Education by screaming. How to break a child's life for sure
We resort to such methods of education ourselves and consider it normal to cry in kindergartens and schools. But do we think about what it is like for a child at this moment? What is the price of such education?
We want to give children all the best, but for some reason we cannot always explain it to them. What to do when a child misbehaves, disobeys, ignores requests? We explain - he does not hear, is stubborn, capricious. We begin to get irritated, get angry - and gradually we turn to screaming. How else to talk to him if he doesn't understand in another way!
We throw our impotence on the children, shout out what we cannot explain. Perhaps for a moment we get the desired reaction: he stopped getting underfoot, rewrote his homework for the fifth time, collected the scattered toys, so it seems that screaming is an effective method.
We resort to such methods of education ourselves and consider it normal to cry in kindergartens and schools. But do we think about what it is like for a child at this moment? What is the price of such education?
Danger signal. Save yourself who can
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan shows how education by screaming is reflected on the still developing psyche of a child. Each person from birth is endowed with mental properties - vectors. There are eight vectors in total. From what vectors a person has, his desires, thoughts, abilities depend, a life scenario is formed.
The properties of the psyche with which we are born are in an undeveloped state. That is, a child is like a small primitive person who has to develop to a level adequate to modern society. And our task is to help him in this. Childhood is the most important period for the formation of the human psyche, since the development of vectors occurs before the end of the transitional age (up to 16-17 years).
The most important condition for the correct development of a child is a sense of security and safety. First of all, he gets this feeling from his mother, secondly - from the general atmosphere in the family, from its other members. When the mother is calm and happy, when the family has a warm and trusting atmosphere, when the parents understand the innate properties of the child, support him, value his opinion, then the child feels safe and grows and develops normally. But even the most favorable conditions for a child can be crossed out by a cry.
Screaming is the strongest stress for a child, and for an adult too. The reasons for this lie in our psyche. Unconsciously, we perceive the cry as a signal of a threat to life. In ancient times, this role was played by a person with an oral vector, shouting to warn everyone of danger. When a person with an oral vector screams, the unconscious reacts instantly.
At this moment, our consciousness turns off, and a natural mechanism is launched - to save our life at any cost. A person turns into an animal capable of only one action - to preserve himself at all costs. In this state, he is able to jump up a tree in one second and not even remember about it later. After all, the adrenaline went off scale, consciousness did not work, and therefore memory.
What happens to a child when they shout at him all the time? He is over-stressed. He cannot think, cannot comprehend what is happening. Screaming is a mental attack that leads to psychological trauma, especially severe of which cannot be cured. If the child is constantly yelled at, then his fragile psyche stops in development. The child loses a sense of safety and security, especially if the mother yells at him, because it is from her that he should, first of all, receive a sense of stability and protection.
Modern children have such a volume of psyche that you can easily cause injury by screaming. Even if the parents were able to stop yelling at the child, then this can be done at school or in kindergarten. This must not be allowed, this must be fought. The consequences of such overstress will not be long in coming. The cry prevents the development of any vectors. But the most severe consequences are in children with a sound and / or visual vector.
Visual vector. Screaming is a direct road to fear
Children with a visual vector are the most emotional and impressionable. Only such children have the innate fear of death. And it can manifest itself in different ways. It is these children who are afraid of the dark, they ask to leave the night light on, they can be afraid of sudden movements, cry at the sight of a clown in a circus. With proper development, visual learners learn to translate the emotion of fear for themselves, for their lives, into empathy, sympathy and love for others. This is the only way they can stop being afraid for themselves.
When exposed to screams, the visual child experiences the strongest fear for his life. In such a state, its properties cannot develop. Exposure to screaming leads to the fact that a person is forever held captive by fears and phobias that poison his life. The emotional eye can react to a cry with hysterics. So he spills out the horror that seizes him at this moment.
If the childhood of a person with a visual vector passes in such conditions, then in adulthood it will not be easy for him to adapt to society. He may be prone to hysterics, suffer from the fact that it is difficult for him to express emotions. Although in potential he could realize his emotionality in sensual pair relationships, in the profession of a doctor or any other where empathy and sympathy can be shown.
