For mom, for dad, for grandmother … Or an attitude to food is an attitude to life
Force-feeding in childhood does not pass without leaving a trace on the human psyche and has serious consequences that affect his entire adult life. Why is this happening and what to do about it? Is it possible to get rid of the consequences of force-feeding?
Many of us were forced to eat in childhood.
Someone by persuasion:
- “Mom cooked, tried not to throw it out!”
- "Give for mom, for dad, for grandmother, for a pussycat!"
- "Open your mouth, the airplane is flying!"
Someone using threats and intimidation:
- “Eat, such a brute! Until you eat, you will not leave the table!"
- "You can't eat it, I'll pour it by the collar!"
Some children were indeed beaten for refusing to eat, dipped their faces into a plate, poured soup on them. Remember?
Baby torment force feeding
For a long time I could not forgive my mother for this. For everyday food torture. For five hours I sat over this hated soup and shed tears into a plate frozen in fat. Until now, I cannot forget this disgusting taste of boiled onions, which instantly induces a gag reflex.
Semolina porridge with nasty lumps, soup with chunks of fat, cutlets with veins - all this did not cause me anything except the desire to close my mouth tightly, because I could not swallow even one spoon of this muck. Very soon my only food was bread and boiled potatoes. Mom dropped her hands and stopped this bullying.
Of course, our parents did not do this out of malice, but out of good intentions. But the fact remains. Force-feeding in childhood does not pass without leaving a trace on the human psyche and has serious consequences that affect his entire adult life. Why is this happening and what to do about it? Is it possible to get rid of the consequences of force-feeding?
Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology answers this question.
Food pleasure
Man lives according to the principle of pleasure. There are four basic desires: eat, drink, breathe, sleep. The born child can breathe on its own, can sleep on its own. There is no problem with that. But the rest is not provided to him. This desire is satisfied by a mother who feeds her child with milk. And the newborn gets the greatest pleasure from it! He eats, and it brings him great pleasure!
Food is a great pleasure. It is no coincidence that the largest number of receptors that sense the hormones of joy - endorphins - are in the stomach. Getting pleasure from food in early childhood, we learn to experience pleasure from receiving. And not only from food. From relationships, from your achievements, from everything! This is how we generally learn to experience the joy of life.
And vice versa. When food is forcibly shoved into us, we do not get any pleasure. On the contrary, it is deeply disgusting to us. Our entire gut protests against receiving. Now the link "I receive (food) - I experience pleasure" works in the opposite direction: "I receive (food by force) - I experience negative emotions." Now I don't want to receive anything. This is deeply disgusting to me, disgusting, disgusting.
Where is happiness?
In this way, people do not learn to experience the pleasure of receiving. Unconsciously, we resist receiving, because for us it is associated with negative experiences. Nothing brings us joy - neither delicious food, nor a relationship with a loved one, nor friendship, nor travel. It seems that everything is fine in life, but there is no happiness. No joy, no pleasure. Everything that life presents us, that can cause vivid emotions, happiness, joy in other people, does not touch us. Life is sad and joyless.
And, of course, we cannot feel gratitude to the giver, because receiving does not make us happy. The thought of making a reciprocal step, being yourself in the role of a giver, does not evoke any positive feelings. The giver is practically associated with a rapist.
A sense of security and safety is the key to normal child development
Another very important point. Parents, especially mom, give the child the necessary feeling of security and safety. Thanks to this, the psyche of a small person can develop in accordance with its nature. In a force-feeding situation, the child loses a sense of security and safety. By force-feeding, we knock the soil out from under the baby's feet, and his development slows down. Delays in psychosexual development in childhood do not allow a person to fully realize himself in adult life as a parent, as an employee, as a husband or wife, as a member of society.
What is food
Since ancient times, the main desire of primitive man was to get food, otherwise he would not survive. All relationships in the pack were regulated by this. The one who was able to get food, and the one who was worthy to receive his piece for fulfilling his role for the pack (for example, the guard of the pack or the female continuer of the clan), had a better chance of surviving and continuing in time (having children). In the primitive pack, hunger ruled everything. All roles, relationships between people were regulated by the right to a piece of booty. He did not fulfill his role as a guard of women and children, a leopard attacked them while other men were on the hunt - that's it, you won't get your share of the catch. This meant certain death.
Therefore, the desire to fulfill its role in the pack, to comply with the laws unconsciously guided each person, guaranteeing him food, and therefore survival. Preserving oneself, surviving - it brought a person the pleasure of life.
Now, when there is no longer the threat of hunger for mankind, nothing has changed on an unconscious level. Human relationships continue to be built around food.
Relationship Laws
Sharing food always brings people together. Because we have fun together, and this always brings us closer. The family should gather at a common table, including children, regardless of their age. Small children can sit in a highchair that is pulled up to the table. But always together. And it is very important that the tablecloth is elegant, the dishes are beautiful. To make it a family ritual. So that everyone was waiting for this, they prepared delicious food. At least several times a week, you need to get together like this. You will see how your relationship will become closer, kinder, more human.
And not only in the family, in any relationship it works. When I ate, I am kind, I love everyone. And when is it mutual?
A business lunch for business partners is the key to successful business relationships.
The guy invites the girl to the restaurant. If she likes him and she agreed, this is the foundation of their future family. When a man feeds his woman beautifully and tasty, then unconsciously she is ready to trust him, to give everything that she can give in a pair relationship, is ready to conceive children.
And for yourself - if you want to eat some food, then you have to eat it! Get this pleasure, do not deprive yourself of pleasure. When a person was able to receive pleasure (food, gift, compliment, care), he is grateful to the giver! This means that everything that is capable of giving him pleasure - other people, the world, God.
Then he himself is able to bestow. To give with pleasure, experiencing the pleasure of giving. Both in food and in relationships with people. After all, if we know how to receive, then we can and want to give!
Teach children to share food
Teaching your child to share food is very important. First with parents, then with other children. First, with the fact that the child has a lot (a whole packet of cookies - I can distribute half). And then with what is not enough, until he wants to give the only candy! Because the pleasure of giving to another will be greater than the fact that he will eat this candy himself. This is generally the best thing that parents can give their child - to teach him how to share food.
Unconsciously, other people will always be drawn to him, to feel sympathy, as to someone who is capable of being a giver. It instills a sense of security and safety next to him - a basic feeling for every person.
So in this case, the child will never have problems in the children's team. And for the future, you will lay him a very good life scenario.
How to get rid of force-feeding injuries?
What to do with the experience of force-feeding received in childhood, with your joyless life? Can't you change anything?
Can!
After I completed training in systemic vector psychology, I realized that everything can be fixed. And I did it. There was a feeling that I had thrown the slab off my chest! I breathe deeply, I enjoy every day! The sun, the breeze, the rain, the butterfly! I love all people!
And most importantly, I was able to forgive my mother. We improved our relationship - as if we got to know each other again. It gave me strength and energy. Mom has changed too, we now have a wonderful relationship, I'm just happy!
And yet, an important point - my children do not know the horror of force-feeding. Realizing how destructive it was, I never did that to them. And I can say that they have an excellent appetite. There was such a funny case - at school, in an English lesson, they were asked to choose from a list and write out in two columns foods and dishes that you love and that you don't. My boys were confused. The column with unloved products remained empty.
After completing the training in systemic vector psychology, I provided my children with the right attitude to food. This means that happiness is to live, no matter how loud it sounds.
And I was not the only one who got such a result. At Yuri Burlan's trainings on system-vector psychology, the consequences of force-feeding are eliminated, and this helps to restore our zest for life.
We begin to enjoy life, to smile at passers-by. We get pleasure from food, from communication with other people, from the results of our labor, from sunny and rainy days, from the breeze, from contemplation of the beautiful … from everything!
We learn to understand ourselves and our desires, we learn to accept gifts with gratitude and share with others from the heart.
Come to Yuri Burlan's training on system-vector psychology and learn to enjoy life!
