My man is "not very". Why do I live with him?
Not to say that he is a tyrant, on the contrary, gentle, kind, he will not offend a fly. It would never even occur to him to fight other men - it is better to retreat right away. This is not a warrior, not a getter.
Is this a healthy pairing relationship? And who are these women who marry men whom others would not choose under any circumstances?
God! How does she live with him? He's just not worth her! How did she choose him? And most importantly - why does she put up with it?
You can't look without tears. For more than a dozen years, my husband has been "going" to work, where he was assigned after graduation. The salary is distinguished by constancy - it does not rise for years, but there is a whole box of letters.
He feels like the master of the house, not even thinking that the food in the refrigerator, the paid utility bills are the merit of his wife. It is she who turns like a squirrel in a wheel, being a breadwinner, not forgetting about children, household chores, creating family comfort.
Not to say that he is a tyrant, on the contrary, gentle, kind, he will not offend a fly. It would never even occur to him to fight other men - it is better to retreat right away. This is not a warrior, not a getter.
Constant claims to life that they did not understand, did not give, did not appreciate. Now, if everything were different in life, then he would be able to achieve something. He walks, is sad, complains, reflects, analyzes …
It would be funny if it weren't so sad.
Why do their wives live with them - clever women, beauties, housewives, with a university education, correct upbringing, keeping up with the times? How did they even marry them? Are they happy in such a marriage?
We choose, we are chosen
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains a woman's choice of her partner in terms of the ability to feel a reliable companion in life. Having received a sense of safety and security from parents in childhood, a woman, as an adult, continues to need it, but she already receives it from a man.
Oddly enough, physical attraction is relegated to the background here. This is how nature works. Pheromones of ranking determine the choice of a woman: how successful a man is, whether he can feed her, family, children, put them on their feet, adequately release them into adulthood and at any time be ready to close their backs from any adversity. This is the main selection criterion.
Only after receiving positive answers to these questions is she ready to surrender to her physiological attraction.
So why is it different in life? And is this love? Is this a healthy pairing relationship? And who are these women who marry men whom others would not choose under any circumstances?
Love and pity
According to the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, every person from birth has given desires and properties - vectors that determine his behavior. These features are manifested in all areas of our life, including personal.
Our lacks and states unconsciously force us to enter into relationships that develop in a certain life scenario (not always successful).
The visual vector, one of the top four (along with the sound, oral, olfactory), endows its wearer with the ability to experience emotional states of a huge range. It is not only an ability - it is also a need.
Fear and love are two extreme manifestations of the states of people with a visual vector, and between these states there is hysteria, self-pity, self-hypnosis, superstition, compassion, empathy and much more.
The need to experience brightly colored emotions in the bearer of the visual vector is primary, as necessary as air, and where it is directed is another question, which the visual woman often does not ask.
Let's think about this topic.
Caring for infantility
Choosing a man "not very", does the visual woman feel love for him? Most likely, she finds an object to fill her subconscious desires - to sympathize with someone, to create an emotional connection.
She sees his worthlessness, inability to find himself in life, inability to take place, to be realized, to take his place in the self-organizing system of adult men to ensure the safety and security of the entire flock - modern society.
Such a man seems to be stuck in the state of a small child. His infantilism attracts the appropriate partner - a woman with a visual vector, and she does not think about who she gives her care to, whether she has the right to waste her gift of compassion for people in this way.
This is not a sick child, not a disabled person, not an elderly person, not a homeless person who really needs empathy. Many volunteer organizations and movements provide assistance to such people. This is where the need to give your feelings will come in handy.
But this adult healthy man, with whom she lives, stands on a par with the above, being lost among them and coinciding in form, but not in essence. The reasons for its failure (underdevelopment, lack of fulfillment, laziness, egocentrism, in the end, the lack of socialization skills, that is, the ability to live among other people) is recognized, but not analyzed by a woman with a visual vector.
She has enough external signs to feel pity for him, create a couple with him and experience this feeling for the rest of her life, only from a distance resembling love. There is no need to talk about physical attraction, emotional contact, kinship of souls, as well as about the feeling of happiness that true love gives.
Pity or mercy?
System-vector psychology explains the choice of a "not very man" as a life partner by another category of women, completely different from visual women. These are women with a urethral vector.
By the way, there are very few representatives of this vector, so such a pair is rare. But if she gets in your way, it is impossible not to notice her. The strength and energy of the urethral woman is colossal. She does not obey anyone, is not limited by anything. Representatives of other vectors simply do not understand this behavior.
Unlike other women, the urethral does not need a sense of security and protection from anyone, since she herself covers her surroundings with the smell of protection and demonstrates inner strength. Animal altruism, giving back to shortages as a manifestation of the essence of the urethral vector, determines the choice of such a woman her partner, which has nothing to do with the animal principle.
She has no specific role, but she has a destiny determined by the most powerful attraction - attraction to a man of the “non-animal” type. For a urethral woman, the presence of a visual vector in a companion can be called determining. He is physically weak, little adapted to life - "neither live nor die", since the basic value of the visual vector is anti-murder.
In the realities of modern society, the visual man loses in the pursuit of prey. He himself feels sorry for everyone, he is ready to sympathize, empathize or just be afraid, often remaining out of work.
The urethral woman, in turn, guarantees him protection and patronage. At the same time, she experiences a colossal physical attraction to such a partner, realizing her full potential. Her life scenario has been worked out, she has been implemented and, as a rule, is happy in such a relationship. There is no reason to think about the "failure" of your man. The feeling of compassion allows her to accurately select such a companion and work out a given natural program.
System-vector psychology helps to accurately determine the type of relationship in each pair, identify possible problems and the reasons for their occurrence, show the ways out of current situations and be happy, creating together healthy pair relationships. This is the feedback from those who completed the training in systemic vector psychology by Yuri Burlan.
I realized that I had been fighting with him all my life, demanded, condemned, argued, did not accept and considered it love. I thought that I loved him very much, but it turned out that numerous fears and complexes simply did not let me know him for real. But as long as the belief in separation prevails, it is impossible otherwise. Now, in my own husband, I suddenly found the love of my life, which I could not even dream of.
Anastasia M., Cyprus Read full result text
No, he is not a rogue, just much weaker in soul than me, and I easily suppressed him. He helped me all this year, when I worked - cooked, cleaned, fiddled with my daughter, worried about me and always called, what would I want so tasty today. He deserved to be loved, and I was very worried that I could not give him this completely, I did not understand what to do with myself!
And at the training, it hit me like a lightning bolt: Yuri told me that a woman is so arranged that she loves in response to CHZiB from a man, in response to his care - and I was giving this CHZiB for him! It was I who gave protection and care! I brought this to the mammoth's house! And where does this love come from in this case! And it became clear what to do! - Come on, dear, slow down! Start getting weak! Some kind of relief came, I always considered all these women's jokes humiliating, the very fact of being lower than a man, and the very fact of being a woman, what is there!
I go and roar, what, I think, he is good with me, how much he put up with me! I came home, hugged him - such a dear! She told me how the day had passed, she consulted on what to do in the situation - he just got up somehow! He pressed me to him, and I felt so good and calm as I had never felt before! - and now I roar, write and tears in a stream …
Victoria D., Korolev Read the full text of the result
You can find out more about the relationship between a man and a woman, and figure out your relationship scenario at the free online lectures of Yuri Burlan. Register for classes here.
