horror falls upon them when they come to school, where they serve as a living target for bullying students and attacks from teachers. The bias towards the upper vectors, which occurs as a result of the enhanced development of intellectual abilities to the detriment of the lower vectors of such children, developing in “pack” games with their peers, leads to an imbalance and significantly complicates their adaptation.
By sending your children to kindergarten, you thereby provide them with the best opportunities for timely and balanced development, both physical and mental.
As the child grows and matures, his circle of communication expands and becomes more complicated: at school, in classes in sections, circles, in the yard, in the summer at the dacha - the more options, the better. Do not limit him, do not prohibit going around either with the urethral hyperactive ringleader, or with the lisp chatterbox - a motherfucker who generously blushes the primary information about sex to six-year-olds. All these are absolutely natural and necessary things, the same as bruises and scratches - and how can we do without them!
A children's yard flock is a special school of life, in a sense repeating the primitive model with all its elements, where an attentive, systemically thinking observer will notice a lot of interesting things. Here the urethral leader flies out of the entrance with a bullet - his eyes are burning, his clothes are wide open. He is immediately surrounded by a flock of fast, skinny skinny and slow-moving loose anal boys, who instantly forgot about the prohibitions of their mothers and their promises not to play with this Vaska the ringleader. Next to them are slender long-legged skin-visual nurses and day guards who do not lag behind a gang of boys. Slightly behind, to the left of the leader, looms an olfactory "advisor" with an eternally clogged nose and a sour expression on his face, and to the right a sound person, slightly out of this world, right there is an oral chatterbox and a laughing laugh - everything is always in place and nothing else.
In this flock, everything is almost the same as in the real primitive, but not quite, since the bite itself is still provided by the parents. Therefore, the ranking takes place in a game or "educational, close to the military", which allows you to try on, adapt, feel, and through the attitude of others to understand and clarify your conditional rank.
Speaking about ranking in a primitive flock, it should be remembered that since it is directly related to prey, with its division, that is, with hunting and war, this primarily refers to carriers of the skin vector, it is for their specific role that it is essential to be in higher ranks … The urethral rank is the highest by nature and does not require confirmation, muscle warriors live as a single organism and receive a common share in a common cauldron, and anal ones receive an equal share for their work in the rear. But in addition to performing a species role for the benefit of the entire flock, each male has a need for procreation. And the only reason men fight inside a pack is to fight for their female.
Boys in the same way try to fight "for the female" without realizing it. Behind a one-on-one fight, this deep subtext is initially hidden, on which conflicts with skin lovers of all to restrict and compete, establishing their own rules of the game, and the anal "mountain for each other", and the urethral "protect the girl", and the muscular "wall on the wall "or" yard to yard ". The only exception is the visual-skin boys - they are a new phenomenon on the landscape, without the archetype and the right to bite, and therefore are not inclined to "male games" (you can read about them in the article "Recommendations for parents on raising skin-visual boys"). New and various ways of interaction of children with each other, more constructive, are gradually added and worked out, respectively, the number of fights decreases,and the reasons for them are becoming more and more serious. A person grows up, but that invaluable period, which is often called "golden childhood", remains with him with all his time passed (or not passed) stages of landscape adaptation, imprinted in his mental development (or underdevelopment), and serves as the basis for all future life. Having figured out why children fight, it is not difficult to come to the conclusion that the task of parents is not to wean or encourage fighting, but to correctly guide and develop the child in accordance with his vectors. This is what the major part of Yuri Burlan's training "System-vector psychology" is devoted to.remains with him with all his in time passed (or not passed) stages of landscape adaptation, imprinted in his mental development (or undevelopment), and serves as the basis for all future life. Having figured out why children fight, it is not difficult to come to the conclusion that the task of parents is not to wean or encourage fighting, but to correctly guide and develop the child in accordance with his vectors. This is what the major part of Yuri Burlan's training "System-vector psychology" is devoted to.remains with him with all his in time passed (or not passed) stages of landscape adaptation, imprinted in his mental development (or undevelopment), and serves as the basis for all future life. Having figured out why children fight, it is not difficult to come to the conclusion that the task of parents is not to wean or encourage fighting, but to correctly guide and develop the child in accordance with his vectors. This is what the major part of Yuri Burlan's training "System-vector psychology" is devoted to. This is what the major part of Yuri Burlan's training "System-vector psychology" is devoted to. This is what the major part of Yuri Burlan's training "System-vector psychology" is devoted to.
