Age "I do not want", or Boring ending of endless love
Whatever the reason for your unwillingness to be a Desired Woman, you should understand her. In itself, the lack of desire for intimacy with a man is not a problem. But this can hide behind itself a whole bunch of reasons that affect other areas of life, depriving the joy of life. Why do you need such a bouquet?
“I used to want to dress nicely, look after my appearance and receive compliments. Now there is no such desire at all. Of course, I do not start myself at all - I go to the hairdresser, dress clean and tidy, but I do not get any pleasure from it. Moreover, it is even unpleasant for me."
(Hereinafter, excerpts from women's forums are used.)
I'm already … let's just say, not twenty. They say it's time to become “a woman in her prime,” “a berry again,” but something of a feeling - has matured a long time ago. The husband evokes feelings of exceptionally friendly or even rather maternal. Other men seem pretty shabby, and young and attractive in all respects cause only a desire to feed and ask how things are at school.
Do not think, I still look very good. I know how to dress with taste and present myself in society. Only there is not that sparkle in his eyes, and even more so the desire to run away to a date at night looking. And the age is not the same. And in general … I do not understand how I could run all evening in new, terribly uncomfortable shoes, rubbing my heels to bloody blisters, just to please HIM. How could I even like sex! How could you go crazy with the smell of your beloved man!
Want is not harmful
In childhood, every girl dreams of her future life. Someone wants a fairy-tale prince, someone loves a cozy house with a bunch of kids and a loving husband. Someone does not think about it at all, but believes that somewhere there is a soul mate, who also dreams of looking at the stars all night long.
A person always follows his desire. Man is desire. As long as this light smolders a little - the person is alive. The training "System Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan identifies eight groups of desires and properties of the psyche, ideally coordinated with these desires - eight vectors. Any action, movement, idea begins with "I want".
More broadly, everything in the world begins with a woman's "I want."
The nature of a man is "I want a woman." For the sake of the Woman, great feats and discoveries have been accomplished at all times. What is she? She needs a man who can provide a sense of security and safety. At the root - able to feed her with children and protect her from dangers. And the "weaker" a woman, the stronger her need for security, the more active her pheromones, the more attractive she is to the chosen one.
A woman with her desire chooses the one who will seek her attention! The only negative for us is that this process is outside the control of consciousness.
But now it's time to figure out why you don't want to be a Desired Woman. We do not take physiological reasons - hormonal disorders, for example menopause. And we take into account the popular wisdom that all diseases are from the nerves. The physiological loss of the ability to give birth in no way entails a loss of desire to be a Woman. But the opposite is easy.
There can be several psychological reasons, depending on certain vectors that control our psyche.
The first reason: "It is harmful to want"
“At some point, constant irritation with my husband turned into a divorce. I was the initiator. Tired of being a mommy … Everything about him did not suit him: his values, ideas about family and relationships. I didn't cheat on him, but there were no more feelings."
Nature initially took care that any "want" was provided with a potential "can". But also nature has created a protective mechanism that saves a person from suffering when there is no way to realize desires. This is apathy.
After all, everything happens in life. With age, negative experience often accumulates, someone has more and more fears associated, among other things, with their aging body, approaching old age.
We look at the “forever young” stars and become even more disappointed in ourselves. Home, work, children, elderly parents - responsibilities are above your head. No money left. And health is already playing naughty.
We dream, we build life in the image and likeness of our dreams, but the result is completely different. Having crossed the next ten years, we suddenly realize that we have spent time realizing other people's ideas about happiness. We were chasing a bright picture from a glossy magazine. They even achieved something. Here it is paradise - a stone's throw. And I don't want to. Boring. It's not that.
They say midlife crisis, the effects of stress, depression, emotional burnout. Whatever you call it - the feeling is disgusting. And the most frightening thing is their own indifference.
Man is an exclusively social creature, and even a pair. This means that theoretically he can live well alone, but he can truly find happiness only in a couple. Only the trouble is, we get the most suffering in pairs. The closest ones get hurt the most. And now I want to protect myself from this pain, not to feel, not to remember, not to repeat the “mistake”.
I want, but they won't give me. I strive upward, and I am rudely returned to the ground. I give all of myself, and it turns out that nobody needs it. Year after year. Perhaps everything is repeated in more than one relationship. Or, at last, a loving and caring man was found … and I don't want anything anymore. If only they left alone. And the body obediently adjusts to the instructions of the psyche - I feel like a real old woman. Tired of everything. The pursuit of the realization of not one's desires leads to apathy.
PROBLEM SOLUTION: define your own desires. Man is made for happiness - this is an easily verified fact. Everything for happiness is given to each of us - both properties and potential. But we stubbornly go the other way, complaining about the “wrong” living conditions, “wrong” people, or even the “wrong” state. Yuri Burlan's training "System-Vector Psychology" helps to understand exactly which internal barriers hinder the realization of desires and to eliminate them.
Reason two: "Probably there is no love in the world"
Every modern person at least once in his life experienced feelings that he called love. But true Love is only about the visual vector. Love is the meaning of existence. Love is like an attitude. Love is like the only force over which death has no power.
The boundless emotional potential of the owner of the visual vector requires implementation - in creativity, in communication with people, in paired relationships. She cannot live without love. What is love? In the visual vector, this is focusing on a partner, his feelings, dissolving in him, compassion, empathy. Such a "fear for the life" of a partner that she herself is not afraid to die.
In the meantime, the owner of the visual vector is completely fixated on her desires, the only strong emotion that controls her life is fear. Fear makes you look for someone who will “love ME”. Fear makes you demand attention from others. Fear forces you by hook or by crook to maintain a relationship, so as not to be left alone.
Such emotional intensity takes all the strength. Emotions that could be directed, for example, to creativity, literally merge into nowhere. In addition, few men, even with a visual vector, are able to withstand such emotional pressure for a long time.
Some failed relationships, others, and others. Fourth? Scary! It will hurt again. The pendulum will swing again, and after a short euphoria of love - a dip into black melancholy. There is no love! I don’t want to love! I don't want to feel! And the bright world is covered with gray soot of dying castles in the air.
Important note. All of the above can be expressed in varying degrees of intensity. From complete indifference to everything around to a ban only on emotional connection with men.
SOLUTION OF THE PROBLEM: to understand what is happening and already consciously realize the natural desires inherent in the visual vector. The training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan provides an opportunity to learn how to build an emotional connection in a couple. The heart will gradually thaw, and love will show itself with such a depth of feelings that they could not have imagined before.
So, since you have decided that no one loves you, love yourself. Not cats and dogs - people. Show compassion for those who are obviously weaker than you, who are worse off than you. To those who are not able to respond in kind. Start small. Help the old lady read the price tag in the store. The most powerful tool is volunteering. But this "work of the soul" is not for everyone.
Reason three: "All men are good …"
Divorced for a year. I do not want a new relationship, although my colleagues are actively showing attention to me. But somehow I don't believe in their feelings. It seems to me that they just feel sorry for me or support me in a friendly way. It seems to me that I cannot be attractive to someone. That's how I live - work, home …
The older we get, the more we gain experience. And this experience is not always positive. It is enough for the owner of the anal vector to meet one scoundrel on her way to draw a conclusion about all men.
Women with anal vector are ideal wives and mothers. Family and children, traditions of the past are the basis of their life values. They are crystal-clear and clean in every sense. But often their life is destroyed by resentment.
The human psyche with an anal vector needs perfect balance. Any discrepancy leads to a feeling of guilt if one's own act towards someone seems to be wrong, or resentment if someone has done wrong towards them. Naturally ideal memory does not allow you to forget. And the value of the past, given by nature to the owner of the anal vector for the transfer of experience and knowledge, makes you return to the situation again and again.
It is not necessary that the resentment is so strong as to completely deprive the desire to communicate with men. If the properties of the vector are sufficiently developed and realized, resentment may not arise at all or may not be felt as something significant, interfering with life. Therefore, a powerful libido and a natural desire to start a family take over.
And then … New grievances accumulate. The husband does not pay attention, does not appreciate, cheats. Maybe the man promised and didn't marry. It is not so important what exactly became the last straw that destroyed the dam of trust in the entire male family. Men become "bastards" and relationships are perceived as dirty.
SOLUTION OF THE PROBLEM: to realize the properties of your own psyche and the reasons for your reactions. This can be done already at the free online training by Yuri Burlan "System-vector psychology". When you understand why you are reacting to past events by abandoning the future, half of the problem will be solved.
The second half of the problem will be solved by itself when you realize that other people are completely different. They are often so different that they are not even able to closely understand and accept your views and values. For example, when you are in pain from betrayal, and it does not even occur to them that “such little things” are important to you.
Reason four: "What's the point in all this?"
“I want to become a“gray mouse”. For 26 years I was so tired of the efforts to be attractive to the opposite sex that all these feminine tricks only cause irritation. Heels, makeup, fashionable outfit … And the very desire to attract somewhere has disappeared."
A woman with a sound vector is special. Other vectors add other facets to her character, but one thing is invariable: she is attracted to only one organ in a man - the brain. Not even that. She is attracted to the brain, which only a man with a sound vector can have. The rest, whether he is even three times a Ph. D., seem flat.
Sex? What for? What's the point of this? Boring stuff
The sound vector itself is asexual. In his abstract worlds there is no place for animal passions and material desires. It also happens the other way around - a sound woman in her youth can seem sexually unbridled. She perceives her body as something separate, little related to her own I, therefore, easily agrees to intimacy. Thus, she is trying to somehow feel alive, to feel the reality of the world, to become "normal".
In addition, if the desires of the sound vector are filled, the woman with the sound vector begins to manifest the desires of other available vectors. She - like a "normal" woman with an anal vector - wants to start a family and have children. As a woman with a skin vector, she may want to make a career, earn more money. If there is a visual vector, he will strive to look beautiful, dress fashionably.
Much earlier than in previous generations, modern sound specialists begin to feel the full weight of the search for the meaning of life. Hence the depression, the feeling of the meaninglessness of everything. But with a good development of the properties and skills of social adaptation, this process may well be delayed in time and be expressed only in the form - "I see no sense in proximity."
There is one more thing that influences desires. A woman with a sound vector is capable of deifying a man, seeing him as an ideal deity - the meaning of life. This is how her search manifests itself. In such a relationship, intimacy is not needed, on the contrary, it interferes. Deity cannot be material. And other men … What's the point?
PROBLEM SOLUTION: know yourself. And here everything begins with an awareness of the differences in the properties of the psyche. Your own and others. No one was created by nature for a “meaningless” and lonely life. Owners of the sound vector are able to build happy relationships filled with meaning and pleasure from intimacy. To do this, you need to make one small effort - to return from space in your head and pay attention to the unknown worlds of other people. Such a skill can be obtained at Yuri Burlan's nightly online training "System Vector Psychology".
The fifth reason: "So much sex in words that you don't need to"
There is one more reason why a woman does not want intimacy with a man, does not want to attract attention at all. Mat. Many people discard this moment altogether. Only at the training "System-vector psychology" Yuri Burlan reveals the mechanism of the destructive effect of mat on human sexuality.
All obscene words are about sex. Each of them is the name of the genital organ, attitudes towards a woman's behavior, sexual acts or even incestuous acts. Matom, a person speaks out his frustrations. Matom he “shows” what exactly he lacks, what he is afraid of, what he is offended at. I can’t do it, though.
In society, sexual relations are regulated by cultural restrictions. We do not mate like dogs on the street, in full view. The relationship in the bedroom concerns only two. In the same way, it is not customary to make public and describe the details of sexual relations. Only this intimacy provides a woman with the opportunity to completely liberate herself, trust her partner and get pleasure. And a man only feels that a woman belongs to him - this is HIS woman.
Even if a long-term relationship is not expected - at this moment they both belong to each other and only to each other. This is the only way a woman gets a sense of security and safety. Only under such conditions is it possible to build a trusting relationship outside the bedroom - an emotional connection that will bind a couple with real warmth for many years and after the end of a short period of love and passion.
With an obscene word, we bring out what is happening in the bedroom for everyone to see, which means we reduce relationships to the level of animal reproduction, depriving ourselves of intimacy and, at the same time, pleasure.
Just like sexual relations, there is a prohibition on murder in society. These things are interconnected in our psyche: what brings life and the ability to take life. Mate breaks down cultural restrictions, giving free rein to aggression, therefore it is justified only in war. Mate and violence always go hand in hand. One man obscenely demonstrates his superiority to another in the same way as a dominant baboon demonstrates an excited genitals to a weaker one. This is a direct threat. And now we bring all this into our relationship!
The word of love can be cured. The word can save lives. The word can stain and devalue the sacred act of love between a man and a woman.
Love killed by a word
In the perception of a man who speaks foul language outside the bedroom, a woman no longer becomes "beloved", but is described by a word with the letter "b". No, he consciously loves her and wants to be with her, says that he is ready to move mountains for her, but … you cannot deceive the psyche. Unconsciously, she is a "dirty woman" for him. This is how, for example, a man with an anal vector perceives. For a man with a skin vector it is different, but he is also not attracted by a partner with such a "low social responsibility".
And a woman can no longer trust a man who shows aggression in her presence. Even if a man uses obscenities to describe the situation at work, a woman perceives it as aggression towards HER, because obscenities in the senses are words about sex.
She also loves him and wants for him to be very, very, but … in her perception, intimacy with a man becomes violence. A woman with an anal vector is unbearable for dirt - “I want to wash”. For the visual, this is a cruel blow to culture, aesthetics, a sense of beauty, the ability to surrender to feelings, to love.
Especially women with a sound vector do not tolerate mate - to complete disgust for men. For her sensitive ear, such meanings are unacceptable.
There is only one valid use of the mat in a relationship. Sometimes he helps to liberate himself in the moment of intimacy. But this "peppercorn" can be used not always, very carefully and, of course, only behind a closed bedroom door.
Just do not forget: now the mat can be heard even from the TV screen, so its effectiveness for intimacy is in question. But the cause of the loss of desire can easily become! This does not come from one heard word - gradually, over and over again, the desire goes away. And it seems that the attraction has simply disappeared, love has gone, we have not got along in characters …
THE SOLUTION OF THE PROBLEM in this case cannot be unambiguous. Of course, you need to talk to a man about your desires, without avoiding unpleasant moments in discussions. If a relationship of trust is built, he will listen. But what to do with the obscenities that you inevitably hear at work, on the street? This is also worth talking about, making comments - many people are still able to listen.
Understanding what kind of inner pain makes a person use this "language of war" can slightly smooth out the influence of the mate. This can be learned at the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan. And as a side effect, people around you will feel less and less cursing.
The greatest awareness that helps to get rid of the destructive influence of the mat occurs at the training of Yuri Burlan. As a result, sexuality is revealed in a completely new way, pleasure appears even for those who have never experienced it.
I don’t want to - and don’t?
When desire disappears, you no longer see the need to change something. There are other pleasures in life. At least food or travel. This is all true. Only every desire implies pleasure from its realization.
Sometimes a woman forbids herself to have relationships with men when her husband dies. Few people in such a situation are able to easily start new relationships. You don't need to do this right away. The question is different: while a person is alive, he has all the possibilities to realize his nature. Moreover, this is his direct responsibility. Happiness is not only the euphoria of mutual love. Happiness is the feeling that life is not wasted.
Whatever the reason for your unwillingness to be a Desired Woman, you should understand her. In itself, the lack of desire for intimacy with a man is not a problem. But this can hide behind itself a whole bunch of reasons that affect other areas of life, depriving the joy of life. Why do you need such a bouquet?
At Yuri Burlan's free online training "System-Vector Psychology", you will be able to understand your desires and better understand others. This will allow you to open up as a woman, learn to enjoy communicating with a man. Register for a free training using the link.
