Conflict with the teacher. Teacher - parent: who will win?
Thousands of minor conflicts remain within the walls of the school, fit into family history and, as a rule, have one victim - the child himself, for the good of him, at first glance, all the fuss was started.
Conflicts between teacher and parents are becoming more common. The most notorious of them become public, for example, the case of the beating of a young teacher by the father of a student from school No. 339 in the Nevsky District of St. Petersburg (the cultural capital of Russia). On this fact, a criminal case was initiated under Article 119 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation.
Thousands of minor conflicts remain within the walls of the school, fit into family history and, as a rule, have one victim - the child himself, for the good of him, at first glance, all the fuss was started.
We will use the new scientific data obtained at the training of Yuri Burlan "System-vector psychology" and consider what needs to be done to prevent a conflict between the teacher and the parents and what value is the very clarification of the relationship for all parties to the conflict.
We were all taught a little
The conflict between the teacher and the parents belongs to the category of pedagogical problems. The educational program of pedagogical universities provides for the study of the theory of such a conflict.
A conflict is understood as a clash of opposing interests, positions, this is an extreme stage of exacerbation of interpersonal relations. The stages of the conflict are analyzed in detail, and the main advice for stopping or preventing it is extremely simple: find a compromise, come to a consensus. / P>
For this, it is proposed to use the following methods:
1. Look at the situation through the eyes of competitors.
2. Stop and realize what the problem of the conflict is, what stage it is at now, think over a solution to the conflict that would satisfy both parties.
3. Remember the child, his interests and behave "in an adult way."
Nevertheless, beautiful theory is at odds with practice.
Causes of conflicts
Why two adults, one of whom received a pedagogical education, cannot find a common language, come to an agreement with each other? Parental polls on this issue show that the spark that has turned into a flame of conflict is:
- incompetence of the teacher: teaches the wrong thing, teaches the wrong way, cannot communicate normally with parents;
- the teacher's inability to find an approach to the child: “he is a talented boy, but he is afraid of her”;
- the performance of the child: underestimates grades, biased estimates, overestimated requirements.
Teachers, in turn, complain about:
- failure of parents in raising a child: they do not fulfill elementary requirements, for example, that their son should go to school in a school uniform, have the necessary form for physical education; do not pay due attention to the child;
- increased, often unreasonable requirements for the teacher: why the class teacher cannot be with the children during all the changes, help the child do his homework (“you must love our children,” “you must give my Vasya an A”).
It is interesting that teachers acting in two guises - teachers and parents - often strike up conflicts, although it would seem that someone else if not them, who knows the ins and outs of their profession, should live peacefully and interact effectively with the teacher.
They, just like ordinary parents, feel powerless, humiliated by the teacher, do not want to go to parent-teacher meetings.
"You come and listen to what we have to do, how badly our children behave, they do not consult with us, but confront us with a fact, only demands and claims are voiced."
This is what lies on the surface, what is realized by us. The root causes of conflicts are often overlooked.
We think systematically
The root of the conflict between the teacher and the parent is not a specific difficulty in teaching the child, this is just a pretext, a catalyst for the conflict, but the psychological problems of the adults themselves. It is not for nothing that a child is in any case a victim of a pedagogical conflict (the opposing sides pour out negative on him), he lives in a situation between two fires, which undoubtedly affects his mental and physical health. Transfer to another teacher, to another class, to another school is also hit hardest of all.
The very fact that conflicts are harmful, a situation where its participants defend their own truth to the last drop of blood, stops some parents from protecting the rights of their children.
“Be patient, son. So what if the teacher is yelling at you, nagging, hitting your hands with a ruler. Himself to blame. I have to finish my studies."
This is the other extreme, which carries no less negative consequences for the child's psyche: the child finds himself alone with his problems, loses a sense of security, does not feel safe, loses trust in his parents, which means that he cannot fully develop.
What solution does the training "System-Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan offer? Oddly enough, but systems thinking itself contributes to the prevention of conflict.
The happiness of understanding
Distinguishing people by their innate vectors, the level of their development and the degree of realization, you can know exactly what to expect from whom. How a person will behave, what values he lives, what drives his actions. Accordingly, it becomes possible to easily find a common language, explain the difficulties encountered in the educational process in an accessible and understandable way.
It is difficult for teachers to realize the fact that parents cannot be altered or re-educated (according to the system-vector analysis of Yuri Burlan, vectors develop until puberty, but their implementation occurs throughout life).
We cannot give a new family to a child (unless, of course, we are not talking about deprivation of parental rights), as well as giving birth to him back, but helping him in specific conditions to reveal his natural potential, to teach him to build relationships with his parents is quite real.
Dermal parents in a developed state are disciplined, organized, successful in their careers, purposeful, aimed at saving energy, time, and energy. They like to receive information on the case, to listen to rational, logical arguments of the teacher. They are able to negotiate, think in terms of benefit-benefit. It is important for them to arrange their child in a prestigious school, where they can make profitable acquaintances.
In poor condition, skin parents flicker, inadequately restrict the child, save on kind words addressed to the baby, smiles, hugs. They have a consumer attitude towards school: "Can you bring your child to school in the morning and pick it up at eight in the evening?" They do not want to sit with the child and do their homework (in their opinion, this is a waste of time), it is better to do things, earn money.
They are the ones thinking, “Does my son have discipline problems? So educate yourself! I don’t call you to work and I don’t ask you to resolve the issue with suppliers!” For them, the main thing is that the child is shod, fed, dressed and does not interfere with their work. In this case, it is advisable to attach the child to an extension, enroll in circles, to familiarize the parents, under signature, with the rules of conduct at school, the responsibilities of the parents and the sanctions for failure to comply.
Anal parents are caring, their life guidelines are children, family, home. For them, praise, public respect is significant, this is the hackneyed advice to teachers - to start with praising children, to thank parents for their upbringing labor. You need to talk to them in a calm, quiet voice - from screaming they fall into a stupor, they are afraid of changes, they need to be prepared in advance for the upcoming changes, for example, what awaits children after elementary school. They gladly respond to the teacher's call for help, whether it is to wash the windows, wash and hang up the curtains or accompany the children on an excursion, they also cook up pies for everyone. From children, they demand obedience, diligence and to bring the work begun to the end.
The downside of the anal vector is resentment, rancor, domestic tyranny. The bearers of this vector in bad conditions like to use dirty curses: "school is shit, the teacher is full of …", as well as assault. It is advisable to stay away from them and help the child to have the opportunity to attend circles, to participate in the social life of the school. And certainly not to complain to the anal dad about the child - he will beat him, he does not perceive other methods of upbringing ("it will come better this way").
It should be borne in mind that many teachers have an anal vector. And in a developed, realized state, these are golden teachers who are ready to give their lives for the sake of their students, like the famous Janusz Korczak. There are also those who "get" at the expense of children, humiliating them, expressing their resentment to the whole world because of a failed career, a failed family. It is better not to send a child to such a teacher.
So, the surest way to avoid conflict is to avoid it. In the opinion that the conflict is useful, helps to dump the accumulated negative emotions, the moment is missed that the opposing sides "parent-teacher" always remain true to their truth, no one convinces anyone. Outwardly, a winner and a loser appear, although in reality everyone loses: a specific problem is not solved, the intensity of passions increases, a person is wasting his life energy on confrontation.
Moreover, the conflict is extremely harmful for the child, who acts as a bargaining chip. In a conflict, each participant tries, consciously or not, to solve the accumulated problems of his own, to level mental deficits, but in no way help the child get a quality education and overcome difficulties at school. Just as a teacher tries to assert himself by raising his parents, pointing out to them the shortcomings of their upbringing, so parents sometimes, by writing complaints, intimidating teachers, try to close their own psychological gaps (for example, they remember old grievances against the injustice of teachers, they want to be parents of excellent students in order to embody unrealized dreams and grow in the eyes of society).
You can learn to understand other people, yourself, get an effective tool that allows you to prevent your psychological complexes and shortages from superimposing on relationships with children and others. The knowledge that Yuri Burlan's training "System-Vector Psychology" gives is open to everyone.
