Great Masturbator
Is masturbation so terrible and why do both adults and children do it? Are the causes and consequences of this phenomenon the same or are they individual for everyone?
- Have you ever masturbated?
He laughed.
- I think everyone has masturbated at least once in their life! Sometimes, after his mistress, he went to his wife, and then a few more times himself. As if I can't get enough. Are you … doing this?
- I don't need men at all. I can do everything myself. They only get in the way. They interfere with my fantasies.
- I understand, - he smiled, - I am the Great Masturbator!
- You are a fool, not the Great Masturbator …
From one story
Shameful topic
- He's an masturbator, a masturbator, - the classmates laughed at the scared fat sixth grader, - he has his hands on tiptoe from this. Nobody greets him!
Such things were quickly recognized (parents sounded the alarm too loudly, and often the culprit himself) and became in the distant recent times a lifelong disgrace for any unfortunate masturbator. This terrible word was a stigma. Almost as awful as the "blacksmith". Both those and others disgraced the honest name of the family, school and even country.
“I'd better injure you,” dad warns his young daughter quietly, but very convincingly, “I'd better kill you. But bl … you won't grow up. I promise.
The visual mom cries, the anal dad humiliates, the grandmothers scream good obscenities, the crazy grandfathers threaten with hell, and the "sin of masturbation" to this day does not allow children or their parents to sleep peacefully.
In kindergarten, the teacher reprimands them … the guests look askance at the boy who now and then lowers his hands under the table during a dinner party … parents are obsessed with loose clothes for a poorly managed daughter … hysterically drag children to psychologists … spend hours wandering the net in search of salvation …
And here's the advice they come across. This is what psychologists are proposing today:
(author's comments in brackets)
- "Observe the daily routine: if the child gets used to going to bed early, he will forget to masturbate." (Dear psychologist, for a child, as you understand, finding time for this is not a question at all. He can do it during the day.)
- "Do not mention it". (An excellent tip is to go through dental clinics and advise patients the same: ignore toothache.)
- "Offer him to play with a toy, put together a puzzle or cubes, play with a ball - the main thing is to keep the child's hands busy." (That is, the problem is in the hands, not in the head? Maybe it would be more logical to keep his head occupied with something?..)
- "Dress him in loose clothes." (It's even more convenient!)
- "Putting his hands on top of the blanket without giving a reason." (So let's tie it up right away! And don't bother explaining the reason!)
And here's another:
“But if a child begins to masturbate before the age of 8-10, be sure to consult a child psychiatrist or sex therapist. Early masturbation is one of the hallmarks of hypersexuality and other disorders. (And we went on all sorts of suppressing drugs, because this undoubted sign of hyperactivity, which we fear like the plague, must be squeezed in the bud. Like the nature of your beloved child …)
Is masturbation so terrible and why do both adults and children do it? Are the causes and consequences of this phenomenon the same or are they individual for everyone?
The right to everything
The professor had a daughter. On a sunny summer day, a small skeleton collapsed and crumbled to smithereens right from the bookcase of the professor, a respected person. A grand showdown was going on in the office: he was raising his "negligent" daughter, a schoolgirl.
The professor's mother-in-law with tears in her eyes whispered in the corners with her family:
- I caught her doing this … What a shame. Such a girl … active. And - a mum …
He hit her, humiliated her. And on the same night she tried to destroy the most precious thing in his life - to set fire to the library …
Anal dad's urethral daughter is an ordeal for everyone. After all, such a girl begins to masturbate from the age of six, this is such an atavism of puberty (precisely at the age of six) from primitive times.
She, in relation to the others, begins sex early, easily gets a vaginal orgasm without preliminary stimulation. Prefers penetration. Her masturbation is the beginning of a great sexual journey. The urethral girl does not feel inhibitions and restrictions, but until she has grown up and cannot have sexual relations, all that she has is she herself alone with her body.
But as soon as she grows up, masturbation can stop - with the beginning of real sex. Real adults. Such a girl knows no limits - she will meet with whomever she sees fit. Therefore, the period of "masturbation" will soon be replaced by another.
What to do?
Don't panic, don't hit. Do not humiliate! She can turn around and fight back. Or grow up to be a lesbian. But she will not stop masturbating and having sex as much as she needs. This is not licentiousness. Its natural task is to continue the human race. It is impossible to deny. To break the psyche - yes.
Who is here?.. You are disturbing me …
Sound girls start masturbating for other reasons. There are usually two of them. Self-knowledge and removal of bad states in sound.
When the sound is unfilled, she does not know where to get away from this hellish pain, and unconsciously tries to descend into her lower vectors: the sound vector is completely asexual and the emphasis on the sexual temporarily covers the lack of sound. Thus, compulsive masturbation can occur. Several times a day, not filling, but only giving temporary relief.
Over time, the girl begins to learn not only her body, but also the inner world; physical cognition of oneself is only the first step on the path of acquaintance with one's self. Therefore, the only necessary thing here is to direct the child in the right direction, to help him open a perspective for finding himself in the sound vector.
Instead of masturbation, a skin-sound girl can simply change partners literally like gloves: every day she has a new one - maybe it will become easier? There is a partner or not, who he is - it doesn't matter, it's just a tool.
Relatively low libido, small in the cutaneous and, in addition, significantly weakened by the sound vector, does not give a persistent attraction to one partner. Sexual intercourse in her sensations is nothing more than a mechanical action. There is also the skin factor of novelty - both the repayment of suffering and the new body of the partner in one bottle. But this relief is short-lived and empty.
If we are talking about an adult sound woman, there is also nothing wrong with her masturbation, if these states do not become obsessive for the same reasons. In this case, self-locking does not occur, on the contrary, masturbation as knowing your own body can help a woman open up sexually, learn to get an orgasm with a partner.
What to do?
Find the reason! These can be, as we said, the processes of knowing oneself and relieving pain in sound. It is necessary to switch shortage to filling. How do we fill the sound? Read more about this in the article "Recommendations for parents on raising sound children".
Mom, I think I'm a masturbator!
Skin boys, especially skin and sound boys, are the least masturbating. At certain times, an adult skin man may also masturbate. But not for the same reasons as anal. He is thin and brisk, unstable and unattractive. The only thing he needs is a constant kaleidoscope of new sensations. This is the sexual libido of a man with a skin vector, including a growing one.
Ironically, it is easier for a skin boy, whose desire is less and almost always sublimated, to find an object for realizing his attraction: he is enterprising, mentally flexible, knows how to adjust. He knows how to make money, after all. For girls, this is no less, and even more attractive than sexual potential - she feels it as capable of providing offspring. The anal one, especially the underdeveloped one, with his inflexible psyche looks like a lump, not adapted to life. If he's a grown man, it's easy to understand his despair.
There are already many songs about the powerful undifferentiated anal libido. And none of them reflect the suffering that the anal boy masturbator experiences.
Such a child matures early, he is stunned by a hormonal explosion, the desire accumulates, but social inhibitions are strong. After all, he divides everything into clean - dirty. He may seem to himself a "dirty", "bad" boy. He is ashamed, but he masturbates … Since the ancient taboos and ideas about the viciousness and dangers of masturbation are deeply embedded in the mind of a teenager, this experience forever leaves the feeling of guilt and fear of the "consequences". Although boys know that masturbation is a massive phenomenon, they are ashamed of this "bad habit" and carefully hide it.
There is an unpaved field of phobias, clamps, fears. If the anal child also has a visual vector, then it is very easy to add a lot of other fears to his fear of being branded a shame. How often one has to see how parents resort to such a terrible educational method - intimidation: “If you do this, warts will appear! Everything will turn black and fall off! You will become impotent!"
The problem is exacerbated even more by the fact that desire cannot be defeated. He can't stop masturbating, trying to fight it, a teenager usually, like millions of people before him (but he doesn't know it), suffers defeat. This causes him to doubt the value of his own personality and especially his volitional qualities, reduces self-esteem and encourages him to perceive difficulties and failures in study and communication as a consequence of his “vice”. Any sexual failure is assessed in the same way in the future …
It is hard for him that he is doing something "wrong", forbidden, but he cannot not do it either.
All of this threatens to become a solid foundation for onanophobia and turn into fear of women. All relationships with women in the anal boy begin with the relationship with the mother. If a boy grows resentment against his mother, who does not give him attention or love, subsequently he may have problems in relations with women, inability to build harmonious relationships, resentment against them.
A developed anal man can sublimate his desire - to write, to be creative, to be realized in the profession. But even then, this is most likely not enough, and masturbation is not enough, because the anal libido is too strong, frustrations arise that can end in crime.
What to do?
If you are a mom of an anal boy, know that your son is a masturbator today, and potentially the best professional in his field, a “golden” husband and father, the very “stone wall” behind which almost all women dream of being. But with the wrong upbringing, he is a cruel rapist, sadist and even a pedophile. Take care of him, do not rush, do not blackmail with guilt. Develop his natural abilities: perseverance, the ability to get to the very essence of a phenomenon, an object. Let him investigate, do not rush, do not take him away from the unfinished business! Find out if he has upper vectors that give direction to the interests of your handsome man - sound, vision, orality, smell. And, based on these natural properties, let it develop as much as possible. Remember that its natural task is the accumulation and transmission of information,therefore let him accumulate it, and he will learn to transmit it himself.
Simple movements of the right hand
Let's hear what they say on the net about this painfully itchy topic. Note, this is written by adults …
Here are the expert tips:
“The question arises: how to quit masturbating? In fact, it is not difficult. According to sexologists, you just need to quit once and for all: no reductions in doses or frequency are allowed here, as well as temporarily stop thinking about sex. It is better to direct all your energy in a different direction: heavy physical activity or intense mental activity can contribute to this. The body has an amazing ability to quickly rehabilitate.
Since masturbation is currently on a par with such bad habits as drug addiction, smoking, etc., at first a person may be tormented by the so-called withdrawal. This condition may indicate that the body is gradually beginning to return to its original and normal state."
Of course, I'm not a sexologist. But after the words about drug addiction and tobacco smoking, I simply could not read it! Such specialists, imposing these medieval ideas, make a considerable contribution to the creation of many complexes and fears among gullible people … An impressionable visual child will wait with bated breath for the promised withdrawal, which they frightened him, will begin. And do not hesitate, he will wait for her! Visual people are the first in psychosomatic diseases.
And here is one of the many pieces of evidence that the brilliant advice to “just quit once and for all” does not and cannot work:
“I have been constantly trying to quit since I was 14, but it just doesn't work out. I hold out for about a month, maximum one and a half, and I break down. After I break, it feels like I was trampled. And I don't even know what the matter is: whether in the very fact of masturbation, which I consider the lot of children (I think that this is normal at 14, but not at 17, almost 18) or losers who are not able to find a worthy partner … Today again I did not keep my word and under … l. Again 34 days of trying to quit - wasted. After so many unsuccessful attempts to throw, they give up. I don't know what to do anymore: I can't live with it and I can't quit. How to be?"
Yes, the impression is created exactly like this: a person gives up this as the most harmful and unhealthy habit, akin to smoking. Only in contrast to the situation with smoking, he also considers himself a pitiful and unworthy person.
A vivid example of how a person, having received stress, closes in on himself.
If you rewind the tape, you can most likely see the flickering parents of the anal boy, who always did not allow him to finish the job he had started, to get the intended result. In addition, they did not praise him, did not support him with the parental approval he needed; did not allow him to feel capable of successful accomplishments.
And later, you can probably assume a failure in sexual experience, firmly entrenched, because for an anal person the first experience is so important! And now it is easy for him to believe that he is not capable of anything, even a normal girl is not supposed to him!
And the reason for his failure is not masturbation at all. He will not resist, will break down and will again consider himself a failure, they say, even this he could not give up … And this feeling will be projected on all spheres of life. Then there will be frustration. Then … you know what.
An anal man who has not had a partner for a long time inevitably finds an outlet in pornography. He is offended at the world in which he did not get a woman, he is offended by the women themselves, he is getting more and more pleasure from watching "dirty" porn, where these scoundrels are rewarded what they deserve. All of this takes him further and further away from the opportunity to create a healthy pairing relationship. So gradually masturbation becomes the only possible way to release, and he no longer needs any woman: "why should he mess with these dirty girls", and masturbation becomes more and more intrusive, finally locking him up on himself and completely replacing sexual relations for him … And it would not be so bad if frustration did not accumulate over time, creating much more serious problems!
And this is also the advice of a psychologist:
(again in brackets the author with his comments)
To quit masturbation you need:
- "Don't touch (you know what): if you don't touch, this won't happen!" (Yes, and then break loose and rape the neighbor!)
- "Don't think (you know what you are), that is, don't fantasize: if you don't think about it, then nothing will torment!" (And if you look in a book and see THIS?..)
- "Do not watch - erotica, videos, pictures, in general, everything connected with it, and everything that excites and tempts you!" (It is not necessary to look, you can, having accidentally seen an unfamiliar woman or a man on the street, invent all this about him …)
… Do not think, do not look, do not dream, DO NOT WANT! And if I want ?! What should I do?
Can you suppress your sexual desire? This is the same human need as to eat, breathe, drink, sleep. Nobody, including yourself, can forbid you to want for a long time. There are no such forces - this is our psychic, which controls us, and not we. In general, it is very reminiscent of the advice of a crazy skin-sound fanatic who castigates himself because of the inability to forbid himself to breathe. He doesn't really need it - I mean, of course, masturbation … You'd be surprised, but there is every second such advice.
By no means am I making a mistake - in fact, the situation is as critical as people are helpless in it! Behind each such story is a personal drama, or maybe no longer personal …
What to do?
Recognize the right to have your own desires. Many undisclosed women are advised to masturbate so they can get to know their body. Aversion to masturbation is the first and major step in creating a problem out of nothing. Because our upbringing, cultural traditions, “absence of sex in the USSR” and everything else made this imaginary absent really absent. Only an illiterate total prohibition generates masturbation, obsessive, locking a person on himself and in this process, only preventing the creation of a harmonious sex life.
… and the wax figures are beautiful
I often see fear in the eyes looking at me
they are destined to fall asleep within my walls, freeze in my worlds …
M. Gorshenev
A separate and difficult topic is fantasies accompanying masturbation. And the desire to fulfill them someday.
Most likely, there is no need to talk about accentuated fantasies in the muscle and urethral vector. The attitude of the muscle vector to sex is special: it is important that everything is human, there is no place for original experiments. Therefore, if the muscle and thinks about sex, then only about what he wants in principle.
Urethral people, by their very nature, never lack sex - they don't think, they do! Not a single urethral will sit up for a long time in any fantasy. And there is no point in dreaming about what you already have.
An anal woman, if masturbating, can have an orgasm from a fantasy of anal sex. This is her secondary erogenous zone, taboo. She may dream of him, but she will never dare if there is no suitable partner.
Sexual fantasies, their nature, direction depend on the state of the vectors.
If, for example, it is masochistic skin, then there may be pictures with scenes of humiliation, tying, violence. Skin or skin-visual women can imagine themselves being raped, having sex with two or three men, with animals (with a dog, for example). This does not mean at all that she would allow such an experiment in real life!
These are fantasies - the exciting factor of novelty (skin) and a new picture, new strong experiences (vision).
At the same time, not everyone will dare not only to realize their secret fantasy, but even to give a hint about it to anyone!
Without knowing and not understanding the internal mechanisms of human sexuality, we can naively believe that our fantasies, even if they have at least a drop of deviation from generally accepted standards, is something out of the ordinary, something that will never be accepted by others. And often we do not realize that we are far from alone in our sexual desires "with a twist." And we find ourselves forced to close on ourselves, hiding from the whole world that which could so simply bring great satisfaction.
On the other hand, not knowing how to differentiate other people's sexual desires, we risk even more when trying to realize our fantasies. Here we are the masters, but in reality we cannot control the partner's reaction and the situation as a whole. Oftentimes, real-world fantasies end in disappointment, and good, if not worse. The partners' misunderstanding of desires and boundaries of what is permitted in this experiment can lead to mental trauma and real tragedy.
The area of sexuality will always have a significant veil of taboo, this is the very area of life where fears, awkwardness and inability can interfere most of all. The systemic typology of sexuality is an important step towards learning not only to be aware of and accept your desires, but also to easily guess the preferences of your potential partner and, on this basis, to build harmonious relationships, because no fantasy, no pleasure given to oneself, never compares with the joy of realizing yourself in a pair!
What to do?
Realize yourself. Understand the reasons and then solve the problem with the consequence.
It's good to think like that, you say. And what remains for me, a lonely person, with my unspent libido?
Welcome to the training! Perhaps you can't find your soul mate because you don't know who you need? "Everything is not right … everything is not right … I do not understand what I am missing … Maybe I am somehow not like that?"
You are so. And you deserve a great relationship, not a "simple move."
And in conclusion, a few words to the parents of any child
Masturbation is not limited to mechanics. She's not a mechanic herself. You cannot forbid it. You can't bind all hands and feet.
The work of each parent is important here, deep, not superficial. As well as the main principle of the training "System-vector psychology" - the comprehension of the cause, the root, and not "healing" the effect.
We always want to help our child grow up as an accomplished member of society. So that he was in demand through his properties, and not trying unsuccessfully to adapt others. And he was not limited only by his body, sitting inside himself. In every sense of the word.
