Why live? Conversation with God
What are you planning, God? I want to know the answer! I don't want to be another stupid soldier in this anthill! Where no one understands me. Where there is no one to talk to. I feel like an alien, an alien from another civilization, who was locked up here in this ridiculous body that needs to be fed, clothed, set in motion. What for?
I'm already fifteen. A little more, and I'll finish school, get a certificate of maturity … Funny people, what do they know about maturity!
It seems to me that I was born already an adult. How enraged I am by their attitude towards me as a child! What is the use of their adulthood, experience, authority? Earn to feed and clothe? Make sure that I study well, enter a prestigious university?
Why do parents give life if they cannot answer, why is this life needed? To grow up and be like them? Like a robot to go to work, create a family where no one hears or understands anyone, give birth to the same robots just because everyone does this ?!
God, is this really your plan? But this cannot be! Can't your stupid grown-up children see that they are like ants, mindlessly swarming in their lives.
When I hear in the news about big catastrophes, tragedies of a global scale, reports about those who died in today's numerous and useless wars, I feel Your presence. Your rage, your despair. You gave them the freedom to decide their own destiny, and instead they decide other people's destinies. In pursuit of power, prey, luxury life. What for? To become golden ants?
Either You have a good sense of humor, or Your lambs are out of control.
What are you planning, God? I want to know the answer! I don't want to be another stupid soldier in this anthill! Where no one understands me. Where there is no one to talk to. Where the closest people consider my pain a whim, a manifestation of the transitional age, which will pass like a disease. Fools! Yes, I know they only wish me good, but they do not know that this good is not good for me.
I feel like an alien, an alien from another civilization, who was locked up here in this ridiculous body that needs to be fed, clothed, set in motion. What for? All movement is in my head. There thoughts bubbled up and questions explode. Only no answers. And they are not outside either.
I'm already tired of dragging my body to school, sitting there useless hours and leaving with nothing. There is no more strength to pretend that everything is fine. Pretend I love football or enjoy the opportunity, like a stupid seal, to wallow on the beach.
With the end of the world, you seem to be in no hurry. And I'm not going to suffer and wait another seventy years to realize that life had no meaning. It is already clear to me now.
All ingenious is simple. I can use my freedom of choice now. Whoever wants, let him stay and continue to flounder mindlessly in this wretched earthly life without purpose and meaning, without hope of deliverance …
… So I thought a few months ago. It's scary to imagine what would have happened if I hadn't stumbled across the portal of System-Vector Psychology at the last moment.
I seemed to myself a genius who had found the shortest path to infinity. And I had no idea how wrong I was.
Instead of infinity, I could step into nowhere, completely canceling out Your Plan, without understanding it. I would never have known that the answers exist, but you have to look for them on the wrong side of the windowsill. That is why it is given, this strange earthly life, to find the answer, because only in it the question arises.
It was just ridiculous to wait for answers from people who do not understand MY question. And not at all because they are stupid or mediocre. They are just differently arranged. Each of them carries an exact psychic "code" - a set of vectors that determines the character, abilities, interests, value systems. And even the meaning of life. Therefore, everyone has their own.
When I found out how people are arranged, they stopped looking like ants to me, scurrying between work and home in order to fill their belly and leave offspring. They have not changed, I have received their sight and can see their souls, desires, understand what drives them and why.
The world has become voluminous: what seemed wretched and shallow, has acquired shape and depth, filled with meaning.
From a lonely psycho, languishing from the meaninglessness of existence, I turned into a researcher of the psyche. An attentive observer of what is hidden - the life of the unconscious. Where do desires and thoughts come from? Why am I not like everyone else? Why am I the way I am?
It turned out that there are not so few people like me: 5 percent of the 7 billion inhabiting the earth is a great force. These are people with a sound vector - the owners of the largest volume of the psyche, endowed with powerful abstract intelligence, born with the desire and ability to comprehend the incomprehensible.
People like me only go astray more often than others because our desires are immaterial, they are outside the plane of the physical world. This leads to the delusion that we are here by mistake and are forced to suffer from misunderstanding and loneliness, locked in a tight body shell and doomed to drag out the miserable fate of stupid biorobots.
Like stars in the sky, the meanings of words and concepts that had previously seemed insincere, pompous or empty began to light up. Love, family, work, truth and lies, good and evil, war and peace, and most importantly, the purpose and meaning of existence - everything that neither parents, nor school, nor books could answer clearly and clearly, is revealed easily and logically, quenching the agonizing thirst for sound … Along the strong chains of cause and effect, one can safely plunge into the bottomless ocean of knowledge, bringing to the surface priceless treasures of meanings.
Your Design is still brilliant! It's great that I didn't have time to deprive myself of the opportunity to participate in it!
I remain on board, at the age of fifteen the journey has just begun.