System-vector psychology shows that children with a visual vector react sharply when they shout at another. They take it upon themselves, experiencing horror, an acute sense of vulnerability and insecurity. It is the visual child who will cry when they yell at his friend, especially when the father yells at his mother. Scandalous scenes between parents can significantly disrupt the viewer's ability to create mature pairing relationships in the future.
Sound vector. Before autism and schizophrenia - one cry
A child with a sound vector is serious, silent, pensive. The sound vector is the most introverted, therefore, for its correct development, its owner needs silence and the opportunity to be alone, to reflect. The sound engineer will have to learn to focus not on himself, but on the world around him, and then on people. And only in silence can he learn to do this. If you provide a small sound engineer with the right conditions for development, then he will have the opportunity to develop his abstract intelligence. It is the sound engineers who are able to create brilliant ideas, comprehend the secrets of the universe, be talented inventors.
Children with a sound vector react more painfully to loud sounds than others. The most sensitive sensor of such a child is the ear. A kid can run away from a noisy children's party, hide in a closet from scandalous parents so as not to hear loud sounds. The audio engineer may avoid communicating with someone whose voice is unpleasant to him.
A scream is a powerful blow to the psyche of a little sound engineer. If the spectator reacts to the cry with emotions, then the sound person, on the contrary, withdraws into himself.
Any noise is unpleasant for him, so he tries by any means to avoid uncomfortable sounds. When there are many painful sound effects, then instead of focusing on the sounds of the surrounding world, he "runs away" inward, hiding from the noise traumatizing his hearing. It becomes difficult for him to contact people, because for this he needs to get out of the saving silence of his own thoughts. Being constantly in such conditions, he can completely stop interacting with the world around him, fencing off from it, shutting himself in on himself.
By shouting we cross out the development of all the properties of the sound engineer. He loses the ability to learn, cannot concentrate, and may develop ear problems. If the sound engineer is constantly under the pressure of screaming, then this leads to serious disorders. Autism, schizophrenia, depression are the consequences of crying education.
A sound engineer is a man of meaning, a man of his word. Therefore, not only shouting, but also insulting, demeaning, obscene words inhibit the development of a sound child. When we insult such a child, we kill his neural connections responsible for learning. Anyone who could potentially become a genius and make the most important discoveries becomes unable to master the simplest knowledge.
Protect the child from screaming
Many parents justify their cry by saying that the child does not hear otherwise, does not understand, does not listen. But is it possible to justify the crippled psyche of a child by the inability to find the right approach to education?
You can promise yourself never to do that again, go shouting to another room, drink sedatives, turn a blind eye to the methods of education in kindergartens and schools, but this will not solve the problem. And it's not a matter of willpower, it's much simpler. When we understand why we want to scream, why the child behaves this way and not otherwise, then the desire to cry disappears, and this happens naturally. Parents who have learned to understand their children confirm that it is possible to get rid of screaming:
Just a few lectures and everything changed dramatically. I became calm, patient. I completely stopped yelling at my son. I don’t shout and don’t want to. I wanted changes in my life, changes in my relationship with my son, especially with my son - I got this from the training in SVP. And she got much more than she wanted. Zhanna Banshchikova Read the full text of the result I could not cope with my third child. The daughter grows like a real imp. Having understood the nature of her mental state, she stopped putting pressure on the child, shouting and cursing, significantly improving understanding and relations with the girl. Lyudmila Shchugareva Read the full text of the result
When we understand our child, we have much less cause for irritation. We understand what he needs, how to talk to him in order to be heard, we easily navigate in any situation, helping children to acquire new skills.
When we are deeply aware of the consequences of upbringing by screaming, we will not remain indifferent, but we will raise a parent committee at school and in kindergarten in order to protect our children from the influences that cripple their psyche.
Already at the free online lectures on System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan, you can understand the reasons for many conflicts with children, see the difference and similarity of characters, find the right approach to raising your child. Register for lectures by the link:
