Raise a son as a man
When a boy is born in a family - cute, pretty, they often say about him: as a girl. While the baby is growing up, everyone is touched. Mom can dress up and comb him with pleasure, like a doll. It depends on us, parents, how the child grows up and what he will achieve in life …
"You have a boy!" - three short words, and happiness is immeasurable. A son! Mother's protector, father's assistant, continuer of the dynasty. A man is growing - to the joy of the whole family! How much pride!
Not a kid, but a rag
- But the more mature the boy becomes, the more it seems that some sissy is growing. A little bit - into tears. Okay, when he was little, but now he is already a schoolboy. It's a shame to cry like a girl! Not a kid growing up, but a rag.
So my friend complained to me during the lunch break. A very good man, correct, decent, economic. Honestly, his wife was lucky. It can be a little harsh, harsh, but at the same time honest and fair - it won't offend anyone in vain.
A colleague at the next table, a respectable, caring and compassionate lady, joined the conversation:
- Oh, yes, now the whole generation is kind of … My youngest is such a handsome guy, in childhood he was generally pretty, like a girl, a "doll" right. He will soon be walking with his brides, but he cannot stand up for himself. My husband and I signed him up to fight six months ago. He walked around somehow for a month and made a tantrum: I don't want to fight with anyone, and that's it! And the fact that anyone would beat him in the yard? She won't protect herself or her girlfriend.
I tried to argue that all people are different and not everyone should wave a sword. But my colleagues found a common theme in which no one could argue with them. I, to my shame, quietly retreated, because I did not feel competent enough in this matter. I think you need to have the full amount of knowledge so that your opinion is considered authoritative and worthy of respect.
A vulnerable soul
And literally a few days later I heard information that fully explained the characteristics of people of this type like these guys. I was just in the process of studying Yuri Burlan's training "System-Vector Psychology", and the topic of the last few lectures was the visual vector and its combinations with others.
The main thing that distinguishes representatives of the visual vector is emotionality. Usually these people are open, sociable, sensual, kind and sympathetic. They love it when it's beautiful around, new vivid impressions. They try to visit companies more often. They know how to win over others, talk heart to heart, feel the emotional state of the interlocutor. They value kind, cordial relationships, and see the meaning of their existence in love.
Cruelty, rudeness, callousness are perceived painfully. They feel sorry for everyone. It is these children who bring homeless puppies and kittens from the street. They attach themselves to the teddy bear as if they were their own. And what a fantasy they have! Whole fairy-tale worlds are painted in their imaginations.
And yes, tears are a frequent companion of such people, and at any age. They say about such people: a thin, vulnerable soul. After all, it is more difficult for them to restrain emotions than others.
And there is no need to hold back too much - we must learn to direct them in the right direction. It is emotionality, empathy and craving for beauty that make such people artists, actors, pop singers and dancers, as well as educators and teachers, doctors and social workers. All those who reveal their inner potential, showing feelings for other people.
What do we need this for?
The skin-visual combination has its own characteristics, which are due to the historical development of a person and the formation of his psyche. Both women and men, who have this bunch of vectors, have always stood out from the rest. First, externally: beautiful and attractive, with a more demonstrative behavior. Secondly, sensually: softer and more compassionate, taking everything to heart. Thirdly, physiologically: immunity is weaker, more susceptible to disease (as if it’s a pity to kill even microbes).
Women with the optic cutaneous ligament were in demand by society. In ancient times, they were even taken to hunt to be noticed with their keen eyesight a predator lurking in the bushes. During the war, they were brave nurses, saving the lives and souls of soldiers under bullets. And in peacetime they became the most gentle and attentive educators, because they sincerely loved all the children and gave themselves without reserve.
Another thing is a skin-visual man. Weak, vulnerable, unable to kill either an enemy in a war, or an animal on a hunt - why such a pack? A man should be a warrior, a hunter, this is his role. And this one for what? Such boys either did not survive on their own due to physical weakness, or were ritually sacrificed.
Men with a cutaneous-visual ligament did not have time to develop a specific role in society - they simply did not survive en masse for centuries. They began to make up for lost time only after the Second World War, when culture put the value of any human life at the head of everything, and medicine reached a new level.
