Mommy's Son, or Good Boy Complex
Whatever happens, the mother will do everything to bring her son back into a state of dependence on herself, saying: “Son, you don’t know these things, look, I wrote you on a piece of paper what and how to do after how will I die … She will try her best to keep her son with her, for herself, to emphasize that he cannot cope without her …
In our life, we are faced with a huge number of different people and destinies. Often we are completely unaware of and do not understand what kind of person is in front of us and what is hidden behind a seemingly harmless and slightly ridiculous behavior. At Yuri Burlan's training "System-Vector Psychology", such a concept as "a good boy's complex" is revealed. Yes, yes, you probably already guess what will be discussed. This is the same "mama's boy" - an image well known to many.
What is mama's boy? A person will cause some suspicion if we find out that he slept in the same bed with his mother until the age of 15. Mom decides how best to deal with different situations, while making him breakfast at the university. Mom will always advise whether it is worth dating the girl you like from the class or not.
- Vasya, don't forget to eat potatoes! Prepared as you like.
- Mom, well, I'm not small already.
- I know, I know. Well, you sing, then go, otherwise you will be late again.
Such guys, without any second thought, live with their mother until 30, or even up to 40 years. True, peers begin to unobtrusively hint to them: "It's time to get acquainted with a girl, you are already over 30, and you have to start living on your own!" And mama's little son is used to the fact that his mother thinks for him, decides. And he doesn't know what he will do outside the house. At home he is comfortable, at home he is protected, there is someone to consult with if something suddenly happens. And you can't leave your mother alone, she's already old, who will take care of her?
Such a 40-year-old boy, a sissy boy, a man with an anal vector is the keeper of the hearth and the cave, this is his ancient species role, which manifests itself even now. A born master of the house, guarding women. Only in this case, this adult man, underdeveloped in his vector properties, a non-adaptive, keeps the only woman of his life, cares and helps her, loves. “Married to my mother” - that's what they say about him.
Mom will make sure that he does not accidentally run away to some girl whom his skin friends introduced him to.
- Mom, I'm leaving, I'll be back late.
- Where are you going, son?
- I'm meeting with a girl today.
- Oh, come on, I'll manage it myself somehow.
- What is it, Mom?
- Yes, something so bad I feel today … In the morning it went dark in my eyes, I almost fell in the kitchen. But I'm feeling better, don't worry, go …
- Mom, and now how ?!
- Now it’s better, it’s not so badly wobbling, go-go, I can handle it, I’ll just hold on to the wall, nothing …
- No, what are you, I'll meet another day.
Situations when such a mama's son comes to the kitchen and, as if by chance, complains to his mother about his wife, seem especially amusing:
- Why is your shirt so ironed?
“Eeh!” Sighs Vanechka’s mama’s son. “I don’t know, Mom. Katya says she doesn't have time to stroke. He says to stroke it himself.
- My poor one, take it off, I'll stroke it. What is this slut busy with, that there is not enough time for you? Next time you can bring the rest. Who will take care of you if not mommy ?!
It would be time to think that "I am a mama's boy", but Vanechka does not even realize that such behavior is abnormal.
You need to understand that this is always a two-way relationship, not only the mother is involved here. The son has a need for this kind of relationship. The reason is that his mother is his only woman, his real "wife", and he is her mama's son.
The only woman
- Wan, I came to you today … She's not ashamed … Such filth … Such a pig is your wife, a nightmare. How is it, Vanya ?!
Whatever happens, the mother will do everything to bring her son back into a state of dependence on herself, she will try to take everything upon herself, saying: “Son, you don’t know these things, look, I wrote you on a piece of paper what and how I will have to do it after I die…”He will try his best to keep his son with him, for himself, to emphasize that he cannot cope without her, he is a mama's son.
To truly understand what lies behind this negative life scenario, let's try to look beyond the curtain. During the training "System-vector psychology" it is clearly revealed that a certain type of people can become a "good boy". Mama's son is the definition of an anal-visual man. And only in the case of a certain mother - a skin-visual woman.
The life scenario of a "good boy" between an anal-visual boy (often a girl) and a skin-visual mother develops depending on the state of the mother's vectors. If the mother's skin vector is not realized, then she limits her son and urges him on. The undeveloped vision of such a woman begins to manipulate the emotional connection with the child for her own satisfaction, she uses it for her own purposes. “Kid do this, you have to bring me all the fives. Make your mom happy! " And the anal-visual child, who from childhood already carries in himself the need to please and receive praise for it, is ready to do anything, as long as his mother is happy.
The skin-visual woman, unrealized in the visual vector, gets pleasure into her visual desires through emotional swings. Vision has a need for an emotional connection, in this case, this connection turns out to be unhealthy, directed at oneself. Such a mother constantly feels sorry for herself, maintaining an inner feeling of constant life drama. Explosive kitchen scandals followed by tearful reconciliation, the brightest outbursts of emotions, tears and dramatization of their terrible fate. Such a mother does not really want her child to be happy, she does not care about his real usefulness and consistency in life, but wants to use him exclusively as an opportunity to maintain these emotional races. And as a result, a mama's son grows out of him.
Now a few words about the anal-visual child. This is a kind, obedient child who loves his mother very much and is very attached to her. He has a gentle character, more than others he needs mother's attention and protection. He signals this with his whole being. And mom gives him this love in full. He wants to feel that his mother loves him, that his mother appreciates him. He finds a beautiful ladybug and brings it to mom, waits with the hope that mom will say. “Oh, how beautiful! That's for me?! How smart you are, how caring you are, my bunny. My beloved soul! These are the happiest moments in his life.
When the script is played out in its “pure form,” it is an anal-visual child and a skin-visual mother. In a modern city, on average, polymorphs with 3-5 vectors are born, so a person can be more complex, but if inside him there is an anal-visual combination in the complex of a good boy, you will not miss it, it is bright and noticeable. An anal-visual person in potential is a golden head, a writer, a polymath and a book reader, a walking encyclopedia and the most caring husband, a true professional in his field, sometimes a designer and artist, architect and screenwriter. And in the case of an excessive emphasis on praise and mother's need for it, this is a mama's son.
If you have a mama's boy in front of you, you should know that for him mom is the most important person, a guarantee of his safety, confidence and emotional security. He is ready to bring mom all the ladybugs in the area and everything else that mom wants, so that only she likes it, so that she is satisfied. It is the anal vector that is the main component in this scenario for the child.
Mom sees that her son is very good, obedient, guided, that he needs her care, needs advice, needs a task, waits for mother's command to carry out her instructions and receive his cherished "candy". She begins to manipulate this love. Manipulate praise. From this, as a result, a negative life scenario very often develops. A man grows up outwardly, but in his soul he remains a mama's son.
The child is formed with a strong desire to do what others like. In his eyes, one can precisely trace the imprint of what the system-vector psychology calls "love me." By manipulation and praise, mother fixes in the child exactly this way of communication and enjoyment. When mama's little son starts doing the same thing outside the house, then, naturally, does not get the same reaction. Is that when at school everyone will give to copy from their notebook.
All his stay in the team, both in children and in adults, comes down to showing how good he is. In essence, to show that he is the best. And all in a row. This man is no longer a child, it may be a 40-year-old uncle looking into your eyes, looking for approval and recognition in your eyes. And he, so good, so pleasant, tries not to offend or offend if he needs to deny someone something. He just can't say NO. That's what a mama's boy is.
For an anal-visual person, it is very important what others say about him, it is these others that are the measure of the viability of his whole life, confirm the legitimacy of his existence. And in the anal-visual complex, all the forces and desires of a person are aimed at confirming and approving everyone around. It's normal when I achieve what I wanted, on which I worked long and hard, and, as a result, I want to receive confirmation and approval, well-deserved praise. This is the order of the day. Taken together, this becomes the inability and inability to enjoy interacting with people otherwise than through the search for praise and approval. Moreover, such a man will not be able to realize that he is a "mama's son".
This person does not form any personal aspirations, no own desires. He doesn't know what he wants out of life. Others demand from him, and where he himself is in all this, he does not know. Only day after day does he show everyone how good, smart and diligent he is.
Even in communication with your own wife! If, of course, she even appears in his life. Because the mother-son coupling between the anal-visual boy and the skin-visual mother is quite serious and can completely exclude the possibility of marriage.
Solving family problems
Sometimes, after a long observation of such a person, people notice the peculiarities of his behavior and hint to him about it. Then he begins to do exactly the same, only exactly the opposite. He does everything in spite of everyone, but his own desires never appear. This is his only way of dealing with his condition, which, in fact, does not change anything, since it is just the reverse side. Psychology characterizes the state of "mama's son" only from the negative side. There is nothing good in such dependence for a man.
The worst thing in this life scenario is that even if a person leaves his mother, marries and finds work, he is in the eternal pursuit of a mirage. He does not set goals for himself, he does not have his own opinion, he does not have a healthy mental base, the skills for a normal reaction to the pressure of the surrounding world. This is a problem in desire itself, and in an adult state it necessarily brings suffering, which a person constantly tries to alleviate.
The person tries to please everyone around. The problem is that the people around them often don't know what they want. But what they definitely do not want is an ideal person who, with his purity, reminds them of their shortcomings. This causes disappointment and sincere misunderstanding in the anal-visual poor fellow: “I did everything as they wanted? Why are they unhappy again? I just want everyone to love me …"
If you are that very mama's son, then system-vector psychology will always tell you what to do.
At the training "System-vector psychology" Yuri Burlan, analyzing the features of this complex, often repeats that the training will make "good boys" - "bad", and quite quickly. And it will not be “the opposite” behavior, but getting rid of this painful lifelong problem. The only tool for real work on yourself is the awareness of what is really happening. Without trying rational explanations and other tricks of the mind. You can get out of this scenario called "mama's son". And it is impossible to overestimate the importance of liberation from this vicious circle.