How to cope with separation and maintain a relationship
In our dynamic world, everything changes very quickly. The instability of the economic situation, the presence of a huge number of opportunities for realization more and more often forces people to break away from their usual place, to leave, leaving their family and loved ones for a long time. Relationships of people in such a situation are under the threat of losing the common reality on which they were built. Connections are gradually lost - everyday, emotional, sexual …
The husband left to work in another city or works as a sea captain. A couple of geologists "disappear" in the field for six months without the opportunity to see each other. The two met on the Internet and communicate more virtually, only occasionally meeting in physical reality, without the possibility of connecting so far. Separation accompanies all of these situations. It is very difficult to be away from a loved one for so long. So you want your loved one to be there all the time.
But separation, as an inevitability, forces us to accept the situation as it is. To be reconciled or not to reconcile, but to fear and worry that she could lead to the collapse of the relationship. Lack of complete information about the husband (wife), jealousy, resentment that the spouse left alone with everyday problems and children in his arms, that the best years are spent alone, can really cause a breakup. But there is also an alternative. A lot depends on those two who got into such a situation. Knowledge of the System-Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan helps to maintain mutual connection in conditions of separation.
Parting as inspiration
In our dynamic world, everything changes very quickly. The instability of the economic situation, the presence of a huge number of opportunities for realization more and more often forces people to break away from their usual place, to leave, leaving their family and loved ones for a long time. Relationships of people in such a situation are under the threat of losing the common reality on which they were built. Connections are gradually lost - everyday, emotional, sexual. And for this reason, husbands who leave to work in other cities and countries for a long time often start new families there.
In the past, people have also been separated, although not so often. Times were different: they moved around the world less, and family ties were valued more, and separation, as a rule, was not a reason for parting. These were still echoes of the anal phase of human development with its unhurried rhythm, strong marriages, based not always on love, but on great patience. How did our grandparents cope with the separation then?
Not so long ago, in the USSR, the romantic profession of a geologist tore the spouses away from each other for long six months, or even more. But the priority of the general over the personal, which was an integral part of the values of the Soviet people, helped to experience separation, completely go into work for the good of society. Somewhere in the deep taiga, cut off from the world, they just did their job. There was no betrayal. And what poetic letters full of deep feeling geologists wrote to their loved ones! Whole novels that are not a sin to read to the modern generation. And what joyful and happy meetings were after parting! As if a new page was opening in a relationship between two.
One more example. Sigmund Freud married late, at the age of 30. Raised under the strict religious rules of a Jewish family, he could not afford to have an intimate relationship with a bride before marriage. Moreover, they were apart for a long time, and he wrote her long letters in which he shared with the bride not only news, but also dreams, plans and even the results of his scientific research in the most detailed way. This period was not easy for him, but it was during these years that he laid the foundation for his further scientific activity. He studied a lot, researched, worked. In general, he realized his properties in full, so that by the time of the wedding he would become not only a man capable of supporting his family, but also feel confident in the scientific path that he chose.
The positive role of separation
We see that separation can be not only a time when we miss our loved ones, constantly think about them, sad that they are not with us, but also become that period of life when, being inspired by our feelings, we can do a lot in plan of its development and implementation for the benefit of people.
The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan says that a person is able to get great pleasure from the realization of his abilities. Parting gives such a chance, and the entire potential of communication between two loving people acts in this case as a thermonuclear reactor, which provides "fuel", energy for such a life.
Reduced and sublimated sexual desire is the source of this inexhaustible energy. Libido is the life force of a person. It can be realized in sexual relations, or it can be transformed into an activity for the realization of its natural properties. And if you use this tool of nature consciously, everything succeeds. You do not suffer from loneliness, wandering from corner to corner, do not go through the darkest days of your life, left without a loved one, your source of pleasure, but live to the fullest, adjusting your life to new circumstances, finding new reasons for pleasure in it. They are no better or worse - they are just different.
Separation also creates a lack, which can be very beneficial in a relationship between two. As you know, in order to get very great pleasure, you first have to want something badly. Just as we will not experience true pleasure from food if we are not very hungry, so in a love relationship: when we constantly see each other, touch each other in all areas of life, we get used to each other, we lose the acuity of sensations.
But after separation, even a simple touch on the hand of a loved one makes us tremble as it was during our very first meeting. And do not say enough - there is so much to say. So partings can be useful, they only prolong our pleasure from each other, make us appreciate what we have more.
How to stay connected?
The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan says that any relationship between a man and a woman begins with physical attraction, which lasts up to three years. Then it weakens, and if during this period no emotional and other connections are created between them, the relationship, as a rule, ends. Especially in the modern world, in the skin phase of human development, when it is not accepted to tolerate. Lost interest in a partner - went to look for the next one.
However, not all people are like that. Most people still value consistency. 95% of men (except for men with a urethral vector) are monogamous and will not want to lose their woman if they have a successful relationship in a couple. And most women reveal themselves precisely in connection with one man, receiving from him a sense of security and safety and the opportunity to realize themselves as a woman - to give birth to children from him. And she is also able to create such an atmosphere in the house that a man would never want to leave her. Especially when she is a woman with systems thinking, who deeply understands her man.
Separation reveals the problems that have been there before. If the relationship was consumer-oriented, with everyone pulling the blanket over themselves, putting their own interests above those of their partner, they are almost guaranteed to fail the test of distance and time.
But if two people are dear to each other, separation cannot destroy their relationship. The skin age of the latest technologies helps us in this. If earlier we had only pen, paper and mail at our disposal, now the most modern means of communication are the Internet, telephone. We can communicate with loved ones from any part of the planet. And not only to speak, but even to see them. We must use these opportunities so that ties are not cut off.
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains that when building connections with people, it is necessary to take into account their innate mental properties, on which the desires and potentialities of each person depend. These sets of mental properties are called vectors. There are eight vectors in total: cutaneous, anal, visual, and others.
For people with different vectors, different connections are important. For example, for the owner of the visual vector, an emotional connection is vital, for a sound engineer - an intellectual connection, for a person with an anal vector - a family connection. When you're apart, try to communicate with each other more often, maintaining these important connections.
Tell your husband with an anal vector all about children - he's the best father. Ask a leather worker about business and success. Talk to the sound engineer about the books you read, discoveries that have occurred during the time of separation, because each of us has them in different areas of life, even if we are not engaged in scientific activities.
Talk to your visual partner about your feelings and theirs. Say that you love very much, you miss, you can even cry a little - the viewers sometimes need this. But don't over-dramatize the situation. Let your sadness be light and your connection positive. In no case go to claims, demands and demonstration of your loneliness. Better share the joy that you communicate, see and hear your loved one.
Learn to listen and hear your partner, in which systems thinking can greatly help you. Don't get tired of investing in creating those bonds that strengthen your union. After all, it is on them that the couple's relationship is held after three years of marriage. And it is they who will help develop relationships further. Parting doesn't last forever. And when it is over, you will gain an invaluable experience of understanding and caring for each other, regardless of the distance and circumstances of life.
If you want to learn more about how to create truly strong relationships filled with genuine feelings, come to Yuri Burlan's free online lectures on System Vector Psychology, which you can register for at: https://www.yburlan.ru / training / registration-relations
