Despair: There is a way out
Despair is like the labyrinth of the Minotaur, you don't know what will happen in the next second. The feeling that getting out is impossible to solve the problem. But if you know that in the end you will surely find a way out, wandering in the dark is not so unbearable. Then despair can be dealt with.
Illness, parting, loss … Acute state of despair. You don’t know which side to approach the problem, you don’t see a way out. And under threat all the most valuable and dear, right up to life itself …
In order to be able to cope with a critical situation, let us analyze the causes of despair with the help of materials from the training by Yuri Burlan "System-vector psychology".
A man in despair: how to get out of the maze
Sometimes despair comes from a sudden overwhelming news. It happens that they come to hopelessness after many unsuccessful attempts have been made to solve the problem. In the first case, a person cannot find the resources to overcome the situation; in the second case, it seems that all resources have been exhausted. There is no way out: despair. Attempts to cheer up, appeals to believe in the best are annoying.
Despair is like the labyrinth of the Minotaur, you don't know what will happen in the next second. The feeling that getting out is impossible to solve the problem. But if you know that in the end you will surely find a way out, wandering in the dark is not so unbearable. Then despair can be dealt with.
Where does a person get despair: a look from the "inside"
Despair is a consequence of over-stress. It occurs when a person's resources are not enough to cope with the challenges of life.
A difficult but manageable situation can cause annoyance, irritation, anger, but not complete despair. For example, a person has lost and is looking for a job - it is hard for him, but there is no despair. After all, he clearly knows what he wants, knows what needs to be done, where to apply strength.
Despair in a person appears when he, by making efforts for a long time, cannot receive something super significant. For example, a person sent out a resume to dozens of companies, went through countless interviews, and received rejection after rejection. Apartment bills are piling up, and it is not clear how to pay them. He is unable to solve the problem, and the gap is not visible - despair sets in.
It seems that the reward is right in front of your eyes, like on a computer screen, but as soon as you stretch your palm towards it, your fingers bump into a lifeless monitor. Failed efforts lead to despair - what to do?
For each person, the desired reward is different. Values and priorities depend on the structure of his psyche. The vectors define innate desires, the failure of which can cause a feeling of despair:
- in the anal vector of values - family well-being, respect, honesty, devotion;
- in the skin - material and social superiority, leadership, career growth, success;
- in the visual - love, kindness, sincerity;
- in the sound - the search for the meaning of life, the solution of metaphysical questions of life.
The reasons for despair vary. Representatives of the anal vector are driven to despair by the news of a serious illness of a child or betrayal of a spouse. Men and women with a skin vector find themselves on the verge of despair due to the loss of a large sum or a career failure. The severing of the emotional connection of a dear relationship can provoke the strongest despair in people with a visual vector.
The sound vector stands apart. For its owner, the search for meaning is a primary task and a super-significant value. No material goods bring him joy, he seeks to learn the laws by which the human psyche lives. He may fall into despair if for a long time he does not find answers to his inner questions about the meaning of life.
A state of despair. When the psyche "fails"
The vectors determine not only values and priorities, but also strengths, talents and abilities of a person - those properties that allow him to achieve what he wants. What everyone can bet on to understand how to solve a problem is not to despair:
- features in the anal vector - patience, perseverance;
- in the skin - discipline, purposefulness;
- in the visual - the ability to empathize;
- in sound - abstract intelligence.
Why do people not use the necessary properties "automatically" when they find themselves in a difficult situation, feel despair?
Due to severe stress, a person in a state of despair loses a sense of security and safety, his psyche leaves a balanced state. Each vector has a different response to stress and despair:
- in the anal vector - stupor, stubbornness, rejection of changes;
- in the skin - small useless actions, vanity;
- in the visual - fear, panic attacks;
- in the sound - depression, despair from the meaninglessness of life.
How can information about congenital vectors help fight despair?
Determining your characteristics - your desires and abilities - is the first step on the path from black despair and complete hopelessness to balance. This awareness allows you to look at the situation from the outside. To rise above the labyrinth, inside which there is the strongest despondency, despair, pain and melancholy, to see the way out from above.
In this case, a person clearly defines what exactly hurts in his soul, what resources he has to overcome, and becomes able to turn the problem facing him into a specific task of finding a suitable "medicine".
When a person's psyche is balanced, it is easier to cope with difficulties and avoid feelings of despair. This is automatically felt by those around them who are involved in the situation, indirectly helping them to get through a difficult situation, not to fall into despair. Especially when it comes to life and death.
Understanding your psyche is an opportunity not to plunge into exhausting experiences, not to fall into despair, but to devote time to what is really important at the moment.
Human despair is a resource source
How to deal with despair? Use the resource hidden in it. Despair can be charged with a keen desire to turn the tide. When a person is in despair, he wants to cope with difficulties, but does not know how.
The training "System-vector psychology" reveals how vital forces are fed by desires. As long as desires are realized, there is energy. When they cease to be fulfilled, dissatisfaction arises. If there is no way to solve the problem, the vitality is fading away - apathy sets in. In this case, you don't even want to wish for anything. Apathy due to long-term non-fulfillment of desires in a person is preceded by despair. And when a person has despair, he still has energy to correct the situation.
When the mechanism of the state of despair is understood, it becomes possible to direct the forces that were wasted on the experience into the impulse to realize the desired.
More energy is released when there is something worth living for.
Australian Nick Vuychich was born with a rare disease. How can you avoid feeling desperate when your arms and legs are missing? But he overcame the state of despair, accepting that he was not born that way. He managed to find meaning in inspiring others by his example, showing the capabilities of the human spirit.
The hero of the story "Mexican" by Jack London managed not to fall into despair - he knew what to do: he needed a victory in a boxing match. She will bring money for the revolution, and his fellow citizens will be freed from slave labor. The unknown boxer directed his efforts towards victory, for which there was a great meaning for him, and did the almost impossible - defeated the champion.
What to do if a person falls into despair
In extreme cases of despair, a person loses the meaning of existence. He does not understand why to live on.
What helped the mother of actor, TV presenter and director Sergei Bodrov fight despair when she found out that her son was missing along with the film crew in the Karmadon Gorge? She participated in a search operation. The blockages could never have been disassembled without the help of a powerful bulldozer, the delivery of which to the scene was organized by Sergei Bodrov's mother. The desperate relatives of the victims needed her support to do everything in their power in that tragic situation.
The head of one of the Russian rehabilitation centers for children with Down syndrome might never have created one. It so happened that the woman had to struggle with despair when this diagnosis was made to her daughter. She was able to overcome her despair by realizing that other desperate parents needed her help to cope with a similar situation.
The meaning appears where there is something more private "I". For a person in despair, a difficult situation can become a turning point, after which his own life will fundamentally change and will never be the same. Will it get better? Depends on us.
The training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan helps to gain resistance to stress and cope with despair, with difficult life situations - even in war conditions. Hear the results of the people trained:
