Showdown in the sandbox. Part 2. Why do children fight?
Having examined the causes of children's aggression and the ways of expressing it, we have already done half the battle in solving this problem. Knowing the reasons makes it possible to understand where the failure in development went, which properties did not receive their fulfillment, and how to correct the situation radically.
Part 1
If we have more or less figured out the reasons for the aggressive reactions of babies who have simply not yet learned to express their desires in a different way, then the question naturally arises - why do older children fight?
With age, the mechanism of manifestation of hostility becomes more complicated. Each child begins to manifest himself according to those properties of the psyche that are inherent in him from birth. And according to the same properties, he tries to determine and prove to everyone the right to his place in the peer group. This process is called ranking and is an extremely important stage in the development of the child's psyche.
The first attempts at ranking take place in the kindergarten team from the age of three and continue throughout childhood until the end of puberty. The earlier the child goes through primary socialization, the easier it is for him to subsequently join any team.
Everyone has their own reason to hit
Man is a social being. Our feelings, both positive and negative, are somehow connected with our environment.
This is how a child with an anal vector, unhurried, fair, thorough and obedient, in a balanced state plays with other children always honestly, shares everything equally, always adheres to the rules established by adults and is able to teach others what he knows himself.
When such a kid does not have the opportunity to carry out every business, whether it be a story about an incident in the garden or a visit to the toilet, to the very end without rushing or interruption, then he begins to accumulate resentment. When a child with an anal vector does not receive the well-deserved praise for his efforts, his inner state shifts into a feeling of "underdone." Any incident turns into an excuse to avenge "everything." The anal child beats with all his might, directly, often with his fist and even warns about it.
With a skin baby, the situation is different. This is a nimble, active, flexible and agile "commander". He constantly moves, often changes the nature of the game, inventing the rules on the go. He loves to compete because he loves to win. It is the skin child who is able to organize any process - from team play to collecting waste paper.
When such a child grows up in conditions of constant and total "no", if his violent activity is constantly suppressed by prohibitions, and punishment for misconduct is beating, it is the dermal baby who increasingly feels the inner need to get and win at any cost.
Such an unfulfilled psychological need "breaks through" by deception and theft, and the unique ability to adapt even the beatings turns into a source of pleasure. The vicious circle is closed - a broken skin child finds a reason to be beaten. He can surreptitiously hit other children, push, substitute, throw a stone or a stick, he does not go into a frontal attack.
The most peaceful, non-ambitious and absolutely not vindictive are children with a muscle vector. Able to get satisfaction from physical exertion, from muscle work, in their interaction with each other, muscle guys are more likely to fight than to fight. Moreover, this happens without any negative feelings towards one's neighbor, exclusively in the context of "measuring strength."
In the case when muscle boys do not find their place in the professions of manual labor, they run the risk of falling under bad influence, since they are absolutely led.
Who is not fighting for themselves?
A child with an urethral vector, due to his psychological characteristics, is the most tolerant and tolerant of everyone whom he considers “his pack”. Real justice and mercy are given to him from birth, as well as the feeling of his own highest rank.
His very presence transforms any group of children into a self-organizing system. Children are drawn to him in a natural way, as a guarantor of security and safety. He himself considers himself responsible for the well-being and future of his friends, perceiving the needs of the pack more important than his own.
To defend the interests of the pack or to defend the weak and oppressed - this is a reason to get into a fight for the urethral child. It is not typical for him to initiate a showdown without a reason. The complete absence of fear, irrational strategic thinking and great energy in most cases guarantee him victory.
The same properties of the psyche under conditions of constant suppression by adults do not find their development for the benefit of the whole society, but are locked in the interests of a small group of confidants. This is how a real gang is formed with a criminal authority at the head. Born an altruist and a fearless defender, he turns into the most dangerous and unpredictable criminal.
The second half of the case
Having examined the causes of children's aggression and the ways of expressing it, we have already done half the battle in solving this problem. Knowing the reasons makes it possible to understand where the failure in development went, which properties did not receive their fulfillment, and how to correct the situation radically.
In a team, the mentor (teacher, educator) is called upon to redirect the primitive ranking through fights to the ranking of a more difficult level, according to the child's abilities. Everyone puts in what they can. Fights are not investments. The ability to get things done and educate others is an investment. The ability to organize yourself and others is a good investment. The ability to take responsibility for everyone is a rare gift and the greatest investment.
It is upbringing through the collective that forms a social person who is able to take his place in the general picture of society, at the same time bringing his significant contribution to it and receiving maximum satisfaction and joy from his activities.
In special cases, parents, through systemic thinking, are already able to discern the cause and help the child get out of the negative into the positive. A child with an anal vector needs praise and training. The small skin must be reasonably limited and strictly controlled. The urethral baby should be allowed to take responsibility for others - if not you, then who - and never try to restrict or suppress. It is best to teach children with a muscle vector to physical labor.
A developed and realized person surrounds himself with the same people, so he does not need to be able to defend himself with fists. In addition, a developed personality lowers the general degree of hostility in society, pulling others up to their level. After all, a person who enjoys his activities is unlikely to pay much attention to a rude person in transport or a scandalous guard at the entrance, he is not inclined to argue with a neighbor because of a parking space, as well as to push in a queue in a store. It is very difficult to provoke him to aggression.
A child who is not taught to fight, who does not see such a thing in his family, in response to the physical aggression of his peers, reacts with sincere amazement and detachment, thereby emphasizing the inadequacy of the behavior of the aggressor. In other words, with such a reaction, such a child shows the fighter how to behave among normal people, in the modern world, in the conditions of society. As they say, by his example he pulls those lagging behind to its own, higher level. This is the reaction of the modern developed man to primitive manifestations of hostility.
Part 3
