Is truth born in a dispute? Why some people like to argue
Why is it important for some people to insist on their own point of view? What makes them lustfully prove their case? Where does the obsessive desire to argue come from and how to make it stop spoiling life?
My husband just loves to argue. At home, at work or with friends - he will find an opponent everywhere. When he thinks that a person is wrong, he will certainly correct the interlocutor and will persistently continue to argue if he does not agree with him.
“I don’t think this is bad,” he replies to all my persuasions to quit this habit. - This is the desire to explain to a person that he is mistaken. After all, I argue in the area where I am a professional, where I know exactly what I am talking about."
But sometimes his obsessive desire to argue oversteps all boundaries. It got to the point that in the company of our mutual acquaintances, everyone disperses to the sides of him or is looking for an excuse to quickly leave the party when he comes. “They are simply afraid of the clever interlocutor,” my husband remarks self-confidently.
Who are they - lovers to argue?
Why is it important for some people to insist on their own point of view? What makes them lustfully prove their case? Let's try to figure it out with the help of Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology.
Each person from birth has certain sets of mental properties - vectors that are responsible for the interests of a person, his motives of behavior and desires. For example, a person who is passionately involved in an argument has an anal vector.
From the outside, it may seem that a person with an anal vector is always looking for an opportunity to argue, but this is not entirely true. Valuable concepts for him are truth and honesty. An anal person observes order and accuracy in everything: in any statements, judgments and views. Measure seven times, cut once - this is about him. The more difficult it is for him to remain aloof when the other makes a mistake in front of him. If he thinks that his interlocutor is wrong, then sometimes he cannot keep silent, since a strong tension arises inside his psyche. At such moments, he, by all means, simply needs to correct the mistake, that is, to prove to the person that he is wrong.
Finding a mistake or a fly in the ointment in a barrel of honey, separating the right from the wrong, the clean from the dirty is the natural task of any person with an anal vector. With an excellent memory and a thirst for knowledge, he can study and memorize large amounts of information. This allows the bearer of the anal vector to become a professional in his field, a real master, able to see the slightest inaccuracies and blots.
I like it when my opinion is respected
Another important trait of having an anal vector is respect for authoritative opinion. A person with an anal vector always respects his mentors and the older generation. He is a connecting thread between the past and the future, adopting knowledge from ancestors and passing it on to the new generation. Therefore, experience is a significant category for him, and an experienced person makes him want to listen, follow the advice.
However, it is equally important for the owner of the anal vector that his opinion is also appreciated and respected, because respect, honor are his values. He shows undisguised sympathy for those who listen to his opinion. But sometimes life circumstances or the burden of psychological problems does not allow an anal person to fully realize himself. Sometimes there is no opportunity to get a decent job, where his professionalism will be appreciated and respected. And sometimes there is no ability, no education, no desire at all. In this case, he feels dissatisfied and tries to compensate for his frustration: it becomes even more important for him to show that he is an authority for others, so he begins to impose his outlook on life on others, proving his innocence.
I won't go, mother, to the kindergarten
"Stubborn and stubborn" - so they say about inveterate debaters with an anal vector. The roots of stubbornness often go back to early childhood.
Anal babies are very obedient. They do everything right, scrupulously and efficiently in order to get praise and approval from their dear and beloved mom. But it happens that a mother is without an anal vector and has an absolutely opposite type of psyche - a skin one. Every minute is important for her, she does everything quickly, instantly switching from one task to another, and often simply does not understand her slow child.
Such a skin mother may not listen to the anal baby, interrupt, rush, and due to her natural tendency to save words and emotions, she may not even praise the child. As a result of such an attitude on the part of the mother, the child with the anal vector simply falls into a stupor. He pouts, gets offended, stubborn and mutters under his breath, resting: "I'm not going, mother, to the kindergarten."
Unfortunately, from such, at first glance, trifling childish grievances, a heavy burden of great internal resentment against the mother is collected. Often, a person with an anal vector carries this trauma throughout his life.
When an adult man grows out of a stubborn boy, he constantly clings to every opportunity to be right, engaging in meaningless arguments. Unconsciously, he is not arguing with an opponent. He proves his innocence to his mother, stuck in past grievances, simply because then they did not understand him, did not listen to him, did not praise him.
I can not accept someone else's opinion
Possessing perseverance and a desire to bring the matter to the end, a person with an anal vector will often not give in in an argument, making every effort to remain the only right one as a result. Being the best, ideal is another value in life for such a person.
Moreover, even if during a dispute it becomes obvious to a person with an anal vector that he is not entirely right, it is hard enough for him to admit it. In this regard, the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan reveals before us another aspect of the psyche of such a person.
The fact is that acceptance of everything new, including an unusual opinion for oneself, is stress for any carrier of the anal vector. He needs to get used not only to new external conditions, but also to new thoughts, new information. Another's opinion is not his own, it is very difficult to accept it. Therefore, it takes time to readjust to a different point of view.
What a disgrace
The reluctance to admit one's mistake is compounded by the fear of dishonor in front of other people. This fear can only arise in a person with an anal vector. Hence the fear of public speaking.
Therefore, during an argument, a person with an anal vector stands his ground. Otherwise, he risks being wrong, that is, imperfect, and this means a loss of authority - a shame. For an anal person, this is a huge mental stress, from which he unconsciously tries to protect himself.
Let's argue?
With sufficient implementation at work, the bearer of the anal vector is much less likely to get carried away with unnecessary disputes, since he gets great pleasure from his activities, and not from proving his innocence to everyone who disagrees.
The correct implementation of the properties set by nature gives a person the opportunity to engage in the activity for which he was born. So, for example, a person with an anal vector finds himself perfectly in teaching or any editorial work. In the profession of a teacher, mentor or coach, as nowhere else, you need the ability to teach, transfer your knowledge and skills to others and, of course, correct inaccuracies.
In such activities, the authority of the anal person is reinforced by the presence of more experience and professionalism than the students, and he does not have to prove his case at every corner.
Understanding yourself and others changes lives
Having realized all the true motives of inveterate debaters with the help of Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology, we begin to understand their behavior. There is no longer any irritation when a colleague or someone from your family starts to argue with you. Moreover, you begin to deeply understand the person and speak the same language with him, so he no longer has the need to constantly prove something to you.
Having acquired systemic thinking, the owner of the anal vector himself realizes the true reasons for his behavior. Perennial grievances disappear once and for all, innate properties find constructive use, so the desire to enter into another meaningless argument no longer comes. This is evidenced by the feedback on the results of the training. Here are just two of them:
You can open the depths of your soul and the psyche of your loved ones, as well as learn about other vectors at the introductory free online classes on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. To register for the next lectures, follow the link.
