Aggressiveness of adolescents: we have fed the beast, gentlemen …
“My son is 14 years old. He became aggressive and uncontrollable. What should I do?" A question from a desperate parent to a psychologist. The answer was not long in coming: "It would be surprising if your son behaved differently as a teenager." Cheerful emoticon at the end. Probably, it was he who should have convinced his mother that the aggressiveness of a teenager is normal, commonplace.
“My son is 14 years old. He became aggressive and out of control. What should I do?"
A question from a desperate parent to a psychologist. The answer was not long in coming:
"It would be surprising if your son behaved differently as a teenager." Cheerful emoticon at the end.
Probably, it was he who should have convinced his mother that the aggressiveness of a teenager is normal, commonplace.
Beyond normality
Should it be then for ordinary people to be surprised when the younger generation reacts aggressively to their remarks, and not only verbally, revealing all the delights of the obscene language, but also physically.
The videos posted by the teenagers themselves on YouTube testify to the outrageous manifestations of teenage aggression. They are capable of many things:
- punch an elderly person in the face, spit at him, make fun of him, knock him to the ground and kick him to death (grandfather did not let him smoke and tried to give a lecture on the dangers of smoking);
- torture, disfigure stray cats and dogs ("And what? Does anyone really need them? We rid society of animal garbage …");
- mock homeless people (“They are the scum of society, let them know their place!”);
- beat your teacher ("Grandma is insane, but she teaches physical education!");
- abuse a classmate ("Yes, he is a major, so we rinsed him in the toilet bowl of the school toilet so as not to show off");
- take revenge on a former lover (this is how one girl with a group of friends beat and humiliated her) or her lover (for example, a teenager stabbed his “unfaithful Juliet” several times).
Aggression and aggressiveness of children goes beyond all norms of the permissible. Are we going to consider this the "norm" of adolescent behavior?
What is aggressiveness
Psychologists distinguish between the concepts of aggression and aggressiveness. Aggression translated from Latin means "attack", "hostility". Aggression is primarily understood as actions.
Some psychoanalysts see aggression as an extension of the death instinct, the drive for destruction, described by Freud.
The Austrian scientist Konrad Lorenz argued in his monograph that aggression is not evil, but a natural instinct that contributes to the survival of the species, and is not at all aimed at its self-destruction.
The researcher of aggression A. Bass defines it "as a reaction, as a physical action or a threat of such action on the part of one person, which reduces the freedom or genetic fitness of another person, as a result of which the body of another person receives painful stimuli."
Aggressiveness is a human property, which manifests itself in readiness for aggressive behavior. Moreover, a certain predisposition to aggression can be both perceived by the individual and unconscious. Psychologists distinguish several types of manifestations of aggressive behavior:
1. Direct physical.
2. Indirect.
3. Negativism.
4. Resentment, envy, hatred.
5. Suspiciousness.
6. Feelings of guilt.
7. Verbal aggression.
8. Irritation.
As you can see, aggression has different faces, it can be directed at the people around, the external environment and at oneself.
So, aggression is, on the one hand, a consequence of aggressiveness, on the other, it arises in the process of social learning.
Needed for life
It's fashionable to be aggressive these days. It is believed that aggression is a kind of psychological defense mechanism of an individual from the influences of the external world on her. In order not to be passive, dependent, unable to defend their own interests and goals, you need to be aggressive.
Mom in the sandbox is happy that her toddler took the bucket from another kid:
- Well done, he knows how to achieve his goals! He will not give himself offense …
Another on the way to kindergarten teaches:
- If someone pushes you, give your change.
Dad enrolls a girl in martial arts at the age of three so that she can stand up for herself.
It is clear that parents are led by good intentions, but they do not see that they are teaching their children aggressive forms of behavior and are not teaching other ways of interacting with others, other ways of solving problems. They often raise monsters with their own hands, and then they don't know what to do with them.
When a child is a teenager, we “harvest”, “reap what we have sown” in the field of his upbringing. Aggressiveness in adolescents is one of the most common, painful consequences of poor parenting.
When parents and teachers feel completely unbearable and the usual methods do not work, they run to psychologists for help.
Study methods
Aggressive behavior is studied by modern psychologists using various methods: they conduct surveys, observe manifestations of aggression, and reveal aggressiveness using tests. The most common research in psychodiagnostics: assessment of aggressiveness in relationships (A. Assinger's test), diagnosis of the state of aggression (Bass-Darki questionnaire), 16 PF questionnaire (Cattell test), Luscher test, “Hands” test (according to B. Bricklen, Z. Piotrowski, E. Wagner).
At the same time, not a single type of research provides answers to all our questions about the aggressiveness of adolescents. It is recommended to use several methods at the same time and take into account the fact that in most cases some stable personality traits appear that do not change in different situations.
How to deal with aggression
You will be offered a variety of methods. For example, they will be asked to redirect aggression from a socially disapproved channel to a cultural one. This helps sports or on a target to hang pictures of people you hate and enjoy the arrows launched at them.
Mostly, general advice is given: in a family where there is love and sex, there is no place for aggression, scandals and quarrels.
By again!
Replacing the objects (or subjects) of aggression does not solve deep-seated problems; it only leads to a temporary release, nothing more. Internal tension, frustration remain and affect the aggressor's psyche in the most destructive way. In addition, real-life examples indicate that some adolescents, despite the love and understanding prevailing in the family, are aggressive towards classmates, teachers, etc. Why is this happening?
Alternative
You can be content with the momentary removal of aggressiveness, go through a long and probabilistic diagnosis, or you can use the developments of the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.
To cope with aggressive behavior, you first need to understand its root causes. This is impossible without knowing yourself, your innate inclinations.
An accurate systemic methodology for determining congenital vectors, the level of their development, the degree of their implementation allows this to be done.
Teenage aggression begins to take on understandable outlines if it is not generalized, but viewed through the prism of eight vectors. The generalized reason for adolescent aggression - that, against the background of puberty, a teenager opposes himself to adults, proves his independence, independence - becomes clear: we understand why each child lives in adolescence in different ways, why some children are characterized by some forms of aggression, others - others, why some situations cause aggression in some adolescents, while others react to them quite calmly.
The mysterious aggressiveness of adolescents
Not a single child is born originally cultured, he is born as an archetypal animal and becomes a human in the full sense of the word with the right upbringing.
Man is a biosocial being, and aggressiveness is a part of the biological component. She is a link in the mechanism that allows you to survive. Hence the roots of the original hatred that we feel for our neighbor. Competition, desire to survive, to get better conditions for life. In the process of upbringing, the child learns to love others, and he knows how to hate himself.
With the wrong upbringing of children, that is, when parents, teachers educate at random, "by touch", not knowing the innate properties of children, firstly, they do not develop the potential inherent in them, they try to educate with their lack of understanding, methods that are not suitable for a particular child, which causes him to behave aggressively, and secondly, the child remains archetypal.
During adolescence, which is the transition from childhood to adulthood, parenting failures become most apparent.
Teenagers
The urethral teenager shows aggression in the form of anger in case of injustice towards his flock, infringement of his free, unrestricted person, referring to him not by rank - from top to bottom (for example, praise).
His anger manifests itself vividly, he knows no boundaries, no framework. The urethral vector is not content with half the measure. Here is rage - so rage, love - so love.
At school, the urethral adolescent can be seen immediately, he smiles with a special smile, walks with a confident gait, often with his shirt unbuttoned, they involuntarily look after him. Teachers call him an informal leader, give him an individual diary for assessing behavior, he wears it, calmly receives two marks and looks at the teachers with such a look that one feels the complete impotence of adults in front of this daredevil.
The key to a urethral child is to be his regent, to turn to him for support, help, advice, delegating his powers to him. In no case should you get involved in pulling the blanket over yourself, put pressure on him, demand unquestioning obedience - you will still lose.
It is best to make the urethral teenager the head of the class, he will lead the team, and this is how you can most productively channel his energy in a positive direction. When there is a urethral child in the class, in fact, this is happiness, you can safely entrust him with control over the discipline of the class, targeting children for high academic achievements and good team cohesion.
He is merciful by nature, and making him an ally rather than an enemy is easy enough. He is not touchy, easy-going, understanding.
If there are two urethral leaders in the class, then it is natural that they will be at enmity, and the conflict will be accompanied by aggression. Everything will end in a fight, where they will fight for life and death. It is better to prevent at the root a pretext for aggression - to transfer them to different classes, to define them a different territory and field of activity.
An anal teenager, with the correct development of innate abilities, is an obedient, flexible child who respects the opinion of his elders. The downside of the anal teenager is verbal aggression, rancor, vindictiveness, resentment, displacement of internal stress on pets, sadism.
For an anal child, his mother is of great importance, if she pays little attention to him, does not praise him for the work done, then he feels that he is not loved, and takes offense at everyone - first at girls, and then at women. Kicks classmates in the buttocks, calls them dirty curses, can swear at the teacher.
The skin child aggressively pushes everyone with his elbows, he is ambitious, quickly finds ways to get out of any situation. He shows aggression when he does not get what he wants, for example, a high mark (he was promised a bicycle for it), when his ambitious plans are infringed. He tries to argue with the teacher, “shakes” his rights, how quickly he breaks down, just as quickly forgets about what he did. Leatherworkers demand equal conditions, unconsciously feeling that they will overtake everyone, do not like to lose and their principle: "All means are good for victory."
It should be noted that the negative aspects of the skin adolescent with his improper development is the lack of self-discipline, inability to control himself, to limit himself (for example, he cannot organize himself to come to school on time).
He behaves aggressively when he loses any material values, because they are a kind of foundation of psychological comfort for a leather worker.
A muscular teenager behaves aggressively towards others only with the wrong upbringing. From birth, this child is extremely calm, his normal state is monotony. He begins to show aggression if he is transferred to the state of "war", giving him to the sports section, where he will only get all the chances to get into the criminal environment, since sport does not develop the main thing in the muscle - the ability to positively use his strength.
The correct development for such a child is accustoming to work, even to hard physical work. By initiating his erogenous zone - muscles, in this way he gets pleasure from the very process of work and subsequently becomes a “peaceful builder”.
A muscular teenager alone will never arrange a fight, he is guided by a skinner, and then he, together with his muscle companions, is capable of committing violence. Dear, good-natured boy, they would never think badly of him …
It is important for the muscle to be well-fed, well-fed, and slept for a good mood. Satisfaction of natural human needs for him is the greatest joy in life.
Thus, a group of teenagers attacked a passer-by near the garages, beat him, and took the money. The skin leader of the gang bought himself a watch with stolen funds, and the muscles for the portion allocated to him - food, moreover, simple, coarse - sausages in the dough were collected in large quantities. Ate from the belly. Juvenile delinquents in dire need of occupational therapy.
The upper vectors have a significant impact on the aggressiveness of adolescents. The visual vector adds emotionality to aggressive behavior: "Sasha threw a tantrum when she saw me with another girl, then grabbed her by the hair, shouted and fought."
Vocal adolescents are most susceptible to auto-aggression, they experience internal stress from interaction with the outside world deep in themselves until the accumulated tangle of contradictions, misunderstanding at one moment spills out in the form of suicide, unexpected for others.
Mass shootings in schools are the predictable behavior of anal-sound adolescents in a serious state of resentment and hatred of life and people. Without an understanding of the psyche of such adolescents, their outwardly similar state may remain unnoticed until the tragic outcome.
Oral teenager shows aggression necessarily verbally, he easily shouts over all other peers and his derogatory nicknames "stick" usually for life.
The olfactory vector adds thoughtfulness to the aggressive behavior of a teenager - not only will we not prove his involvement in the deed, but we will not even suspect him. An inconspicuous, barely perceptible child, fulfilling his main function of “surviving at all costs,” substituting others, hides evidence of his own socially disapproved behavior.
So, the aggressiveness of a teenager is a wake-up call for parents and teachers. They are doing something wrong. You need to reconsider your attitude to the child, to the methods of his upbringing.
Summary
An effective means of helping to cope with the aggressive behavior of a teenager is the awareness of parents of two postulates:
1. It is necessary to properly educate a child, in accordance with his innate vectors, so that he becomes a Human, absorbs culture.
2. It is necessary to be able to understand the deep reasons for the aggressiveness of a teenager and teach him to remove negative feelings without harming both mental and physical to other people.
For example, realizing the value of silence for a sound child, parents need to create comfortable, calm conditions for him so that, returning from school, he has the opportunity to be alone with himself.
Parental love becomes the most effective and targeted if it is manifested systemically, only then the child feels that he is loved and this removes aggression: hugging a skin teenager, praising the anal, admiring the urethral, creating a close emotional connection with the visual, listening to the oral, etc.
The aggressiveness of adolescents is not inevitable, much depends on us - their educators.