The problem is that society has not yet become accustomed to skin-visual manifestations in men. We know skin-visual women - sensual beauties who are allowed to concentrate on their appearance, and be cutesy, and cry in public, and show any "weakness". But a man shouldn't behave this way - that's how we are used to.
Pretty boy
When a boy is born in a family - cute, pretty, they often say about him: as a girl. While the baby is growing up, everyone is touched. Mom can dress up and comb him with pleasure, like a doll.
But now he grows up, but "masculinity" is not added. Good-natured and vulnerable, ready to cry over any trifle. He doesn’t like traditional “boyish” games: pushing, fighting, spitting, and he himself doesn’t want to, let alone be exposed to all this from his comrades. Therefore, he is often more comfortable in the company of girls. They are pleasant, non-aggressive.
What about the parents? A courageous dad, an adherent of traditions, wants to raise a real man from a son - as he wants. He knew how to hammer in a nail, give the offender in the neck, and keep his father company on the hunt / fishing / in the garage. And then … “Well, what are you like a girl? Dissolve snot! " "Are you a guy or a girl?" - comes to this.
Mom also wants her son to be able to stand up for himself, protect loved ones if necessary. I agree with my spouse that boys don't cry. She wants the best for the child: so that he can do everything in life, so that he can cope with adversity and be happy, so that he is accepted and loved by others. He's so good! He would have a little masculinity.
Boys don't cry?
Unfortunately, even with the best of intentions, parents are not immune to mistakes. And one of the main things in raising a child with a visual vector is a ban on the expression of feelings. “You have to be strong”, “you can't cry like a little one” or “don't cry like a girl”.
The habitual stereotype that “boys don't cry” does not apply to visual children. Increased (in comparison with others) emotionality is the norm for them, part of their nature. What is in them must find a way out. It depends on us in what form.
If we help a child to develop and apply innate qualities, then he grows up as an integral, harmonious personality and, most importantly, a happy person who can maximize his potential, feel the fullness of life. Sincere, sensitive, able to establish good relationships with others - to build emotional connections, to love and be loved.
If his sensual potential does not find the necessary application, then we get negative manifestations at the exit. Uncontrollable tantrums, whims and drawing attention to yourself by any means. Nightmares, all kinds of phobias. And even frequent colds, weakening of the immune system.
A person who is internally inhibited from expressing emotions may retrain and become unable to express feelings when necessary. It becomes a shame to confess sympathy, show compassion, share experiences with loved ones.
The two extreme points of the emotional amplitude of the visual vector are fear and love. Self-fear is the root emotion. Developing, the child learns to transform it into an experience for others, into compassion, that is, he becomes able to love others, and not be afraid for himself. But if sensory development is suspended, the child remains in a state of "fear".
In the future, the inability to use your emotional reserve for its intended purpose, that is, to establish emotional connections, can result in serious problems such as anxiety states, panic attacks, uncontrolled mood swings, emotional stress and others.
And for a skin-visual boy, stuck in fears and accustomed to comparisons with a girl, to doubts about his masculinity, such a scenario is also possible. The strongest manifestation of fear is for your life. Like in ancient times, when such boys did not survive. And what about the skin-visual girls? Those lived, they were not touched. What if pretending to be a girl? After all, they are similar, everyone is already comparing. Put on stockings, paint your lips … and saved? Immediately it becomes somehow calmer, letting go of fear for a while.
And when changing clothes is no longer enough and is still scary for yourself? Finally, change the gender so that no one doubts, does not suspect a boy under the dress. Especially since youth, thoughts come to mind: maybe Mother Nature was mistaken, they messed up something in the heavenly office and placed a gentle girl's soul in a man's body. It was not for nothing that he was so different from other guys. If I were born a girl, my parents would accept it, there would be no problems with peers, and society would perceive it as it is. I would not suffer so much from my "inferiority".
Such sensations arise when a boy cannot cope with a state of fear.
The principles of good parenting
When raising any child, it is important to adhere to the following rules (in the case of a visual baby, pay special attention to points 1–3):
- Do not forbid the child to show his feelings. Don't stop tears. This is not about whims, but about his emotional reaction to what is happening. If a child wants to cry for sympathy for a stray cat, cartoon character, or a friend in trouble, this is a very good sign. It should be so.
- Don't scare! No scary stories or movies. If you read fairy tales, it’s not about the evil wolf eating little pigs or Little Red Riding Hood. Imagine what kind of pictures your visual imagination can draw. No threats "to send to the uncle a policeman in prison" or "to give someone else's aunt." No phrases like “otherwise mom will not love” - what could be worse! And do not take your child with you to the funeral, all this mourning atmosphere is a huge stress for an impressionable kid.
- To read with him high-quality literature that teaches compassion, kindness and mutual assistance, instills the right values and life guidelines, provides "armor" from any negative influence from the outside. And it also develops imagination in the best possible way - a tool that will allow in the future to achieve success in any areas, to find non-standard solutions to problems. And if a child wants to engage in any kind of art, which is very likely, fantasy and imagination are generally irreplaceable. Important: reading should be emotional, sensual, so that the experience touches for the living. Remember how in school we were asked to read with expression?
- Do not use physical punishment, do not shout, do not insult. The child should not lose the sense of security and safety provided by the parents. Therefore, categorically avoid to sort things out with your spouse in front of the child: quarrels and screams of loved ones instantly deprive the baby of this feeling, and if they are repeated over and over again, they threaten with psychological trauma for life.
- Maintain an emotional connection with your child. Give him a sense of parental love. If a son or daughter with a visual vector asks to have a pet, do not rush to fulfill the request. This may indicate that the child feels a lack of emotional closeness with his parents, is trying to find a replacement, a subject to whom he can direct his feelings. A visual baby will easily build a strong emotional connection with the animal, will become attached with all his heart. How long do guinea pigs live? How often do cats fall from the balcony or dogs fall under the wheels of cars? The loss of a pet for such a child is tantamount to the loss of a close family member and can be severely traumatic, up to and including deterioration of vision. Better to work on intra-family relationships.
How to raise a son as a man
So how to raise such a wonderful boy so that he fits into society and develops as much as possible in order to protect him from the attacks of his peers? It is a mistake to give up to fight “so that he can stand up for himself”.
First, when a child is taught to fight, that is, not only to defend, but to beat others, that is, to inflict pain, this is based on aggression. You perceive a sparring partner not as a friend, but as an opponent - there is no time for sympathy.
Secondly, the child always wants to demonstrate what he has mastered, what he has learned. If he knows how to fight, he needs to show it to others. In any conflict situation, he becomes inclined to use his fists, and not negotiate peacefully. He provokes such situations himself or is subjected to provocations from the same guys who want to measure their strength.
If you want your son to get stronger physically, send him to swimming, athletics or gymnastics. Thanks to the exercises, he will become stronger and healthier, and hooligans will not have the desire to mess with him. At the same time, the child himself will not have the need to demonstrate combat skills and get involved in a fight.
A good option for a sensitive boy is to teach him how to play the guitar. The guitarist is the soul of the company, he is not attacked, and the girls love it. Other options: vocal lessons, dance studio, figure skating.
A wonderful way to develop the natural data of a skin-visual boy is to send him to a theater club. All his sensual potential, innate artistry, desire for reincarnation, mobility and sociability will be in demand there. Trying on different roles, working out the characters of the characters, such a child hones the skill to penetrate the inner states of other people.
Most likely, in a theater or dance club, the boy will be mainly among the girls. If from childhood you instill in your son gallantry and respect for the opposite sex, teach that he - a man - should be attentive to them, take care of and protect, then he will clearly feel the difference between himself and the girls. This means, to a large extent, to feel like a boy.
Now, skin-visual men are becoming members of the cultural elite. These are talented theater and film actors, TV presenters, pop singers, dancers, skaters, and other favorites of the public. Only a person who is developed in his natural properties is able to reach such heights.
It depends on us, parents, how a child will grow up and what he will achieve in life. At the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan, I clearly realized that the main condition that allows you to properly raise a child is an understanding of his nature, his innate qualities, his characteristics, his differences from peers and from ourselves.
I will definitely give my colleagues a link to free online lectures. I myself will always be grateful to a friend who told me about them.
