Tired of being indecisive. Confession of the "mattress man"
In the last year, the girl herself began to show attention to me. Or did it seem? Six months passed, the guys could not resist, they began to prompt: “Well, she likes you. Why are you slowing down ?! " Well, they taught me how and what to say, pulled myself together, somehow called and invited me for a walk. It started spinning easier there. I don’t know what I would have done myself, if I hadn’t been pushed - I feel I would never have learned what “this” is for the rest of my life …
All my life I was haunted by self-doubt. Take, for example, the problem of entering an institute - which one to enter, what specialty? Thank God, my parents decided that I would follow in their footsteps and helped to submit documents to a technical university - one less problem of choice.
Then went the institute life. All around are already adults, guys get to know girls, meet, walk. And I'm not just dating, I can't even get to know each other! Hands go cold, words get stuck in my throat. Maybe it's not just fate? You just have to endure, maybe it will develop itself.
In the last year, the girl herself began to show attention to me. Or did it seem? Six months passed, the guys could not resist, they began to prompt: “Well, she likes you. Why are you slowing down ?! " Well, they taught me how and what to say, pulled myself together, somehow called and invited me for a walk. It started spinning easier there. I don’t know what I would have done myself, if I hadn’t been pushed - I feel I would never have learned what “this” is for the rest of my life.
The institute is over - it's time to work. The bulk of the guys have already decided in advance on the place to start their careers. And I, as usual, go with the flow. “Hey, come with me to production! They need a partner there. " Well, let's go, let's go. I don't care where, but it's more fun together.
At work, they were always praised for diligence. I come on time, if necessary, I stay late. True, not because I like my work, but simply because it happened before me in the team - and I am like everyone else. And although it worked well, it didn’t work out with the promotion. Once the boss, having got drunk at a holiday, let slip that he would have been promoted long ago, but “you’re vomiting painfully, completely lacking in initiative”. What am I? I, like everyone else, do not stick out.
So he lived half his life - he always went with the flow, had no opinion. And if he had, then he would not have been able to defend. With women it worked out only when they themselves showed the initiative. And all as one were angry at my spinelessness. How many reproaches I had to endure, and not to count. And each one said the same thing: "What are you, if not a man?"
You could calm yourself down, they say, not everyone is confident always and everywhere. However, in everyday life there is always one problem - choice. What color suit to buy - brown or gray? How to choose between sneakers or boots if there is only money for one pair? Go drink beer with friends or stay at home with your wife? And whatever I choose - then I always regret that I chose the wrong one. So I live on the sly - neither fish nor meat. "Mattress", in one word.
If only I could understand where this eternal indecision comes from. Is it possible to somehow get rid of it?
What is a "vector" and how does it affect a person's life?
The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan tells us that the problem of uncertainty is surmountable. The main thing is to figure out what caused its occurrence. The fact is that the problem of indecision can arise not for everyone, but only for people with special properties of the psyche.
In any person, from his very birth, certain "vectors" are laid. A vector is a set of innate desires and properties of a person, his aspirations, character traits. It is the vector that determines the direction of our thoughts, our priorities and even the type of sexuality. People with different vectors are not alike and manifest themselves in life in completely different ways.
In our story, we see a vivid example from the life of a man with an anal vector. These wonderful people naturally have a good memory, attention to detail and perseverance. In general, everything that makes a real professional out of a person, a master of his craft. This is usually referred to as "golden hands" or "golden head". In addition, the family is the highest value for the bearer of the anal vector. A man with an anal vector is the best son and father, a faithful husband.
But not always all our properties get the development they need. In our story, it happened this way, when a man with an anal vector grew up pathologically indecisive. He is not able to make a choice, to independently make any, even the smallest decision in his life. Naturally, the life of such a person is full of disappointments. Who needs an inactive worker, a weak-willed husband and, in general, a man completely spread out with jelly?
The reason for this behavior of a healthy and complete-looking man lies in his childhood.
The best mom in the world
In childhood, we are completely dependent on our parents - they feed us, clothe us, give us a roof over our heads, educate and protect us. However, a child with an anal vector has a special bond with his mother. Slow and indecisive by nature, he always expects a light nudge from his mother in the form of praise and approval to start action.
