How to wean a child from crying for any reason?
Baby crying. Tears. Bitter sobs. Moreover, in a seemingly empty place, as a maximum - a real punishment for parents, at least - a test. Testing for parental competence.
Baby crying. Tears. Bitter sobs. Moreover, in a seemingly empty place, as a maximum - a real punishment for parents, at least - a test. Testing for parental competence.
How do parents react if a child likes to cry over trifles? Based on my own observations and monitoring of parenting forums, I conclude that there were not so many ways. Another thing is that in most cases the method of how to wean a child from crying for any reason was chosen by parents intuitively or taken from the arsenal of old grandfather's methods. And there would be nothing wrong with this, if the main task was not an attempt to find the "shutdown button" of children's crying, but the desire to understand the real reason for, at first glance, unreasonable tears.
Why look for a reason, the main thing is not to cry
In the piggy bank of parental upbringing methods, how to wean a child from crying for any reason, we find: ignoring tears, conducting serious conversations on the topic "crying is stupid", we give positive examples, if a boy cries, then we appeal to the fact that "real men do not cry”, We visit a neurologist and arm ourselves with means to calm the nervous system.
Threats and manipulations like: “You won’t stop crying, I’ll leave you here”, “Stop roaring, otherwise I won’t buy you a chocolate bar,” switching the child’s attention: “Look at the elephants,” as well as direct physical violence and punishment complete the picture of the measures of influence educators to solve the difficult problem of how to wean a child from crying for any reason.
Most often, parents achieve their goal: the baby stops crying, however, the cost of resolving the issue remains behind the scenes. True, not for long. We will definitely reap the deplorable fruits of our upbringing mistakes, even if we do not know what was the root cause of the child's negative life scenario.
As you know, ignorance does not free us from the consequences of not knowing. When we are not aware of what we are doing, we do not see the inner distinctive features of the child, then we cannot predict how our methods of upbringing will work on him, how they will affect his psyche. Systemic vector psychology bridges gaps in parenting knowledge.
A trifle or not a trifle?
Let's start with the basics: all children are different not only in appearance, but also differ in the internal properties of the psyche. What is not important for one person may turn out to be the meaning of life for another person. Life values, type of thinking, behavior of a native child can be radically different from our own. So, for example, the ordinary loss of an old toy by some parents is perceived as a trifle, tears over which is at least a waste of time. For a child, say, endowed with a visual vector, the loss of a toy is a real tragedy.
From memories
I had a favorite plush hare in my childhood, and somehow I did not find it in its place. Either the brother played unsuccessfully and covered up his tracks, throwing the bunny into the garbage chute, or the neighbors' children came to visit, only after a long search the toy was not found. My bunny Vasya is gone.
- Oh, - I cried.
Parents came to the screams.
- Just think, lost a toy - what a trifle, we'll buy a new one.
- I don't want a new one, I want Vasya!
The parents did not understand what was going on in my soul, the girl had a visual vector. It was not just a toy, old and shabby, it was my friend, to whom I told my stories, whom I took care of, whom I loved. My parents' persuasion did not work for me. If the words do not reach the daughter, then let her sit in the room alone, think, Mom decided.
“As soon as you stop crying, you can go out,” she said.
I sat for a long time, crying not only from the loss of Vasya, but also from resentment. It's good that my grandmother came to visit, she took pity on me, sympathized with my grief, and gave the order to my parents:
- He's crying, so let him cry. Don't punish her for crying.
Mom began to complain:
- So how not to punish? He does not understand words, for any reason and for no reason cries. No strength to watch.
- Grows up - stops.
Vulnerable, sensitive children
Children with a visual vector naturally possess special sensitivity and emotionality. They are able to create close emotional ties not only with people, but also with toys. The loss of a toy for a visual child is a break in communication, an irreplaceable feeling of loss. And when the parents make another mistake, they urge the child not to cry, not to worry, thereby causing him another psychological trauma.
The correct development of the visual vector implies the development of compassion and empathy in the child. First - in relation to oneself, to the lost toy, then - in relation to all living things.
Beating a visual child so that he does not cry is a sure way to preserve the visual vector. Switching to something else, distracting, making fun of what is happening, explaining logically, demanding to stop crying, threatening, intimidating - also means leaving the child's visual vector unfilled, undeveloped and unrealized. Such a person cannot become fully happy and, accordingly, give happiness to the people around him.
The visual vector in stress is manifested in tantrums, various fears and phobias.
findings
If you are concerned about the question of how to wean a child from crying for any reason, then before listening to the good advice of others, you should understand what internal features of the psyche your baby has. Before children learn to articulate their desires, crying is an indicator of the child's well-being.
If a child cries, then he feels bad (physically or mentally). No matter how we ourselves assess the situation through the prism of our own ideas. For example, a baby cries when he is changed - the mother may be annoyed and indignant at such behavior, because she changes his dirty laundry to clean one. In reality, just a toddler with an anal vector feels discomfort (crying) from everything new, unusual.
Parents 'fears that the baby is manipulating the parents' behavior with crying in order to get what they want, despite the prohibitions of adults, must be distinguished from the child's real need for something. Sometimes children, with the help of crying, try to reach out to their parents, to convey their needs to them, but they are not heard or understood.
As children grow older, their vectors are more clearly visible, and crying for any reason is a manifestation of the visual vector. Spectators tend to "make an elephant out of a fly" in order to fulfill their role in society - to create culture, to create beautiful things, to sing of love.
Children need to be given a chance to develop their visual vector. Including through reading books that make it possible to sympathize with the heroes through the expression of sympathy for what is happening in life. To urge the viewer not to cry, not to feel is tantamount to an appeal “not to live”.
Children are waiting for our understanding, the right approach, then there will be fewer problems with them, or even not at all. Join Yuri Burlan's free online lectures, and you will be able to better understand your child, his behavior and yourself, and forget about children's whims. Register here.
