How to learn to understand people: communication rules
Trying to learn to understand people, to determine their character traits according to some typology, sooner or later you come to a dead end. Sometimes we even become the subject of someone's manipulation. Or the person we communicate with suddenly says or does something that was not expected of him at all. And now we do not know what to do, we feel resentment, bewilderment, and anxiety. I wish I could learn some simple rules to find an approach to people and not be mistaken in them …
- How to understand if a person sincerely wishes me well, is interested in communication, does he treat me well? Or does he want to use me, deceive, assert himself at my expense? How to learn to understand people so as not to become a victim of your own gullibility or ignorance?
It is sad, but it happens that, considering a person friendly and sincere, we are deceived in him. Sometimes we even become the subject of someone's manipulation. Or the person we communicate with suddenly says or does something that was not expected of him at all. And now we do not know what to do, we feel resentment, bewilderment, and anxiety. It is not clear why he behaves this way, what is wrong with him?
I would like to learn some simple rules to find an approach to people and not be mistaken in them.
Person's character
With questions about communicating with people, we turn to psychology. And there are many articles, books, designed to understand another person, understand his character and develop tactics of behavior. One way or another, they usually try to divide people according to some criteria. For example, we all know the typology of temperament: sanguine, choleric, phlegmatic, melancholic. Or by the psychotype of personality: introvert, extrovert, ambivert. According to the perception of information: visual, auditory, kinesthetic, digital, etc. And what does this give us? How does it help to learn to understand people?
Trying to learn to understand people, to determine their character traits according to some typology, sooner or later you come to a dead end. There is no complete picture. Something doesn't fit, contradicts one another. The same person behaves this way in some situations and completely differently in others. Or some properties of the characteristic accurately describe the interlocutor, but others have absolutely nothing to do with him. And so I want to get some kind of practical guide to communication and recognition of others.
We are looking for an approach: about the rules of communication with people systematically
The exact method of cognition of the psyche is "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan. It examines the differences in the human psyche according to vectors - a set of innate properties, abilities and desires that determine his thinking, life values and aspirations. There are eight such vectors. A person can have from one to eight, more often three or four vectors.
When you understand the vector of a person, you know everything about the peculiarities of his psyche and the causes of reactions, and this greatly facilitates communication.
To determine the vector set of the interlocutor, it is worth observing his behavior, listening to the words and spoken meanings, sometimes it is enough to look closely at the gestures and appearance.
Let's show some small sketches as an example.
Emotional people
Are there particularly impressionable people among your circle? Any little thing can cause a storm of emotions in them - from enchanting delight to deep sadness, from immeasurable love for all living things to intolerable hysteria. "Ah!", "Oh!", "How beautiful!", "What a nightmare!" - we hear from their lips.
They can rejoice like a child with a luminous gaze or shed tears uncontrollably. They can bring a seemingly sheer trifle to the scale of a world event. Such people stand out clearly from the rest of their emotionality. These are the owners of the visual vector.
Communication difficulties
It is not easy if you become an object on which negative emotions are splashed out. A representative of the visual vector can throw a tantrum if he is in poor mental states, namely, fears: from literal fear for his life to numerous phobias and anxieties. There are accusations of lack of attention and indifference, emotional blackmail and manipulation. A person in visual fears unconsciously demands: “Love me! I feel bad, I am afraid - protect me!"
Emotional connections with other people are vital for such a person. Potentially, the owners of the visual vector are kind, sympathetic, sensitive. They are able to realize all their sensory resources in art, raising children, caring for those in need. But when a person with a visual vector is not able to build emotional closeness, does not reveal his sensuality with others, then he himself becomes a victim of his unspent emotions.
The ability to communicate with people with a visual vector lies precisely in the ability to establish an emotional connection with them, to help them reveal their sensual potential. Share your experiences with them, tell a heartbreaking story, discuss a book or movie with a touching plot - and see how they will transform.
Silent people "out of this world"
Have you met people who seem to be here, but at the same time somewhere far away? An absent look, immersion in oneself, the whole look speaks of coldness, strangeness and indifference. You will call them, and in response: “Huh? What? Are you talking to me? Representatives of the sound vector often behave this way.
Difficulties in communication
In the course of communication, it is difficult to get rid of the feeling that the interlocutor does not care about you: he looks somewhere through you or, rather, inside himself, speaks quietly, sometimes unsaid, as if he has already thought of it for himself, and does not see the point in explaining to you. It is unpleasant to feel like an empty place when dealing with such egocentrics. They can easily not answer at all if the subject of the conversation seems not worthy of attention to them. Or even show dislike and arrogance.
The bottom line is that the owner of the sound vector is not interested in everyday topics. His mind is focused on revealing global abstract questions: "What is the meaning of life?", "Who am I and what is my purpose?", "Where did we come from and where are we going?" … In the course of his eternal search, these questions are modified and take on a particular form, which manifests itself, for example, in the study of the exact sciences, inventive research, writing, philosophical or religious research. In the modern world, the main interests of sound specialists are Internet technologies and psychology.
Such a person needs concentration and silence. Therefore, he seems aloof, indifferent and silent. An endless stream of thoughts in search of the meaning of life removes him from petty, everyday conversations. His dislike for noise, loud voices is associated with a particularly sensitive hearing. Remember, he sometimes needs to be alone with his ideas.
The rules for communicating with people of this type provide for the limitation of conversations "about nothing". Get to the bottom of the issue that needs to be resolved without being distracted by empty talk.
Touchy but fair people
Often we come across such people: they say and do everything slowly, thoroughly, efficiently, even pedantically, they are very erudite. They like to talk about the past: “Where is the world heading? Nowadays …”Also frequent topics of conversation are family, home, making something with your own hands, justice. On the whole, they give the impression of people who are honest, decent, open, maybe a little rustic, but have a liking for themselves. All these are qualities characteristic of the anal vector.
Communication difficulties
The owners of the anal vector are stubborn disputants, straightforward, ready to cut the truth-womb, not caring about the feelings of the opponent. Some may harass with teachings or criticism. And if they are offended, they are unlikely to forget about it: they will not fail to remind them on occasion, or even take revenge.
The owners of this vector gravitate towards justice and equality - they should have everything exactly. And in a relationship like this: for the good - they will repay, the bad - they will not let go. If they themselves act unfairly with someone, they will feel guilty. When they were not treated the way they should, they feel resentment.
If such a person is offended at you, obey, apologize - he will forgive, because in this case his inner balance will be restored. During a conversation, do not rush him and interrupt him - it is useless, otherwise he will start over. If you want him to please - ask his advice, competent opinion.
The ability to understand a person with an anal vector should not be superficial. It is also necessary to distinguish its state - it can change everything. Who is in front of you: the best husband and father or a potential sadist? All the subtleties of the anal vector can be learned at the free online training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan.
Secretive people
There must be a lot of people around you and of a different kind: they speak briefly, succinctly, they don't like to be frank about themselves at all - they prefer to get information from you. The subject of their conversations, one way or another, is benefit, benefit, their ambitions. For them, time is money. They can be very dodgy, adapting to changing conditions. These are representatives of the skin vector.
Communication difficulties
If the owner of the skin vector is psychologically developed and not in a stressful state, then he is organized, collected, gives the impression of a real manager. Otherwise, not possessing sufficient self-discipline, but not losing the desire to restrict others, he may pour out inadequate prohibitions: “No! You can’t!”, And when faced with resistance, even scandal. He is no longer distinguished by composure and accuracy, but by flickering. The natural desire to save and optimize when the vector properties are underdeveloped or unfulfilled is manifested in greed and pettiness, the pursuit of discounts and freebies.
If you have become a victim of someone else's deception or fraud, then the abuser was most likely a representative of the skin vector in bad conditions. However, these same people, in potential, are born lawmakers, servants of order.
When communicating with the owners of this vector, you should not go into details: they value their time. As topics for conversation, career, financial well-being, a healthy lifestyle, sports, technical innovations, etc. are suitable. Learning to understand these types of people will not be such a difficult task if you systematically know what drives them.
Communication on a new level
The reason we suffer when dealing with people is a lack of understanding of their nature. The behavior of others will cease to be an annoying mystery, one has only to understand their mental properties, aspirations and problems.
By understanding the psyche, you will begin to feel more sympathy for others. And dislike towards others will cease to poison your life. Communication with people will become a joy. You will no longer be negatively influenced by the manifestations of the interlocutor:
- excessive emotionality and mood swings,
- indifference and aloofness,
- arrogance,
- resentment,
- stubbornness
- pretense,
- inadequate exactingness and others.
Does it seem amazing that you can approach people of any character? The real results of thousands of trainees of Yuri Burlan's training confirm this:
Learn more about the properties and characteristics of human behavior at the free online training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan.
