Hostages of pity. A feeling that humiliates
Where is the line that separates pity, degrading a person's dignity, preventing him from developing and taking responsibility for himself, and positive compassion, which can give him the strength to overcome difficulties? Is it always necessary to feel sorry for a person? And is pity really so harmless?
- I feel sorry for him, I can not leave. Without me it will get drunk completely, disappear …
- It's a pity to wake up the child in the morning. Let him sleep. Childhood will quickly pass. She also learns what chronic lack of sleep is.
- I can't refuse her. Sorry for her - she had a difficult childhood. We'll have to marry.
You've probably met people who are guided by feelings of pity in their relationships with others. In society, pity is generally perceived positively, and people who feel sorry for others are considered good and kind. They will never pass by someone else's grief, they will tinker with everyone who is weaker, who for some reason cannot stand up for himself, is in a difficult situation.
However, where is the line that separates pity, degrading a person's dignity, preventing him from developing and taking responsibility for himself, and positive compassion, which can give him the strength to overcome difficulties? Is it always necessary to feel sorry for a person? And is pity really so harmless? Let's answer these questions with the help of Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology.
Who are these compassionate people?
Compassion, sympathy, empathy are the abilities of people who, according to system-vector psychology, have a visual vector. In the carrier of this vector, the visual analyzer is the most sensitive area.
Since ancient times, the owner of the most vigilant eyes has had her specific role in the human flock. The skin-visual woman was the daytime guard. It was she who experienced the first human emotion - the fear of death. Seeing a predator lurking in the bushes among the uniform colors of the savannah, she was very frightened for her life, screamed, released pheromones of fear and thus warned everyone else about the danger.
Subsequently, as a person develops, his emotions also developed. The spectator learned to bring out his root emotion of fear for himself outward, into fear for others, into compassion for his neighbor. Today his huge emotional amplitude, which distinguishes him from other people, is located between the poles "fear of death - love". As before, all spectators are born with the fear of death, which must have time to develop into compassion, empathy, empathy, love for people before the end of puberty - the highest emotional manifestations of the visual vector.
Immature emotion manifests itself as blind pity, when a person expresses his need for feelings selfishly, to fill his own shortcomings, wanting to receive in himself, and not to give, not paying attention to the fact that his pity humiliates another, does not allow him to develop, increases his weakness and the inability to change your life. Behind such pity is not a desire to help another, but the need to fill your emotional emptiness, fear for yourself, for your life, which is not always realized.
So, the wife pulls on herself a drunkard husband who has failed in life. Contains him, suffers beatings from him, gives him a drink when he "breaks". "Sorry." And in the meantime, it degrades further. Although in this situation it would be more correct to understand why he developed this addiction and help him to realize himself in life. That would be a real help.
As a rule, in this case, the compassionate wife herself is in not very good states of the visual vector - in fears, emotional swings. She is afraid to be left alone, afraid of breaking, albeit ugly, but an established emotional connection. And of course, she does not think about the consequences of her blind pity.
It is often said: "Regrets means loves." This is not true. A visual woman, by nature aimed at creating an emotional connection and compassion, is not aware of her innate unconscious aspirations and, for one reason or another, does not fully realize them. In order to create an emotional connection with a successful accomplished person, you need to make an effort. And for a drunken drunkard, pity arises by itself. So a woman falls into the trap of her own feelings.
Consequences of blind pity
People who are driven by such pity often feel used up, exhausted. By emasculating themselves in such relationships, they often end up feeling emotional emptiness.
In the presence of an anal vector in the mental, one of the values of which is gratitude, an adequate assessment of their work, such people lose their incentive for life. After all, their "good" deeds are never appreciated.
So, an anal-visual mother from an early age takes pity on her child: she does all the things for him that he is already quite capable of doing himself by age. He always makes sure that he is not "overtired". She does this with the best of intentions: from the desire to be a kind, the best mother in the world, and perhaps based on her bad experiences that she went through as a child. After all, past experience for a person with an anal vector is very significant.
It's one thing if the mother takes pity on the child when he is hurt or sick. In such a situation, he needs her increased attention and care. Another thing is when she constantly pampers the child, indulges his laziness out of pity. In this case, she forgets about the good of the child, because in order for his properties to develop, he needs to make efforts. Sometimes it is not very pleasant, it causes tension, but without it a happy, realized person will not grow out of him.
It will be either an infantile adult, sitting on the mother's neck all his life, or a parasite, accustomed to only consuming and not feeling grateful either to her or to other people. In any case, he will no longer take responsibility for his life, because he will get used to the fact that someone else is responsible for it.
Relationships built on pity are one-sided, destructive, causing significant psychological damage to both parties. In contrast to genuine compassion, the essence of which is revealed to us by the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.
Compassion that heals
Compassion, first of all, should be directed to those who really need it - the disabled, lonely elderly people, children left without parents. There are always social strata in society that objectively need active compassion. It is here that a person with a visual vector can truly realize his need to express feelings in the most creative way. And this is its highest realization.
And in ordinary life there is always a reason to feel needed. Support someone who is in a difficult situation, sympathizing with him, saying a kind word. Cry with the grief-stricken person. To become his support for a while, until the mental pain ceases to be so acute. Just being there so that the person does not feel lonely. These are the simple actions for which this very emotional person is intended and from which he receives real satisfaction. In such spiritual movements, he comprehends life, feels that he is not living in vain.
While working with compassion, a person never expects gratitude or reciprocal feelings. He gets satisfaction from the very process of manifesting his emotional impulses. Therefore, he never feels used up or exhausted.
Compassion must be learned. The easiest way to develop this skill in childhood is by reading compassionate literature to visual babies. At the same time, it is important to draw the attention of children to those situations in which one can sympathize with someone, empathize.
And then you can gradually move on to teaching the child to have compassion for the people around him. For example, taking care of a sick grandmother, supporting a friend in a difficult situation. Tears of compassion for a neighbor that a spectator sheds have a positive effect on him, causing relief and pacification. At the same time, the skill of bringing their emotions out is formed: the visual child learns not to be afraid for himself, but to empathize with another.
Dramatic movies often make viewers cry. It is good if this is a film that raises serious moral problems, requires mental effort to watch. With this example, we can understand what empathy is. However, you can truly feel compassion only for living people, living vivid emotions of empathy in the vicissitudes of real life.
Understand the differences
It is often difficult for a person to understand when he is driven by blind pity, and when by genuine compassion. He is sincerely convinced that he is driven by kindness and the sacred duty of helping people. However, this is not always the case.
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan helps to distinguish pity from compassion. We begin to see the motives for our actions: where we are led by our lack and dissatisfaction, attempts to use another person to solve our own emotional problems, and where - genuine empathy for the person, which is always creative for all participants in the relationship.
On the other hand, we understand the reasons for the behavior of other people, so our help to them becomes really effective. Knowledge about mental vectors is a real tool that allows you to change your life for the better. Helping another person means putting this tool in his hands. Give him a rod, not a fish.
If you really want to help people in such a way as to cause them a feeling of happiness, and change for the better in their lives, get this knowledge that is so necessary for life. Get started with Yuri Burlan's free online systematic vector psychology classes. Register using the link.
