Divorce is the end of life, or How to get over the pain of loss
When the night became not a time of love and tender embraces, but an icy melancholy, with a bed, where the back of a loved one is like a wall, and tears flooding an already cold pillow? When did the dawn look like a dim sunset - the sunset of your relationship? …
Closing the door, your loved one left. Gone and will never return. And you can paint yourself a lot of pictures: what if everything were different? What if you were different? Would you remain that very one and only for him, as when he said that he loved and that you are together forever? But from the fact that you ask all these questions, nothing will change.
The pain that never ends
But it was a great time: delightful sex, quiet conversations under the moon, slow dances in which you merged into one whole, walks, meetings with friends, at which everyone said: "What a wonderful couple!", And your friends secretly quietly envied your happiness … When morning kisses and hot night hugs gave full confidence that it was forever.
When the night became not a time of love and tender embraces, but an icy melancholy, with a bed, where the back of a loved one is like a wall, and tears flooding an already cold pillow? When the dawn became like a dull sunset - the sunset of your relationship?
How many tears have you cried? They, bitter and salty at the same time, frostily burned your flaming cheeks.
How many words did you say? How many words have I heard in my direction that, like knives, stuck into your soul? And the feeling of a heavy boulder-stone hung on your shoulders like a dead weight. Everything is hateful. You hate yourself, him, the situation, people. I would like to rewrite everything again. But no. No longer. I copied, erased, crossed out, turned over the pages and wrote again, finished writing many times! This suffering is impossible. And no one around you can help you.
Vacuum
And then comes a state of apathy and decline, when there is no strength to communicate, no strength to breathe, no strength to live. You are in some kind of vacuum.
I would like to talk to someone, for example, with a friend, mom, sister, but no one will understand, help, heal your wounded soul and heart, which have been trampled. And even if you managed to talk to someone, then after only for a moment it becomes easier, illusory easier.
Coming home, you once again plunge into the same state that you had. The state of some incomprehensible disease, blues, for which there is no medicine either in the pharmacy, or at the mother's, nowhere. You start looking for where to be cured, but neither the witch grandmothers nor astrology give you an answer, they do not give you a magic pill, so that everything will become colorful and bright in your life again.
You can stay in this state for a month, half a year, a year or more. And this pain, which is only dulled for a while in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, will always stand in the background behind your back. What to do? How to continue to live on when something most important has passed away? How to force yourself to get out of this enduring heavy melancholy and again learn to feel, love? Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology answers these questions.
What's happening?
Each person experiences a breakup in their own way, according to their innate properties. In system-vector psychology, sets of such properties are called vectors. There are eight vectors: cutaneous, anal, muscular, urethral, visual, sound, olfactory, and oral.
The most severe conditions from the loss of a partner are experienced by people with anal and visual vectors. To cope with the storm of feelings and get out of the vicious circle, it is very important for us to understand what is happening in our subconscious.
Resentment and guilt are two sides of the same coin
Women with an anal vector find it very difficult to break up. Their main values are family, children, home comfort. They are wonderful housewives, real home keepers, caring wives.
When a beloved man suddenly leaves, their entire settled, stable world collapses. They lose support, the basis of all life.
Among the values of a person with an anal vector are honesty, devotion, loyalty. He is monogamous, he can live his whole life with one partner, and he will not have a desire to change something. And suddenly, like a bolt from the blue - the departure of a loved one. Their usual reaction to this is “what is this for me?”, A heavy offense, thoughts of revenge. Along with this, there is a distrust of all men: "I know them, only to …".
Resentment is characteristic only of representatives of the anal vector. It is a reflection of a sense of justice, which they understand in their own way: how much they gave, so much they should receive. If the balance between receiving and giving is disturbed, they feel that they have not been given enough: I have invested so much in the relationship, but I have been underestimated, not repaid with gratitude, respect, recognition of merit. I’m right and he’s wrong. I am good and he is bad.
The flip side of resentment is guilt. This is when I didn’t give something back, didn’t do it in return, didn’t pay back in the same coin. In a difficult situation of divorce, women with an anal vector tend to swing between resentment and guilt: either he is to blame for everything, then I did something wrong.
When the past is better than the present
The owners of the anal vector have a good memory, which also plays a role. After all, they remember both good and bad - absolutely everything. Therefore, they are often vindictive, carry their grievances throughout their lives.
On the other hand, these are people whose psyche is directed towards the past, and therefore the past is always better for them than the present. The more time passes after a painful breakup, the more it seems to them that this relationship was the best page in their life, the more they feel nostalgic for the past. They are still waiting for the one who left, thinking that this was their other half. And there is no more such and will not be.
This prevents them from seeing perspectives, seeing new opportunities in the present, seeing the happiness that is nearby. If you do not understand your properties and the reasons for what is happening, you can forever linger in the past, conserve your grudge against men and put an end to your female happiness.
I can't imagine life without love
There are other women for whom a breakup becomes a huge emotional upset. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan calls them the owners of the visual vector. They are distinguished by a huge emotional amplitude - from euphoria of feelings to destructive melancholy. Love is the meaning of their life.
Often it is these women who become victims of destructive emotional addictions, when the presence of a partner next to them, as it were, guarantees their safety. He is there - I'm not afraid, he's not there - I'm shaking with fear. Often, such states are even accompanied by characteristic sensations at the physical level.
A woman with a visual vector in a dependent relationship demands expressions of love from her partner. Because if he loves, then I am safe. When the primary attraction fades away, and the partner has already ceased to be carried out on emotional manipulations, "heavy artillery" is used - hysteria, blackmail by suicide. Naturally, such a relationship comes to an end very quickly.
Left alone, the owner of the visual vector experiences strong melancholy and plunges into fears. These are very serious conditions.
Often experienced pain leads to the emergence of a fear of love. And this despite the fact that it is the visual woman who is given to experience the incredible pleasure of giving love in a relationship.
Experience and realize
How to deal with the pain of loss? Not to hide your feelings deeper, not to “try to forget” - this will not help. What happened needs to be comprehended. The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan gives a unique understanding of what kind of internal rearrangements and how exactly should be done in order to survive the separation, open up to new relationships and build them in a new way, not a bad, but a good scenario.
In addition, System-Vector Psychology gives everyone a unique tool for recognizing not only their own, but also other people's mental properties. This means that it is possible to understand in advance what kind of relationship scenario and under what conditions awaits you with your partner.
How it works is evidenced by numerous reviews of those who have completed the trainings.
Come to free online trainings on Systemic Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan. Start life from a new leaf - without resentment and doubt, without fear and anguish. To participate, register:
