The crisis of three years: the formation of the child's self-awareness. Part 3
All children have emotions and fears, including, but the visual child experiences them much more strongly, "making an elephant out of a fly." In an attempt to escape from fear and find positive emotions, a small, still undeveloped "spectator" seeks to attract the attention of others, to be looked at, to emotionally admire him, his appearance, therefore, as a rule, he behaves demonstratively - so, that it is impossible not to notice it.
Part I. The crisis of three years: the formation of the child's self-awareness
Part II. The crisis of three years: the formation of the child's self-awareness
EMOTIONS THROUGH THE EDGE
The "visual" child: what can he become?
The visual vector gives the child the opportunity to distinguish many shades of color and light, to notice what others (without the visual vector) will not notice or distinguish. This becomes the basis for the development of the child's ability to see and create rich visual images that are incomparable with others, giving him great aesthetic pleasure. Helps to develop imaginative thinking and eidetic memory, creative imagination, the highest ability to learn and master human culture.
A striking distinctive feature of the "visual" child is high emotionality, which is naturally based on the root fear - fear for one's own life and its derivative emotional dependence on those who give him a sense of security and safety - real from his mother or imaginary from his favorite toys, "animated "By the power of his imagination.
All children have emotions and fears, including, but the visual child experiences them much more strongly, "making an elephant out of a fly." In an attempt to escape from fear and find positive emotions, a small, still undeveloped "spectator" seeks to attract the attention of others, to be looked at, to emotionally admire him, his appearance, therefore, as a rule, he behaves demonstratively - so, that it is impossible not to notice it.
However, this "starting point", with proper upbringing, allows the child to gradually withdraw from the world of fears and dreams, infantile feelings and demonstrativeness - and to develop very strong, but positive, constructive experiences and properties in him: love, compassion, the desire to protect others from death, and also natural emotional expressiveness and artistry.
Causes and consequences
During a three-year crisis, when a child develops self-awareness, he - like other children of this age, but in his own way - begins to "try" his natural properties, separating his own desires from the desires of those around him in his consciousness.
Critical variants of such "tests" take place when the parents, especially the mother, do not understand the mental nature of their baby, especially if she herself does not have a visual vector. For example, frightening such a child, forbidding violent expression of emotions or making fun of his tears (feelings). A child, not receiving satisfaction of his natural desires, experiences suffering, even stress.
With his "inappropriate" behavior, disobedience, hysterics, he subconsciously signals to adults that he needs help: it is the adult who needs to change his behavior towards the child so as to create conditions for the development of the natural properties of the baby. An accurate indicator of the correct tactics of an adult is the appearance of a positive emotional mood in a child, which rather quickly becomes quite adequate to the situation and obedient.
Please note: we are not talking about any child's desires, but only about natural ones, the satisfaction of which develops the properties of his visual vector.
Difficulties and overcoming
So, if you see the emotional instability of your two-three-year-old child, there is no point in telling him "calm down", and even in a stern voice. It is better to take him "under your wing", hug him, rock him slightly (it calms down) and ask softly: "Why are you crying?" Of course, the baby will not be able to speak clearly because of sobbing and sobbing. Calmly complain: “I don't understand anything. Try to tell - maybe I can help?"
This motivates the child to moderate his crying a little and explain the reason for the upset. This way he stops sinking into negative experiences. And then - in simple words accessible to the kid - talk about the essence of what happened: perhaps he did not understand the other, or the other did not understand him, perhaps it would be better to share toys with a peer and play together (two or three years is the age when children are still just learning it); and suggest ways of action: approach, make peace, etc. This is the beginning of a conscious acquaintance with the cultural norms of behavior, which the visual child perceives "with a bang"; he just needs to be prompted. In this way, the first building blocks of the foundation are laid for the development of compassion, empathy, and participation in others.
Of course, if there is some pedagogical neglect, and a three-year-old baby spontaneously already "knows how" tantrums to achieve what he wants from adults, that is, to manipulate them, then the mother will need special patience to correct the child's behavior.
It is important in a situation of childish tantrum, if possible, to remain calm, without raising your voice, to maintain your position (demand), not to succumb to the child's emotional provocations (such as: "bad mother!", "You don’t love me!", "I don’t love you!"), the purpose of which is to bring an adult “out of himself”, out of balance. You will be helped by the spontaneity and situationality of the baby's attention, which can be distracted by something attractive in order to switch the child to another emotion.
