Education methods. Does a child need a psychologist?
Choosing a method for raising children is not an easy task. There are many different methods and techniques of upbringing, so parents and teachers are determined, relying mainly on their own experience, on a personal idea of what will be good for the child.
Parents often have to plunge into the jungle of pedagogy when they want to find answers to burning questions related to the upbringing of their child. How to raise him as a cultured person, for whom you would not have to blush in public places? How to control the behavior of the child, in order, for example, to quickly stop the hysteria that has begun or to teach him to order?
The desire of parents to find effective methods of raising a child is understandable in order to raise him obedient, healthy, and happy.
Let us consider systematically what arsenal of means of raising children is offered by traditional pedagogy and psychology to parents.
A bit of theory
The method of education is usually called the system of educational and educational means that characterize the joint activities of educators and their pupils. This is one of the tools of influence and interaction between people. Upbringing techniques are a smaller component of upbringing technologies - a specific way of implementing the educational method.
The main purpose of applying various approaches to upbringing to a child is considered to be a change in his behavior, the development of his personal qualities, socialization in society.
Choosing a method of raising children is not an easy task. There are many different methods and techniques of education, therefore, parents and teachers are determined, relying mainly on their own experience, on a personal idea of what will be good for the child.
Power of persuasion
The most common way adults influence children, their mind, feelings, will is conversation, persuasion. It is not for nothing that they say that a word can kill, a word can be saved, a word can lead shelves behind you, and even more to foster love for the homeland, for beauty - all the more so. You can convince a child of the necessity, the truth of something, using logical reasoning, examples from real life and literature.
Explain, argue, find out the reasons for certain actions of children - it is assumed that this method is suitable for any child, with any character, at any age. The main thing is that educators need to be convincing, calm, and confident.
Example, sample, ideal
The child is a mirror that reflects both the advantages and disadvantages of his caregivers. The kid sees the actions of loved ones and repeats after them. Then teachers, peers become role models, and the example may not only be positive. The greater the authority of the educator, the more children are drawn to him and want to be like him.
Do one - do two
The formation of the child's abilities, good habits is achieved through a set of exercises involving the demonstration of some actions by the teacher and copying them by the student.
At first, this is repetition, in the future, the pupil independently improves the acquired skills and abilities. Training is an essential method of raising children.
At school, at the initial stage of studying school subjects, mastering a new type of activity, teachers often use memos and detailed instructions. Students memorize an algorithm of actions, a sequence of steps, then they can work independently.
Carrot or stick?
The most important ways of raising children are incentive methods such as reward and punishment. Encouragement is primarily seen as an emotional confirmation of others around the correctness, success of the child's actions.
The types of encouragement can be different: praise, forgiveness, admiration, responsible assignment, reward. It should be noted that the encouraged baby feels satisfied, happy, feels a surge of strength and seeks to experience the newly received positive emotions, therefore, begins to try more, work on himself, and develop.
Psychologists deduced two axioms when applying encouragement to children: one should not encourage too often, so as not to devalue the method itself, and also it is necessary to encourage for specific deeds and preferably publicly.
But it is best to apply the method of punishment individually, so as not to injure the fragile child's psyche. Punishment itself is the oldest way of raising children, as it is focused on curbing negative human behavior. Punishment is achieved with the help of a remark, a fine, public censure, reproach, removal from the collective. Any child can be affected by punishment. It is believed that the punished child feels depressed, begins to think about his own actions and changes his behavior.
Not pedagogical, but very popular among parents is the method of physical punishment: “What does not understand with his head, then the booty will understand”, “We need to flog the child while lying across the bench”, “Hit the child with a chisel, the child will be gold”.
Psychologists point out that physical punishment is the most ineffective and traumatic parenting measure for a child. When parents run out of arguments, they pick up the belt.
Nevertheless, many children know firsthand about physical punishment, and the consequences of such means of upbringing are significantly different: someone grew up as a person, and someone acquired a lot of complexes, harbored resentment for life.
System comment
From the point of view of the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, a child is born with a certain set of properties-vectors, set from birth, that determine his needs, abilities, style of thinking, life priorities, and behavior.
It should be noted that the vectors are initially set, but their content, development depends on the specific conditions of the child's life. The upbringing methodology chosen by parents and teachers has a great influence on the disclosure or conservation of the natural potential of children.
It is possible to make the right choice only on the basis of a clear knowledge of the properties of your baby, and not through an experiment "if it works, it will not work", acting at random, translating other people's ideas, personal experience into practice: ultimately, it depends on how his life scenario develops.
Distinguishing the mental characteristics of children is the main factor in the success of any approach to raising children. To each his own. For example, the same method of persuasion must be applied taking into account the characteristics of the child in order for it to fully work.
Skin children with a flexible psyche, the ability to grasp information on the fly, value resources and time, need clear arguments from adults, logical arguments why it is beneficial to behave this way. An anal baby needs to put everything on the shelves, answer numerous clarifying questions, repeat new requirements several times, appeal to his desire to finish everything to perfect completion, call to conscience. A skin baby, in contrast to an anal one, is easy to assimilate changes, new rules, however, he can also quickly forget everything said, if not create a specific system of restrictions and incentives.
Emotional speech can convince visual children who are naturally sensitive, receptive. A urethral child with the charisma of a leader cannot be convinced of his innocence, it will not work to impose his position - he does not accept communication from top to bottom, you need to talk to him from the bottom up, give arguments based not on personal benefit-benefit, but on the good for the collective, family, society: "If not you, then who?"
The example method works for anal children if the teacher or parent has become authoritative for them. The anal child inherently strives for excellence in all matters, and the model is important to him. The skin child gets tired of samples, his flexible thinking begins to develop new ways of solving problems, he is bored with working with memos. A parent and a teacher, in order to become a visual model for a skin child, must occupy a high social status, have a stable financial position, and enjoy success. There are no idols for the urethral, he is the king himself. He will not observe the rules and there is no need to demand this from him, but only to pin hopes and turn to his naturally merciful nature.
In order to praise and punish children without prejudice to their mental health, fully realizing the set pedagogical goals of the named methods of upbringing, you need to realize what kind of child is in front of you. What will be good for one person will at best remain harmless for another. So, if you praise a urethral child, then you will cause him a fit of anger, since by doing so you demote him in rank. And for an anal child, only deserved praise for what was really done is permissible.
Physical punishment is unacceptable for all children, like screaming, insults, and swearing. The most deplorable effect of spanking on the life scenario of skin children. The fact is that by nature they have sensitive, delicate skin and a psyche that quickly adapts to changes. This leads to the fact that the skin baby gets used to the beatings and learns to enjoy them. Subsequently, such a person becomes a masochist, takes pleasure in pain. Beating a urethral child - provoking him to run away from home, retaliatory violence, complete disobedience to the requirements of adults.
Screaming is most damaging to sound children. The sound child is shocked by screaming, since the ears are its erogenous zone. In response, he plunges into himself, tries to isolate himself from the hostile world. So he can become autistic or even schizophrenic. The anal baby falls into a stupor from screaming.
The use of such a method of punishment as a time-out, when the child is prohibited from doing anything, is effective for skin children, whose psyche is useful for adequate restrictions. Fines - a ban on watching a cartoon, playing computer games, reducing the time for walking are effective for leather workers. The main thing is that the system of prohibitions and restrictions created by educators is logical, transparent and carried out without indulgences, according to the principle: "The law is one for all."
For anal children, the principle of the justice of punishment is important: everyone equally, so that a feeling of resentment that corrodes the soul does not arise. It is also important to praise them for successfully completed cases. Skin children perceive praise in the form of material rewards, the lifting of restrictions. The urethral child reacts positively to the admiration of others, this is an effective stimulus for him.
"Natural" punishment, first described by Jean-Jacques Rousseau, is suitable for urethral and dermal children who quickly understand the causal relationship between their actions and their consequences. For example, he didn't want to put mittens on the street and his hands were frozen, next time the child will put them on himself. There is no need for persuasion, cries of educators - you just need to give the child the opportunity to figure out everything on his own.
For an anal, muscular child, it is enough to calmly explain what is right and what is not. They are by nature obedient children, for whom the opinion of their elders is a priori significant. This anal toddler comes to dad for an explanation, "what is good and what is bad." The cutaneous and urethral value is the personal experience of the world.
Balanced automaton parents who, in a quiet and cold voice, with a stone face, scold visual children, and then leave them alone, thereby causing irreparable harm to their psyche, since the spectators are very vulnerable, it is very important for them to create an emotional connection with their parents. Even if the parent is unhappy, then he should be there and show that he still loves his child, but at the moment he is not happy with his behavior. Even during a tantrum, talk calmly, but warmly.
The role of the personality of caregivers
“If the child himself brought you to the“boiling point”, if your violent reaction is caused precisely by his behavior (and not by problems in his personal life, rudeness in public transport or injustice of the bosses at work), honestly, you have the right to shout and even slap.
In order not to take advantage of such advice from psychologists, it is important to understand your inner self, to know how to overcome stress, how to fulfill your true needs, so that your own complexes, resentment, aggression, dissatisfaction with the quality of life are not poured out on children, and not crippled by their psyche.
Of course, we are able to justify our actions, we can subsequently suffer with a sense of guilt, however, this does not remove our responsibility for the flaws in parenting, for the crippled child's soul.
Thus, the foundation of the correct choice of the method of raising children is knowledge of their innate characteristics, understanding what they need for better development and implementation of the properties given by nature. And the guarantee of the fulfillment of the chosen path is the understanding by the parents of their own innate abilities and the ability to direct them.
