Domestic violence against children: the sword of Damocles over the fate of humanity
What is the cause of domestic violence in the family? Where does the problem of cruel treatment, physical and psychological abuse of children and women come from among quite worthy, at first glance, people? What to do and how to protect children - victims of domestic violence?
Night. Calling trill of a doorbell. My son is on the doorstep. Again that boy is behind him.
I already knew what I was about to hear. "Mom, can Danil also spend the night with us today?" I was about to decisively put an end to these nocturnal visits, but the boy suddenly looked up at me, full of pain and a silent scream. Domestic violence against children and all the horror they experienced sounded louder than any alarm.
“Well, come in,” I could only breathe out. Then there was tea with buns and long conversations long after midnight, although both children had to get up early for school in the morning.
No one ever even called, tried to look for this child, find out where he spends the night and whether he is alive at all. Apparently, this was not of particular interest either to his father, who regularly beat his wife and child, or to his mother, who had been pouring alcohol into the ruins of her own life for several years.
Domestic violence against children in the family: what kind of monsters are these parents?
To a reader unfamiliar with the System-Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan, the boy's story about his family would probably seem strange. The boy's father, as it turned out, was a real book reader, knew a lot, had a phenomenal memory. A gold medal at school, a red diploma from a university … True, in recent years he has pretty much grown to the sofa and has not worked anywhere.
Mother, too, was by no means born a drunkard under the fence: this nimble and enterprising woman successfully traded in a nearby store, managing to provide for the whole family. It would seem, what is the reason for domestic violence in this family? Where does the problem of cruel treatment, physical and psychological abuse of children and women come from among quite worthy, at first glance, people? What to do and how to protect children - victims of domestic violence?
Causes of Domestic Violence: "Monsters" Within Us
A person with knowledge of the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan does not have any difficulty in recognizing the rapist, no matter how seemingly external decency he may have. Not everyone has a tendency to abuse children and women, but only the carriers of the anal vector and only in certain states.
From the outside, they may look quite worthy members of society, educated and well-read. They are slow and careful in any business, have an analytical mindset, which makes them excellent specialists. By nature, these are the most loyal and caring husbands and wonderful fathers. However, children's psychological trauma and resentment against the background of insufficient social realization and accumulated sexual frustrations can cause pedophilia and domestic violence in the family.
How domestic violence in the family is formed
It all depends on the psychological state of the child's parents.
For example, the owners of the skin vector, due to psychotraumas, can carry masochistic aspirations. The natural pair of a potential "masochist" is the owner of the anal vector in states that push him to abuse, manifestations of sadism, physical or psychological.
The source of aggression is not always a man. Domestic violence to children can also be manifested by a woman with an anal vector, experiencing frustrations, most often of a sexual nature. In this case, the primary reason for the formation of sadistic inclinations are childhood traumas and resentments, which already in childhood lay the mechanism for obtaining pleasure through inflicting pain on other people.
In the possession of the anal vector, accumulated tension and dissatisfaction erupt in the form of physical or psychological aggression towards the child, which cannot be controlled. Often, after an outbreak of aggression, a woman simply cannot understand what exactly pissed her off, why she began to beat or shout at the child. These reactions cannot be controlled or subordinated to an effort of will. Without understanding the causes of aggression, neither sincere love for the child nor self-control helps.
Often this internal tension is not realized, but it is there and requires a way out. Therefore, men and women find an excuse for themselves that physical punishment is an obligatory element of child upbringing, tested by generations. "It is better to punish now, but then he will grow up as a man."
The most common rationalization: “He asked for it himself. You can't behave like that. What, pat him on the head for this ?! " In fact, the adequacy of the child's behavior and its development is also associated with the internal states of the parents, primarily the mother, and through her the father.
The bad conditions of the mother (her fears, uncertainty about the future, irritability, depression, etc.) is an inevitable loss of the child's sense of security and safety. Even if the woman outwardly controls herself. And since a sense of security and safety is a necessary basis for the development of any child, its loss is an inevitable developmental delay and “bad” behavior of the child.
In especially difficult conditions, men and women with an anal vector, beating a child, enter a state of a certain sensuality and cannot stop. Sometimes this leads to irreparable consequences and ends with the death of children from domestic violence.
Pedophilia: Where Does Sexual Domestic Abuse Of Children Come From - Read more in the article.
How to recognize a hidden problem
Violence against children and women that occurs within the family is rarely carried out. Children who are victims of domestic violence are often silent. Because they consider it the norm, because they are ashamed, because they are afraid. Sometimes they are silent at the "filing" of adults. It is not customary to talk about this: and not only to wash dirty linen in public, but even to discuss what happened in the family circle.
However, the consequences of shouting, physical, verbal, sexual abuse, as well as silence are simply catastrophic. First, because the situation is not discussed, the trauma “does not dissolve by itself” according to the principle “time heals”. All moments traumatic for the child's mental health are recorded and repressed into the unconscious. This is fear in the visual vector, and shame, feelings of resentment or, conversely, guilt in the anal vector, and the formation of masochism or a scenario for failure in the cutaneous, victimization in the visual-cutaneous ligament of vectors, as well as autism spectrum disorders in the sound.
In any case, verbal or physical sadism is a loss of a child's sense of security and safety of any vector set, and, consequently, an arrest of his psychosexual development, an arrest of the development of his innate talents.
And now, instead of a future engineer, society gets a thief or a loser and a loser, instead of a doctor or psychologist - a hysterical woman who is always shaking with fear and panic attacks, instead of a sadist teacher, instead of a brilliant sound scientist - an autist or social maladaptive.
Among other things, children often form false beliefs imposed by society that the victim of domestic violence is to blame. As a result - wrong ideas about justice, shame, wrong model of relationships with the world and with people. This also negatively affects the life scenario of an adult. One mistake gives rise to another, that - a third. And so on ad infinitum.
Statistics say that in Russia, about 2 million children under the age of 14 become victims of domestic violence, about 10% of beaten children die. According to human rights organizations, about 60% of children experience physical violence in the family. Criminal statistics reflect no more than 5-10% of real cases of beatings and violence.
Over the past 10 years, the number of child victims of pedophiles has increased 30 times. About 40% of serious crimes in Russia are committed in families. Every day, 36,000 women in our country receive beatings from their men or partners. Every year, 14,000 die for the same reason.
It is clear that the normal upbringing of a child in such family conditions is simply impossible. And already today about 70% of schoolchildren, according to the report of the chief psychiatrist of the Ministry of Health of Russia Zurab Kekelidze, have one or another developmental disability or psychological problems.
The origins of the global problem
It is no coincidence that today we have such a problem at the level of the whole society. The reasons for this social phenomenon did not take shape overnight. Mass frustrations among the owners of the anal vector arose during the collapse of the USSR, and the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan makes it possible to trace all the causes and consequences of this phenomenon, as well as help them to restore their normal state.
The fact is that the natural values of the owners of the anal vector are respect and honor in the family and at work. During the existence of the Soviet Union, people with such properties could be successfully implemented in pedagogical work. And also in those areas where meticulousness and attention to detail were required (for example, in the production area).
They felt fulfilled and happy, their photos were adorned with honor boards of any enterprise. They could adequately provide for their families, be respected both in the circle of loved ones and at work.
With the collapse of the Soviet Union, the values of the skin phase of human development entered our life: material wealth, success, career growth. Skin qualities such as entrepreneurship and the ability to adapt to rapidly changing circumstances have come to be appreciated. Being natural conservatives, the owners of the anal vector adapted such changes with great difficulty, experiencing the most severe frustrations.
Family tensions grew. Men with an anal vector, left without work en masse, lost respect for themselves and among their relatives, because they could not provide for their families. Social non-realization inevitably led to the formation of sexual frustrations.
The Tsunami of Violence: A Vicious Circle
And a wave of intra-family violence rolled as a result of massive frustrations. In such conditions, a whole generation of children managed to grow up, since then they have been carrying colossal psychological trauma since childhood. Today they have grown up long ago and become parents themselves, unable to build psychologically healthy relationships in their family.
However, in addition to the objective prerequisites for the formation of collective and personal frustrations, there is also the individual responsibility of each parent and simply an adult in relation to children, to their own psychological states. Following our own shortcomings, grievances, insolvency, mood, false attitudes, we are causing irreparable damage to our own children, ruining their lives and future.
What to do, where to go and is there a solution to this problem at the level of the whole society?
Protecting children from domestic violence
The only way to effectively protect against domestic violence against children and women is to eliminate our own psychological illiteracy.
When we understand our own inner states and their impact on our children. When we are aware of the consequences of a slap, a slap on the head, a derogatory word, a scream, psychological pressure, inability to hear and understand our child from the inside, to discern his innate features. When we stop being indifferent and take on real responsibility for ourselves, for our children, for their future, this changes everything. Changes our own states, changes the behavior of our children, changes the world around.
In addition, it is not difficult for a person who has undergone training in the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan to determine that there is a potential rapist in front of him, and therefore, he simply will not allow the child to become his victim.
The training brings incredible results for those people in whose family pathological scenarios of relationships have already developed. The owners of the skin vector get rid of masochistic inclinations forever, and the carriers of the anal vector - from sadistic aspirations, the desire to verbally or physically humiliate another..
As a result of training in systemic vector psychology, it is possible to completely get rid of psychological damage to those people who have experienced violence, rape in childhood or sexual abuse in adulthood. Thanks to this healing of our own psyche, we can finally safely and adequately raise our children:
It is possible for everyone to protect themselves from domestic violence in the family. You can take the first steps to this already at the free online training on systemic vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. Register using the link.