Relationship problems - no heart attack and division of property
Some of the spouses said a harsh word, allowed himself an offensive joke, or cruelly and coldly kept silent when it was necessary to say words of support … Where do such problems arise in relationships? And how to prevent people who once loving each other from becoming sworn enemies?
In any relationship, problems happen: one of the spouses committed an insensitive act, said a harsh word, allowed himself an offensive joke, or cruelly and coldly kept silent when it was necessary to say words of support. It's good if these episodes are short-lived, infrequent, or even an exception from a happy life together.
It's bad if neglect, verbal (and maybe physical) sadism, bullying, lingering resentment and cold indifference become a habit and become a characteristic of your life.
Where do these relationship problems come from? And how to prevent people who once loving each other from becoming sworn enemies?
The problem of relations between men and women
- Stand! - Stas barked and grabbed Alina's hand. I grabbed it painfully, very painfully.
Alina turned to face her husband in amazement. Stand? Is this how they now refer to their beloved wife? Alina could not say a word from pain and surprise, and her eyes filled with tears. She could only pull her hand away and run out of the room, slamming the door loudly.
Stas asked for forgiveness, Alina forgave. But for a long time, two spots left by her husband's fingers turned blue on her hand and treacherously reminded that now they too have problems in the family.
A harsh shout, cruel words selected with special care, chilling ignorance … Is this a norm or a deviation from the course of a long and happy family life?
In a family we have to live side by side for many years. We get tired at work, we earn stress, we accumulate resentment and dissatisfaction. If in communication with strangers we try to keep ourselves in check, then for some reason it is at home, next to a dear and close person, we find a lot of reasons to throw out our irritation, aggression, resentment on him. Problems in family relationships are unsettling, leading to pointless altercations, insults and threats that destroy what not so long ago was a family.
In relationships, we often behave like in a war: we defend our territory, try to control the actions of another, defend our values and personal space, fight for power, attack and repel blows. We behave in this way, only aggravating problems in relations with a husband or wife. We do not understand that in this way we clumsily try to protect ourselves, overcome our fears, reduce pain, get pleasure at the expense of another …
Are the partners to blame for this? In a sense, yes. Can they be called innocent victims of circumstance? Not.
Family is the job of both, and ideally it is a way of interaction in which the relationship develops and the husband and wife feel comfortable and safe.
So how do you solve relationship problems? How to make amends?
Is there a solution to relationship problems?
Irina loves to meet her husband in heels and wearing makeup, in full "combat" readiness. He, seeing his wife in a similar weekend outfit, thinks that she is bored of sitting at home, and - leads to a restaurant.
She is in a panic: “He doesn't want me! The husband loves another - what to do? And he just likes to see her in soft home clothes, with her hair down and without a shadow of makeup.
Once Irina got sick and met him at home unkempt, in a dressing gown and slippers. The husband was delighted: "Finally!" - and began to pester her.
“This is callousness! - concluded the wife. - I am sick, I feel bad, but he …"
Often, problems in a relationship with a guy arise where it is especially difficult to negotiate - in the sexual sphere. It is difficult for a man and a woman to discuss such things, not only because this topic is still taboo for many, but also because partners simply do not understand: what is taken for granted for one (to meet a husband “at the parade”), to others interpreted in a completely different way ("she dressed up - it means that she misses the entertainment").
For a while, the solution to problems in relationships will be a frank conversation about what partners in each other annoy, what and why they do not like in the behavior of the other. But for real getting rid of problems, this will not be enough.
Why? The problem of relations between a man and a woman is as old as the world. Someone was once partly right in saying that opposites attract. We all know couples where the wife is fire and the husband is calm and unhurried ice. But how can they then understand each other if they are complete opposites? How can a passionate wife look at her husband through the prism of his coldness?
At the training "System-Vector Psychology" knowledge is given that clearly explains why we are all different. Very different. With his secret desires, natural abilities, talents and inclinations. At the same time, we can all be united or distinguished by our set of vectors. We like to communicate with people with a similar vector set, because they understand us through themselves: they are attracted by the same thing as us, they have similar views on life, tastes and preferences. We do not have global difficulties in relations with them.
Meanwhile, pairs are formed not only in the interests of similar vectors. It would be, perhaps, too boring and flat. And what sexual energy can exist for a long time between two people who are very similar and understandable to each other? No, everything is wiser here: attraction arises between two opposites (or at least "dissimilarities"). Cutaneous and urethral, anal and urethral, anal and cutaneous and so on. Hence the powerful attraction, and, unfortunately, problems in family relationships.
Walk your eyes following the example above: a husband with an anal vector is used to the fact that a woman should be homely and “cozy”, and if she is dressed up, this is a clear sign of longing for entertainment. A wife with a skin (or rather, with a skin-visual ligament) vector, on the contrary, prefers novelty in everything, so she wants to surprise her beloved and attract with a beautiful outfit. Only due to the fact that everyone in this situation sees his own, is silent and measures for himself, conflicts arise in the relationship, which gradually lead the couple to a break.
However, such problems with the husband can be easily avoided if you know what and why the husband likes with the anal vector, as well as how he perceives everything new, bright, catchy. It's pretty easy (given the flexibility of the skin vector) to take these things into account when you want to please it.
Problems with a wife are solved in the same way: even a person whose psyche is not flexible, rigid thinking is able to understand that the other person is different in everything. And if a wife “doesn't want” when she is in a dressing gown and with curlers on her head, that is her right.
How to improve family relationships with a sadist?
If for a successful exit from the above-mentioned situation you have enough understanding of the nature of another person (his inner desires, innate properties and the prism of perception), then in some situations it will not be so easy to solve the problem of family relationships.
Rudeness, arrogant silence, the desire to set too great a distance (“I ignore you in everything”), ridicule, irony, ridicule - all these are “bells” signaling serious problems. Here, everything will not go away by itself, and you urgently need to think about how to improve family relationships. If this is not done, the family will fall apart. Or maybe something terrible will happen …
Alina wiped the blood from her face with hands shaking with horror and could not believe that Stas did it. He has been especially rude lately, their lives slowly turning into hell. But she still could not even admit that his animal essence would soon break out.
Before that, it seemed to her that her husband had simply stopped loving. What was she to do with a small child in her arms? To endure until the child grows up, and then somehow arrange his life. But what would be THIS, she could not imagine in the worst thoughts.
Alina wiped off the blood and, bending over with pain in her ribs, quietly walked into the child's room. A drunken monster was lying in the next room, and she, overpowering the pain, quickly collected things.
This situation could have ended more pitifully: a miracle saved our heroine from a fatal blow to the spine.
How could all this have been foreseen and prevented? Yes! At the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan, such a scenario is clearly understood, thanks to which a person capable of such cruelty can be seen even at the first meeting. The mistakes of women in relationships with men with a sadistic anal vector often consist in the fact that they endure, believe, hope for the best and continue to wait. Wait for it to pass by itself.
No, that won't work. It will only get worse, which can lead to a real tragedy. When there will be no one to wait for the husband to correct himself …
Here you have to see what is happening to the person, why and what it can lead to. You don't need to be a psychic, a magician or a witch with a magic ball for this. To do this, you need to understand "System-Vector Psychology", to distinguish a lot of possible life scenarios and to realize who you are and who is next to you, why people break up or why they love each other.
Conclusions: relationship problems are our work
Training "System-vector psychology" allows each of us to get amazing knowledge about the desires and aspirations of another person. It allows you to get to know another better and deeper than he knows himself.
But, even with such knowledge, getting along with each other may not be easy at all, because in life no one and no one seeks to get along just like that. Why then? Because each of us is driven by one single stimulus - the desire to receive pleasure. Colliding in family life, these desires cannot "agree", and the notorious problems in relationships arise.
- Jealousy as the desire of the skin vector to be "owner"; the desire of the anal vector to be one and only, one that is “for life” and “to the grave”; the desire of the visual vector to be loved, only his one …
- Lingering grievances as a desire for the anal vector to restore justice in the family, to equalize the resulting imbalance.
- Alcoholism as the desire of the anal vector to receive pleasure, which is not due to lack of realization or sexual satisfaction; desire of the skin vector to receive pleasure when there is no realization …
- Treason as a desire for the skin vector to achieve pleasure by changing sensations; desire for the anal vector to take revenge; desire for the urethral vector as a manifestation of natural polygamy …
And many, many other problematic desires. They are the essence of our actions.
What to do? How to solve relationship problems? Start getting along
To get along means to compromise in the name of something: the preservation of feelings, passion, in the name of the happiness of children, in the name of the prosperity of a common business and similar interests. To get along means to take care of something else, first of all, to try to “give”, and only then “take” for oneself.
What if you only care about yourself? This means that you will be using a partner. Not for long, most likely, no more than three years, after which the "credit of trust" that is allotted by wise nature to build strong relationships will dry up. And problems will certainly come to the surface - mutual claims, grievances, jealousy and betrayal …
Where to begin? Study "System-vector psychology". Understand that superficial knowledge about the desires of the other will not be enough to solve relationship problems (and even more so advice like “stop getting annoyed”, “don't be jealous”, “don't be offended” or “stop cheating”). For knowledge to start working, it will take a deep awareness of the desires that drive us in the darkness of life situations.
Awareness through which our mechanisms of behavior change, triggered by unconscious desires. Awareness with which we can correctly respond to the situation and prevent any family conflict.
