Stuck like a bath leaf
What if the relationship is already tied, you want to "untie" them, but your ex-chosen one is unbearably painful to hear it? So much so that the person does not let go, follows on his heels, asks (and sometimes demands) to return? And all this lasts for days, months, years on end?
The love that will lead us to a happy marriage and a golden wedding is more a myth than a truth. We seek, we try, we stumble, we part, and we start searching again. Of course, it would be nice to learn how to find your soul mate the first time. But what if the relationship is already tied, you want to "untie" them, but your ex-chosen one is unbearably painful to hear it? So much so that the person does not let go, follows on his heels, asks (and sometimes demands) to return? And all this lasts for days, months, years on end?
Leave, you can't stay!
I look at my watch: half past four. Andrey works until five and knows that on Fridays I come to visit my mother. I have a difficult choice before me: to visit my mother and shudder from another rustle outside the door, or go with her friends to a place where he would not think to look for me and where he would not step: to a night club on the other side of the city.
Yes, my life has turned into a real madness since the day I decided to break up with my husband. For a long time everything went to this: living with him was boring and joyless to me. With every year I spent together, I realized that I had made a big mistake. We had nothing to talk about, the sexual attraction to him faded away. It was not life, but wasting time next to someone else's, not interesting to me person.
Andrey did not accept the news that I was leaving. He locked me at home, changed the locks in the apartment, nailed the cabinets. I got scared and ran away without taking anything with me. I went to my mother, who was waiting for another siege the next day.
Andrei called by phone, came to our house. He tirelessly watched me at the entrance, sent his friends to us with gorgeous bouquets of flowers. All this was terribly awkward, humiliating, ashamed. A compassionate mother tried to persuade me to go out to talk to him, because he “is so killed, hey, he will also start drinking or die from the cold”. I understood that if I left, I would give up.
I shouted: “No! Not! I'm filing for divorce! I do not love you, I do not love a drop! LEAVE!"
But he did not understand, stubbornly stood his ground. He said: “Explain to me what is wrong! Tell me what to do - I'll do it! I will improve - just tell me how!"
I got down on my knees and cried. He was shaking with cold and grief. And I felt that I was falling into another trap, shouted at him in impotent rage, suffered from pity, but stood my ground.
Time passed, but nothing changed. I rented an apartment in an unfamiliar area, drove home a confusing route (I knew that he could follow), did not invite anyone to my place, and I rarely appeared at home. I have been to places that the ex-husband did not know existed. Andrei attacked my parents, called by phone (I could not change the number). And I continued to “encrypt” myself, while tirelessly looking for a way to get rid of his pursuit.
You can't leave, stay …
My dear. My only one. You just don't understand how much I love you. You do not understand that no one will love you more than I do - they cannot.
You are capricious, you resist. You hurt me. But I'll wait.
After all, we lived so well together. We always had something to talk about and keep quiet. Relaxing - together, doing something - also together, going somewhere - together again. You were happy with our life. What happened?
Are you tired? From me? Just tell me what I'm doing wrong and I'll fix it. Just don’t be silent, tell me - maybe I don’t know what is eating you? But I won't guess if you don’t tell.
Or maybe you met someone? Yes? Is that the point? Has he powdered your brains?
But you must understand that he will not love you as I do. He will not want to do as much for you as I am willing to do.
Just do not leave. Come home. It's impossible to live here without you. You are welcome…
History without a future
Breaking up with a man with an anal vector is really tricky. Not only because his ex-wife is often very sorry for him (such a man in their union is usually good and comfortable, unlike her), but also because it is difficult for him to understand and accept the fact that his family is falling apart, his wife does not want stay with him under the same roof, and their relationship no longer has a future.
How so - to part? Why? All his wife's arguments about boredom, lack of common interests, and sexual desire seem superficial and unimportant to him. After all, what is important for a person with an anal vector? Home, cosiness, comfort. "We felt so good together!" - says analnik and by "good" means "comfortable", "convenient", "calm". Not realizing that his "good" for a wife with a different set of vectors (most often with a skin vector from below, contradictory to the anal one) is a real mortal boredom, useless burning of life and a synonym for despondency.
He asks his wife to tell him what's the matter, to explain what's what … Yes, this is in his repertoire: people with an anal vector have a rigid, somewhat clumsy thinking, therefore, show flexibility and put yourself in the place of another in order to understand what is the problem, it is extremely difficult for them. However, even after very detailed explanations, the epiphany does not come if there is no understanding that the nature of his wife is completely different: she gets joy and pleasure from communicating with different people, frequent changes of scenery, fast movement around the city, but not from quiet evenings on the home couch at the TV.
However, this is not the only problem. The representative of the anal vector is by nature monogamous: if he has already chosen a wife, then she should be his only one for life. In his understanding, the wife's desire to leave is something frivolous, a whim, a "temporary insanity" that will surely pass. With time. You just have to wait. But he is very patient - and he really will wait …
Having become attached like a bath leaf, the husband with the anal vector goes to "siege" the capricious wife, confident that this will help. Gives herts, stubbornly waits at the entrance, calls, connects friends and relatives to the attack, not understanding the main thing: there is no longer a future for such relationships.
Finally realizing that the marriage is over, the representative of the anal vector for a very long time cannot come to terms with the fact that his wife cannot be returned, as well as family happiness with his “only one”. An insult appears in his soul, viscous and sticky, from which it will be very difficult for him to get out. Resentment fixes his negative experience in memory, grows to resentment against the entire female gender, and then there is a desire to take revenge as compensation for the "moral damage" caused.
How will revenge? It all depends on the level of development and the fullness of his anal and other vectors. It can be just a threat, and mud smearing, and a carefully thought out cruel plan of physical violence, which he will definitely carry out.
This, of course, is the most negative scenario for the development of events. But, unfortunately, the most common one: offended, thirsty for revenge, our poor anal guy not only will not be able to build a new relationship, but also has every chance of getting bogged down in sexual and social frustration.
Forget and move on
I realized that if I don't do anything, he won't leave. Can't I move to another city? This is too much.
Recently I learned about a new psychology that allows you to find out everything about a person - his true desires and motives for actions. It helps to communicate, understand yourself and others, and therefore will help in my difficult situation.
After studying system-vector psychology, I came to the conclusion that there is a solution, albeit a very difficult one. I have long, serious conversations and exhortations ahead of me. At the time of the breakup, I will take care of Andrei worse than his mother, explain in a confidential tone that I am to blame for him, that our paths cannot go further together, that he deserves a completely different person. You just need to make sure that he does not begin to blackmail or insult me - otherwise you will have to run away from him without looking back.
Well, with God!
Love or nostalgia?
Something has changed in our relationship with Anya. I began to understand that she is still not my person. Nice, honey, but I really probably need someone else. I don't know, I'm not sure yet.
Anya stopped hiding from me and running like a stupid girl. And I stopped being angry with her. We meet in a cafe, drink tea and talk. It turns out she can be a great friend. I like that Anya admitted her mistakes. But before all the time she was pointing her finger at me that, they say, I was to blame for everything. Still, this is unfair - both are to blame.
She is still so dear, close, so sometimes we still want to return our family life. But as soon as Anya opened up and wanted to solve our problems in a human way, it became much easier for me. I don't know what will happen next, but I calmed down. Perhaps this is no longer love, but just nostalgia …
The Science of Parting
The science of parting is a tricky one, especially if the couple has a person with an anal vector. However, having knowledge of system-vector psychology, it is possible to solve even the most difficult problem. You just need a little patience and desire.
How to competently part with a representative of the anal vector? Do not hide, do not run, do not cut the relationship in one fell swoop (unless, of course, in front of you is a sadist, a murderer or someone close to that). This behavior will be a severe blow for the anal person, which is very difficult for him to cope with alone. Failing to cope, he will plunge into difficult states of resentment and thirst for revenge, which can be directed specifically against you.
Remember that such an event in the life of a faithful, devoted, loving man with an anal vector is always a tragedy, shock, injustice and the feeling that he was not given enough. Neutralize this feeling with carefully selected intonations, words, meanings that spare his psychic (use his own keywords: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm guilty, I'm ashamed"). Communicate with him in a friendly way, listen to his complaints, support - but do not give up, be true to your intention to part. Slowly but surely, he realizes that a break has occurred. And it will not be as tragic for him as your abrupt departure that does not mean anything to him.
Parting with a man with an anal vector is rightly important not only for you, but also for him, for his future, into which he can enter without resentment and disappointment, and with the knowledge of who next to him, his life may be happier.
