I'm afraid to send my child to school. Panic before September 1st
“My child will go to school! I am afraid to send him there”… It would seem that the school is not a kindergarten, and the question of whether or not to send a child to school is not on the agenda, but many parents are seriously inclined towards family education. What to do with parental fears about school?
On the eve of September 1, an increasing number of parents, most often mothers, share their fears and concerns on the forums on the topic: “My child will go to school! I'm afraid to give it there. Although it would seem that the school is not a kindergarten, and the question of whether to send to school or not is not on the agenda, many parents are seriously inclined towards family education.
Let's consider systematically what such a choice can lead to and what to do with parental fears about school.
What are we afraid of
If we summarize the reasons for parental fears that lie on the surface and are meticulously discussed in chats, we can distinguish three main ones:
- Modern children. How cruel, ill-mannered they are, it is not known what is on their minds. They can not only teach the bad (swearing, drink alcohol, smoke, addicted to drugs), but also rob, beat, mock, abuse. Anything you can expect from them. Judging by the news reports, little is good.
- Teachers. Poorly educated, often illiterate, hysterical, with outdated views. There are, of course, teachers with a capital letter, but this is rare.
- Study load. Inadequate curricula, improperly arranged daily routine of schoolchildren, they are fed twice, and often disgusting, the prolongation is wasted. At its core, school education is imbued with a state ideology, which educates not creative, self-sufficient individuals, but obedient cogs for the state mechanism.
As a result, the child loses all interest in learning and experiences constant external pressure. No one takes his opinion into account, he is presented with answers to unasked questions, they demand obedience and submission in everything.
Good intentions
It is quite possible not to send a child to school, according to Russian law. In addition to full-time education, there is also home schooling (for children with disabilities, for children with health problems, when school teachers come to their homes), family education (parents, tutors teach in the family, then children take exams at school), external studies (assignments are taken at school, the child prepares at home, then passes the exams to the school commission).
As you can see, it is quite possible for parents to cope with their own fears for their child's school life according to the principle: no school, no problems. The fragile child's psyche will remain safe. Nothing will interfere with the full development of the child's potential, he will receive all the best that the parents have chosen for him.
The main disadvantage of family education is the lack of socialization at school - its supporters compensate by communicating the child in circle classes, recalling Pushkin's times and referring to the quality of home education of nobles, rejoicing that they can control the process of socialization of their child - no casual acquaintances, everything is thought out and calculated.
No matter how it is. Alas, the miscalculations of parents in raising children are not immediately apparent.
Victims of their parents
The good intentions of the parents - to protect, preserve, protect from the bad influence of their child, in reality ensure not at all his becoming a harmoniously developed personality, not a happy future and the Nobel Prize.
Non-school children differ from their peers in higher intellectual development, conflict-free, achieve certain heights in their careers, but, in addition, often become regulars at psychological consultations. The main psychological problems they deal with are prolonged depression, difficulties in building relationships with the opposite sex, difficulties in communicating with people, flight into themselves, lack of joy in life.
The roots of the problems can be found in the extremely reckless decision of parents not to send their child to school. The fact is that a person can become a person in the full sense of the word, only being in a society of his own kind, adopting cultural experience, socializing, adapting the landscape for himself.
How our mental works
A child is born as an archetypal animal cub with a certain vector set given by nature, that is, with a set of innate mental properties at a basic level that are to be developed and implemented in accordance with modern requirements and the needs of the future.
According to Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology, in a short period of time from birth to the end of puberty (12-13 years), a child must follow the same path that humanity has traveled from primitive times to the present, or, more precisely, thus develop its properties. In a children's team, in a flock, it is important for a child to play his future life scenario, otherwise he may become a social maladaptive.
As the landscape has become more complicated since primitive times, so the human psyche develops to become more complex, develops through the gradual passage of life's difficulties. The first stage of socialization and the first important adaptation experience for a child is communication with parents, upbringing in a family. As the baby grows up, he begins to closely develop his inclinations in the family circle, there is a need for communication with peers.
The human psyche is so arranged that he cannot develop, remaining a thing in himself. The greatest joy, as well as the greatest grief, is brought to a person by another person. To feel happiness, a person needs not only to receive (knowledge, emotions, satisfaction of their desires), but also to give, to receive confirmation from society. These are two interrelated, interdependent processes. Two sides of the same coin.
In kindergarten, a group of kids is, in fact, a prototype of a primitive flock, where children are ranked, find their place in the team in accordance with their vectors.
The child goes through a similar ranking when interacting with other children in the yard. It is sad that today our courtyards are not conducive to street, courtyard games for children. Unauthorized parking lots, increased crime impede the once usual games of "Vyzhigalo", "Potato", rounders, free communication of children without close supervision of adults. Our children are thus placed in worse conditions than we are in terms of opportunities for socialization.
Why does a child need school
School, especially the initial stage, is very important for the development of the child's potential not only in the intellectual sphere, but mainly in the development of adaptive, communication skills, in understanding on the mental, subconscious level of his place, his role in society.
By sending a child to school, parents give him the opportunity to find enemies and friends, learn to defend himself, express his desires, his opinion, help others, and make his own contribution to the development of society.
Non-schoolchildren are akin to animals raised in captivity: despite all the care of people, they are not well adapted to life in real conditions. Children studying at home may well have a solid baggage of book knowledge, acquire practical skills, but they will not be able to pass the ranking necessary for the development of their mental health, which means they will not be able to feel psychologically comfortable in society, in life.
At the same time, it should be especially noted that all children, no matter what they were born - closed or sociable, quiet or talkative, calm or mobile, need communication with their peers, it is in their environment that they learn to adapt what is given to them by nature for this environment, albeit aggressive.
For example, a sound child, who is by his inner essence an introvert, loving silence, flinching at harsh sounds, focused on his inner world, thoughts about the structure of the universe, runs the risk of remaining living in his shell, without learning to live in society, without developing his lower vectors. An unsociable child who has learned to go outside, interact with classmates, has managed to defend his right to be unsociable, dissimilar to others, can reveal his natural potential for others, get mental pleasure from feeling like a part of the whole.
Those sound children who did not have the experience of socialization in a children's collective are not able to subsequently, remaining themselves, effectively interact with other people, sad loneliness becomes their fate.
Childhood mental traumas do not happen because of the school itself, but because the parents did not help in time, did not support. Lost time cannot be returned - the sensitive period for the development of vectors lasts until the end of puberty. Then you can't catch up, you can't wait until the child grows up, then let him communicate freely with his peers. It is possible to develop a child's intellect at home, take them to additional lessons in music, dancing and other things, but creating conditions at home for psychological ranking, for full-fledged communication with peers - not hothouse, but real - will not work.
The role of modern parents
When parents want to educate the child themselves, a natural question arises: what can they teach the child, having in their mental model of the past generation? The time for a simple transfer of parenting experience to a child has passed irrevocably.
Today we live in such a rapidly changing world that no one can predict the exact scenario of human development. And we need not only to survive as a species, but also to develop, so today's children are born multi-vector, with much greater natural potential than previous generations, with a much greater power of desire. But on the other hand, the more abilities are given, the more difficult it is to fully realize them, the more difficult it is to fill the psychic voids.
It is especially impossible to unleash innate potential in conditions of a lack of communication with peers.
Today, the main thing that parents can give their child is a full-fledged opportunity to adapt to a changing world. The role of the family in the upbringing of a child has changed significantly, the family faces tasks of a different order, and to correspond to them means to raise him successfully.
Do without school
Few of us like to remember school, about how the adaptation took place in the new team, but without it we would not have become what we have become.
Non-school children are problem-free only at first glance. In fact, the sound engineer, with a lack of communication with peers, plunges into his own egocentrism, dwells on himself, lives in a virtual world, fencing himself off from society, goes with the flow, which does not at all contribute to the development of his natural properties, but he is a potential genius.
An anal child, with a rigid psyche, painfully perceiving any changes, attached to the mother, once outside the school walls, will not be able to develop a mechanism for adapting to the team, make friends, learn to make decisions on his own, take the first step, become a “real man”, and not “mama's boy."
The urethral child, with his regal nature, finding himself without a group of peers, will not be able to become a leader, his rich potential will remain undiscovered.
Skin children will not be able to develop their leadership skills, the spirit of competition is very important to them, they want to be the first.
Muscular children do not feel in a team, do not feel the sense of unity they need to develop, do not feel the joy of joint actions.
In addition, children who have not timely passed all the stages of development of innate properties often face serious problems during puberty, they are thrown into the lower vectors, and raging pheromones contribute to the fact that they, often in a distorted form, forgetting about all the prohibitions, try to catch up all that has been missed, not mastered in due time.
The "golden child", in whose education so much effort and money was invested, turns into a strange creature with whom it is almost impossible to communicate.
Accordingly, for a positive result of upbringing, a conscious understanding of the regular stages of development of the child's psyche and an understanding of the internal characteristics of their child is required.
A word to parents
So, parents who do not want to send their child to school can be divided into three categories:
- Those who think school is bad for their child.
- Those who think that their children are not sufficiently prepared for school.
- Those who believe that in the modern world everything is arranged incorrectly, and the school teaches the wrong - introduces to the TV, computer, etc.
In any case, non-schoolchildren become victims of their parents, since school is not so much knowledge as social adaptation, the child's development of protective mechanisms, and his determination of his niche in the team.
Don't worry about school. Hanging on your own fears, outdated beliefs on your own children. No matter how correct they seem to you. A child is not a cast of his parents, not a mirror of modernity, he is a person who is in the stage of development - both physically and mentally. A thorny path lies ahead of him. He must assimilate past experiences, adapt to the present and live in an unknown future.
The task of parents is not to take care that the child at school is not subjected to pressure from the children's collective and the teacher, so that he does not have enemies, but that he, using parental support, learns to build relationships with peers, with adults, to overcome emerging life difficulties.
It is only possible to effectively help a child undergo adaptation, both in kindergarten and at school, by clearly realizing its vector features. Systemic knowledge of the inner world of your child allows you to find the optimal method of education that will direct the development of vectors in the right direction.
If you make a child strong, create conditions for the maximum development of his innate properties, thereby you will give him a sense of freedom, freedom of choice. The higher the mental development, the more opportunities for the choice of implementation; the lower the level of development of vectors, the narrower the range of choice, the more frustrations accumulate, the more chances of slipping into a negative life scenario.
A child is initially born with a feeling of dislike for his neighbor, but love must be taught to him. Parents who openly demonstrate their dislike for other children, for other people, for the state, in addition to their own mental deficiencies, underdevelopment of innate properties, contribute to the strengthening of hatred in the child, which prevents him from trusting the world, constructively building relationships with other people.
How can you be friends with "dirty" Tajiks, with "wild" Caucasians? Labeling by parents leads to the fact that, for example, an anal child grows up not as a true patriot who loves his land as he could, but as an ardent hater of everything else.
The tangle of public hostility is growing, and ultimately everyone suffers from this. You don't need a lot of intelligence to teach a kid to hate, but raising him to a kind, open world is not easy.
Society cannot cleanse itself by accident. We are society. Teachers are also part of society. What it is and what it will be depends on us, on our thinking, on what we invest in the upbringing of the new generation. Whether we are raising lone geniuses living in isolation from people, or are we working to raise a child as a happy, worthy member of society, and thereby change society for the better.
They only say that one in the field is not a warrior. A properly raised child, developed in his properties, can set the tone for his peers, positively influence their development. Rather, water does not flow under a lying stone.
Parents' real fears associated with school are removed by applied systemic knowledge. With their help, it is easy to choose the right first teacher for your child, effectively support him in adapting at school, help find a common language with peers, and develop natural potential at the maximum level.
