Childhood rape: how to improve life and forget the horror experienced
The trauma experienced often forms a further distorted life scenario, and in each case it is different. Sometimes women complain that they cannot love or open up, trust a man. Feeling fear of a man, they build relationships only with women.
A man who has experienced sexual abuse in childhood may suffer not only from the inability to create a pairing relationship, but also difficult to adapt to social life.
Shrinking into a ball, I squeezed out of myself the story of what had happened, drop by drop. From the terrible shame that I had to say these things to my mother, it took my breath away, as if I was one continuous mud and dreamed of only one thing - to die right here and now. Those who survived rape in childhood, became a victim of pedophilia, know how unbearable it is for a child to talk about it out loud, to reveal these details in a circle of loved ones.
I felt that I myself was to blame for what had happened. How could such a geek like me appear in our prosperous, intelligent family? Choking on this boundless sense of guilt, I made a firm decision. Now my life should be devoted to earning the forgiveness of my relatives, especially my mother …
As an adult, I really managed to achieve a lot, my relatives could well be proud of my achievements. One thing did not work out - to become happy. Relationships with the opposite sex did not work out normally. Is sexual abuse a sentence, and no way to make life better for those who have experienced childhood abuse, pedophilia, or homosexual rape?
Why me?
“Since this happened to me, then I myself am to blame (or to blame) for what happened,” - very often the victim of violence in childhood perceives the situation in this way. But this is not the case.
Violence is always committed by a person with a frustrated anal vector. Such a person experiences tremendous tension. Therefore, he can take the opportunity to "reset" it at any opportunity. And there is never a child's fault. You can read more about the real causes of pedophilia in the article.
Consequences of rape in childhood
The experienced trauma often forms a distorted life scenario in the future. Sometimes women complain that they cannot love or open up, trust a man. Feeling fear of a man, they build relationships only with women. There are also physiological consequences - for example, vaginismus or so-called coldness.
A man who has experienced sexual abuse in childhood may suffer not only from the inability to create a pairing relationship, but also difficult to adapt to social life. The trauma can result in impotence. From the thought “I can't be a man. What to do? the man is under tremendous stress.
The perception of the most traumatic situation of childhood abuse is different for each child. It depends, as Yuri Burlan's System Vector Psychology explains, on a number of factors:
1. Congenital vectors (features and properties of the psyche) that nature has endowed the child with
For example, children with an anal vector are striving for purity and obedience, loyal to their family. The main person for them is their mother. After the experience, such a child may feel “dirty”, unworthy, believe that he himself is to blame for what happened. Subsequently, this can add up to a flawed life scenario: for example, a girl unconsciously rejects worthy men.
To protect her mother, an anal girl may be silent for years, for example, about violence by her stepfather. And if you have to tell, he experiences tremendous shame in front of his mother. There is an emphasis on the need to "restore your reputation in the eyes of the family."
The properties of the anal vector make a person tend to seek approval before taking any serious step. And after a psychological trauma, a girl can become especially dependent on the opinions of her parents. Instead of choosing a profession or a job to their liking, an adult is already unconsciously guided by only one consideration: to what extent relatives will approve of his choice.
Children with a cutaneous vector may experience different consequences of childhood rape. With increased skin sensitivity, children with such properties experience physical pain very hard. The trauma they have experienced can reinforce a masochistic scenario in their psyche. And then, even in marriage partners, they will choose a sadist, someone who beats or humiliates.
A scenario for failure can also be formed (an adult already consciously strives for success, but unconsciously rejects it from himself, cannot achieve).
2. Gender of the child
The consequences of rape for boys and girls are different. Girls, in general, are more likely to adapt the consequences of violence or abuse by a pedophile than boys - to homosexual rape. This is due to the natural structure of the human psyche.
Sexual intercourse between a man and a woman is natural, natural. And sexual contact between two men was initially taboo, and with homosexual rape, the natural taboo is disrupted. A boy who has experienced this experiences tremendous trauma.
From shame, he is able to lay hands on himself. In adulthood, he may suffer from the inability to realize himself, in the profession, in relationships with other people. It can also be impotence, when he cannot be a man, he cannot love a woman and feel attracted to her.
3. Reaction of parents
How a child adapts to childhood rape depends a lot on how the adults react to the incident. However, parents who are determined to help their child often lack the psychological literacy to do it right.
For example, we are trying to find a way to forget about what happened. We try to bypass any mention of what happened in the family. This is especially true for intrafamilial pedophilia: for example, harassment by a stepfather, brother or other relative. An atmosphere of "mystery" is created that is not talked about.
And sometimes, even if raped by a stranger, the child's parents do not sue, trying to protect the child from the stress of testifying.
Unfortunately, for a child, such suppression has the exact opposite effect: false shame is formed. “Since the offender is not punished, apparently, he is not to blame. If he is not persecuted or judged, and they do not even talk about it in front of me, then I am guilty myself, I did something terrible,”- this is how the child perceives what is happening.
How can you help your child adapt? System-vector psychology Yuri Burlana explains that talking with a child is not only possible, but absolutely necessary. In order to find the correct and accurate words, it is important to have accurate knowledge of how your child's psyche works.
How to survive rape
Whether trouble has happened to your child or to you, it is possible to eliminate the mental damage received at any age. At Yuri Burlan's training in system-vector psychology, you will reveal the unconscious mechanism that leads to violence. You will be able to achieve a complete rethinking of the consequences of mental trauma and getting rid of all the "anchors" received as a result of the experience.
There is no “crippled fate”, everything is in your hands. Start your journey to surviving violence with Yuri Burlan's free online trainings on systemic vector psychology. Register using the link.
