Sex Education: What Children Need to Know
To understand how traumatic mistakes in sexual education and the promotion of homosexuality among children are, one must imagine the whole system of coordinates in which this problem is taking shape for the still developing child's psyche …
In some countries, you will not be surprised by the sex education lessons in schools where sexuality is discussed in detail. From attraction to actual sexual intercourse. All possible options are being considered, in some places it is even proposed to choose their gender roles, to try different forms of relations in practice. They promote homosexuality to children using the example of fairy tales about the happiness of two princes - instead of the traditional lovers of a prince and a princess.
In Russia, the promotion of homosexuality is prohibited, but every now and then the question of the choice of gender identity and, in a larger sense, sex education and sexual education for adolescents is raised. The reasons are obvious: early sexual intercourse, early pregnancies. At what age to talk about it, if it is early today and tomorrow it will be too late? Should and how to tell children about homosexuality? After all, they watch foreign films, and questions inevitably arise for them.
If the child is completely prohibited from everything related to sexuality, the opposite effect is possible - a premature increase in the child's interest in these issues.
To understand how traumatic mistakes in sexual education and the promotion of homosexuality are among children, one must imagine the entire system of coordinates in which this problem is taking shape for the still developing child's psyche. Let's consider all the components of the question, using the knowledge of the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan.
Sexual education of children: infantile sexuality
We often think that children “understand everything”. Of course, from an early age they see the relationship of parents and scenes from adult films do not pass by them. Even in fairy tales, they often write about love. Only one decisive fact must not be forgotten: childish sexuality is infantile, the child has no need for the sexual act itself. Therefore, sex education should be aimed exclusively at the development of the sensory-emotional component without an emphasis on physiology.
The child does not understand the word "sex", for him it is a sensual, emotional closeness. Even while masturbating, the child just examines his body, discovers that different parts of the body have different sensitivity. It does not follow from the desire to masturbate that the boy is ready to associate this action with the girl. Children's games "doctor" also have as their purpose only the study of differences, and in fact, also myself - how am I different? These are kind of the first lessons in sex education, where adults are not allowed.
At the level of the psyche, a child has no "understanding" of the physiology of the process, even when he completely distinguishes between the sex of others and has long seen differences in the genitals of his peers. Yes, he has a guess how everything happens, but physical NEEDS and DESIRES - no. Nature has taken care of this mechanism for all living beings.
If, nevertheless, the child receives information about sex with all the details of the mechanics of the process, then for his psyche it becomes a huge stress. Up to the stop of his psychosexual development. This is especially dangerous when parents become the source of information about sex. The basic natural prohibition of incest is violated. From here comes shame and rejection. Subconsciously, the child feels that it is impossible to talk about these topics with his parents, and his psyche is protected by the thought: "My parents never do such things."
Sex education for boys and girls
Even the first guess about THIS causes strong emotional distress. For example, when a child first hears an abusive word. (Swear words are words about the sexual.) In the wake of these childhood emotions, it is very important for parents not to disrupt the child's formation of an idea of adult relationships as a natural, purely intimate continuation of love between a man and a woman. A mistake in this inevitable point of sex education will greatly affect the entire subsequent life of the child and his view of sex - either as a sacred act of love, or as something vulgar, an animal.
And in an understandable form, parents should not worry about this, the child will receive the necessary information about the physiology of sexual relations from "more advanced" boys at school, in the yard or in kindergarten. This is the most correct, natural, option for obtaining information “where do children come from”. It is a mistake to think: "It is better to tell it ourselves, until the neighbor's bully Kolka has told."
It is also a big mistake that the sex education of boys and girls should be different, or that classes with detailed visual diagrams are needed in school. Human sexuality, unlike animal mating, is a highly intimate process. When any relationship is put on display, it is devalued. Sex education lessons should be about sensory education, not mechanics.
From the age of three, the child (except for skin-visual boys and girls) begins to feel the shame of naked genitals. If this shame is "destroyed" by showing how adult uncles and aunts are engaged in "this simple thing," then there will be no room for the development of sensuality, real human sexuality as it is. After all, human sexuality is, first of all, prohibitions, which we will talk about in more detail later.
When sensuality does not develop, the intimacy of sexuality is lost - it is reduced to the level of animal mating - then a person loses the opportunity to fully enjoy the act of intercourse. One of the goals of sex education for children is to maintain and properly develop feelings of shame. Otherwise, we will face the fact that a person will be ashamed to show tenderness, reveal his feelings, share with a partner, or even just trust him. And, for example, publicly having sex or changing partners like gloves without any tender feelings is not a shame.
