Resigned to loneliness. Should I change something?
Once on a desert island, we will soon be able to realize that the people around us are not only the source of our problems, sorrows and irritation, but also the greatest source of joy, pleasure and even the meaning of life …
“Apparently, I missed the moment in my life when I had to start a family. It seemed that I would still have time. Study, friends, hobbies. Now I notice that more and more I want to be alone. I no longer want to be in a noisy company, I want to go to the park - to walk alone, sit in a cafe, buried in my tablet, listen to music.
No, I'm not a recluse, not a nun. I go with my friends to the theater, to concerts, communicate on any topic with colleagues at work, participate in corporate parties. But in the evening I prefer to stay in the office to sit in silence. I also like to go to the theater alone, so as not to depend on anyone. I'm thinking of getting a dog, but even that is annoying - I'll have to adjust to it, walk, feed it.
But once, like everyone else, she dreamed of love - big and beautiful. But something didn't work out. There was never even a relationship that looked like a serious one. Everything is wrong and wrong. Before, looking at happy couples, I was envious, but now I often feel annoyed.
Sometimes I think - what awaits me next? Do I have a future? Will it always be so now? It seems that life is safe, there is no misfortune. But there is no happiness either. So is it worth changing something? And if you change, how not to be mistaken with your choice?"
Dealing with such questions is possible only by looking deeply into oneself. Without knowing ourselves, we often find some kind of explanation for our desire or unwillingness to do something, we adjust our life to the experience gained - ours or those around us, to the cliches and patterns that have become established in society. Therefore, one cannot do without knowledge in psychology, which is given by Yuri Burlan's training "System-vector psychology". He reveals to us the reasons for all our actions and decisions, which we are not aware of, but which ultimately create our destiny - without our conscious participation.
Do we really want loneliness?
Let's first figure out if you really don't need a relationship or is it just your imagination?
Imagine that you are on a desert island. At first, you may like forced loneliness, if you craved it so much. You will explore the island, learn to serve yourself, survive in new conditions. There will be no time to think about loneliness.
But now your life is arranged, you can feed yourself, clothe yourself and even enjoy being in a beautiful place. But the moment inevitably comes when you understand that without people around, without an environment, your life loses its meaning. There is no one to talk to, to share joy and sorrow, no one to take care of, your achievements and efforts are not needed by anyone. There is no motivation to do something, because personally you already have everything. There is not even anyone to get angry with!
Once on a desert island, we will soon be able to realize that the people around us are not only the source of our problems, sadness and irritation, but also the greatest source of joy, pleasure and even the meaning of life. And if we talk about the relationship between a man and a woman, then the pleasure and joy are doubly.
Unleash the pleasure of the relationship
Nature originally laid in a man and a woman a strong mutual desire for each other, because the opposite is the basis of this desire. As minus tends to plus, so inevitably a man is attracted to a woman. A man is a giver, it is vital for him to give, physiologically and psychologically. He takes pleasure in pleasing the desired woman, providing her with a sense of security and safety, and realizing her desires. Without the desired woman, he loses motivation to act, like a motor without fuel.
This desire is not obvious - how many men today devalue relationships with women. However, male return is a law of nature, which can be circumvented, but the price for this is internal and external trouble.
A woman is a recipient, physiologically and psychologically. Even if she consciously does not want a child, her unconscious wants it (except for 5% of skin-visual women). She wants to get a sense of security and safety from a man in order to raise this child. Next to her man, who cares and provides for her, she has this feeling, it gives a woman an incomparable psychological balance.
Even if she works, even if she can feed herself, nothing can replace her this sense of balance with a man. A woman often utters this desire of hers: "I want a strong shoulder nearby so that there is someone to lean on." We can deny this desire, but you cannot change nature. How does a woman respond to male bestowal? Love, sensual involvement in a man's life. The emotional connection that a woman initiates makes one of them. When a woman reveals this mutual pleasure in herself, she experiences constant joy and happiness. This is confirmed by the reviews of those women who were trained by Yuri Burlan and saw the full potential of relations between a man and a woman:
However, for some reason we cut off the possibility of this happiness. Why are we giving up a relationship? How to identify and remove the internal barriers to happiness in a couple?
First of all, because we are not aware of what drives us. And we are driven by our desires, which System-Vector Psychology unites into groups - vectors. A modern city dweller can have several such vectors, usually from three to five.
Most often, loneliness as a dead end is felt by the owners of the visual and sound vector. The first is an extrovert, capable of loving to the point of self-forgetfulness, but in the case of incorrect realization of his properties, he feels melancholy and loneliness. The second is an introvert who is naturally prone to loneliness, so he must make an effort to reach people and start communicating. And in order to make this effort, it is important for him to understand why it is needed.
One of the main problems of the owners of these vectors is their high exactingness in relation to the future partner. A visual woman needs love. She is looking for a strong feeling that can drown out fear, which is her constant companion in bad conditions. Love and fear are two opposite ends of her enormous emotional amplitude.
I love this - I don't like this, I like this - I don't like this … This one loves, but not strong enough … But I want to love more, so that my legs give way from a kiss … Well, in general, ideally, only a prince on a white horse, after all, only Well princes can love … And while the prince is gone, she waits, sometimes falling in love with invented images that prevent her from seeing and falling in love with a real person.
The sound woman is also demanding, but in her own way. Very smart, she is looking for a man to match herself. “The main erogenous zone is the brain,” she says. And not even every man with a sound vector and his characteristic high intelligence will suit her. Add to this the desire to be alone sometimes, the perception of people as boring and uninteresting (often in a state of latent depression) - and here is a full-length portrait of loneliness.
Together, the visual and sound vectors potentially give a woman a high intellectual level - it is not easy to correspond to the ideal of such a woman. This often makes it difficult to find a partner.
I must say that not every man, for his part, can withstand her sound egocentrism. At the end of the search, she may no longer mind leaning against the shoulder of the not the most ideal candidate, but he himself runs away from her like the devil from incense. Too smart.
Psychological problems can also get in the way of pair relationships. So, for example, excessive saving of time and emotions, eternal haste in the skin vector does not allow to stop to tune in to another person, invest in creating an emotional connection with him. In the anal vector, grievances, inability to let go of the past, negative first experience, after which all the "men" become "ko …" can interfere, and a lifelong cross is put on future relationships. And most importantly, negative sound states - depression, a sense of the meaninglessness of life - literally deprive you of the chance for a full life.
Realizing what gets in the way is the first step towards happiness in a relationship. You can get rid of grievances, overcome bad experiences so that they do not lie a dark shadow on the present and future. This becomes possible with a thorough psychological study, which takes place at the training of Yuri Burlan "System-vector psychology". Getting rid of psychotrauma, anchors and false attitudes, we can cope with the "bad fate."
Go out to people and meet your one and only
The main problem for many single women, especially sound women, is that they are focused on themselves, their thoughts and the reasons why their happiness cannot take place. In each vector, this withdrawal into oneself is expressed in its own way - we have already seen how.
At the training, Yuri Burlan often tells those who want to create relationships that they need to forget about themselves and communicate, go out to people, where you can meet a couple. Whether it's the internet or the dance floor. After the training, it turns out to be not difficult at all. Interest in people arises spontaneously, the focus of attention naturally shifts outward, and then it turns out that there are many truly interesting and worthy men around.
When you approach business consciously, there are no longer any excuses to withdraw into yourself. Hundreds of people after the training have already found their happiness, precisely because they realized for themselves the urgent need for relationships with the opposite sex. They share the joy of finding in their reviews:
We want very different things and at the same time one thing - happiness. With systemic thinking, this happiness is possible for everyone - not like rare rays of the sun through the gloomy clouds of everyday life, but like constantly sunny weather.