Slow Childhood Bomb, or Time to Grow Up
If in childhood they did not reckon with your desires, controlled every step, informed you that it is wrong: you stand, breathe, work, talk, communicate, live. Or maybe they put a heavy parental hand … So listen! Is there a bomb ticking somewhere inside you …
He could not stand the strong pressure.
And over time, and the weak …
Absurdism
If in childhood, and even now, your mother thinks that she knows better how to live for you, and still wants to control your life, this means that you may have a delayed childhood bomb hidden somewhere deep.
If in childhood they did not reckon with your desires, controlled every step, informed you that it is wrong: you stand, breathe, work, talk, communicate, live. Or maybe they put a heavy parental hand … So listen! Is there a bomb ticking somewhere inside you …
I'm going to do something terrible.
I'm going to explode.
30 years earlier:
- "Fool, stop shedding crocodile tears, don't say a word to you …"
- "Mom tried, cooked, but you don't appreciate!"
- "Hurry, what a clumsy child!"
- “Scoundrel, scoundrel, bully, and this is already 7 years old. Tell me, do you have a conscience? Do you feel sorry for your mother?"
- "Put your replacement shoes?"
- "Turn around quickly, I'll tie you a scarf."
- "Why didn't you?"
- "Why did you do it?"
- "Where have you been?"
Deafening machine gun bursts. Sudden whistle of bullets. The apartment is like a minefield. Every deed, defect, mistake is an explosion of anger, “penalties”, an atmosphere of intense anger. War. All childhood. It's like waiting for the bombing and shelling. And fear. Fear of punishment, rejection, guilt, fear of making a mistake and angering mom. In adolescence, an unsuccessful riot, a demonstrative short-lived departure from home and … peace. Or rather, surrender, an inert existence, indifferent consent, submission, reconciliation with control.
Prolonged childhood
30 years later
I live by imitating others in their desires, in values, in their feelings and actions. I repeat common phrases and other people's intonations. I choose popular brands and popular music. I buy newfangled gadgets and play computer toys. I'm drinking. I still know when to stop. I am not worried about the future, lethargic steering where they are told, but sometimes weakly and not for long rebellion - offended, demanding, "capricious."
The phone in my hand vibrates, and for a second I am lost - is it my hand shaking, like it used to be in childhood, when my mother called me, or the phone rings? I look at the screen - it's mom.
I'm going to do something terrible. I want to grow up. The bomb explodes inside me!
Mother, ……
Impaired warmth balance in family relationships
A global temperature rise of 5 degrees, as well as a decrease of 5 degrees, will lead to an irreversible environmental catastrophe on Earth, scientists say.
Climatic conditions in the family also contribute or not contribute to the prosperity and maturation of its members. Frequent thunderstorms, hail, drought or freezing, tsunamis or earthquakes create obstacles to the happy life of people gathered under one roof.
Our ancient ancestors believed that all misfortunes are sent to us by the gods. And the greater the catastrophe, the more formidable the god seemed, who sent these disasters. People lived in fear, anxiety and tried to appease the rulers, making sacrifices, recognizing their strength and power.
There are still such parents, or one who can be compared with a formidable god. The one who keeps the whole family at bay. Everyone is afraid to tell him something, to make a mistake, to make a mistake, and he, feeling his power, becomes a dictator. In our history, this is a mother who has an anal-skin-visual ligament in her vector set. Family values, traditions, resulting in exaggerated care and pressure, the demand for unquestioning obedience and respect (the anal vector is in a state of lack). Ambition, the desire to dominate in everything and control everything (the skin vector is also not in the best condition), to which are added their own deeply hidden fears and anxiety (visual vector).
A mother who creates an atmosphere of fear in the family, an atmosphere with indicators beyond psychological health. She feels good - others are afraid. And it does not even occur to me that not only the child's life is being destroyed, but also her own future. That someday the child will get tired of being afraid and curse her. And there will be a terrible break. The child will live without her, but she …
Children who were forbidden to grow up and change
“I order - you do” - this is the motto of the despot. Childhood insubordination is regarded as a riot, as an attack and suppressed, the "revolutionary" is suppressed. For disobedience of the child, punishment, scandals, criticism await. Her own disappointment in life, the mother's dissatisfaction with herself is reflected in the child, who is required to follow the wishes of the parent. "I want" and the child's opinion are ignored. The child is essentially turned into a toy. The parent needs such a toy, he does everything so that the child remains dependent, does not become independent, and feels guilty. In such conditions, the development of the child is inhibited - he loses confidence in his abilities, does not grow up psychologically.
This causal relationship is especially clearly realized for children born with anal and anal-visual vectors. By nature, they are obedient, calm, attached to their mother, in need of kind words, in approval. For them, any change is stress. But even in a situation of a domestic climatic anomaly, falling into a stupor from the thunderous peals of the mother's voice, wiping away tears from unfair reproaches, such children need the deification of their parent. They will seek an excuse for the mother's actions, not admitting her guilt, but rather blaming themselves. They are so attached to her that, experiencing the fear of being rejected by their mother-deity, they lose their individuality, independence, the chance to be themselves. They become dull, lethargic, lazy, lacking in initiative.
They agree that the mother decides for herself how to develop. As a result, their abilities and capabilities are ignored, which then leads to disappointment, misunderstanding of their vocation, their place in adult life.
A home where it's safe
Warm weather in the house, in the family is one of the decisive factors for the successful development of the child, for the happy life of all family members. Home is where it is cozy, comfortable, and most importantly - safe. Where a person is not afraid of the people closest to him, where there is a sense of security, caring for each other. Where a person lives without a mask, where he is accepted as he is.
Home is a place where the interests and opinions of another are taken into account, where the states of the other are felt and reckoned with. Where the value of another human life is recognized, where it is understood that the child must go further than the parent, that the child has a purpose. Where conditions are created in which the child learns independence, a joyful and interesting life, the need for realization.
Having received from the parents, and above all from the mother, a sense of protection and security, the child can express his desires, express his feelings, understand his interests without fear. After all, if parents want the child to live well, they want him to grow up independent.
This is deprived of children who grew up in the conditions of severe domestic bad weather. They are forced to make a lot of efforts to find themselves, to realize what their purpose is, to learn how to achieve their goals. They take a long time to mature. And outwardly, having matured, they still keep unspoken claims and reproaches to their parents. These claims and accusations are the very unexploded shell, the very bomb that detains us in childhood.
These reproaches are inevitable, but being a parent, like being a child, is not easy. We all have weaknesses and flaws, perfection and perfection are found only in fairy tales. Having become parents ourselves, we realize how difficult this task is and, perhaps, we are wondering if we can create favorable weather in our own home … Will rainbow rain, saturating the soil, be shed from the clouds, or will tender seedlings die from a "tyranovirus" hurricane? To understand your parents, the reasons for their actions in relation to us - a step on the way to an adult state.
"Tyranovirus" - where is it from?
Fears, increased anxiety, stress, discontent are the causes of the negative states of many modern people. However, many are experiencing stressful factors, but not all of them exhibit "Tyranovirus".
A woman with an anal-skin-visual ligament of vectors, being in constant stress and fatigue, can manifest herself in an over-caring despotism. The desire to be a good mother, excessive "perfectionism", fear of "disgrace", that is, not coping with the upbringing of the child, the feeling of guilt (properties of the anal vector) are manifested in excessive pressure on the child. We add here prohibitions, requirements, the desire to control everything, the desire to be in time (properties of the skin vector) and we get an unbearable burden that you want to shift or at least share with someone.
The more developed and realized the sphere of feelings (properties of the visual vector), the more a person is capable of a favorable perception of life. Able to experience feelings of happiness, joy, satisfaction. But with emotional unfulfillment, a person experiences a constant lack of love and attention in relation to himself, longing and despondency - that is, the whole set of an unhappy life. And as a result, the mother becomes deaf to the emotional world of the child, does not feel that the child lives in another world, does not see in him a separate person who needs attentiveness, warmth and safety of love.
After the training "System Vector Psychology" it becomes possible to understand and forgive mom:
The need to grow up
After Yuri Burlan's training "System-Vector Psychology", the time bomb explodes in childhood. However, the sound of the passing clock does not stop. Now the internal ticking signifies a new period. The time comes for a person to search for new life strategies, to write a new personal scenario of life. Time to distinguish between your own and others. Time for independent decisions, development of new pillars and values. Time for a conscious and responsible life.
Find the courage to listen to your inner clock. What time do they measure?
The training "Systemic Vector Psychology" will show you the path on which you can heal your wounds, open up a new space of freedom and adulthood. And then you will explode with fireworks of joy and satisfaction, scattering only sparks of love and happiness around you!
