The film "The most charming and attractive". Married - according to mind or heart?
When the film was released, many women seeking marriage adopted the techniques it showed to attract men. And some people continue to do this to this day, because they do not know any other effective way to create a relationship.
"Marry for convenience or for love?" - the dilemma of modern women. If before a woman was not asked whom to marry, she was simply given away, and there was no question of love, now she has a choice. Some women prefer to think carefully before agreeing to a marriage. Others say: “As soon as I fall in love, I lose my head. I can’t help myself. Therefore, marriage is only for love. " Both in the first and in the second case, there are mistakes.
The authors of the beloved film "The Most Charming and Attractive" are also trying to solve this problem. Let's take a look at how they do it and how the advice given in this film can be useful for women. And to unravel the message hidden in the plot of the film, we will be helped by the knowledge gained at the training of Yuri Burlan "System-vector psychology".
The psychology of marriage unions is an understudied area of psychology and sociology
There is hardly a person who has not yet watched the picture. And yet let us recall in a nutshell what it is about.
Nadezhda Klyueva works as an engineer at a design institute. The girl has long been married, but there are no applicants for the hand and heart. Every day she goes to work, actively participates in the social life of the team, plays ping-pong during lunch breaks. It seems that she does not even think about marriage, but time goes by.
Accidentally meeting a former classmate Susanna, she learns that the main thing that a woman needs is to marry successfully. A psychologist and sociologist by profession, Susanna takes the structure of her personal life into her own hands, choosing her colleague Volodya as the object of conquest of Nadin. In addition to love for her friend, she also has a selfish interest - she is writing a dissertation on the psychology of marriage unions.
Susanna teaches Nadezhda the female wisdom - to look good, cook deliciously, and communicate correctly with a man. Nadia blooms before our eyes. All male colleagues begin to pay attention to her. However, the narcissistic Volodya is in no hurry to succumb to her charms, preferring short-term romances. Moreover, invited by Nadezhda to the concert, he comes with another girl.
Nadia also learns that the relationship between Susanna herself and her husband, which she created "according to science," is far from ideal. The husband is cheating on her, but the wife knows nothing about it. Disappointed in the effectiveness of the proposed methods, she returns to her previous way of life and again begins to play ping-pong with the technician Gena Sysoev.
It seems that this is exactly the person with whom she is good and comfortable. So was it worth starting all these changes in order to come to what was next? “Perhaps happiness is near - just look around” - the filmmakers tell us with the words from the song.
However, not all so simple. In the film, the happy ending remains in question. We never found out whether Gena and Nadia's relationship ended up or not. Perhaps they remained just friends, continued to play ping-pong, and Nadezhda never married him.
When the film was released, many women seeking marriage adopted the techniques it showed to attract men. And some people continue to do this to this day, because they do not know any other effective way to create a relationship.
Systemic psychoanalysis shows that the choice of Nadezhda Klyueva is far from unambiguous, especially for modern women. Why? And what method works today? Let's figure it out.
According to the calculation it is even possible, if only the calculation was correct
So why didn't the science calculation work? After all, Susanna most likely set the right guidelines, since at the end of the picture all the men "noticed" Nadia as a woman. The refrain in the film is the auto-training words that Susanna spent with her friend: “I am the most charming and attractive. All men are crazy about me …”Words that have become a mantra of hope for a whole generation of women, later called affirmations.
At the training "System-Vector Psychology" we will learn why affirmations do not work. It is impossible to reprogram consciousness if unconscious programs, which are the main engine of our life, are not realized. Consciousness is only a small superstructure serving our desires, but the basis of the iceberg of our psyche is in a latent state, and it can be influenced only by bringing it out through awareness.
Just along with affirmations, Susanna applied centuries of experience in building relationships, however, without fully realizing it. As Yuri Burlan says at the training, a woman, of course, should be attractive and desirable for a man. She sets the tone in relationships, gives an impulse to create an emotional connection. So Susanna's advice was justified to change her image, dress fashionably, share Volodya's interests, support, praise him.
But the most important thing is that Nadezhda's inner state has changed, and this attracts men much more than outer beauty. She felt the inspiration from the flashed hope of meeting her love, she believed that it was possible for her. She opened up emotionally, became more feminine, allowing the man to be a little ahead of her and ceasing to demonstrate her desire to command him. On the advice of Susanna, Nadia ceased to be so zealous in social work, distributing responsibilities and complaints to everyone.
Of course, next to her, the men immediately felt a desire to fulfill their male role of protector, began to give gifts. Misha Dyatlov - flowers in memory of a joint business trip. Lech Pryakhin treated him to country apples. Volodya brought a scarce Czech eraser and promised to invite her to the concert. And now they already felt that they were missing something when she again went to play ping-pong with Gena.
And yet, the conquest of a man by science did not lead to the desired result. There is a popular wisdom: "You cannot be lovely by force." And this wisdom has a well-founded explanation.
It is necessary that there be an eternal battle, so that everything burns with a blue flame
At the training "System Vector Psychology" we learn that the relationship between a man and a woman begins with attraction. And on the basis of attraction, an emotional connection can already be built, which will preserve the relationship for many years. After all, an attraction based on animal attraction by smell, by pheromones, lasts on average up to three years, and then we are held together by our ability to create human connections - sensual, spiritual, intellectual.
Nadezhda Klyueva had no attraction to any of the men. There was no spark from which the flame of long mutual love could flare up. Nadya herself did not know who she liked. “Outwardly,” she liked Volodya. But when Klavdia Matveyevna noticed that she was "running after Volodka," the girl replied: "It's time for me to get married, and he is a suitable candidate." "Candidacy" is a strange word for a person who is in love with and who should cause a storm of emotions. Nadya, as the owner of the visual vector, was looking for a strong feeling, but did not find it in herself.
And she didn't have much choice. Volodya is a representative of the skin vector, not very developed and not very realized. Klavdiya Matveevna described him with one apt word - dude. Of course, working as an engineer presupposes a good level of implementation of the skin vector, but there is a difference between an engineer and an engineer. When he actually works as a draftsman, there is a routine and implementation is lacking for an active, mobile and striving for constant changes. Therefore, as Yuri Burlan says, such a leather worker will “get” the realization with numerous love affairs, which Volodya did.
By the way, a married man with two daughters Misha Dyatlov also acts, solving the problem of insufficient implementation of the skin vector by constant betrayal of his wife. Seeing the changes in Nadya, he is no longer averse to starting an affair with her, but "at work - no way!" … The owner of the anal vector Leha Pryakhin is not interesting for Nadya - it is too simple. Interests - food, football, sauna. A visual girl needs strong feelings.
Against this background, Gena Sysoev begins to seem to her the closest person. She misses playing ping pong together. Indeed, a good person, positive in every way. But what connects them besides ping-pong during lunch break? We only know about him that he is a technician, which means that we can assume that this is a demanded professional with an anal vector. That is, in potential, he can be sufficiently developed, have the value of a family, be a faithful, devoted and reliable husband. Certainly not the worst game. Moreover, he likes Nadia.
Such marriages, based on friendship and respect, were quite common in the USSR. "Do you love your wife?" - asked her husband. “I respect her a lot. She is a wonderful hostess, the mother of my children. " The wife said the same about her husband: "He is a very good man, a caring husband and father." But is it only Nadezhda who needs it?
The innocent Gena answers Susanna to the question of whether he will invite a woman for a cup of coffee with all the ensuing consequences: “I don’t understand what the consequences are from a cup of coffee”. And where is passion, where is attraction, where is love, after all? Indeed, for a visual person, which is Nadya, love is the meaning of life. If they do well with Gena, it will be a couple based on friendship and respect, but a boring and insipid marriage.
However, she herself is afraid to admit to herself that she wants love. "Is it bad to love?" she asks timidly. He wants and doubts …
Men for me as a class do not exist
Most likely, internal attitudes interfered with her. She seemed to deny the relationship, did not pay attention to men. She herself told Susanna at the very beginning of the film: “I treat them like an empty space. I need them, like a fifth dog …”And in this respect, as you can see, lay the problem. She simply did not allow men to take any initiative, cut off all courtship in the bud, showing with all her appearance that she did not need a man. Even when not too decisive Gena tried to show her that he liked her, saying: “You have become even more beautiful,” she did not notice that this was a compliment from a man. I decided that a joke …
Developed anal-skin-visual Nadezhda Klyueva is a fighting, active, responsible, conscientious, not indifferent. Without hesitation, she rushes to detain criminals on duty in the people's squad. A kind of image of an “activist and Komsomol member” for whom the main thing is work, team, social load. And the family does not work out, because there is no understanding of itself, of its desires.
Soviet love - past and present
Man is inseparable from the time in which he lives. The film "The Most Charming and Attractive" was released in 1985. There were only two years left before the beginning of perestroika and several years before the difficult 90s for our country, when the era of the USSR passed into oblivion. The end of this era marked the final transition of mankind from the anal to the cutaneous phase of development. For our country, this meant a gradual decline in the value of family, friendship and a transition to the values of the skin vector. The time came for a consumer society with its desire for material success, the destruction of the institution of marriage, which seemed to be unshakable for centuries, and gigantic changes - not only in everyday life, but also in the human psyche.
The film tells us about the old values, which gradually faded into the past. The authors tried to show that foolishness, consumerism is bad. The phrase "What are you, from the Urals?", Said by the blacksmith who "dressed" Nadia, still hurts the ear. You can't build a family with the dude Volodka, or the matter is calm and devoted Gena. Therefore, this ending, reflecting the family values of the Soviet person, is fully justified.
However, people's desires are growing, the volume of the psyche is increasing. Previously, women with a visual vector often chose ordinary men, hard workers with a muscle vector, and were happily married. They didn't seem boring to them. On the contrary, they were real men for them. And visual women followed their husbands to collective farms, villages, settlements and carried culture there.
Now is a completely different time. As Yuri Burlan says at the training, today women exchange "a bunch of handy farmers for one bespectacled programmer." This means that the physical strength and "handiness" of a man are secondary, his feelings and intellect, his attitude towards a woman are much more important. The feeling of safety and security that a man gives a woman is provided today to a greater extent by an emotional connection, and intellectual work presupposes a higher level of realization and demand in society. Especially if we are talking about a woman with a visual vector. Nadezhda already wanted love, vivid feelings, but was still afraid of herself, hiding behind rationalizations that she needed men like a dog's fifth leg.
Strong feelings, spiritual closeness in relationships today are especially necessary for visual people, because the emotional development of a person reaches its peak. And even people who do not have a visual vector are able and should create emotional connections - this is what makes a family strong. And only a sensual, emotional connection can give our contemporaries the experience of real happiness.
Simply put, today, to create a happy relationship, it is no longer enough for a person to be good. It is important that he is right for you, so that you can have a heart-to-heart talk with him. Today people have become more demanding in relationships, unlike those times when it was enough to like each other and look for common ground in the process of life.
"There are no recipes for love - let's trust fate"?
So what should you listen to - your heart or your mind, when you choose a life partner for many years? We now understand systematically that attraction is beyond our control, it is in the hands of nature. But the choice that we make consciously is still ours. Fortunately, there is now a recipe for a happy relationship.
At the time of the story shown to us in the movie "The Most Charming and Attractive", a couple could be found only in the immediate environment. In the USSR, office romances very often broke out at work - it was in the order of things. But the choice was limited. This created a certain doom: if I did not meet a couple among former classmates, at the institute, in the yard, at work, one could put an end to family life, to future happiness.
Now the situation has changed. People have much more choice. For example, the Internet with its unlimited possibilities. You can find a suitable person even on the other side of the world. And the training "System-vector psychology" will help avoid fatal mistakes when choosing a partner. Something like this is done by a girl with systemic knowledge:
