Looks like I'm still alive … Why? Searching for the meaning of life
The pain is so strong and engulfs me like a black abyss, I don't even want to wake up. Everything seems so meaningless and inevitably chaotic, and there is nothing, nothing that could bring satisfaction with this life …
How can you think this is life?
Nothing matters …
Am I? I'm not there. Who is there then? I am not me … And who am I? !!
Ripples … Again, one ripple. It doesn't make sense.
Empty chatter. Tiring chatter.
Desires are like bubbles in puddles during a downpour. They appear, burst, burst again and again. How tiring it is. How annoying it is. Deadly annoying. Deadly.
The pain is so strong and engulfs me like a black abyss, I don't even want to wake up. Everything seems so meaningless and inevitably chaotic, and there is nothing, nothing, that can bring satisfaction with this life.
The loneliness is so total. It is simply unbearable. The feeling is as infinitely heavy as a tombstone, and it feels like I'm suffocating.
Down again. Way down. Way down. Hopelessness.
If I could scream … The scream got stuck somewhere in the solar plexus area. But if I could, I would scream for hours: "Aaaaaaaaa, I hate it !!!" But no…
I am exhausted, destroyed, I cannot even speak. Only faceless words about the earthly are answers to meaningless questions to the stupid people who surround me. My words are quiet and colorless.
I collapsed. I almost stopped living. I forget to breathe. And then inhale - for a second easier - and again the whole body contracts.
I listen to how life is approaching me, like inevitability. Breaks me and walks away, leaving me with twisted debris.
Inhale, exhale - it looks like I'm still alive … Why?
Not all people experience such states, but only five percent. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan reveals the peculiarities of the psyche of such people. Why, with all their great intelligence, with all the potential possibilities of a huge volume of the psyche, these people often remain unrealized, on the verge of life and death, in states of deep depression.
Not understood by society, not understood by themselves, lonely, with endless pain inside, with endless questions in their head.
Who are these special people?
In system-vector psychology, they are called the owners of the sound vector.
A vector is a set of mental properties and desires given to a person from birth. Sound scientists have desires that are not associated with the material world, in contrast to desires in other vectors.
We, sound specialists, are not interested in achieving success, money. It is not enough for us to have a family, respect of others. We look condescendingly at people seeking fame and power. We really don't understand why this is necessary.
Our desire is sharpened on the search for an answer to the question "Who am I?", The search for the meaning of life, the search for something intangible, something unspoken, but so necessary for us, vital.
If for other people there is “I - my body” and the world around me, then for a sound engineer everything is not so simple. His sense of "I" is not a body, because the body belongs to the material world. And the material world is illusory. It is insignificant and may not be taken into account. Therefore, bodily desires are perceived as something distracting. The body interferes - it asks to eat, drink, sleep.
The whole world is perceived by a sound person as something that revolves around him, interferes with concentration: everything around rumbles, yells, expresses unpleasant meanings. Only at night, when the physical world calms down, does not hit the ears, can you be in such a silence so desirable for a sound engineer. People with a sound vector perceive the world through sounds and vibrations.
The sound engineer is concentrated within himself. For such a person, "I" are his thoughts and states. A person with a sound vector is a big egocentric.
The soundman is trying to avoid what prevents him from concentrating and, first of all, people, remaining alone. At the same time, he suffers from this loneliness more than anyone else. It seems to him that far from the hustle and bustle he will find answers to his questions in his head. But he does not find them there.
Created for realizing more, knowing the whole, knowing what cannot be limited by himself, he is called upon to comprehend how the world works outside, listening to it. And remaining alone, he traps himself in a small world within himself, in which he can never fulfill his desire.
The desire to know the meaning of life, which has not been realized, even not voiced by the person himself, causes huge shortages, reveals the abyss inside. This leads to a state of depression, so severe that a person may decide that life has no meaning.
Some time ago, a person with a sound vector found relief in philosophy, poetry, and literature. Great minds expressed their meanings with written words and music. But nowadays it cannot fill the sound engineer. This is not enough. Man is developing. The psyche is growing. Today the sound engineer needs an answer to the question “Why did I come to this world?” More than ever.
Break through the veil of the material world …
Focusing on his sensations, fenced off from the whole world, in darkness and loneliness, being in suffocating depressive states, the sound engineer wants only one thing - to break through the veil of the material world. And it cannot.
Why? Because it is designed to concentrate on both sides of the eardrum - inside and outside. Only in this tension (inside-outside) a mature thought arises, the comprehension of the hidden, unknown. And this gives a surge of strength, awakens the desire to live and comprehend the secrets of life.
The step out is not easy for an audio engineer, but it is more important than anything else. This is a step towards the realization of his desires, a step towards the possibility of getting answers to his questions, a step towards making life gain meaning.
Listen to what people who got rid of depression at the online training on System Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan say:
There is nothing more important to the world than the realization of people with a sound vector. There are not many of them, but the role that is destined for them cannot be overestimated.
You can learn more about this on the free online lectures on Systemic Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan. Register here:
