When the world outside is the source of pain and the world inside is the only salvation
But now the time has come, and my comrades went their separate ways, carried away by their desires. Suddenly I was surrounded by complete emptiness and deaf loneliness. However, I also began to fulfill my assigned role, my main desire: I closed my eyes and sat down to think: "What is the meaning of life and what should I do with it?" Could I have done something else? Absolutely not. Idea comes first. It is impossible to wish for less when the desire of a higher order is not filled …
In psychology, the definition of an introvert has long been known. But only the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan determines its special type - the sound vector. Its owner is an egocentric, an isolated person, turned inward. All the most important things in his life happen inside him. The world outside is a test for him. He does not find in him the meanings that the inner world offers him, full of thoughts, experiences, unusual ideas.
A distinctive feature of such people in the perception of the world: not from within oneself to the outside, but from the outside to the inside. They do not observe the world, but listen to it with their eyes closed. At the same time, they have abstract thinking, feel the unobservable, are aimed at changing the world through awareness of it.
Possessing the greatest potential for the development of the mind, consciousness, the best brain activity, these people are able to create thought forms that change the path of human development. But in the case of an erroneous direction of thought or in unfavorable conditions that do not allow development, they are prone to severe depression, mental disorders, and autism. And in a crisis state - suicidal thoughts.
The most important observation: based on the fact that the sound and the word have a sufficiently strong effect on the human psyche, for an introvert with his focus on his inner sensation, this effect is greatly enhanced. He has the shortest and most direct connection between the sound outside and his psyche, vibrating intensely in search of meanings. And hearing is his subtlest instrument, which allows him to direct his thinking abilities in a fruitful direction.
That is why the greatest damage, up to the loss of his innate qualities, such a person, forming in childhood, can receive from the negative impact on sensitive hearing: shrill, deafening sounds, swearing, bad meanings, evil words. For example, from the devastating question: "Why were you born?" This is a direct hit on the very essence of the self-contained psyche of an introvert with its root question about the meaning of life.
How I didn't learn to think. Introvert experience
I remember myself at 4 years old walking in the park with my group. How I clearly separated myself from the children and, as it were, watched from the side. They seemed strange and unpredictable to me: they ran, shouted, dug in the ground, argued, divided sticks, threw cones. I tried to repeat their actions so as not to differ from everyone else. But always and then it was difficult for me to get involved in the game. In such happy moments, I stopped being alert and analyzed what was happening, I forgot to be bored. Usually they said about me that I sleep on the go and count the crows.
I had to adapt through force, try to be friends with children. I understood in my heart that only in a team I have the right to development. And to develop was my main desire. Absorbing that uplifted spirit of the Soviet era, I, like all children, wanted to be a hero and, of course, only an astronaut. I kept my secret. She gave importance to my life.
True, my parents' carelessness was a little worried. “How long do they sleep. I need to prepare for a future mission. If a magic voice in my head dictated to me actions that bring me closer to my dream. I pestered my dad with questions: “How is space arranged? Where does infinity end? Why are the stars burning? She asked to be read to me. Finally I found out all the letters and made an incredible discovery when words began to be obtained from them.
How to turn from a brooding curious child to a sleepy dumbass
But the sluggish, unoccupied life continued. My dad preferred drunk dreams after work. Mom, like a tireless breadwinner, occupied every line on our way and started meaningless, endless conversations with everyone she met. My brain was sprinkled. From exhaustion I wanted to lean against something, to sit down. I grumbled. Then they left me at home alone.
Now it seems as if it was always raining. I was bored. The silence pressed on the ear. And it became good only at the moment when I managed to concentrate on a strange pattern and see in it another, unreal world and, as it were, plunge into it. Imagine the world of a different color or empty - complete, and solid - empty.
Look at the dark door in the square of light and let yourself feel that the dark door is emptiness, and the square of light is like an illuminated arch. You step behind it and fall into the abyss as if into a secret. To think that this world is not real, but they are playing with us (they are being tested for strength) and it is worth turning around by chance - those who follow us are standing behind and laughing.
The unattractiveness of everyday life, the lack of the need to take care of something, more and more pushed to immerse in oneself, in order to find that moment of forgetfulness when it becomes boring. The habit of dissipation helped me to isolate myself from a world in which there was nothing worthy of attention.
Ear tests
In silence, the maximum concentration of the mind of the sound person takes place, and the greater or lesser opening of the mental abilities depends on which sounds come to us from the silence. Striving for development or slamming oneself in oneself.
It happens that a child with the most sensitive ears lives in a noisy house, where there is no corner of silence for him. The worst trace is left by the cry of the mother, scandals.
I remember my shock when my mother quarreled with a neighbor over some gossip. Suddenly they broke into screams, then (as something broke off) she began to cry and burst into tears. The world was shaking, my legs buckled. Mother's cry filled me with despair through deafened ears …
Every year, my dad loved to take me to demonstrations and fireworks parades. With trepidation and sinking, I waited for the cannons to fire. And now - bang bang! The trembling of the earth resounded underfoot, the people rejoiced, and I was in a slight daze.
There are such rather kind, but tough daddies. They have a habit of making friendly threats to their cub: “Nadru ears! I'll lower the skin! " And they will never carry out their threat. But then one day I played too much, crossed the boundaries of the permissible, allowed myself excessive self-indulgence and teasing. And suddenly dad was thrown off the spot. He came up and suddenly, without a word, pulled me by the ear up into the air. Such a betrayal was breathtaking. The ear was swollen, the brain exploded. “What a shame! Farewell to sublime thoughts."
About balloons. Another story with ears
I brought my dad an inflatable velvet goat made of rubber so strong that it is difficult to inflate. However, he puffed up pretty hard. I asked: “Dad, that's enough. No more! But he continued with a pleased grin. These are the lungs! The goat has turned into a ball. I was worried. And suddenly - bang!.. Since then all these balloons have been unpleasant and suspicious to me.
And of course, it's hard to forget Daddy's kindly cuffs on the head with a slight concussion. Very rare, but deeply respected by this power. This is the hand! The brain adapted instantly. Only not to create thought-forms, but to withstand the blow.
School tests
My desire to learn did not match my ability to learn at all. Everything was too difficult. The mathematics teacher hissed over me through clenched teeth: “What are you stupid! Oak! She was funny, but very irritable. I just went numb in front of her. And then all summer long she remembered with horror the approach of mathematics. And it seems that something has moved in my mind, my pre-prepared properties have appeared. A year later, I already loved solving graphs and trigonometric equations. But the conviction of my deafness remained forever.
And every year it became more difficult to concentrate. I felt more and more that I was being pulled away from myself. Finally, I began to barely endure a long day outside my world inside. I counted the minutes until the end of the lessons, broke off like a stretched spring and, without saying goodbye to anyone, slipped home to throw everything there and cling to the book, escape from this boredom into another, fantastic reality.
I never learned to be friends with people. Walking and hanging out with the company seemed useless, conversations were empty. In the subconscious there was always some kind of squeamish fear that they would affect me, knock me off my special path, disrupt the flow of thoughts and I would cease to be myself.
The end of school was approaching. There was animation and bright energy in my comrades. And I couldn't share their joys in any way. I thought: "How will I live on if at the beginning of the journey I was tired for a hundred years ahead?" As if since I realized that astronauts do not become in this world, he has lost all interest for me. I went over various objects, but all human activity seemed to me a heavy burden and compulsion.
I was overwhelmed with fatigue and burden, and I became more and more distant from people. Someone's doorbell, the unexpected arrival of comrades echoed with a sad longing in my heart. I could hardly wake up and start a conversation. And how instantly my dream flew away, as soon as the girlfriends started talking about the universe and the world order. I stuck to them, walked from behind, looking at the ground and stretching my neck with ears. "How interesting! If only they continued."
But now the time has come, and my comrades went their separate ways, carried away by their desires. Suddenly I was surrounded by complete emptiness and deaf loneliness. However, I also began to fulfill my assigned role, my main desire: I closed my eyes and sat down to think: "What is the meaning of life and what should I do with it?" Could I have done something else? Absolutely not. Idea comes first. It is impossible to wish for less when the desire of a higher order is not filled.
How I Didn't Find the Purpose of Life
The question "why?" extinguishes any impulse, runs ahead of any action, and everything falls out of hand, and melancholy does not allow you to focus on any subject, when you have not understood your place in the universe, your personal need, value for the world. I focused inside, searching my soul. Find even a grain of significance as a hope for the future, an opportunity to live on. I managed to perk up for a while. This was followed by acrid disappointment, self-contempt, and an even greater sinking into a sea of despair.
I walked in this circle. It was no longer possible to achieve inspiration. Pain and despair intensified. I cried and frowned every hour and was ready to give up. But it turned out to be impossible to stop this movement deep into its emptiness. And the source of the pain was indeterminate: as if there was something in the blood. My persistent, unstoppable search for meaning in myself revealed such a crushing powerlessness and complete lack of spirit. I wanted to disintegrate, fall apart. The body had nothing to hold on to, there was no strength to live. I was trembling with weakness and in the trolleybuses I wanted to sink to the floor. People burned me with their energy. I seemed to be the smallest in the world. My whole, too healthy body began to weigh on me. It was like the nail with which they nailed me to reality.
However, I did my job: I searched everything inside - I could not find a soul.
How I got rid of myself
Seeing myself in such a sad state, I began to turn my self-hatred into pity. At the peak of despair: God despises me, does not love me, forgot - tears were born, melancholy revived the imagination. I was in a hurry to use my feelings: I built, molded in my thoughts some heartbreaking story and plunged into it absolutely. This saving escape from myself began to replace real life for me. Only the transition from work to home and back was burdensome. There I stared at a point (work allowed) and disappeared. At home it was even easier: to lie down in the darkness and drown yourself with the same crushing music as my life.
