Children in the "cage"
Mom!.. Everything begins with her: our first steps in this world, and our first communication experience. Our future life largely depends on how it develops. It’s very sad to realize that sometimes the best mothers in potential can, unwittingly, harm their beloved children.
Mom!.. Everything begins with her: our first steps in this world, and our first communication experience. Our future life largely depends on how it develops.
There is a special type of women (anal-visual) who seem to be created to be the best mothers, nannies, educators, teachers. In a realized state, they are visually kind and attentive, in an anal way - caring and patient. Sensitively responding to the needs of the child, they are happy to give their strength to children, their upbringing. It is very sad to realize that such the best in potential mothers can, unwittingly, harm their beloved and adored children. Let's see why this is happening and how to avoid possible mistakes.
The fact is that the situation changes radically if the anal-visual mother is in an unrealized state.
We all come to this world with a set of archetypal properties, inclinations that need to be developed during the period of growing up in order to be able to adapt the conditions of a complex modern society.
In the period before puberty and during puberty, these properties develop so that later, in adulthood, we can realize them and get maximum pleasure and joy from life. The task of parents is to timely and correctly develop the innate properties of the child. If we set the wrong direction of development, and sometimes completely deprive the child of the opportunity to develop, he remains in his archetypal state. This further determines the negative scenario of his independent life. (A broken skin child can become a thief, an anal child who grew up feeling a lack of mother's love and support, acquires resentments that do not allow him to build a happy relationship in marriage, etc.)
The upbringing of children inevitably reflects the condition of the parents themselves, their ability or inability to be happy.
We have all met mothers in life who surround their child with super-care, literally blow off dust particles from him, predict every step first of the baby, and then a schoolboy and even a student, and sometimes much longer: "You will forever remain my son for me!" By creating hothouse conditions for children, they deprive them of their development.
Caring, which in itself is an excellent quality of the anal vector, having no other application than complete dedication to the child, turns into over-care, a kind of over-compensation. Until we realize the true reasons for our desires, we come up with various rationalizations of our behavior. “It will be better for him!”, - says the mother confidently, eagerly protecting her child from any obstacles. By preventing him from acting on his own, it deprives the child of the opportunity to learn to cope with difficulties and adapt to environmental conditions. Such a child, being only a kind of mother's appendage, remains weak and helpless, not ready for adulthood.
Fears in the visual vector of the mother become the cause of her endless worries about the child. Here the son or daughter stayed twenty minutes after school, and my mother is ready to throw tantrums, call hospitals, morgues and intensive care units, in horror painting pictures of the death of a child. Mom is anxious even when he is alive and well and does not give the slightest cause for concern. She endlessly leads the child to the doctors, on her initiative endless tests are submitted and research is carried out in search of an imaginary pathology. She calms down only when they finally find any, even insignificant, illness: "I told you so!"
Her own visual fears obscure the eyes of such a mother, she is not able to adequately assess the situation, she sees a danger for the child in everything. The reason for this behavior lies in the mother's insufficiently realized visual vector, which is filled with emotional swings, fears and tantrums.
It is impossible for such a mother to give her child into the "wrong hands". Without visiting the kindergarten, staying at home, the child loses the skills to communicate with children. And in the yard his mother is always "on guard" of his safety. The child is "surrounded" from all sides both at home and on the street. As a result of this "upbringing" we get a non-adaptive in the team and society.
It is the parents who are the guarantors of the child's survival, providing a sense of security necessary for the child. And here he is experiencing anxiety, which is transmitted from an anxious mom. Already in infancy, these children do not sleep well at night, wake up, often cry.
An anxious and unstable emotional background of the mother has a particularly negative effect on the visual child, who needs an emotional connection with the mother for a sense of security. But her visual vector is in fear, and therefore she is not able to create this connection. You can immediately see such children, they cuddle up to all the people who come, looking in the eyes in search of attention. They react vividly to expressions of empathy and very quickly become attached to those who respond to their emotional needs. Not finding the opportunity to share their emotions with people, to create a strong emotional connection with their parents, they revive toys, talk and sleep with them - this leaves them at the level of attachment to the inanimate, delays them in fears, significantly inhibiting the development of their ability to love.
Over-concern strangles the child, it does not create a sense of security for him, but makes him dependent and painful. Against this background, psychosomatic illnesses may appear. Such children often suffer from colds, runny nose and other childhood diseases. If you drink warmed milk all your life, you can catch a cold from a sip of cold water.
In a sense, we should talk about the mutual unconscious collusion of mother and child. The mother's constant fear, her desire for excessive care, the desire to hide behind the child's illness in order to stay at home, contribute to the unconscious provocation of diseases. On the other hand, the child, sensing the state of the mother, seeks to correspond to her, as if following her unconscious desires. As an extreme form of this problem, there are cases when a mother deliberately maims her child or hinders his recovery, so that later not to leave him a single step … This is how a mixture of anal sadism, over-concern and emotional stress in the visual vector can manifest itself.
Sadistic manifestations in the anal vector are a sign of sexual frustration. An anal-visual person in this case sadistic primarily verbally, if there is no visual vector or it is insufficiently developed or stressful, then sadism manifests itself in the form of physical influence: it costs nothing to spank the child for real and painful.
Now imagine what a child has to experience in such a family, at first glance it is quite safe. On the one hand, there is overprotection and, at the same time, elements of verbal sadism, on the other hand, permanent hysterics, with which the mother tries to evoke a feeling of pity, to compensate for the emotional emptiness, the lack of filling the visual vector.
Stressing and not receiving pleasure in their vectors, parents get at the expense of their children, creating, in turn, stressful situations for the wards themselves. Of course, in her subjective feelings, a mother loves her child very much, everything that happens is the result of unconscious processes, problems of her own development and implementation. Day after day we live our life scenario, defining the future of our children by our states. Being a buffer of our psychological problems, they lose in development, acquire resentments and other "anchors", receiving a false direction in their movement in life.
Having mastered systems thinking, we are able to realize our own problems and mistakes that we make. By giving our children the right direction for development, we thereby create the necessary foundation for their maximum realization in life.
