You are good but I have to go
She sometimes lived with him, then disappeared somewhere. Then she came back again.
The hope of resolving painful life situations motivates people when they go to counseling or write letters to psychologists, telling in detail about their problems. Such letters-questions served as the reason for writing a series of articles, the purpose of which is to analyze from the standpoint of system-vector psychology, give a forecast of the development of the situation and show the most effective ways to positive changes.
So, for the material for the first article of our series, we turned to the book "Family Wars" by V. L. Levy. We read one of the letters. In it, a man, a computer engineer and a lawyer, painfully recounts a six-year history of his relationship with a woman. He is short and outwardly unremarkable, she is beautiful, slender, long-legged.
Once I asked her: “Do you realize where we are going? I will become attached to you, I am amorous, how will we part? " - "What are you, it's all later, we'll figure it out."
After this conversation, there was a night of passion.
And a few more months: day at work, and evening and night just her and me. They didn't go out, made love.
At the end of the summer he sent her on vacation to her parents. A stranger returned. She confessed that she met with her ex-husband, went to the sea: “Understand, this is my first man, I slept with him before you and I slept now, so what?”
I started dating other men. Me: "If you sleep with someone, leave me." - “With no one, it's interesting just to communicate. I want to go abroad to work."
He helped her with the registration of a passport and suggested how to get foreign business trips from the authorities. By that time, he had already bought and arranged an apartment for the two of them. She sometimes lived with him, then disappeared somewhere. Then she came back again.
Once she confessed: “I want to marry a foreigner. I want to leave". Me: “Why, can't you live here? Here is our home. " - “You are a freak with two higher educations! You have nothing and will not have anything in this country. You were nobody, and you will remain nobody”.
I began to correspond, showed me their letters and photographs. I freaked out, and she laughed: "That's interesting, but who are you to me?"
I went to see someone in France for a couple of weeks. She returned gloomy, closed. To my question “why do you live with me” she answered: “For health. You need to fuck with someone. Me: “What do you think about me? I’m not a vibrator, I’m a living person”.
She disappeared again and returned again, every time he was seriously worried, fell ill. A sure sign of her imminent disappearance, he noticed, was her frequent church visits.
"Why, you don't really believe in God." - “I put candles on, I pray that everything will work out. What if He still exists …"
In the spring (…) of the year, hysteria: she leaves to get married urgently. "Give me money and help me get ready." - "How, for whom?" - "Kommersant is in Belgium, he has a store, why are you not happy that I will have a family?" I put me on the train, returned broken, went to stay with my parents, worked in the garden …
Suddenly it returns - and again to me, and again an explosion of love, and everything is amazing, I was simply stunned by her passion.
Soon gets into a car accident.
Fractures, head and face trauma. I spent two months in the hospital with her, caring for her, spoon-feeding her. Brought home from the hospital to live together. I sent him to a special sanatorium. The term of the voucher has passed, but it still does not exist. I went on a spree.
After a while, a healthy and again a stranger arrives: “There were so many interesting people around, and you are so boring. There were so many cool men. No, no, I didn't even sleep with any of them."
He was waiting for her so much, wanted a wedding, wanted a child. But again there were innuendos, calls abroad, on New Year's Eve she went to no one knows where. He met the New Year alone, sick: having put her in a taxi, he fell with a high temperature.
Moved to another job, dirt (arbitration cases), but better paid … Then Ekaterina returned. At night she came late and immediately to sleep. "Where have you been?" - "What is it to you?" Communication is zero.
I began to read a lot. “He has nothing to do, he reads little books! You have to live!"
Scandals out of the blue: everything is wrong for her, the country is bad, there is no life. Me: “We're together. Do you want to arrange an apartment for you? " - "I need a separate one." - "What for?" “I don’t like to cook, I’m a bad housewife. Find a good wife, and I will come to visit."
Before her next departure, again a passionate night, the next morning a church, a delicious lunch in the afternoon.
“I'm leaving, and you marry a good woman so that she can cook deliciously for you.” Begins to collect things. Me: "Everything, this is forever, give the keys." He gathers with tears, but does not give the keys. Hysterics. I hug, soothe. Suddenly they laugh: “Yes, I have three copies of your keys! On!"
But this is not the end. Two months pass, and she comes to him again. This time - for the remaining things. Cheerfully wonders how he is doing. He's lying, which is great. Her gaiety immediately disappears and she leaves.
“I am leaving for France, I’ll live, maybe I’ll get married. You and I still won't succeed, we are different. " - "Why did you live with me?" - “You are good, so you lived. Well, I have to go".
After a week I can't stand it, I call. "Let's give birth to a child, this is a common crisis in the seventh year of life …" Wall. Doesn't answer the phone at work. I catch it in the hostel - hisses from the doorway: “What do you need? Went out of here. Goat! I lost six years of my life with you, I hate! " I rushed to her several times, cried, asked … She: “Get out! Locked! He hesitated! Stop punching brains!"
She left. I recognize: yes, to France, love at first sight, a widower, 40 years old, four children, a villa on the seashore, a fairy tale …
That's all. I'm out. I understand: a fool, a blind man. Heart ache. Something whispers that Catherine may return again. She has a copy of the keys, not even one …
How to comprehend all this?
Andrei
This is the situation. From the point of view of System-Vector Psychology, everything becomes clear literally from the first lines, the author does not need to describe in detail the vicissitudes of relationships, the presence of an anal vector in Andrey is quite obvious.
The hero honestly describes his unremarkable appearance and the beauty of his skin-visual friend. Honesty, detail, detail, thoroughness, the need to bring what has been started to completion, devotion, affection for a partner, monogamy, desire for marriage, family, children, endless patience and willingness to wait. All these properties and values of the anal vector are read in every line of the letter up to the last, where he accuses himself - "fool, blind man" - and everything hopes, hopes, hopes for her return. He is in a stupor - "out" - life has stopped, froze, "my heart hurts" …
From the very beginning, Andrei announced the seriousness of his intentions, but, alas, he fell into the net of a skin-visual woman with a butterfly complex. Such a butterfly completely blows the head off an anal man: it either approaches, then flies away at the very moment when he decided that she was already in his hands. The apartment he bought and which he hoped to tie his beauty to, offering to write to her - this could not work, the butterfly does not need anal stone walls and cages.
The manifestations of this complex are described in detail in the letter. The reasons for this are the underdevelopment of the skin and visual vectors, striving to change partners with property and social status, and the inability to create strong relationships with them. Such butterflies are not really interested in marriage in the classical sense of the word: home, comfort, family, children. Therefore, Andrei's words "let's give birth to a child, this is an ordinary crisis in the seventh year of life …" will never have an effect on the elusive girlfriend.
It's just trouble for the anal vector - the lack of a mental ability to switch to another woman, and this one keeps coming back and coming back! The situation is aggravated by the author's lack of fulfillment in professional activities. As a computer engineer, system administrator, he was in his place, but having switched to arbitration cases, the work, in his words, dirty, but highly paid, made another mistake - he went against his nature. A lawyer is a nimble, quick-witted person, capable of going against the truth for money, cold-blooded in his work, that is, skin-like. And Andrei, as a developed anal person, has a hard time tolerating injustice. At the same time, the presence of a developed visual vector adds sensitivity and compassion to him.
The same combination of vectors pushed Andrey to receive two higher educations in due time. But, as we can see, he does not receive full satisfaction from his work: in one case the material component fails, and in the other the moral component. Of course, this further aggravates the unfavorable psychological environment in which the author of the letter finds himself.
When, after the accident, Catherine was hospitalized with serious injuries, he sympathized with her visually and was caring in an anal way. It is possible that for him these were the best days of their relationship, since his butterfly, chained to a hospital bed, did not fly anywhere, and he could be with her as much as he wanted. Which he did - he courted, spoon-fed.
I am glad that Andrei has the opportunity not to wait for his battered butterfly to fly from France, but to change his apartment, work and switch himself from his problems to helping his parents, at least for a while. Find good historical works, make a chronological map from them, or start creating your family's pedigree. And to choose a woman as a wife, if it is skin-visual, then it is obligatory with anality. So that she both felt a mutual attraction to him, and was a faithful domestic woman.
