How to learn not to cry and become strong
Offensive words, like poisonous spiders, bite right in the heart. Tears run treacherously down my cheeks in a continuous stream. How to learn not to cry? How to look into the face of a person standing opposite with eyes full of strength and confidence, and not miserable tears?
It is easy for others to say, "Don't take it to heart."
How do they know what the depth of your heart is?
And where is close for him?
Elchin Safarli
Chief's office and a voice cutting through the air in a harsh tone. Offensive words, like poisonous spiders, bite right in the heart. It would be necessary to defend your point of view, to prove your innocence, innocence. But there is a lump in my throat and does not allow to utter a word. Tears run treacherously down my cheeks in a continuous stream. How to learn not to cry? How to look into the face of a person standing opposite with eyes full of strength and confidence, and not miserable tears?
Job
Julia is a responsible employee. She perfectly fulfills her duties, in the team she is called the "iron lady". But the slightest words of criticism, a rise in voice, an angry tone on the part of the boss - and in a split second, Julia turns into a little girl who has no one to protect. The head understands the absurdity of the situation, but tears roll down automatically, do not obey consciousness. They run down their cheeks against their will.
Driving, blinking, trying to think about something else in an attempt to stop the salt streams does not work. Is it necessary to learn not to cry?
Tears
Ophthalmologists distinguish between three types of tears: basal, reflex and emotional. Emotional tears contain prolactin and enkephalin. These hormones have an analgesic effect. That is why we feel better after crying.
The pain penetrates, and tears help to dull this suffering, like covering wounds with a plaster.
What wound Yulia covered with tears, she realized later.
How it all began
Julia was a very emotional and sensual child. Her eyes are always in a wet place, she felt sorry for everyone: a bug, a fly, a kitten. She loved to flatter her mother, looked into her eyes, expecting a loving reciprocal look.
But Yulia's mother was brought up in severity and could not allow her daughter to grow up as a weakling. She didn’t allow herself to feel, because “in life you have to be able to punch your way with your elbows”.
Once Julia found the hamster's cage open and empty. She drew in her imagination terrible pictures of suffering that could fall on a friend's little furry head. Suddenly he got entangled in things in the closet and suffocated, suddenly a cat found him and ate him, or he climbed into the refrigerator and froze there. Julia sobbed from worries for a furry friend. Mom could not stand it.
- Why are you always crying. Already tired of your tears. Be strong, stop crying! There will be your hamster. There is no need to shed tears in vain.
The girl was very obedient, she always wanted to please her mother. She was ready for anything, if only her mother approved and praised her for her efforts. Julia stopped crying in full view. I stopped sharing my experiences with my mother. She forbade herself to show feelings towards animals and people, but the nature of her visual vector demanded its own …
Feelings, as it were, froze, like Kai's in the fairy tale "The Snow Queen". There was no way to develop them to the end. Show, express.
This hide and seek made the girl cry not out of empathy for someone. Now, crying into the pillow, secretly from everyone, she was crying for herself.
And then it gets worse, deeper, darker …
Julia from childhood tried to be not just good, but the best. But often it was not appreciated by her parents - this is how she perceived it. Not all people are given such an emotional amplitude and sensitivity that she had. The parents were “from a different test”, with different properties of the psyche and a different view of the world. But the girl did not know this, she felt the lack of recognition and understanding as dislike. Over time, the only thing that Julia could attract attention was poorly done lessons, a bad grade, and a mess in the room.
Mom began to swear, and the girl's attempts to justify herself were harshly suppressed and were regarded as nagging. And they were not allowed to have their own opinion. If it was, then you had to keep it to yourself, nobody was interested in it.
- Adults know better.
So her parents always told her.
It's hard not to have a chance of salvation. Yulia did not have the opportunity to confront adults who were convinced that she was wrong, made a mistake, was to blame for something. As a teenager, they began to gag her.
- You say another word, and I'll …
When a person seeks to remake himself for the ideals of society or loved ones, he betrays his nature. Over time, he cannot feel his true desires and needs. The mask grows tightly into the skin, it becomes impossible to feel life in all colors.
For people with visual vector properties, empathy is like bread, like water and air. Soul food.
Why does a person want to learn not to cry? Because he lives with the feeling that it is a shame to cry. It's a shame to be yourself. I am ashamed to lose my face and scared that they will leave the crybaby. For all a crybaby - a nurse, phew.
It is scary to be undesirable, such as it is. After all, my mother did not accept her like that. This means that others will not accept either.
The main thing that a child needs is an emotional connection with his mother. In fact, Yulia did not have it. She could not trust, open up to the most important person - her mother. I couldn't even be myself at home. And the older she got, the more she closed behind the curtain of the "iron lady".
True, sometimes, as in the case of the boss, the child's pain from the subconscious burst out - in tears. She could not control it, but she could not fully understand why she was crying.
The lack of an emotional connection with her mother, the inability to be herself and the lack of approval remained an anchor in the psyche of the heroine. She became perfect at work, impenetrable. But is she happy?
The right to be yourself
Being ashamed of your own tears -
Means not admitting your feelings.
Elchin Safarli
Tears are one of the manifestations of feelings. Forbidding crying is like forbidding feeling. To suppress tears is to suppress the natural desire to fill the psyche.
In the struggle with oneself, some part of the soul always loses. Tears not crying can lead to serious psychosomatic problems, mortifying feelings and colorlessness of life.
So, by nature, sensitive Julia turned into an "iron lady". It was ostentatious callousness and strength, because she was used to living this way and thought it was right. But the desire to feel has not gone anywhere. Night gatherings with a pillow, wet with tears, more and more reared the wounds, leaving behind an oppressive feeling of emptiness.
Why did Yulia only get worse from these tears?
Yuri Burlan's "system-vector psychology" divides emotional tears into two types: inward and outward. That is why sometimes, after crying, we feel only a short-term relief, more like sticking a plaster on a bleeding wound. Hiding it doesn't cure the pain. It happens when we cry for ourselves.
When we allow our sensibility to unfold, then we direct empathy to others - such is the healing power of love. And then the gluing of the wounds of the soul really takes place.
Here lies the answer to the question: how to learn not to cry for any reason?
Devastating tears burn inside themselves with resentment, fear, disappointment. Tears of my pain so close and familiar.
The magical power of tears out is luxury and freedom. Experiencing for the other, feeling his pain as his own gives a long-term feeling of satisfaction and reassurance. Having filled the soul according to its properties, having allowed its natural desires to be, there is no need to cry in vain.
You can close your eyes to things
that you don't want to see.
But you can't close your heart to things
that you don't want to feel.
Elchin Safarli
What is the strength
With the help of systemic thinking, Julia understood her states and the reasons for her reactions and behavior.
She realized that tears are not a sign of weakness. This is a sign that the soul is alive. Wounded, awaiting treatment, but alive. Not every person dares to open his vulnerable soul to another. If nature has awarded us such a unique opportunity, then there is a need for it.
The training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan showed how to learn not to cry from insults. You just need to realize what is the reason for the desire to cry.
When a child with a visual vector develops, he naturally needs to worry about a bug, a hamster, a dog. And this is an indicator of the healthy development of the child, the beginning of the formation of sensuality. If something prevented this development in childhood - whether the words of loved ones, ridicule or criticism of friends at school, then in adulthood a person may have problems in different areas - from personal life to health and the ability to experience love. At the training "System-vector psychology" the deepest childhood traumas are realized and go away, a person can finally breathe deeply, experience the strongest feelings. Live! Be in love! Create!
More than 19,000 trainees of the training admit: "I love you life!" Here are their stories:
An understanding of the psyche and new thinking that arises after training brings to the surface and neutralizes all painful situations. And that which hindered life disappears. Only life itself remains, as it should be - happy.