When the mother praises adequately and to the point, encourages the child's independence, he begins to feel confident in his abilities, gradually learns to start things himself and be responsible for them. Over time, such a model of behavior is fixed in the child, and he becomes a healthy member of society - an adult and responsible person, confident in his abilities.
However, there is a danger that the mother of such a golden and obedient baby will overly patronize her child. This usually happens if the mother herself has an anal vector in combination with a visual one. Such a woman is potentially an ideal wife, the most loving and caring mother in the world. But if she completely abandons work and plunges into the family, then there is a risk of "overprotection" over the child.
In this case, the mother implements the entire supply of her internal energy not at work, but "takes out" it on the child. Unfortunately, this can be too much for one little person.
The secret of pathological indecision
A woman who is not sufficiently realized in social life with anal and visual vectors fully concentrates on her child. She constantly has a fear that something will happen to him: she will fall off the swing, break her head, fall under a car, and so on. Her brain draws pictures in her head, one more terrible than the other. All this forces the mother not to leave the child a single step.
Here he is trying to climb onto a swing - she supports him with her hand. So he wants to move down the hill - you can't! You can hurt yourself. So he begins to drag the sand in the bucket - mom pulls the bucket out of her hands, suddenly she will break! Someone else's boy hit her son with a scoop ?! He has nothing to play with children, he will be more whole at home! Such a mother simply strangles him in the arms of her excessive care.
An anal child develops the first experience of behavior, which will remain in an adult for the rest of his life: “I cannot do anything on my own. Mom knows better than me what and how. " Moreover, the mother deprives the child not only of self-confidence, but also of such skills as responsibility, the ability to interact in a peer group, the understanding that first you need to work and only then have fun.
In most cases, such a mom acts with the best of intentions. She truly believes that she is protecting a child from real dangers in order to raise him as happy and healthy as possible. Unfortunately, she is wrong.
Adult life shackled by indecision
A healthy two-meter uncle weighing under a hundred kilograms only looks like an adult. Inside, this is the same child who, in fact, was "deprived" of the opportunity to grow up independently. Make your own mistakes, gain experience in communicating with peers, focusing on adequate praise from your mother, become more responsible and adult. And, of course, decisive.
Internal inability to initiate action or make a choice has an extremely negative effect on a person's life. He is not only eternally indecisive and floats through life, carried away, like a current, by the opinion of stronger and more self-confident colleagues, spouses, and parents. He is also not able to start any action without outside help - because in childhood, his mother always came to his aid.
By nature, the owner of the anal vector is more comfortable and comfortable in the past: he often gives in to innovations and changes, not wanting to leave his comfort zone. Hence, both unwillingness to start and indecision can appear. It is easier for him when in his actions he relies on what is confirmed by experience, on what is described in time-tested instructions, on the opinion of authoritative people he respects, who will push, prompt, direct, and make a choice for him.
When the properties of the anal vector have received their development and implementation, then an adult is able to adapt changes, make decisions on his own and go forward without looking back at someone else's opinion.
How to stop "quilting" and start living
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains that constant indecision is not a sentence. You can get rid of it by regaining the confidence inherent in a real man. To do this, it is enough to look at yourself with different eyes, to understand your desires, to realize your strengths. Only one understanding of their essence, their innate abilities opens up new opportunities, gives the feeling "Yes, I can" instead of "I'm not sure."
But the most important thing that gives an understanding of the vector features of a person is the ability to rethink the events of the past. After all, what are our memories? This feeling: "I was hurt, hurt or scared …". We carry these sensations into adulthood.
And when is there an opportunity to see and truly understand all the desires that drive people, all their inner motives, behavior and thinking?
Then the unconscious reasons for any actions, words, relationships with parents and specifically with the mother will be deeply realized and will be revealed in a new way. It will be possible to build a causal relationship of the type: "I became indecisive because …", bringing out those facts of my own biography that brought unwanted "interference" into adulthood.
A person who realizes this feels free from the chains of pathological indecision and someone else's opinion. He begins to live a new, full-fledged life, where he is able to prove himself the way he wants it. Anew he feels in himself the ability to take the first step, to take responsibility for his life and his decisions, and he feels confident in his choice.
Here are just a few testimonials from people who have been trained and overcome their insecurities:
Anyone is able to get such a result for himself personally. Take the first step at free online lectures on Systemic Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan. Register by the link: