Relationships between people: sources of happiness and causes of suffering, the psychology of good relationships
Through trial and error, we learn to interact with people, we get communication experience - positive or negative. It is the experience of relationships that hangs on us anchors or anchors, leaves unhealed traces, wounds, deep traumas or, as we say, "complexes".
Relationships are the world we live in. From the very moment when I open my eyes in the morning, and until the last moment when the thought leaves my consciousness and a dream sets in, I understand … no … I feel a constant connection with people. This connection - I-and-Other - pulsates in me with a thought, tears from my heart with love, is compressed by suffering or fear, turns into a word, a look, a touch … They are loved ones, relatives and friends, distant and unfamiliar - in my thoughts, desires and actions … I am in this relationship from the first to the last breath. My existence is possible only in interaction with the Other.
The feeling of a neighbor - Other … But who is he, this neighbor, who … here he is, next to, but for some reason so far from me? And who am I to him? What does he want from me? What does he think about me? What is his intention for me?
We look at life, at other people and do not understand either them or ourselves … We read books and magazines on psychology, plunge into religions and esotericism … Suddenly, at some point, we begin to think that finally, after the twenty-first case of read books and two years of wandering as coaches, we have solved the secret of the human soul, well, or at least we are somewhere very close … And so on until the next bad experience, followed by another disappointment, melancholy, hysterics, depression, suffering - and not a single psychologist we cannot help.
Relationships in a couple, family, group, society … Is it possible to comprehend everything that is needed for perfect interaction with all the people we meet on the path of life? Friendship psychology, working relationship psychology, teen relationship psychology, virtual relationship psychology, finally! We tune them up, create them, hold them, torment them and endure them, suffer, want to tear them apart, suffer or enjoy. And all because we want to enjoy and enjoy life. It's all very simple! Do I need much? Just be happy and see other people happy! I want to have a meaning in life, I want to know why and why, to understand the purpose and purpose … Is it possible ?!
The key is self-knowledge, understanding yourself and, therefore, other people. How to build harmonious relationships with yourself, in a couple, family, group, society? How to unravel the wisdom of the psychology of emotional relationships? It's simple - you need to understand and see a person, his desires, thoughts, intentions, which add up to actions. It seems to us that all people are the same. Hence the misunderstanding, disappointed expectations, broken lives …
We are different: collective and personality - vector of interaction
We are different in our identity: system-vector psychology provides the only scientific system of measures in its obviousness and observability, which reveals the mental of each person. Eight measures - eight vectors - eight characters. In mixtures, they add up an integral personality. Each character is determined by a group of desires that guide a person's behavior in various situations.
In system-vector psychology, this is possible - self-awareness and understanding of the Other. And this is the basis of mutual understanding and harmonious relations. Systems thinking allows us to interact with people in the most complementary way, that is, understanding our own and their characteristics. Trainings in system-vector psychology are trainings of thinking, when a person first begins to realize what he is thinking, and to see what thoughts and intentions govern the behavior of another person …
The main source of pleasure and suffering is the Other. More precisely, these are the relationships that we create with people and groups and which, in turn, create us. Through trial and error, we learn to interact with people, we get communication experience - positive or negative. It is the experience of relationships that hangs on us anchors or anchors, leaves unhealed traces, wounds, deep traumas or, as we say, “complexes”. They grow in us with family dramas, the misfortunes of our children, difficult experiences, negative life scenarios …
On the other hand, it is the experience of relationships, interaction with other people that helps us to develop, to be filled with a sense of the joy of life, to see the beauty of every moment in the range of thousands of colors and shades! It is in relationships that we realize ourselves, reveal our potential and acquire a state of fullness of life with meaning. We can say that the human in a person is formed in relations: in separation and union with the Other - near and far.
"I!"
The process of human formation took place gradually, each of the vectors made its own contribution to the development of mankind. The last step was overcome by a sound measure. The soundman 6 thousand years ago said for the first time: "I!" And this was a decisive step in the development from animal to human.
Then for the first time we felt our “I” and the “I” of another, separate from mine, opposed to me and limiting me. My neighbor … The first feeling of his neighbor is dislike. With this feeling we go out to meet the Other, fencing off from him.
And only over time, the visual vector - a visual measure that created culture and art - built emotions and feelings over animal desires and their fulfillment, "taught" all the other vectors of love and compassion …
And this is another revelation for the trainees of the training - understanding of the nature of love, its essence and roots. Philosophers, psychologists and even physiologists have broken many feathers, broke many hearts, trying to figure out this phenomenon. Unsuccessful … Vector systems psychology gives us a clear idea of this.
Only one of the vectors is able to experience love and give this feeling to the fullest - this is the visual vector. The paradoxical connection between love and fear is revealed in the training in a surprisingly clear and obvious way. Fears and phobias are what torments visual people. During the training, they naturally leave, their place is taken by compassion, love, euphoria, as evidenced by numerous reviews.
At the same time, demanding love, for example, from an anal or skin person in its pure form, is simply meaningless. Each of the vectors has its own set of values that you need to know before "starting" a relationship. Thanks to system-vector psychology, you will immediately see that, for example, this person will love beautifully, he will be a good family man and a father, and Vasya, what can he do, is capable of treason, and Petya … Petya - sadism and violence.
And friendship!.. We mistakenly assume that everyone can be friends, as well as to love. And then we are surprised at betrayals, infidelity and for this reason we are disappointed in people … Friendship as a special, "brotherly" connection can be created by representatives of the anal vector. For them, friendship is the highest value.
If we could immediately understand and clearly see the person with whom we are communicating, we would definitely be able to determine whether it is possible to be friends with him, whether it is possible to expect love from him or whether he is by nature intended for another. Such knowledge is provided by system-vector psychology.
We and society
Man is a collective being, and the psychology of interpersonal relations in a team is a fundamental topic. A person finds his own destiny, his meaning in the company of his own kind: “Who am I? Why am I? If I am for myself, then why am I? … Our whole life is walking in groups …
The group as a whole is united by a certain common task. In the team, every person from the time of the primitive flock to the present day strives to fulfill his own specific role, unique in terms of tasks and requirements. The inability to fulfill it, to be realized, gives a person great suffering. The reason for this is, first of all, misunderstanding of oneself, one's purpose.
System-vector psychology gives an accurate idea of what tasks a person is able to perform in a group, in what profession, position he will be successful, in what he will bring the greatest benefit and success to his team. As far as a person realizes his talents and abilities in a team, he is internally balanced, calm, and therefore finds personal understanding with the members of the group.
Communication is one of the most important factors in successful, successful group interaction. If we could correctly understand another person, his desires, intentions, see his personality traits, capabilities and abilities, then we would not expect the impossible from him, as is often the case, we would not demand from him what he is not capable of … This means that they would experience less disappointment, suffer less from misunderstanding, and avoid conflicts.
Each of the vectors has its own set of values, desires and shortcomings. The training "System-vector psychology" forms a special "linguistic" sensitivity in a person, which is based on the fact that you can see a person's mental through speech and communicate in his language, based on his system of values, his needs. This is how you learn to talk to people - you understand them, they understand you.
Also, adaptation in a group and in society as a whole depends on the development of a person's vectors - the more developed they are, the greater the opportunities for implementation. A realized person is the happiest, his abilities-properties work, which means that his desires are filled to the maximum, he gets satisfaction from life, sees himself in his place, feels the fullness of life with meaning.
Relationship psychology is very simple! It is built on awareness of oneself and understanding of the Other, the feeling of the mental eight-dimensional whole. Then - through systemic thinking - harmony and beauty of relationships, love and mutual understanding are possible. Just imagine collectives and societies where people understand each other, where everyone perceives himself and everyone according to his own and his real inner nature. No prejudices, stereotypes, false expectations or delusions!
If we could know … now …
