She screamed - he was silent … How to melt an icy heart
One day you notice that your loved one shows very little emotion towards you. He is closed, silent, detached. And as if not here at all. Not with you. You try to talk, clarify the situation, but you are faced with even greater detachment, incomprehension, indifference. Everything boils inside, confidence settles in the soul with a sharp needle - I fell out of love …
- Stop being silent! Well, you can't be so soulless! Say something! Say !!!
In response, silence. Shakes you. Not! It's incredible. What pain, pain, pain!
You put on boots, a raincoat, a scarf … No, not pink. What the hell could a pink scarf be in a situation like this ?! Black, of course, black. Yes. We must run away from here, rather run wherever they look. It doesn't matter where, but you can't stay here. I can't see him, I can't!
Already in your boots you return to the room - add:
- You are an insensitive block of ice! You can't feel! You are breaking my heart! You absolutely don't care about my emotions! If you just …
I would like to say something … something that will make this silent monster feel something at last … And you realize that you do not remember at all how this quarrel began. You forgot what he was to blame this time!
And suddenly everything went out
However, it does not matter. After all, over and over again everything goes according to the same scenario. One day you notice that your loved one shows very little emotion towards you. He is closed, silent, detached. And as if not here at all. Not with you. You try to talk, to clarify the situation, but you are faced with even greater detachment, misunderstanding, indifference. Everything boils inside, confidence settles in the soul with a sharp needle - he has stopped loving. Your attempts to talk escalate into a loud quarrel. You cry, scream, and in response there is only an icy silence.
Moreover, more and more often you notice that from the sound of your voice he frowns, as from a severe toothache. Sometimes he says that you are starting a fight from scratch, but this answer does not bring relief. It would be better if he shouted and beat the dishes than that. But he is silent. And then he says that he is tired and wants to be alone more often. And it becomes very scary and painful.
Parting is becoming more and more real, and living together is more and more hopeless, because suddenly you realize that you cannot leave, but it is also difficult to live with a person who does not care. After all, it is impossible to live without love.
Breathe in, breathe out, and we play our loved ones again
Yes it is. Absolutely impossible. But only for five percent of people. The owners of the visual vector, indeed, cannot live without vivid feelings and emotions.
Just like any person cannot help but breathe. We just breathe in and out, naturally and without thinking about it. In the same way, the spectator lives life sensually and emotionally. Inhale - he comes to the peak of emotions, and after exhalation - emotions decline. Naturally, day after day, without even thinking about it. Is it possible to forbid a person to breathe? And what to do if there is a person next to you who perceives your breath as something extra? For whom are your emotional outbursts interfering and almost unbearable experiences? And your feelings for him are just a hindrance, just like the loud sound of the TV, from which someone else shouts hysterically.
Yuri Burlan's training "System-Vector Psychology" gives us the opportunity to understand what is really going on. Understand yourself, understand your loved one and find a way out of this situation.
Ice and fire
The desire for emotional contact, the experience of acute feelings and emotions, the need for love and various signs of attention are characteristic of people with a visual vector. These are especially sensitive people, natural extroverts, for whom the experience of feelings and emotions is the main principle of pleasure.
The desire to be alone, the desire for silence, external detachment and amimity, concentration on their thoughts are characteristic of people with a sound vector. The soundman is a natural introvert, he tends to withdraw into himself. His peculiarity to focus on his thoughts is often perceived by a visual person as indifference and indifference.
And here we have a couple, where for one expression of love is the need to exchange emotions, vivid feelings, the desire to feel the emotional state of his half, for the second love can be expressed in like-mindedness, the opportunity to just sit silently next to his beloved. In silence.
Misunderstandings can arise at this very point. The difference, which initially attracts us so much to each other (the visual person is always drawn to the sound one as to a mystery, a riddle that one wants to solve), eventually carries us to different ends of the Universe, and a wall appears through which one cannot reach each other.
Surprisingly, from the point of complete misunderstanding and shared misfortune, you can draw a beautiful drawing in which two give each other the opportunity not only not to torment each other, but also to make them truly happy. Much happier than they were before. Through understanding the difference between each other, you can find unity …
An emotional ocean inside. Why do I want emotions all the time?
A huge emotional amplitude is what a visual person is endowed with from birth. The main question is how this emotional potential is realized.
In the rich spectrum of visual states, there are always two main opposites. This is an innate fear of death and its opposite is the feeling of love. Only if the fear of death is what a visual person is born with, then true love is not just a feeling that arises in itself, but something that the visual person is able to come to through involvement in the experiences and states of other people.
Therefore, the best way to experience feelings for a visual person is empathy, the ability to empathize, sympathize with others. This is the building of emotional connections in which the visual person prioritizes someone else's state, the feelings of another and experiences them with him. It can be contacts at work, conversations with friends, close people, or maybe the realization of their properties in volunteering, where the ability to empathize and sympathize with others is simply necessary.
Emotional involvement in other people (where there is such a need) allows not only to experience vivid feelings, so necessary for the viewer, but also allows you to create the most enjoyable connections - mental ones. Sharing the feelings of the other, we double our joys and relieve sorrows, get rid of the feeling of loneliness ourselves and give the joy of our sensitive presence to the other person. Thus, a visual person, concentrated on the feelings of another, is in states of satisfaction, happiness and, most importantly, love. And if not?
What happens if the emotional charge given to the visual person is not fully realized or not realized at all? Then the visual person will still “pick up” emotions in one way or another. That which lives within will demand an exit, only in a somewhat distorted way.
A person who has not wasted his emotional potential will fall into a state of fear, worries for himself. This forces him to demand attention to himself, unconsciously or even consciously provoke a loved one to respond emotions, and in fact look for confirmation that he is loved. This is a kind of emotional pressure - a feeling often mistaken for love, but not love. Love is when we give our warmth, sensitivity and attention, and pressure is when we demand all this for ourselves. This is especially pronounced and strongly manifested if the main source of receiving emotions is a relationship with a loved one.
Therefore, noticing that the sound man has withdrawn into himself and his attention is not focused on her, the visual woman, being in a state of lack of realization, immediately begins to feel a lack of experiences and feelings, is afraid that love is gone, and with all her might she tries to switch his attention on himself, trying to get him to show emotions, provoking quarrels and scandals. Thus, she realizes her emotions through the experience of fear for the relationship, bitter feelings about the loss of love. However, it is obvious that this not only does not strengthen the relationship, but also surely destroys them.
So how does he feel?
In fact, tantrums, screams and fights do not bring joy to anyone and never lead to a strengthening of the relationship. But it is especially difficult for people with a sound vector. The desire to concentrate, to be in silence, to concentrate on one's thoughts cannot be realized, constantly being disturbed by emotional swings on the part of the beloved woman. The especially sensitive ear of the sound engineer receives a kind of blows from loud words and shouts, up to painful sensations. And then the man not only does not have a desire to discuss problems and find out the relationship, but the desire to talk generally disappears. Moreover, fencing off from unpleasant sounds and meanings, words coming from the outside, he is increasingly immersed in himself, as if disconnecting himself from what is happening.
A woman perceives this as complete insensibility and indifference, but inside the sound engineer can boil a volcano of various feelings, which he simply does not consider necessary to bring out at the moment.
Where is the exit?
The way out is to be able to understand the other person. Ask yourself the question - do we only feel ourselves or do we feel different? Do we understand how he lives, what he thinks and what is really interesting to him? This is where true love begins. Understanding our man and the correct implementation of our own properties gives us the opportunity to be happy in a relationship.
At the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan, we get the opportunity to see and deeply feel a loved one, to understand ourselves and him, to learn how to properly implement our properties, which invariably leads to a positive change in state. Mental tosses, painful tension and anxiety go away. We become happier, which means even more attractive to our beloved. We understand how to properly build an emotional connection with a man, which means that we get the opportunity not only to maintain a relationship, but also to experience exactly that vivid and eternal feeling of love, which the visual person always strives for.