Development of human sexuality
More than a thousand years have passed since human sexuality separated from the animal process of reproduction and ceased to be exclusively procreation. Sexuality is much more than a mechanical process and a variety of positions. First of all, human sexuality is about feelings and, oddly enough, it may seem at first glance, limitations. These fundamental laws are built into the human psyche and regulate not only sexual relations themselves, but all behavior in society. So that society itself is preserved and reproduces itself in the future.
A man is taboo in his attraction to children and his gender. A woman is limited in her behavior by modesty - so that men do not kill each other, like animals fighting for a female. The final stage in the development of human sexuality in general and the sexual education of adolescents in each particular case can be considered a restriction by culture. Culture limits not only actions that can lead to death, but gives an additional opportunity for enjoyment - sensuality.
Only the development of sensuality, as the basis of sex education, guarantees the development of full sexuality. Developed sensuality gives a person immunity from vulgarity and helps to create a truly strong, trusting relationship. Relationships based on emotional and intellectual closeness, spiritual kinship, empathy. And attraction itself becomes the base on which love is built.
For the development of sensuality from an early age, classical literature is most suitable. But you need to teach a child to it from childhood. It is an ideal tool for sex education for children and adolescents, developing good taste and imagination. Age-appropriate classical literature gives the first idea of love, dedication, fidelity, tenderness, and other high feelings, without which love loses its meaning. For a child, these are much stronger emotional experiences than possible sexual contacts.
This is especially important if the emotional connection with the parents is not built and the child does not receive a vital sense of security and safety in the family. Or the environment leaves much to be desired. In this case, books can become the only source of the right direction of sex education, environment and to a large extent protect against bad luck. Normally, the feeling of security and safety that the mother initially gives to the child is the basis on which the development of properties set by nature takes place. Only in this way sexual development, like the natural process of human maturation, takes place naturally without delay.
The cost of sex education mistakes in boys
Perhaps the child will one day ask the parents why the uncles kiss. To answer correctly, parents themselves must understand the mechanism for the formation of this attraction. For this, it is necessary to distinguish between the prerequisites for choosing such relations. This knowledge will also be needed in order to avoid critical mistakes in the sex education of boys.
There are many opinions, but with mathematical precision the reason for homosexual relationships is explained only at the training of Yuri Burlan "System-vector psychology". Looking ahead, we will say that only two types of men enter into homosexual relationships:
- Holders of the visual-cutaneous ligament vectors
- Owners of the anal vector
Only the latter, with certain peculiarities of development and sexual education, which we will discuss in detail later, experience a real attraction to boys. The first ones are devoid of an animal component in the psyche. This is what allows visual-skinned boys to use sexuality "unlimitedly" to preserve their own lives. But the choice of homosexual relationships, whether for some or others, is not a given norm, but the result of frustrations in the anal vector or fears in the visual.
At the same time, homosexuality is a more social pathology than an individual one. The child is not free to choose the environment for his development, he cannot significantly influence the process of his own sex education and the teenager. Even in adulthood, without realizing your true desires, it is impossible to make an independent choice of fate. Therefore, it makes no sense to consider men who have chosen such a relationship to be guilty of choosing.
Sex Education Lessons: Propaganda or Education?
I must say that the lessons of sex education in themselves are already the promotion of sex among children and adolescents. In principle, they are not needed. The education of feelings should take place at school - in literature and language lessons, through the general atmosphere at school, a gallant attitude towards girls, etc. When an adult tells and shows films to children about the physiology of sex, the child experiences the strongest inner experience - shame. It was not without reason that Freud pointed out the traumatic effect of a child observing his parents during intercourse.
Returning to the essence of sex education, we highlight the most important points:
- The sexuality of a child until full mental and puberty is infantile, that is, it is self-directed and does not need a partner.
- Until puberty, the child is not yet ready for this action, not only physically, but, above all, mentally. Premature information about the physiology of sexual intercourse is perceived by the child's psyche as something disgusting, shameful and even unacceptable.
- Excessive zeal in trying to diversify and "deepen" sex education can seriously affect the natural psychosexual development of the child.
- The development of sensuality, the timely development of cultural restrictions is a natural defense against early sexual activity, the promotion of homosexuality and other negative influences.
You will learn more about the human psyche and how to avoid mistakes in child development, in particular in sex education, at the free online training by Yuri Burlan "System-vector psychology".
Continuation: "Adolescent sex education: why a boy becomes gay"