Born from pistils with stamens, or the whole truth about sex education
Try to remember how you yourself got the answer to the sacramental question "Where do children come from?" It's hard to remember. Although … there was such a boy in our yard. And this is natural …
"Damn" questions
Like smoke from a cigarette
Dispersed in the darkness.
The Paul Trouble came
Ruddy Fefela, And laughs tipsy.
(Sasha Black)
When it comes to our child, I would like to do without the neigh of ruddy Fefel. We are cultured people. “Matom? You said obscenely ?! Forget that word! There are no such words! You can't! - the best mother in the world screams in horror, hearing her son - oh horror! - screwed in an obscene word. And all the street! What a child from these terrible street children can not get enough! Here's a violin for you, sonny, after the violin a circle, then the pool, grandmother leads, grandfather will meet, from there sooner home - an English tutor.
The life of a modern child, developed by parents, is like a hurdle race. Where are those blessed times when in the evening all over the microdistrict was heard: “Mi-and-and-and-and-sha-ah-ah-ah! Home!!!! We walked selflessly, until dark, breathed the exciting air of the streets and received information about everything that really interested us in the most primitive way - by word of mouth. Our children do not walk, they have no time.
Try to remember how you yourself got the answer to the sacramental question "Where do children come from?" It's hard to remember. Although … there was such a boy in our yard. And this is natural. Most people receive this knowledge precisely from their peers and precisely in the form in which they, children, can only perceive this knowledge, as a rule, in the most fantastic.
I blush, I turn pale …
It's another matter if information about the physiology of conception was obtained by you from your parents. It is embarrassing to watch the suffering of adults trying to explain something, confused in words, blushing and turning pale. Parents do not need to talk to their children about such topics. And this is not hypocrisy, but a natural predestination, necessity. It is optimal if mom or dad give a monosyllabic answer corresponding to the age of the child: "Mom gave birth to you."
As a rule, if the answer is received in a calm, unperturbed tone, the child does not ask further questions, children's concerns about gender issues are greatly exaggerated by adults. This becomes a concern only when the parents themselves begin to pedal the topic, trying to devote their child to all the details of the process.
After perestroika, a flurry of literature on sexuality education for children fell upon the inexperienced followers of the "12 Sexual Commandments of the Proletariat." Western leaders from pedagogy and psychology suggested that parents analyze in detail, together with their children, the process of the birth of a new life, richly illustrating it with pictures that would have been considered pornographic a couple of years ago. I especially remember the bright and colorful "Encyclopedia of Sexual Life for Children."
Mysterious book
I did not dare to consider it together with my daughter. I put it in a prominent place so that an inquisitive child would discover and harmoniously supplement the knowledge gained in the yard. The picture, apparently, has taken shape. At least there were no questions for me. Now I remember that once I myself discovered at home a little book that had come from nowhere, a copy from some foreign edition with pictures. Then the book also disappeared without a trace, and I wanted to share it with my friend! Well, my parents, not knowing about system-vector psychology, acted intuitively correctly, thanks to them for that.
It is no coincidence that there are sacraments in human life, not everything can be talked about with parents. Why this is so and why overly explicit sex education is harmful is discussed below.
No matter how high the spirit soars, no matter how hard culture tries to emasculate us aesthetically, man still reproduces according to the animal principle and is not going to stop this business. However, man is not an animal, quite the opposite. Human reproduction is not unconditional, as in the animal. Thousands of years ago, man separated his mental state from the animal state, introducing the first restriction on sex and murder into the norm - including, along with the general restriction on undifferentiated sex within the community, there was also a ban on incest. This is a natural prohibition (harmful in terms of procreation), and therefore - fundamental.
When we talk with a child about gender issues, and even in detail, we violate the root prohibition in the mental, in other words, we commit incest. Hence the awkwardness, shame, inability to find the right words to describe the secret. There is a subconscious resistance to breaking the prohibition. What to do?
Oral from our yard
First of all, calm down. Nature has foreseen everything. There are special people for sex education of children - children with the oral vector. Such a child speaks incessantly. He becomes silent only alone with himself and then often bites his nails or sucks his finger. He always needs someone's ears to speak.
You can easily remember such a joker among your acquaintances or friends of your child. He speaks now loudly and expressively, then switches to a whisper and leans towards your very ear, creating the necessary atmosphere of mystery, because what he says is very important, only for you! Oh, that oral whisper, heard in the rumbling subway car … Do not try to trust him with your secrets, remember, divulging secrets is his role.
This is such an oralist and whispers in due time to every child that all your stories about cabbage and storks are childish babble, but in fact … Here it is. Calls a spade a spade. It is interesting that in the Russian language there is not even a decent word to denote sexual love; there is a ban on many other words of this semantic series. But not for the oral. This is to him, who in his time created the first word from a cry, to him, who cried out "Save yourself!" so that it has become entrenched in the brains of fellow tribesmen not with a senseless scream, but with a meaning, it is allowed to break through a cultural prohibition in the name of a higher goal - the continuation of the human race. Nobody else. And even more so - to the parents.
I ask you not to swear!
Mat in a conversation between parents and children is unacceptable. And here we must fight in the most decisive way. The child should calmly, but unequivocally explain that such words can be pronounced only in the circle of their peers, but not with adults. Why? - Because. This is not accepted, this is not necessary. And that's all. If he grows up, he will understand. There are families where they speak obscenely regardless of faces. Thus, psychological trauma is inflicted on the child, but it is not that he hears this or that obscene word, as most people think, but that he hears it from the lips of his parents.
“Let it be better from me than on the street,” many believe. This is the deepest delusion. Better on the street, dear parents. Sex is a lot of the same age. Talking about sex with a person suitable for fathers (mothers) is verbal incest, from which the transition to practice is only a matter of circumstances.
Less is Better
Received in time, "yard-type oral education" naturally enters the consciousness of a person. Not through overcoming and rejection, as when talking with mom or dad, no matter how trusting the relationship may be, but by adequately filling the naturally arising lack. An oral educator is a person with imagination, he will spit such that one involuntarily thinks and then, having already reached a certain age, level of knowledge, you will begin to understand and delve into the question in more detail. The first ideas, distorted by children's perception, will be forgotten. Further there will be development, a person will take what Nature has put him in and give a particle of himself for the good of the future. He will not even remember who and when first told him a terrible secret about where humans come from.
It is another matter if parents take on the role of sex educators. They methodically follow the advice of experienced "specialists" and begin to put in the children's brain redundant information about vaginas and penises, sperm and eggs. The child does not need to know about it! What a child needs to know, another child, the boy Vasya, will explain to him quite intelligibly, albeit not in scientific terms.
The adult, seeing the confusion of the child from the information received, tries to explain in more detail, enters into the subtleties, which finally fails the case. The result is a breakdown of the psyche of a little person at the deepest level. Such sex education is never forgotten. A person who was "enlightened" by his parents at one time will immediately remember this if he asked: "Yes, my mother said, it was terribly awkward."
There are cases when parents-innovators, giving themselves without a trace to sex education of children, go home naked so that there is no “unhealthy” interest in children. The mental perception of sexuality in such children has to be corrected for a long time. The deep layer of the psychic is difficult to transform. That is why we are so indignant about pedophiles, although any robber from the high road is a creature objectively no less harmful to society. The prohibition of incest is too deeply rooted. Therefore, for parents who are fond of innovations in the field of sex education of children, system-vector psychology recommends to become a little old-fashioned, sometimes it is useful.
Children should not be protected from communication with peers. The element of "courtyard" education should be present in the life of every person, especially a boy. The street allows you to rank correctly, children learn to communicate with peers of various vectors, become familiar with the laws of pack life, learn the secrets of gender. All this is extremely necessary for the further development of man.
You can drag a child into circles and sections, make him a bibliophile, art critic and chess champion, but in ordinary life this will be a deeply unhappy person who does not understand what is happening around him, why people do not act like in books. He will not be able to start a family, build a normal relationship, and all this is only because once the oral Vasya did not have the opportunity to shout in his ear: be fruitful, boy, multiply, we are animals!