And a few more recommendations for everyday communication with a visual child in order to develop his emotional sphere in a positive way.
Toys not to lose, promises to fulfill
Try to make sure that your child's favorite toys are not lost. Such a loss of a bear, bunny or doll, with which the child has established an emotional connection, communicated with him as if he were alive, can cause the child a tangible mental trauma.
If the loss happened, try to find a replacement - the same or a similar toy and come up with a touching story of why the old bear disappeared and the new one appeared (for example, he sent his twin brother, who needs help, and he himself returned to the mother bear so that she did not miss one). It is important that the loss, the loss of emotional connection (with your favorite toy) does not remain a gaping void in the child's soul - it needs to be filled with brighter positive emotion. But the best way to keep your child safe from the shock of loss is to bond with mom and other people.
Keep your promises to your child. First, the timing of the promised event must be clear to him; A three-year-old child does not perceive the long-term perspective: what does it mean: "the day after tomorrow" or "Sunday"? More specifically for him: "after breakfast", "before bedtime", etc. - that which is connected with his direct experience. Secondly, it is difficult for him to wait for the planned event - for a visual child this is a certain emotional intensity: anticipation, anticipation, fantasizing. And when this is suddenly canceled, the heat of emotions bursts out into hysterics. By the way, quite justified.
Theater and fairy tales
The visual child needs to express emotions and portray experiences, which is best provided by theatrical play. But it is too early to go to the theater with a toddler of two or three years old, since such "cultural events" require that the child imagine how to behave in the theater. Therefore, the eve of such trips (which are best done later, from four to five years) can be a home theater. This is a table (floor) theater with toys: a child moves one toy, and you - another, acting out dialogues between the characters of well-known fairy tales. These are home performances with dressing up, where the main performers (and organizers) are adults and older children - for example, on New Year's or birthday.
And, of course, read fairy tales and children's poems written for the little ones to your child. For example, A. Barto's poems from the “Toys” cycle: “Our Tanya is crying out loud …”; "The hostess threw the bunny …" and so on - they are emotionally saturated, even dramatic and at the same time understandable for children, and they have some understatement that allows them to come up with a successful ending together: how to help Tanya so that she stops crying? What is the mood of a wet bunny, and what can be done to make him feel good, happy?
It is important to choose such fairy tales for a visual child in which no one eats anyone, so as not to activate his innate fears; for example, the fairy tales "Chicken-Ryaba", "Teremok" are good. To understand what to choose from, you can find a reader of children's literature for the little ones. And then buy books with illustrations (pictures are very important for a visual child!), Preferably in a classic design so that there are no scary, aggressive images.
On the basis of such children's works of art, you can begin to bring the child to the understanding that someone else in need can be helped, and this is within the child's power - albeit in a playful way (to feel sorry for a toy bunny), in the form of a conversation, how to help, so that there is a happy ending to the story.
Teach to share and not scare
Experiences associated not only with receiving for oneself, but also with giving for another, are especially actively developed in real action - sharing food. Here's one example. There is a long tradition in kindergartens: a child brings sweets on his birthday and distributes to the children of his group. And such a tradition must be supported and developed, not to spare the treats (to prepare delicious sweets so that there is enough for everyone) and to tell the child that it is necessary to give with joy, with a desire to do something pleasant, then it will be much more joyful yourself.
One more thing. Unfortunately, some parents, not thinking about the mental nature of their visual child, or about the consequences of their own actions for him, are very fond of him … to scare him: suddenly jump out of the corner at home, shout loudly "Uh!", Make a "scary face" … And then laugh with emotion at how the baby freezes from fear, how his eyes widen with horror …
Such actions, especially in relation to a visual child, deform his life scenario, fixing a state of fear. Fears do not allow the child to develop normally, and in the future they will interfere with the already adult viewer to build positive relationships.
We must help the visual child not to take root in fears for his own life, but, on the contrary, to empathize with others, to learn to be human and kind. The crisis of three years is the very period when the developing self-awareness of the child allows him to perceive such meanings at an accessible level for him, to master a wider range of positive emotions in relations with people around him.
To be continued
