Fears in the night: the sounds of the past came from the kitchen
I watch people who think fears and phobias are normal. And I can't imagine how? What for? Well, why live with it? Now I have a great desire - so that as many people as possible understand: no, you don't need to live with this psychological garbage.
Until the moment I got to the training in system-vector psychology, I did not understand that you can live differently. What does it mean to live for real, that is, not deceiving yourself and realizing yourself. In general, now, already in adulthood, I have not had any problems … of life. But there were enough problems, the place of residence of which is my head. As it turned out, there were even too many of them for one head. Although, if we take into account that my head is sound-visual, then maybe it's normal.
Now I realize that there are countless people like me. Due to certain social processes and to some extent due to the fact that my generation and the generation that brings up me and my peers are on opposite sides of a huge abyss. Abyss of misunderstanding and absolutely different lifestyles.
So that's it. Childhood. I can't say that my parents are bad, no. I have very, very good, kind, helpful parents. But at that very rotten time when the collapse of the 90s took place, this infection did not pass my family by. I still feel offended when another advertisement for that drink sounds on TV, about how it is qualitatively purified, how natural, how crystal and transparent … But for me it will always be black water that poison life, poison it completely, and so, who becomes an alcoholic, and to those who live next to him.
Do you know what a traumatized sound vector is? This is when you hear (and listen, deliberately listen) how the neighbor upstairs is talking in a dream. How dogs play on the street. How someone gets out of the elevator, and you already know who it is - by the first few steps, you will recognize it by the walk. I always recognized my dad right away when he came back drunk in the morning. I knew that my mother would turn off the bell and would not let him into the apartment for a long time. And soon she lets him in, they go to the kitchen and argue for a long time.
He never hit her. And he didn't beat me. No, the father was the perfect husband, fully realized up to this point. Until the moment when his career went under annulment. Not even derailed. And he couldn't find a job. I just couldn't. Being the best student on the stream. Being the husband that all my mother's friends dreamed of. They all envied her. But it so happened that dad simply did not know how to live on. And drank. And she cried, argued with him, begged him to stop. If the person reading this article knows what alcoholism is, then I don't need to explain. And if not, then I'll just say - this is when a person hears you, listens, but cannot stop.
Mom didn’t scream. She was crying. She sobbed and blackmailed him, said that she would do something to herself. Mom sat at the window several times, but did not jump. She just didn't know what to do and tried to scare him in this way.
Kitchen appliances were soon used. At first she broke the dishes, then she threatened that she would take up the knife. She said it once, but it was enough for me. It is enough to get up at night in a conscious adult life and check in the kitchen if all the knives are hidden.
My father hasn't been drinking for a very long time, about 6-7 years, maybe more. I don’t remember and I don’t want to remember. He is a successful man now, an ideal family man, as he was before alcoholism. I got to my feet and went on through life. So much so that others did not have time to catch up. Received a second education, opened a business.
But these echoes of the past tormented me for many years. Now I will tell you what the sound vector is when it is injured. When he is touched by sounds, which are painfully scary to hear.
Even after this alcoholic nightmare, I often woke up at night when I heard someone enter the kitchen. It could be mom looking for sweets, or dad who went out to drink some water. But if something falls, if you hear the sound of dishes, or something happens, I would get up and rush to the kitchen. She rushed in fear that my mother had taken out a knife and now would do something for herself.
Time passed, and I no longer ran to check the knives. But any sound from the kitchen made me feel like someone was in danger. This also applied to other places from where I could hear some sounds at night. Wherever I slept, these sounds followed me. Everywhere it seemed to me a threat to someone's life.
I suffered from insomnia, sometimes for months. Sometimes for weeks. Also these thoughts about the meaning of being and sound searches for truth. The feeling that you are a special person, that a genius lives inside you. Many articles have already been written about these feelings, so I will not repeat myself. I do not know what tormented me more - the dangers in the kitchen invented by my visual vector or the thoughts about the structure of the universe buzzing in a terrible concentration, but this nightmare has just left me. I sleep well.
I remember how fear drove me to check if the windows on the balcony were closed so that, God forbid, my mother would not come there and throw herself out. And so, by the way, I am no longer afraid of ball lightning, which I heard about as a child. And finally I enjoy the smell of rain, I don't close the windows.
I am no longer afraid and I do not spend my nights in fear. Sound and visual vectors no longer give me the illusion of danger. I couldn't get rid of them for many, many years. As an adult, she was very afraid of death. At the age of 20, I was afraid to go to the toilet at night, because it is dark and scary. What was I not afraid of. Are you afraid? Do you think you can live with it? You are wrong, you don't need to live with it. He needs to get rid of this.
Now, when I meet with my friends and relatives, I hear from them: “You have changed so much”, “Something in you has changed so much”, “You have become so balanced”, “You are completely different, what happened? You really shine with happiness!”… And what happened is that six months ago, system-vector psychology knocked on my life. By chance.
I watch people who think fears and phobias are normal. And I can't imagine how? What for? Well, why live with it? Now I have a great desire - so that as many people as possible understand: no, you don't need to live with this psychological garbage.
