Is my home my fortress … or protection from happiness?
What are you hiding from at home? The reasons for being an avid couch potato can vary. Let's go over the most common ones. And let's start with the problematic moments …
I love being at home. Everything you need to be happy is here. And no one pulls. Judge for yourself. At home I can do my favorite things: cook, do needlework. After all, read or watch TV calmly. And why go somewhere if there is Internet? You can work at home too.
Do you agree that home is better?
Regardless of the answer, this article will be useful for you - there will always be friends or relatives who cannot be pulled out of the house. Knowing whether to save them will come in handy for both sides. And to begin with, let's outline a few points that are important to consider.
It is difficult to compile a complete picture without Yuri Burlan's training "System-Vector Psychology", but in this short article we will try to show the principle of transforming a home, giving a feeling of protection, into a cramped cage. To jail. No outside help. Realizing only your desires.
What are you hiding from at home? The reasons for being an avid couch potato can vary. Let's go over the most common ones. And let's start with the problematic moments.
1. Homebodies - pathology
For example, the owner of the visual vector may suffer from social phobia. Interacting with people and building emotional connections with others is the foundation of his life. But in case of problems with the implementation or development of the properties of the visual vector, only one manifestation of emotions is available - fear.
It happens that the owner of the sound vector is a sociopath. He is more interested in his own thoughts and reasoning than all these small interests that permeate society. He does not like people, and people respond with the same strange character. Here, depression is walking around - not for people.
The soundman is not normally the most sociable. But not a homebody either. He does not need a home, but a place of solitude and silence. Your own dark corner, where no one will distract. House? Let there be a house. If he finds such a place not at home, but at work, he will be a workaholic.
2. Homebodies - the norm
The owners of the muscle vector can be partly attributed to couch potatoes. But they are not couch potatoes in the full sense. Their home is designated as "my land." Not just walls - territory.
Nature has created only the owner of the anal vector as a real couch potato. The man is the head of the family, the master of the house. An exemplary husband and father (if normally developed and realized). A woman is a mistress, a needlewoman, an ideal wife and a caring mother.
For them, home is a fortress and the center of the world. These people are called to keep what is of the highest value to them: hearth, family values, family traditions. Why should they go somewhere if the whole raison d'être is here, at home?
But this is where the tangle of problems begins, which we will try to unravel.
Yesterday's norm today is pathology
The modern world in the perception of a person has expanded significantly compared to what it was some two hundred years ago. What did the common man of the eighteenth century know? Maximum your village and the nearest town with a fair.
In this small world, the only support was that territory that could rightfully be designated as MOE. “My home” is the household and the house itself, where several generations of relatives live. "My village", which is also full of distant and close relatives. Maybe the county that is perceived by their relatives is “my land”.
As a result, being a couch potato, the owner of the anal vector, regardless of gender, led a full-fledged "social" life. Almost without leaving home. Nowhere and there is no need.
The modern city sets different rules. For the most part, our apartments are cramped walls to house small families. There are three or four people, on average.
The world, thanks to the Internet, has expanded, and the concept of HOME is compressing the walls ever closer.
Me, my family and … whose world is around?
So we come to another important thought: normally, a person does not live alone. Maybe - but nature is not so intended. And no matter how proud we are of our consciousness and no matter how we condemn the world order, any resistance to nature is punishable. This is not about higher forces - about the laws of our very physical world.
So that's about the laws. Man is a gregarious animal. We are all individuals of a single human species, endowed with different properties of the psyche (vectors) precisely in order to together make up ideal conditions for the survival of the group. And so it turns out: you fit into society, become a natural part of it - everything goes well in life.
Everything that is set by nature must be realized as much as possible. But this is no longer about the material, but about the inner feeling of happiness and meaningfulness of life.
Are there those who do not want to be happy and live a life filled with meaning? Anyone follows pleasure and on this path tries to reduce the amount of pain. This is the nature of living matter, including microbes and plants.
Happiness is outside
From the above, the obvious conclusion follows: for a modern person, a house is too little to receive joy from life. Even if there is a beloved person, beloved children, beloved hobby.
Home is a place of protection and comfort, but feedback from other people makes our life meaningful. We realize our talents in society. For other people, we check the correctness, success and even the level of happiness in life.
For example, for the owner of a skin vector, money and status, social rank are valuable. And for the owner of the anal vector - respect, recognition of merit. Thanks. A respectable wife and well-bred children. This is the "currency" in which you can appreciate the enjoyment of life.
What does homebody have to do with it? If you sit at home and knit scarves for which no one will even say thanks, you get a little pleasure from your favorite business and you can be satisfied with it for some time. If you knit to order, it's a completely different story. You do what you love, interact with people, bring something of your own into society. You get a response in the form of money or some other form of gratitude.
But here is another question - is this enough for you? Not "to relax for a day," but in the long run.
How to hide from happiness: from theory to practice
We humans feel reality in state changes. Differences: day-night, inhale-exhale. In interaction with each other: give-receive.
The development of the human species continues in the psychic. We become more complex, complicating the world around us. More and more people with multiple vectors. There are more desires, they are contradictory. The request for the realization of desires increases and becomes more complicated.
At the same time, the desires themselves remain the same. And just like a thousand years ago, people follow the path of least resistance if they were not taught in childhood to enjoy victories and achievements, from effort. Or if for some reason such pleasures are not available.
Here, again, you need to admit to yourself as honestly as possible - if you want to “reset” your brain with the help of some pleasant and relaxed activity, or such activities give you a feeling of being busy … and a false fulfillment of life.
To put everything in its place, let's analyze a specific situation.
I wanted more, but it will do
I already wrote above that for the owner of the visual vector, emotional connections are a great pleasure. His role in society is such - to connect people sensually through culture, through emotions. Compassion for one's neighbor, which has become a cultural norm in any civilized society, is the merit exclusively of the owners of the visual vector.
The first problem: people are angry. To love and sympathize with them, a high level of development of the properties of the visual vector is required. Especially the closest and loved ones hurt. It's easier to love a kitty. Or a dog.
The second problem: the owners of the anal-visual combination of vectors are hypersensitive. She came up with it herself, she was offended - just about that. Taking offense and not leaving the house is also about that.
The third problem: the need for the realization of a huge emotional potential is not filled with cats.
An example from life. The girl dreams of love, wants to feel the delight of feelings. But there is no beloved, fear rolls in more and more often. And it's a shame that friends all walk with the guys, but her name is not. You could “practice” your sensuality while waiting for the prince by becoming a volunteer in an orphanage or hospice. But this does not bring a feeling of fullness in life immediately, you need to strain. You can enroll in an amateur theater, where you can easily find much-needed communication. In the end, you can please your grandmother or elderly parents with a call …
But it's easier to pet the kitty, to talk to her. Already the heart does not break from the chest. Releases tension. So my favorite serial has begun. Sweets invitingly sparkle with candy wrappers from a vase. And the prince better let him come tomorrow.
Desire is formally satisfied … But where is happiness?
Happiness is where people are
Kitty, as you know, is a collective image. It can be your favorite computer game, a collection of coins or an exclusive variety of violets.
For example, a girl with a combination of anal and visual vectors has a great love for beauty in the house. And golden hands. And a good heart. If she does not have a large supply of scraps and everything necessary for needlework in the house, consciousness will inevitably find a way to realize desires. How? Will go outside to seek pleasure. And it will inevitably find it.
It does not mean that you need to severely restrict yourself and deny the pleasure of being at home. But you should be aware of what kind of pleasure we are choosing at the moment. By what means?
Here by analogy with food. You can eat a delicious candy and have a little bit of gratification. Or you can prepare a festive lunch of several courses and share it with your family or friends. Then also to prolong the pleasure, remembering how we sat mentally.
One does not exclude the other, since more always includes less, but this is not a reason to choose less, denying oneself more happiness.
And what, in fact, is the problem?
We justify any of our actions, we find a rational explanation for inaction or unwillingness to leave the house. We justify, but rarely realize.
When a person's social life is active, it is completely normal, having such a natural aspiration, sometimes to retire outside the city, spend a weekend in a close family circle, devote a whole day to putting things in order in the house or embroidering flowers on curtains … The problem is when it becomes a priority in life. When minor household chores replace real life.
But the problem is not in justifying a momentary choice, not in a misunderstanding of one's real desires and capabilities. We have forgotten the most important thing: to fill your life with something worthwhile, you need to have a "free space".
Our brain is so arranged - it is constantly looking for ways to realize desires and receive pleasure. Any ways. It's like hunger. Moreover, fulfilled desires increase.
To eat well, you need to get hungry. How long will it be possible to be content with stale candy?
The main law of success
Finally, I left the most delicious. Everything that I wrote above fully concerns those who cannot find their favorite business in life, who complain about the lack of interesting work.
If you already have a favorite pastime, why look for another? If the house is filled with small joys, why seek greater happiness? This law also applies to relationships. According to this law, there is a recommendation to put things in order in the house and throw out all unnecessary things. This is what they really mean when they suggest “getting out of your comfort zone”. Only the feeling of lack activates the thought process.
It is impossible to change your innate properties and desires, but you can channel them in a more productive direction. And first you need to understand what you really want.
If life does not bring the expected pleasure, then you are doing something wrong. Or do everything right, but in the wrong direction.