How to help someone get out of depression
It is unbearable to watch a depressed person suffer. What is it like for loved ones to daily realize their powerlessness in trying to shake him up? How does it feel for them to hear confessions like, “Don't you want to die? It seemed to me that all people are only pretending to love life. When you know about such terrible thoughts of a loved one, then you live like a powder keg. How not to hurt him by word or deed? How to ease his suffering? How to help a person get out of depression?
When looking for a solution to a problem, there is always a feeling that you can choose: what to agree with, what you can do, and what you can ignore, because this is nonsense. In matters related to severe forms of depression, the price of this feeling is the life or death of a loved one. This article is based on the observations of psychiatrists, people who have experienced this grave condition for years, and their loved ones who are nearby and know first-hand what is actually happening, what works, and what can lead to tragedy. even when there are hopes of recovery.
Editor's note
It is unbearable to watch a depressed person suffer. His attitude towards life is shocking to the untrained listener. What is it like for loved ones to daily realize their powerlessness in trying to shake him up? How does it feel for them to hear confessions like, “Don't you want to die? It seemed to me that all people are only pretending to love life. When you know about such terrible thoughts of a loved one, then you live like a powder keg. How not to hurt him by word or deed? How to ease his suffering? How to help a person get out of depression?
Depression is not a bad mood
Before answering, let's understand the concept of depression. It is fashionable to call this word any bad mood. People confuse depression:
- with pain due to the death of a loved one;
- the frustration of losing your job;
- melancholy due to a break with a loved one;
- apathy and unwillingness to move because of the accumulated grievances.
All this is not depression. These conditions are unbearable in their severity. And yet, intuitively, a person understands that in order to get rid of suffering, he lacks something concrete and understandable. For example, he lost the love of his life or did not get a dream job - whatever it is, the joy of life will return when a person gets what he wants.
Depression is different. It is not clear what you want here. It is not clear why you are suffering.
Only people with a sound vector experience depression. Their unconscious desire by nature is to know the meaning of life. Moreover, it is dominant. A person with a sound vector wants to understand what the world was created for. Otherwise, nothing will please him. Depending on the severity of the condition, a sense of meaninglessness will be pursued to one degree or another - from background to overwhelming.
To understand how to help a person get out of depression, you need to understand the features of his conditions. We will do this with the help of the training materials of Yuri Burlan "System-vector psychology".
1. DO NOT BREAK
The uniqueness of the sound vector is that there are no other people for it. There is only "I" and the psyche. In other words, consciousness, observing changes in internal states, and unconscious.
Have you noticed how he periodically "sticks" his gaze, staring at one point? A sound engineer can spend a couple of seconds in thought, or he can withdraw into himself for a long time - into the study of his internal states. Therefore, even in a normal state, the soundman seems strange to other people.
The more severe his depression, the more illusory for him the physical world. The less he notices people around him. He doesn't want to see anyone. Trying to get him out of such a dive can be painful. At such moments, there is no need to interrupt his solitude with offers to go on an exciting journey with vivid impressions. He sharply perceives any reminder of the meaninglessness of earthly joys. An invitation to unwind at a party for him is another proof that people do not understand the cause of his suffering. He himself does not fully realize her, which torments him even more.
2. DO NOT MAKE NOISE
It is most disgusting if he is pulled out of his reverie by loud sounds. Those looking for an answer to the question of how to help a person with depression should first of all remember that noise can cause almost physical pain to the sound engineer. His hearing is supersensitive. The suffering from depression is excruciating. And if at such a moment he cheerfully shouts in his ear: “Hey, friend, do not be depressed! Let's go to the courtyard, there is wine, girls and a disco!”, You can get an aggressive response.
Due to the hypersensitivity of hearing, the world is much louder for a sound engineer than for people with another mental device. Even the ordinary rustling of plastic bags can be unbearable torture for him. A sudden loud signal of a car alarm can unbalance even a healthy sound engineer.
It is worth maintaining a sound ecology in a house where a person lives in depression. Do not rattle dishes, do not swear in raised tones, do not shuffle with slippers. This is one of the most important recommendations for those who are interested in answering the question of how to help a person get out of depression. The sound engineer himself can muffle his suffering with heavy rock in headphones - this is his way to isolate himself from the outside world. Nevertheless, additional noise from the outside should be avoided.
