Man is made to have fun. When he experiences pleasure, he also feels gratitude to life, to a higher power, to people. One of the reasons for the lack of joy and pleasure in life is the trauma of force-feeding in childhood …
She often had a dream that she got to a chocolate factory and she could eat as much chocolate as she liked. She shoved him into herself, expecting the usual pleasure, but he was tasteless, slippery, like soap. And the more she absorbed him - mechanically, without pleasure - the more disgusting it became. To the nausea.
Such was her life. In the morning she opened her eyes with the expectation that today she would finally feel the joy of awakening and a new day. Still - the day promised so many pleasures! Everything was going well in her life - beloved husband, children, interesting work, material wealth, sports, hobbies, friends, like-minded people, travel. What else do you need to be happy?
But for some reason there was no happiness. Every morning it was the same - such a longing that you want to howl. No strength to pull myself out of bed. When she did get up, life began as it is - with its problems and gifts. Problems mobilized, but gifts and surprises for some reason did not please.
She was not pleased with the success in work, the efforts of her husband to make her pleasant, sincere congratulations to relatives and friends on her birthday. Touching drawings of children that they drew to their mother to please her. I was not pleased with the good salary and the opportunity to buy a lot of new things with it. For a moment she lit up with enthusiasm and felt the taste of life at sharp turns of fate or on travel, but these sparks quickly extinguished.
She was used to living with a smile on duty, hiding a spiritual hole into which joy flowed. She got used to the feeling of guilt and shame for accepting gifts, love, care of loved ones, because she understood that she could not give them anything, even gratitude, because she did not feel it. She worked a lot, was fond of many things, but life was tasteless, insipid, like pasta without sauce, which she shoved into herself the next morning after a festive feast.
Stop! It is not for nothing that such a comparison arose in the head of our heroine. One of the reasons for the lack of joy and pleasure in life is the trauma of force-feeding during childhood.
As you eat, so you live
At Yuri Burlan's training "System-Vector Psychology", we learn that a person's attitude to life in general is born from the attitude to food. Food is one of the most powerful pleasures in our life. And this is the first experience of receiving that a child has when he comes into this world. How he goes through it largely depends on whether he becomes happy.
Man is made to have fun. When he experiences pleasure, he also feels gratitude to life, to a higher power, to people.
Real pleasure can be obtained only when you fulfill some very strong desire. If you are really hungry, then a crust of bread can be a great pleasure. And if you are full, then even the cake will seem tasteless.
If a child in childhood is forced to eat when he does not want, especially if feeding turns into violence with shouts, threats, humiliation, he has a serious mental trauma - he does not learn to enjoy life, because he cannot enjoy filling the simplest, the basic need - the need for food.
What is Force-feeding
Perhaps, at the mention of force-feeding, many have the image of a formidable kindergarten teacher who forcibly shoves hated semolina with lumps into the mouth of a crying baby or pours jelly over the collar.
Or a picture of a family idyll: the whole family has gathered around the child, dad makes a distracting maneuver with an airplane, and mom at this moment shoves soup into her open mouth. "A spoon for dad, a spoon for mom, a spoon for grandma and one more for grandfather." What kind of tricks, persuasions, threats parents resort to to feed a child when it does not want to eat!
But there is no child who does not want to eat. We just often don't let him get hungry. Therefore, force-feeding injuries can form in many different ways, because the essence of it is getting food without desire, without hunger.
Nowadays it is rare to find cases of outright violence when feeding children in kindergarten. But even the formidable shouts of the teacher: “Children, we eat in silence!”, “We finish eating quickly! It's time for a walk”- already stress for the child. Or: "So, why don't you eat ?!" - a stern look over a plate of a mother or a caregiver is already violence. And so day after day.
It may also be that the child is fed by the hour, according to the regimen. And if the child is not hungry? He has to eat without appetite, because it is so healthy, as the doctors recommend. Huge portions, calculated in unknown institutions, which a child receives in kindergarten, from the same row.
Children who are constantly force-fed often grow up sluggish, dull, lacking in initiative compared to other children.
The result after the training "System-vector psychology":
A child in his desires and properties can be very different from his parents. Parents' eating habits do not always coincide with what the child wants to eat. For example, a mom with an anal vector eats large portions of simple food twice a day. And her oral-dermal child wants to eat more often, in small portions, food rich in tastes. As a result, in the parental home, he eats without appetite. Everything tastes bad to him and at the wrong time.
“Where do people get such a terrible desire to feed? I started eating normally only closer to 18 and experienced real pleasure from food when I ran away from my parents to get married. And I felt freedom … Naturally, as a child I was often dull, uncommunicative, depressed, obedient …"
(from the vKontakte group "Eat, cattle!")
Why children are force-fed
And indeed, where did such a desire to feed against nature, through I do not want, arise from a person? Even some 100 years ago there was no problem of force-feeding, because for the most part people were malnourished. Hunger was a normal state, which means that satiety has always felt like pleasure.
Now we are no longer starving and have plenty of food. The last mass famine occurred during and immediately after the Second World War. The memory of the people who survived the blockade of Leningrad and the famine in the rear was engraved with the fear of starvation for the rest of their lives. That is why our grandmothers cannot allow that there is no bread or cereals in the house. That is why, wishing well to their grandchildren, they feed them hard - so that they are healthy, so that they survive.
More than one generation of Soviet children grew up with the trauma of force feeding.
How forcefeeding trauma manifests itself in life
It would seem that such a harmless thing is to feed a child when he does not want to. But it turns out that force-feeding is a very serious trauma for a person.
Human destiny is deformed from force-feeding. We do not learn to receive, to enjoy receiving. We want to get it, but we can't. Moreover, we are averse to receiving and not grateful for what life gives us. Therefore, we do not know how to give either, we do not know how to share. Giving starts with gratitude.
We lose the ability to live among people, we do not fit into society, because relations between people are built on food.
Our main pleasures from life are progressively: food, sex, the realization of properties in a couple and in society. If we do not know how to get the basic pleasure from food, then we have the same sensations in all areas of our life.
It so happens that a person cannot remember the facts of force-feeding, because the painful impressions of childhood are repressed into the unconscious. However, he can determine whether there was such an injury by the way he lives now. Signs can be as follows:
- strange attitude to food. There are very striking manifestations of unloved foods (boiled onions, omelet, fat in the soup). And he cannot remember why he disliked them. Can eat without appetite what you do not like, rationalizing that it is useful or "just in case", suddenly in an hour there will be nowhere to eat;
- does not know how and does not like to receive gifts, and his own birthday is generally a disaster for him. It will spoil the mood of everyone around so much that there will definitely not be a holiday. He doesn't like giving gifts either;
does not tolerate holiday trips to visit (especially to older relatives). Exactly the same scenario is observed - it spoils everyone's mood, gets angry with nonsense, takes offense. Does not like to receive guests, share food;
- he cannot be happy either for himself or for others; he is always not satisfied with what he has;
- no pleasure in paired relationships. A woman is sometimes unable to get an orgasm, she involuntarily rejects the man's desire to please her. Doesn't enjoy his gifts and the desire to feed her in the restaurant. Doesn't feel grateful for it;
- a person pushes into his life without measure - food, work, sports, hobbies, sleep, incrementally, but this does not bring pleasure. Lives according to the principle "I must", not "I want";
- having all the prerequisites for happiness, being mentally healthy in all its manifestations, he does not experience the joy of life, but only despondency and apathy. Life is colorless, tasteless, insipid.
"I tried, cooked - and you don't eat." "And for whom did I do all this?" Reproaches, blaming, being called a villain and a pest. Now I understand how this affects everything, all current problems arise - both the inability to appreciate their own work (the willingness to "work for food, or suddenly die of hunger"), and the constant acceptance of unbearable challenges (there is no insurmountable try to cram into yourself), and the inability to enjoy the achievements (ate through strength), the inability to receive and the inability to share …"
(from the vKontakte group "Eat, cattle!")
Getting it hurts
Depending on what actions the adults did, what the child experienced when he was forced to eat, receiving in adulthood may be accompanied by the same negative feelings. It can be feelings of guilt or shame, protest, violent or compressed inside, fear if intimidated, loss of a sense of security and safety.
- Skin mother, bursting into a child who slowly eats, deprives him of a sense of security and safety - the mother does not love, she is angry.
- “You will not eat, you will be frail and sick, you will not achieve anything in life” - and the skin child is afraid not to eat, even when he does not want to, because health is one of his values.
Manipulation of guilt in an anal child: “Children in besieged Leningrad were dying of hunger, and you were wandering around the table. Aren't you ashamed? " or “Mom cooked, tried for you, but you don't eat. Don't you love your mom ?! " How can he not love! For a child with an anal vector, mom is the center of the universe. He is ready for anything for her, even there is the hated soup with boiled onions.
“I don’t directly remember what was fed, but it was such that everything had to be finished, because“you leave the force”. This was said often. I also remember the inner feeling that it’s impossible not to finish eating, because my grandmother tried, at 6 she got up to please me, but I don’t eat … Being ungrateful is bad, I’m good …"
(from the memories of the trainee)
How to get rid of the trauma of force feeding
Having tracked such a scenario in your life, it is not always possible to recall the trauma that led to it, because negative experiences are often forced out of consciousness. Yuri Burlan at the training "System-vector psychology" proposes to perform a simple exercise: before eating, thank you for the fact that the food has appeared on your table. After all, it might not have been. Only a few decades ago, we got rid of the whip of hunger - hunger mowed down millions of people. Gratitude for food is the first step to a life of pleasure.
The skill of gratitude can be practiced in your life, not just mindlessly repeating the affirmation "thank you, thank you, thank you …", but realizing that everything that comes into your life is good. This really changes the state of a person and the perception of the surrounding world.
However, without working through the force-feeding trauma, it can be difficult to truly feel gratitude. Yuri Burlan's training helps to realize the importance of gratitude not just with the mind, but to experience it sensually, helps to get from the inside and neutralize all the traumatic moments that did not allow to live in full force. Sometimes during training it is enough to understand the mechanism of the connection between food and receiving, and no more exercises are needed. Pleasure and gratitude become natural companions of our life. Somehow it becomes normal not to eat when there is no feeling of hunger. Being oversaturated with food is a rather nasty state. You become heavy, clumsy, lazy, the spark, courage, and enthusiasm disappear.
Of course, it is advisable to recall cases of force-feeding in childhood. This happens best in Yuri Burlan's thematic classes on food.
It is also interesting to read the posts in the VKontakte group "Eat, cattle!", Where people share their experience of force-feeding. Reading other stories, you understand a lot about yourself. Memories begin to pop up by themselves from some little thing, an association. Suddenly it appears so clearly, right with pictures: a garden, instead of a delicious sweet cottage cheese casserole with condensed milk, they served the same look, but completely different, to the taste of a disgusting omelet … It was a terrible disappointment in four years. And they forced him to eat it, almost shoved it by the collar …
Everything that comes to mind must be written out. With all the details and scary details. To throw out all the storm of feelings, all the unspoken emotions, all the indignation and resentment. You can even cry if you want to. When this is remembered, realized, and even discharged, the healing process goes much faster.
Having worked through the trauma of forcefeeding during childhood, we become more confident in our desires. Like Runaway Bride, we begin to understand which way of cooking our eggs we really prefer. We stop making unnecessary movements and cram everything into ourselves in an attempt to feel at least a little pleasure. We begin to feel the simple joy of life from a ray of the sun, a gentle breeze and drops of rain on our cheeks.