A long time has passed in an utter stupor. Imagination has run dry. I emptied myself. It became unbearably disgusting. Then I had to meet myself again and look around. And here it is strange: my former pain has passed, I have forgotten everything that I thought about before and that did not allow me to live. It was as if my memory had been erased, and along with the ability to concentrate on myself, the mental pain disappeared.
Salutary apathy
Nature is merciful. To keep us alive, she frees us from unfulfilled desires.
Yes. You can live an ordinary life. Why do I need this god? And I am quite coping with my everyday duties. Only the soul became motionless like a stone. I never feel joy, even if I laugh. My every action is forced. I submit only to extreme necessity. How to be? Should you put up with apathy?
Why didn't I find meaning in myself?
What is the reason for introversion? What is its natural necessity? What causes the painful deviations of self-contained introverts? How to get out of the circle of pain and meaninglessness?
For the first time I fully answered these questions while listening to Yuri Burlan's training "System-vector psychology".
The so-called introversion is due to the presence in the human psyche of a sound vector - one of the 8 measures of our common unconscious. A certain number and combination of vectors are predetermined and assigned to each person at birth. And each vector imparts to the psyche its own number of features: certain desires, preferences, goal-setting and ways of realization corresponding to this vector.
The origin and purpose of the sound vector
The human psyche has evolved over the millennia, acquiring at each new stage the properties necessary for development. Gradually, new and new desires appeared in us, properties that more and more detached us from the instinctive animal life and transferred us into a conscious form. It was the sound vector that completed the cycle - when a person felt himself as a separate "I", he completed the formation as a conscious species.
Consciousness is what gives us the freedom to act in accordance with how we think, what gives us the freedom to choose. And what hides from us the unconscious mechanisms of control of the human species. Unconscious laws have always operated, lived by us unmistakably and were always aimed at preserving not an individual person, but a human species. And therefore, the more our actions are consistent with the task of preserving and developing the species, the more error-free and happy life we live. And vice versa.
So, we got complete freedom of choice - the opportunity to develop through trial and error. And throughout the entire subsequent historical period, the sound vector directed the development of thought towards a person's awareness of his nature, towards the search for the best social forms of life. And all this time, developing consciousness in a sense of our own uniqueness, we increasingly forgot that we are guided by one single soul.
What does it mean to feel your meaning in life? It means to return the feeling of the unconscious, to feel like a single organism, to heal in the understanding of the real reality hidden from us by the consciousness.
Only people of the sound vector have an innate predestination to feel the unity of the species as their uniqueness and to open the hidden for everyone. At the same time, they carry in themselves the strongest feeling of loneliness, the joylessness of concealment, because they have the largest volume of unfulfilled desire to reveal the unconscious of all mankind.
It is for this that nature has endowed them with the ability to concentrate in silence, to create thought forms of a universal human scale. Think for everyone. There are only 5% of such thinking sound specialists. Their specific role is to reveal hidden meaning. They practiced, improved it, listening attentively to the silence, to disappearing sounds, creating music, the written word.
The training "System-vector psychology" reveals the rule "7 + 1" about the difference and opposition in some quality of each vector to the other seven. And the significant difference between the sound vector is that the realization of his desire is beyond the bounds of conscious, observable reality. Its task is to bring the conscious to the unconscious.
Desires in other vectors can be fully realized in a conscious reality among people. People without a sound vector never ask the question "What is the meaning of life?"
In our time, the desire of people of the sound vector to know the world has developed to such a volume that cannot be filled with any substitutions and research within the usual framework. That is why the sound people rush about in an ineffectual search for meanings, in hatred of themselves and the world. The number of suicides is growing and terrorist attacks are being committed.
Sound engineer error
An unrelenting, all-consuming desire to know his nature prompts a person with a sound vector to go to look for meaning deep into himself, because he most strongly feels his separation from others, initially does not recognize anyone but himself; possesses the greatest natural, innate egoism and, under the pressure of the pain of loneliness, is fixated on the concept: everything is for me or me for everyone. And between these concepts, it develops from the inside - out.
Born to be an introvert, he develops and achieves the fulfillment of his desires - by extroverting. This is the highest work for him. After all, the self-centered nature of the sound engineer finds it more acceptable to focus on oneself rather than others. This is his natural mistake. Only by realizing the nature of others, by comprehending their hidden unconscious, which manifests itself in their desires, can he discover the common root of the entire human species, the common unconscious.
Predestined selfishness prevents you from taking this step. And while he is looking for realizations in himself, the soul escapes - there is nothing. When he realizes and senses others, includes everyone in him, then he discovers our unconscious - the single meaning of everything that is called "life".
About this the children's games of the sound engineer, when he mentally changes the properties of objects in places and forces himself to believe in deception. He is preparing to make this effort on himself: to change the apparent reality to the real - instead of "there is nobody but me" to feel "we are."
What does it mean to focus on something else? And how to recognize a person by vectors? The training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan helps to answer these questions and to understand your most difficult conditions.
The first acquaintance takes place at free lectures. Classes are held at night. Registration here:
