Mom is drinking! The problem through the eyes of a teenager
What does a teenager go through next to a drinking mother? Can he help her without falling under the codependency rink? What will Tanya choose? Will he come to terms with his mother's “illness”, constant pain, struggle, scandals and a severe hangover? Will he sacrifice himself, lose the chance to arrange his own life, taking responsibility upon himself, stooping under a sense of guilt and a child's duty?
Evening. Kitchen. Table. Window.
The pain is flooded with wine.
Life is trouble, struggle and drama.
Drank mom again.
Tanya turned the key in the lock and pushed open the front door.
- Do-o-ocha came-and-went, - it came from the kitchen ingratiatingly.
Tanya sighed in annoyance. Nika sat with her head resting on her hand, the glass of her gaze resting on the glass of the glass.
- Mom, are you again?
- Me again ?! - the intonation changed instantly. Nicky's voice cut the air with a screeching whip. - The pig is ungrateful! Don't you see - mom is tired!
- Don't start! You are welcome! I know everything you say …
- What do you know! What do you even know …
Polundra! Run, lock yourself in your room, so as not to listen to this! Mother's words, like bullets, pierced the air. Tanya slammed the door behind her, pressed her back to her, covered her ears with her hands. But the cries of the tipsy mother penetrated through the cracks, pierced the heart, exploded in the brain with pain and indignation.
Mom drinks
This realization became for Tanya a sentence, a fate, an undeserved punishment. No, mom does not lie under the fence, doesn’t drink the last money, doesn’t hang around with bums in the yard. She pours wine into a crystal glass and swallows it softly and persistently. Like medicine.
And yes, Tanya considers her mother's condition a disease, begs to seek help, is ready to support her in everything.
But what to treat if alcohol is anesthesia for the soul? Take the "medicine" from a person and he will die of pain. But this pain is often unconscious. Man is controlled by hidden psychic forces. Not understanding himself, he is unable to formulate what is wrong in his life. The picture becomes clearer when the mechanisms of the work of the unconscious are revealed.
Fighting the consequences without knowing the reasons is like building a sand palace: the very first wave of stress, difficulties or unforeseen circumstances washes away all promises and efforts, destroys the hope for a normal life.
What does a teenager go through next to a drinking mother? Can he help her without falling under the codependency rink?
When he realizes the causes of the problem, due to the peculiarities of his mother's psyche, perception changes. Condemnation is replaced by understanding. To understand is not to indulge in painful weakness. This means giving a loved one a foothold, returning trust and warmth to the relationship. And by understanding yourself, you can get rid of the burden of resentment, feelings of guilt and injustice in life.
Nika's fate
Mom is drinking! The soul is crying.
What is mom missing?
Happiness? Importance? Good luck?
What is she hiding in the glass?
Nika always felt bohemian. She grew up behind the scenes of a theater where her mother worked as a costume designer. She absorbed the spirit of illusory life, fake happiness, feigned emotions, intrigue and rivalry.
The houses were constantly crowded with people: they ran in for fitting, discussed costumes, gossiped, drank wine. Nick did not know her father. Mother got used to novels for a long time and did not ask questions.
After school, she entered the theater, of course. There was no particular talent, but there were special connections. The merry life went on. Rehearsals and tours, student parties, skits and gatherings. And wine. Lots of wine.
The optic cutaneous ligament is the perfect combination for an actress. Flexibility and adaptability, the ability to reincarnate, adapt, change plus imagination, sensuality, emotional nakedness in total allow you to enter the image - in an hour to live someone else's fate as your own, cry with happiness and suffer with your heroine. But all this is provided that the innate properties develop harmoniously in childhood.
Instead of a reliable family nest, where love and care reigns, Nika had a theatrical world with colorful masks. Not feeling closeness and response, Nika grew up as a doll from a toy house - capricious and demanding, accustomed to the fake gloss of things and relationships.
She did not shine on stage. But she dreamed of a brilliant destiny. The skin vector strove for success and prosperity, the visual one thirsted for color and adventure. But the soul, not taught to create and love, wanted to consume. Not to be useful, to please others, to invest in what you love or in a relationship, but to receive pleasure, attention and material benefits without the slightest return.
The child learns to interact with the world in the family. In childhood, the foundation of the future personality is laid, innate properties, features, talents develop (or DO NOT develop). This foundation largely determines the future fate of a person.
Nobody did anything. She perceived as the norm what she saw around her. Life was not boring for her, but real closeness and care bypassed her. The shortages accumulated, not allowing the soul to get stronger and mature. A visual girl who grows up without a sense of security and rear, often remains a child for life. It is difficult for her to maintain emotional balance, build healthy relationships, and take responsibility for her life.
Instead of a sensual fairy, Nika grew up like a bright dragonfly that jumped from flower to flower in search of sweet nectar, not caring about the coming winter.
The first time Nika jumped out to get married at the institute. Studied together, hung out together - it was fun. But you can't turn around for a scholarship, but you wanted a beautiful life.
The second spouse was much older, headed the department, had connections and money. But with him, over time, it became "close": he needed family and stability, and Nika dreamed of the role of a socialite in the capital.
The third was the perfect husband. The captain of the long voyage, he was rarely at home, but he brought a lot of money and gifts, took him abroad. He organized his own business for Nika. His daughter Tanya was born with him.
While Nika disappeared at business meetings and meals with clients, nurses and governesses were at home - they washed, cooked, and worked with the child.
Nika came back often tipsy, kissed her sleeping daughter, poured a glass of wine and went to smoke on the balcony.
Daughters-mothers
Tanya is soon seventeen. Dad left the family when she was not yet six. I could not stand the constant scandals and tantrums of the often intoxicated wife. He left, but at first he continued to pull Nika out of the swamp, paying off her debts and solving business problems.
Then my mother got Heinrich - a swindler with a capital letter. He promised a luxurious life, dizzy with grandiose business projects, until he was thundered behind bars for fraud on an especially large scale. Nika sold an apartment in the center for debts, and she and Tanya moved to the suburbs. In comparison with the capital, life there was a swamp, and Nika was completely bored. The only consolation was the wine.
Tanya grew up and began to understand what was happening.
Family is a stronghold of security and love. Any family ups and downs are reflected in the psychological development of the child. Children with an anal-visual ligament of vectors are more attached to their parents than others and experience conflicts and troubles more acutely.
Tannin's world was shaken. The first blow was the parents' divorce. The ideal was destroyed. She did not stop communicating with her dad, he took her away for the weekend, bought gifts, paid for her hobbies, trips and school activities, and regularly paid child support. But she was still very upset about the separation.
Later, conflicts with my mother began, and the feeling of loss and loneliness intensified.
Nikin's business had completely collapsed by this time, she broke up with another man, the craving for wine increased. Sometimes she poured herself a "sip" already in the morning, and when her daughter returned from school, she poured the accumulated dissatisfaction with life on her.
When childhood is gone …
Puberty is an uncompromising age, without halftones. Mom should be the standard of purity and correctness, an example in everything. Tanya wanted to see her as an ideal, an object for pride, and instead burned with shame. The mother's drunkenness turned the world upside down, hitting the basic values of the daughter's psyche.
Fearing her mother's drunken antics, Tanya did not invite her classmates home, and she herself ran away from home at every opportunity. At the same time, her heart was breaking with anxiety: what if something happens to her mother?
Over time, this contradiction only intensified: on the one hand, the distance grew, on the other, the responsibility increased. “I can’t live with her anymore, but I can’t quit either - my mother!” - she said to her father when he offered to move to him.
Tanya's psyche "cracked" under such a load. The constant fear for my mother and her health, the fear of dishonoring people, losing the respect of peers, becoming an outcast and laughing stock tormented my heart. Guilt and resentment were torn apart.
While drunk, Nika became aggressive: she screamed, accused, nagged, called her daughter ungrateful, reproached her father for all her sins.
Tanya understood that she had nothing to do with it, but her mother's constant reproaches took root: gradually she began to blame herself for her mother's trouble. “I’m probably a bad daughter, behave badly, study poorly, love her not enough,” she reproached herself.
When a moral hangover came, it was a pity to look at the mother: she cried, hid her eyes, asked for forgiveness, promised not to drink more.
Tanya felt betrayed, abandoned, lonely. “Mom should take care of the children, not the other way around. She deceives me - she promises not to drink anymore, but she breaks down again and again,”wrote Tanya in her diary.
What's next?
Now Tanya, not feeling safe and secure at home, is in a hurry to escape into a relationship. He spends a lot of time with his boyfriend, stays with him for the weekend, goes on vacation with his family.
Tanya is afraid of the future. Soon coming of age, graduating from school, going into adulthood. She wants freedom and independence, dreams of leaving to study in another city. But how do you leave mom? For a girl with an anal vector, this is tantamount to betrayal. The pressure is rising.
Nika is also afraid. The daughter is her last support. All her life Nika has been looking for "tough" men, so that they provide her with everything she needs to hide from problems and responsibility for herself. But life every time caught up and frightened with new difficulties.
While Tanya was little, Nika held on to the role of a mother. Now the earth is shaking with the thought that the daughter has grown up and will soon leave the nest. The situation is getting out of control, there is nothing to grab onto, there is no favorite thing, there is no beloved man. The visual vector thickens the colors: old age and loneliness terrify.
Is there a way out?
Man creates his own destiny. He does not choose family, parents, circumstances. But at every moment of adult life there is a choice: to agree with the given, to relax and let problems and difficulties drag you to the bottom, or to realize the reasons for your condition and take the helm of fate.
What will Tanya choose? Will he come to terms with his mother's “illness”, constant pain, struggle, scandals and a severe hangover? Will he sacrifice himself, lose the chance to arrange his own life, taking responsibility upon himself, stooping under a sense of guilt and a child's duty?
Or, having understood the peculiarities of the mother's psyche, the circumstances of her life, will she understand the reasons for her mental pain? When you understand, you stop judging. In place of condemnation comes justification. Sincerity and warmth return to relationships.
The very sincerity and warmth that both little Nika and already an adult lacked in their time. Which she unwittingly cheated her own daughter Tanya.
The properties of the visual vector of both women are the ability and necessity to build sensual connections, to give attention and love. This is a point of interaction with great potential.
Parental alcoholism is an ordeal for a teenager. He gets to know pain early. Not knowing how to react, how to influence the situation, he often experiences fear and despair. Understanding your own soul removes pressure and unnecessary responsibility from the child. Feelings of guilt and resentment go away. Hope returns.
You can make your choice today!
