How to break up with a guy: goodbye without pain, resentment and reproaches
Parting may not be a big deal for your boyfriend, but it's hard enough for you to accept this fact. And it happens the other way around. You easily said goodbye to him, you already have completely different worries in your head, but only the ex-boyfriend does not give a pass: he waits at the entrance, bothers him with calls and messages. To find the key to solving such a problem, you need to figure out which person and for what reason it can be so difficult to end an obsolete relationship.
People meet, fall in love … and get married. True, not always. Sometimes it also happens that the development of paired relationships ultimately leads us to the need to part. And this is not always easy, because we are so different! And if the question of how to break up with a guy is so acute for you, then it is obvious that it is difficult for either of you two to accept the changes that are taking place.
Parting may not be a big deal for your boyfriend, but it's hard enough for you to accept this fact. And you continue to remember the past, call him, sometimes experiencing painful shame. You would be glad to stop these torments and part with the guy completely, but here is something holding and not letting go!
And it happens the other way around. You easily said goodbye to him, you already have completely different worries in your head, but only the ex-boyfriend does not give a pass: he waits at the entrance, bothers him with calls and messages. And what to do with it? How to convince him to leave completely and stop harboring groundless hopes in your address?
Can't let go - what kind of people are they?
To find the key to solving such a problem, you need to figure out which person and for what reason it can be so difficult to end an obsolete relationship.
A detailed answer to this question is given to us by the System-Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan. She identifies 8 different groups of desires and properties in people, which are called vectors.
Desires to create a family, to be together all life and to be faithful to one partner are characteristic of people with an anal vector, which both a guy and a girl can possess.
In everyday life, such people are distinguished by thoroughness and attention to detail, perseverance, and slowness. A guy with an anal vector often has “golden hands” - he will fix the cabinet and nail the shelf. And girls with such properties tend to get carried away with needlework and themselves become wonderful housewives.
Since the owners of the anal vector are solid people who are used to doing everything "efficiently and conscientiously", they also strive to build relationships for centuries. Therefore, parting with a boyfriend or girlfriend - carriers of such properties - is really difficult.
When the initiative comes from you
Suppose it was you who decided to end the relationship with such a guy. And he still cannot accept this fact, that is, he is not ready to part with you. As a result, this "suspended state" can continue for quite a long time. How to help him overcome difficulties, convince him?
First of all, you need to understand that people with an anal vector are slow and conservative. It can be difficult for them to accept any changes in the already familiar way of life. It takes a lot longer for a guy who places a high value on the consistency of a relationship to accept the fact that it's over. Try not to rush him, give him time. Excessive haste in this matter can only awaken stubbornness and resistance in such a guy.
For the owner of the anal vector, gratitude is very important. If you do decide to break up with such a guy, be sure to thank him for all the good things that happened between you. It is very important for him to feel and hear this.
In addition, a guy with an anal vector tends to take offense for a long time or, conversely, feel guilty towards his ex. Due to his natural properties, he unconsciously tries to find the "right and the wrong" in this event. The best option is to recognize that there are always two people involved in developing and ending a relationship. Make it clear to the guy that you share this responsibility with him in half, equally.
Since it is very important for people with an anal vector to bring any process begun to completion, let him put an end to your relationship, say the last word. The feeling of completeness will allow him to let go and no longer bother you in your new life.
If, in addition to the anal, a person is also a bearer of the visual vector, it is a great difficulty for him to break the emotional connection with a partner, he can react with tantrums and "scenes", emotional blackmail. When parting, the viewer is really scared to be alone. It seems to him that no one will love him anymore, or he will not love anyone else.
What if they left me?
Perhaps your boyfriend made the final decision to break up, but you yourself cannot accept it.
Then all the properties of a person with an anal or visual vector described above are most likely inherent in you.
And then, in order to part with a guy painlessly for yourself, it will only help to understand the true reasons that led you to this result. To figure out why this happened, and maybe even to understand what else can be done in order to still preserve this relationship. It's never too late to put an end to it.
We are so different. But maybe there is still a chance?
When we begin to understand the natural properties and desires of our chosen one, we immediately see how to build the most favorable relationship with our boyfriend or girlfriend. We know for sure, for example, what a person actually means when he says or does not say something, what goals he pursues in a relationship, what he really wants, what he is hiding, what he thinks.
As a result, we become able to adequately assess the prospects for the development of relations in our couple and make a conscious decision - to complete or keep them. Then even parting, if necessary, is calm and painless.
Having received knowledge of system-vector psychology, many people have successfully overcome problems in pairs. Some ended the relationship, others saved the seemingly completely hopeless. Here are reviews of just a few of them.
Want to better understand your partner and create a happy relationship? Come to Yuri Burlan's free online lectures on systemic vector psychology. Register using the link.