The psychology of jealousy - part 2. In the shackles of a jealous man
After about a month of the candy-bouquet period and passionate intimacy, Artyom began to ask Alena about her former "sins", and so persistently persistently that she, reluctantly, told him not only everything that had happened, but everything that could have happened. Every little thing of her past was subjected to detailed verification: Artyom even demanded photos of former lovers and details of their intimate relationships.
(Beginning of the article "The Psychology of Jealousy - Part 1. The Secret of Betrayal of a Man and a Woman")
They met by chance in the company of friends, where Artyom was introduced as a "real man" that every girl dreams of. In his hands, any broken object immediately resumed correct work, the dining room and kitchen were immediately filled with delicious smells of cooking dishes, and shirts were always ironed and shoes polished.
After about a month of the candy-bouquet period and passionate intimacy, Artyom began asking Alena about her former "sins", so persistently and persistently that she, reluctantly, told him not only everything that had happened, but everything that could have been. Every little thing of her past was subjected to detailed verification: Artyom even demanded photos of former lovers and details of their intimate relationships.
From her story, his face changed more and more: the features hardened, turning into an ugly grimace of anger. Artyom yelled, got angry and cursed, which led Alena into complete confusion: after all, he himself wanted to know the details. He returned to her stories over and over again, looking into her eyes reproachfully and accusing her of how low she had fallen and how far she had sunk when she did everything she did in the past.
Alena could not understand why he was doing this, although she really wanted to. Sometimes they came to the company arm in arm and left in a quarrel. Even innocent gatherings with friends the very next day turned into a debriefing on his part. She had to "listen" from Artyom all about her smile, a carelessly thrown word or a glance at some guy (whose name she could not even remember), which certainly had some secret intimate background or a love meaning.
A year later, Artyom accidentally found out about a meeting with a former classmate, which Alyona, naturally, chose to keep secret, knowing the jealous nature of her lover. After that, he completely went berserk: monitoring of her phones, personal messages, calls, mail, social networks became normal. Each step that remained out of his visibility aroused Artyom's suspicions of the girl's infidelity. He closed on her more and more, not giving her the opportunity to take even one free breath on her own, demanding that she be more and more at home, cutting off any possibilities of society where she could be without him.
I was offended
The psychology of Artyom's jealousy has a completely different character and roots than in the previous example with Igor. Artyom, the owner of the anal vector, is turned to the past with all his essence. The specific role of the anal person is the accumulation and transmission of information to future generations. Such people naturally have an excellent memory not only for everything good, but also for everything bad that ever happened to them.
The first experience is more important in the thinking of anal people than any other: after experiencing betrayal once, they remember and carry resentment and wariness throughout their lives. Having been burned once, they look at all subsequent events through the prism of past negative experience, suffer from suspicion and mistrust: if one did this, then all the others are the same. In this case, the presence of resentment is indicated by Artyom's tendency to repeatedly return and replay the situation: now, if I did that, it would have turned out differently …
The jealousy of a person with an anal vector is also turned to the past, that is, he is jealous of the past. Anal people always remember the past fondly. “All good things are long forgotten olds”, “An old friend is better than two new ones”, “Earlier, people were friendlier and the grass was greener,” all their sayings. In the anal's mind, the past is something that is so well known, stable, square and unshakable, and the past is good. Accordingly, what was before is better than what is now.
The psyche of an anal person has another characteristic feature - the further an event is located in the past, the better, it seems brighter to him. The anal person projects this rule on the relationship of his partner with his “ex”. Perfectionists in their thinking, anal people should always be the best, and according to their "logic" it turns out that since someone has already been before, it means that he was better. That is why the past relationship of the partner can give the anal man a lot of unpleasant experiences.
Also at the root of anal jealousy is the fear of losing a partner: their sexuality is monogamous, and their psyche is rigid and straightforward, which means that they do not have the properties to adapt to a new or changing landscape, and it is difficult to cope with any changes. For an anal person, cheating is impossible. Telling a partner or partner about their past relationship plays a cruel joke. Since the analnik feels the past much more vividly than the present, he perceives everything described clearly, as if it had just happened. And this becomes a real betrayal for him. He does not understand it in such a way that what was in the past remains in the past, but equates it with the present.
The anal partner's jealousy manifests itself as verbal sadism, reproaches, distrust, interrogation with addiction, and even as physical sadism.
Cheating is the most terrible betrayal for an anal man (and for a woman), for which he avenges cruelly and mercilessly, especially if the anal vector is not realized or under the load of accumulated grievances. Such jealous people can even commit murder. Both under the influence of emotions, and with a plan of action prepared in advance, thought out over the years. At the same time, they are confident that they are right, that they really do justice. This is one-sided anal justice, the essence of which is justice for yourself …
PSYCHOLOGY OF Jealousy. WHY DO NOT YOU LOVE ME?
Alina has always been an attractive girl and very carefully monitored her health and appearance. In pursuit of an ideal figure, she tried a lot of diets and methods of proper nutrition, regularly visited the gym and denied herself flour and sweets. Those details of her appearance that had not been corrected by conventional methods, she was happy to "refine" in the offices of cosmetologists: this way her piquant swelling in the mouth area increased and the shape of her eyebrows changed.
Her chosen ones were, as a rule, men with some fortune, who, however, did not stay for long. Alina loved when they were jealous of her and often reproached her partner for paying little attention to her, rolling, if not a grandiose scandal, then at least a little hysteria. If the chosen one did not call for a day or two, then colorful pictures of his adultery immediately flashed before her eyes.
Alina's jealousy extended not only to the stronger sex, but also to her friends. She worried if her friend did not take her with her to the shops or, for example, could afford to go to the club without calling Alina with her. Even the domestic cat Vasya, a kind of "prostitute" who fawned at every guest who came, became the object of her attacks, which caused Alina terrible irritation and jealousy.
THE PSYCHOLOGY OF JEALITY IN CLEAR EYES OF THE COLOR OF THE SKY
When we talk about the psychology of jealousy, we are talking, first of all, about sexuality, which is only in the lower vectors (anal, cutaneous, muscular and urethral). The upper vectors set the direction of the libido. An undeveloped or unrealized visual vector enhances the manifestations of jealousy due to the large emotional amplitude and imaginative intelligence that it sets to its owners.
Alina is a skin-visual girl with an insufficiently developed visual vector. As is typical of such spectators, she is very fixated on herself, on her appearance. Such people vitally need the attention of others, they are very afraid of loneliness, because being alone means not having protection, without which the viewer has no chance of surviving. In the case of underdevelopment or underrealization, such fears govern the life of this person. Love and interest from familiar people is the guarantor of the viewer's safety, which gives him a sense of security and self-confidence.
If the visual vector is underdeveloped, underrealized, or over-stressed, a person will strive to consume the love of others, "gain" attention to himself through tantrums and emotional blackmail, because this is the only method of pleasure available to him. He himself will look for reasons for jealousy: he looked in the wrong place, said in a wrong tone, and in general - where have you been ?!
Underdevelopment or underrealization leads to the fact that the visual person begins to seek pleasure in emotional swings in the range "scary - not so scary" with a feeling of scanty pleasure at the moment "not so scary." Then he will intimidate himself, for example, drawing pictures of betrayal in his imagination. Will make an elephant out of every fly, more and more "convinced" of the partner's infidelity.
The jealousy of the spectator, directed to friends, girlfriends, cats, parents, in general, to all their surroundings, is tied to the consumption of emotions in oneself and has a root cause "They take away my love / attention to me."
The Psychology of Jealousy: Results
It must be understood that the manifestations of jealousy may differ, because its root and causes depend on the vector set of partners. It is also important to know that jealousy is always a reflection of one's own underdevelopment, dissatisfaction or lack of realization.
With the help of Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology, one can not only understand the nature of jealousy, but also get out of the control of this destructive feeling. Due to a clear direction in the implementation of their vector properties and due to understanding the other, as oneself, everyone can learn to build relationships where jealousy simply will not have a place.