3. HELP TO MAKE LIFE
The sound engineer in depression has no strength even for simple everyday actions. It can be difficult for him to make his bed, wash the dishes, cook food. An ineffectual internal search is exhausting. The sound engineer was given a reserve of vitality to reveal the meaning. If you cannot cope with a natural task, desires in other vectors fade away. At the same time, the strength to perform absolutely senseless, according to the sound engineer, things. Keeping the house clean? Maintain order? Eat? What for?
Against the background of depression, sleep problems come. The soundman either sleeps for days, or completely loses the ability to fall asleep, which only complicates the management of household chores.
During these periods, the help of loved ones is important to him, so that he does not corny starve to death.
4. DO NOT REQUEST
But if the severity of depressive conditions subsides and a person has the energy to help him around the house, it is important to thank him. And not a reproach. How to deal with a depressed person at such moments? In no case should you allow phrases like: “What, washed? Well, it really happened! " or "Thank you for taking the opportunity to clean up after yourself." The soundman in depression is internally convinced that his life is meaningless and no one needs it. And since his psyche is aimed at recognizing the meaning, it sensitively catches it in the spoken words.
Complicating the situation is the fact that depression covers a person for no apparent reason. He can have a complete family, good earnings, a successful career and respect in the team. Nothing bad happens, there are no objective reasons for depression, but at some point a person loses the meaning and motivation to live. Due to the inability to get out of bad conditions, he may have a strong sense of guilt towards relatives who worry about his well-being and help in everyday life. If he finds the slightest confirmation of his alleged uselessness in the speech of loved ones, irreparable may happen.
You can not allow any hints of the uselessness of a person! This may be a meaningless phrase to you. And for him, confirmation of the guess that you are suffering with him as much as he suffers from depression - that is, you are in states that you do not wish on the enemy. Such a thought can push him to the decision to die in order to free loved ones from suffering.
5. BE NEARBY BUT DO NOT FORCE COMMUNICATION
How can you support someone who is depressed? It is not necessary to say that you understand his condition. Chances are you don't understand. You want to understand. And only those who have experienced depression themselves can fully experience these states. But it is enough for such people to exchange one glance to determine in each other: "Yes, he also went through this." Better to assure the person that he can always count on you. Regardless of how you understand him, you are ready to be there. And be prepared for indifference and even aggression in response.
In bad conditions, the sound engineer does not feel that other people are real at all. And if the bowl of inner pain is overflowing, then hatred can be expressed in relation to loved ones, even if they only want good for the person. In the most difficult conditions, the sound engineer does not want to see anyone nearby. His greatest desire is that everyone should be left alone and simply not touched. Enough unobtrusive everyday conversations if necessary. "Do you want me to dust off the dust in your room?" is an example of this kind of concern. And if he doesn't want you to clean up his room yet, leave him alone.
6. DO NOT AVOID TALKING ABOUT DEATH
How can you help your loved one cope with depression through trusting communication?
For heart-to-heart conversations, it is best to wait for the initiative of the sound engineer. And if he has already begun to speak, listen with all his ears, because usually the sound engineer in depression is not inclined to express his feelings.
In such a conversation, he may drop words about suicide, which should be taken as seriously as possible. Sound specialists do not blackmail with threats of suicide. They are not afraid of the thought of death. In depression, she is desirable for him. And you shouldn't wave your hands at him in horror if he started talking about it. Talk to him, quietly, carefully. Do not deafen your loved one with violent expressions of emotion. Listen and show that he is important to you. Try to convince how dear he is to you.
7. HIDE DANGEROUS OBJECTS
Hide all objects with which a person can commit suicide. When the sound person is covered with bad conditions, he looks for ways to get out of life. If he doesn't have the strength to leave the house, he looks for them nearby.
Suicidal thoughts spontaneously occur to the depressed sound engineer. No suggestions and calls can change this. A person with a sound vector, unlike other people, does not identify himself with the body. His dream is a disembodied existence in which there is no need to be distracted from thinking about food, drink and other household chores. He is convinced that the need to live in the physical world brings him suffering. In depression, the temptation to get rid of the body as a source of painful conditions increases. In special cases, a person is able to commit extended suicide, that is, to kill both himself and others. It is no coincidence that his favorite movie plots are disaster films, and when the main character dies, the sound engineer is relieved. “Lucky. Exhausted! he thinks. Although wrong. Going to suicide means condemning yourself to suffering, incomparably stronger,than depression.
Remove sharp blades, dangerous medications, and the like from your apartment.
8. PROPOSE WRITING A BOOK
One of the talents of the sound vector is writing. By nature, every sound engineer has the ability to translate meanings into words. The more a person read classical literature in childhood, the greater his vocabulary, and hence the expressiveness of his writing talent. When he writes out his conditions for other people, it helps him to become aware of his inner pain. And the only thing that worries us is that which is not called a word. Comprehending this, a person is able to realize the mental processes that are hidden from him by consciousness. It takes away the pain of the soul.
An important clarification: Do not under any circumstances encourage the creation of a personal blog with revelations about depression. As soon as a person writes about his suicidal thoughts on the Internet, commentators will come running. Religious fanatics will brand him as an atheist, skeptics will doubt the severity of his conditions, other wiseacres will advise him to work hard at the factory to get rid of depressing thoughts, and comrades in misfortune will suggest dozens of new ways to die quickly. There will be no question of caution in choosing expressions. It is not known whether there will be a thought in this stream that, following the point in the post, will force the sound engineer to put an end to his own life.
Point it to literary sites that have disabled commenting from random people. But reviews from writers are what you need.
9. SEE A GOOD DOCTOR
Choose a psychiatrist carefully. They are people too and can be wrong. Without a systemic knowledge of the psyche, even sincerely wanting to tell a person how to get out of depression, they can utter an incautious phrase that will worsen his condition. It is important that the doctor has a successful experience with people with depression. Listen to the recommendations of people who have encountered a similar problem when choosing a specialist.
10. EXPLORE SYSTEM THINKING
Without the knowledge that Yuri Burlan's training "System-Vector Psychology" provides, one can confuse depression with states in other vectors and cause harm instead of help.
For example, in addition to the sound vector, a person may have a visual one. This brings features to depressive states.
More than anything, a person with a visual vector is afraid of death. Normally, he translates this feeling into love, but this is not always the case. The combination of visual and sound vectors can cause internal contradictions. A person sometimes thinks about suicide, then suddenly he is frightened by these thoughts. On the one hand, he is drawn to watching films about the end of the world, on the other, he is afraid to watch them. He then hides from people in the darkness and loneliness, then suddenly reaches out for communication in cheerful companies, and after periods of seclusion he scolds himself for saying harsh phrases to friends.
The Spectator is born with the potential for empathy. In his perception, even inanimate objects can cry. Normally, an adult is focused on compassion for people. But in certain states, he does not sympathize with others, but requires attention to himself. This can result in emotional blackmail, including threats of suicide. In such states, a person shakes with fear, and he needs emotional support from a loved one. If you leave such a viewer alone, confusing him with a sound specialist and taking into account that it is better not to disturb a person in depression once again, you can worsen his condition by pushing him to demonstrative suicide.
Accurate knowledge of the psyche is necessary for loved ones of a depressed person. Communication with a person in difficult conditions is exhausting and requires great moral strength. Systems thinking, which is formed when studying 8 vectors of the psyche, helps to understand the reasons for what is happening, which gives any person an unprecedented resistance to stress and the ability to resist despondency.
Is there a general recommendation for everyone on what to do if a person has depression? How to get a person out of depression?
The main thing that needs to be done is to realize mental properties in society. Another thing is that for a person with severe depression, this may be impracticable advice. What kind of realization are we talking about for people when you don't even perceive their reality? When you don't realize what your task is? When do you struggle with apathy due to the belief in the meaninglessness of what is happening?
That is why the best thing that can be done for a loved one in depression is to acquaint him with the training "System-vector psychology". The main thing is to do it gently, without any pressure. For the sound engineer does not tolerate ready-made solutions, he wants to reach them himself. Understanding the essence of the sound engineer, his mental characteristics will allow you to create an island of trust with him and find the right words that he will be able to hear.
Read the story of a mother who helped her son cope with depression:
Without understanding his task, the sound engineer will inevitably plunge into even more difficult conditions. It is at the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan that he will be able to realize what his purpose is. The unconscious cause of the depression goes away and the states return to normal. Without this, any recommendations on how to get a person out of depression will be just patching holes.
The good news is that after coping with depression, sound engineers are rewarded with a joy of life that they never dreamed of, although it is difficult to believe in a crisis period.
The support of systemic specialists on the topic of depression can be obtained in the "Question and Answer" section:
