"And why did I give birth to you, a freak ?!" Why parents say nasty things to their children
What makes young parents say nasty things to their children? How do they get to this?
“What kind of idiot are you ?! Can't do anything normally! Where do you get your hands from, you stupid one? " - I hear the screams of a young mother screaming at the entrance to her six-year-old child. The heart begins to pound madly, tears appear in the eyes. “You will never succeed! Who needs you like that?! …"
It's scary to look at a child. He just froze in hopelessness. It feels like his whole world is crumbling inside him now. That is how it is.
What makes young parents say nasty things to their children? How do they get to this? The System-Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan will help us to understand the causes and consequences of such behavior.
When a person is happy, he does not express dislike
When a person feels bad, he brings his bad states into the world. He cannot hide, hide them, and he dumps his dissatisfaction on those around him. Not a single happy mother yells at her children. If a young mother feels good inside, there will always be an opportunity to resolve any issues that arise. And, on the other hand, if a person is not fully realized, if he suffers from tension, is not able to keep stress, he can explode at the slightest provocation.
Let's take a closer look at why a young mother has bad conditions.
Alimony from a man is the basis of a woman's inner well-being
If a woman has a husband who provides for her and her child, such a woman feels security and safety, she is calm inside. But unfortunately, not all women meet mature men who are able to feed their families or pay alimony in case of divorce. In this case, the woman is literally shaking from the feeling of her social insecurity, and she can dump this constant internal tension on an innocent child.
Motherhood as a stressor: I want everything to be perfect
Motherhood is a difficult test for many women. Let's take a closer look at what exactly can be difficult for women with different vectors, that is, with different mental characteristics.
Women with an anal vector are natural cleansers. They love to keep everything in its place, and there is cleanliness around. As you know, with a child, cleanliness in the house is difficult to achieve. And when the child constantly throws everything, wakes up and gets dirty, the mom with the anal vector is in constant stress.
Another feature of women with an anal vector is the desire to ensure that everything is perfect, so that everything is done correctly. And when this does not work out, a woman with an anal vector is constantly tormented by a sense of guilt. She thinks that she is a bad mother. However, it is for her that family and children are the most important thing in life, this is her supervalue. She wants to be a better mother, but she feels imperfect. This constant stress can be bad for her internal state.
Such women do not switch well from one business to another: they like to do everything sequentially - first, do one thing, then another. When a child constantly pulls, tears her away from the work she has begun - such a mother becomes ill, gradually she falls into a stupor and begins to "slow down".
Motherhood as a stressor: lack of fulfillment of desires
For women with an anal vector who have a powerful libido, sexual fulfillment is very important. When a woman gets enough satisfaction, she is content with her life. When she does not receive, frustrations accumulate, and she can involuntarily begin to relieve tension in a different way, sadistic: beat children or tell them nasty things, mock them verbally. Accumulated grievances against mom, spouse, life also play an important role here …
Skin women realize themselves in business, build a career. Family and home is always in second place for them after work. For them, the stress factor is staying at home and doing household chores. They are annoyed by the routine of family life. In addition, they can be unnerved by the slowness of the child, if their toddler with the anal vector is unhurried and solid. And then she starts to flicker and get annoyed that he is a mess and a brake.
Spotting moms are the kindest moms in the world. Why do they start yelling at their children? One of the main needs of women with a visual vector is the need to communicate with people, to build emotional connections. They need impressions, a change of picture. In the decree, they are forced to spend almost round the clock alone with the child, and then, from a lack of communication, they start to get hysterical, they can break down and shout at the child.
Sound mothers sometimes suffer the most in motherhood. The child's constant cry hits their most sensitive sensor - the ears. For them, it is unbearable pain. In addition, when a sound woman becomes a mother, she is completely deprived of the opportunity to be in silence and solitude, which is vital for her. Tension builds up and builds up, and the result can be the deepest postpartum depression and even an unwillingness to live. All this can manifest itself in rejection and hatred of the child.
In extreme states of hatred, wanting to hurt, the mother unconsciously hits the child's most sore spot. Shouts and insults of the mother, especially her angry hiss in his ear: “Let’s die, you bastard! It would be better if I had an abortion”, - have the most tragic effect on the psyche of a child with a sound vector.
The consequences of screaming for children
It would seem - just think, offending! Does not hit, feeds with food. Well, just think - she called him a freak, she didn't put it out on the street …
However, insults and humiliations leave an indelible mark on the child's psyche. When parents yell at their child and tell him nasty things, the baby loses the sense of security and safety that is the basis of his normal development. If insults and humiliations are repeated from day to day, from year to year, serious changes take place in the child's psyche.
How does a bad word spoken by parents affect the child's psyche?
Let's consider systematically in terms of vectors how insults affect the life and future of a child.
Resentment
Babies with an anal vector have a very close connection with their mother, for them mother is sacred. When the mother starts yelling at him, such a baby falls into a stupor, stops thinking. In addition, when his mother insults him, for example, calling him a "brake" or "fool" - after all, anal babies are somewhat slower than others - they develop a resentment against their mother, which they often carry through their whole lives. A person grows up for whom "everything is wrong and everything is wrong." Already an adult man, offended by his mother, cannot build a satisfactory relationship with a woman. Unwittingly, he transfers to her all his grievances against his mother, waiting for compensation for the pain and feeling of uselessness experienced in childhood. It is very difficult to interact with such people.
Scenario for failure
Children with a cutaneous vector with their entire psyche are aimed at success, at victory. And when mom tells them that “nothing will come of you”, “you will not succeed”, the blow falls on the most sensitive place, on the leading values of the skin vector. Psychologically, it hurts a lot. The high adaptability, mental flexibility of the skin child helps him to drown out this pain: the brain begins to release opiates, causing a feeling of relief. Then, if the humiliation is repeated again, this mechanism works again. Instead of the formation of a normal principle of pleasure, a delay in development occurs - the child begins to enjoy humiliation and pain, and then he himself looks for humiliation in order to get his opiates. This is how a scenario of failure is formed, when a person unconsciously looks for failures and failures in life in order to get pleasure. This leaves an imprint on both relationships and implementation in work.
Fears and tantrums
Children with a visual vector are very impressionable, and they take raising their voices and swearing very close to their hearts. Usually they begin to cry, so much so that they cannot calm down for a very long time. Insults hurt them very much, often these words then sound again and again in their little head, leaving psychotrauma and "anchors" that do not give them the opportunity to realize themselves in life. Lack of emotional connection with the mother often interferes with the full development of the child, contributing to the fixation of fears and emotional instability.
Withdrawal, loss of contact
Little sound people get the biggest trauma from abuse and abuse from their parents. Their ears are hypersensitive to sounds and meanings. If the mother yells at them, they feel very strong physical pain, not only in their ears, but also in their souls. Because of this, they withdraw into themselves, because it hurts them to focus outward, to hear all this. Then they will begin to avoid contact with people, because the world around them brings pain, and will increasingly become lonely hermits.
When a sound child hears disgusting meanings - even if they are spoken in a whisper - it hurts to perceive them, and he unconsciously defends himself, losing the ability to understand words by ear. That is, the child becomes hard of hearing. It is important to remember and observe safety precautions when dealing with sound children.
The magic key to understanding yourself and your child
When realizing the peculiarities of her psyche and her deepest desires at the training in system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan, a woman gets the opportunity to realize them in life. She begins to regulate her states, keep them in relative balance. When there is satisfaction from life, the inner tension also goes away, causing the desire to yell at the child and say nasty things to him. And when the mother is happy, the child is calm and develops well.
The happiness of her children is important to any mother. Understanding the structure of the child's psyche, the mother will know what is best for him, how to educate him correctly, what to pay attention to.
Read the reviews about how the relationship with children has changed among mothers who have undergone training:
Give yourself the opportunity to get to know yourself and your child! Come to the cycle of free online lectures on systemic vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. Register here.
