A crybaby boy, or How to cultivate courage?
The kid perceives the world, taking literally everything to heart. For us adults, falling ice cream is a common nuisance. What is the reason for increased tearfulness in some children?
How to respond correctly in a crisis situation?
Roars and roars, what are you going to do? Fell down - screaming, pushed - into tears, dropped the candy - hysteria, the toy broke - the end of the world … and what kind of child is this! And the boy is also called. Well, stop roaring fast! How long can you already? Like a snotty girl, really. You are a man, and men do not cry.
Not everyone can withstand children's tears, and even when these tears stand so close that there is no need for a special reason, then any patience will burst. However, the ban on tears strongly affects the psychological development of the child and has not the best long-term consequences.
What is the reason for increased tearfulness in some children?
How to respond correctly in a crisis situation?
What to do to reduce the number of tears and screams?
We understand it using the knowledge of the training "System-vector psychology".
Who has eyes in a wet place
The most emotional, sensitive and impressionable are children with visual vectors. For them, any emotion is a pleasure. They equally strongly express joy and grief, surprise and fear, admiration and sadness. Moreover, switching is instantaneous. Tears have not yet dried on my cheeks, but already laughter pours in full force.
The same visual vector endows the child with figurative thinking, rich imagination and artistry. He can invent the most incredible fairy tales, draw fantastic animals painted with all the colors of the rainbow, animate his toys and live all the adventures with them.
The kid perceives the world, taking literally everything to heart. For us adults, falling ice cream is a common nuisance. For a visual child living at the maximum amplitudes of emotions, this is simply a tragedy of a universal scale. If it is an accident for parents to meet other parents from kindergarten, then for a child to meet a friend in the city is the greatest joy.
The child always expresses his emotions. However, if laughter, joy, surprise and admiration for us, adults, seem cute and cause a smile, then the manifestation of longing, sadness, sadness or despair is perceived painfully.
It seems to us that the baby is constantly crying, because we do not take positive emotions into account.
How to respond to crying
A parent's very first reaction is full attention - in order to assess the situation. If injury or illness is excluded, we understand the reasons. We pronounce what is happening, calling all emotions by their proper names, so that in the future the child will learn to clearly explain his condition.
For example: "You are upset that we missed the bus, and you are bored of standing at the bus stop - why are you crying?"
Then we get involved in the situation and try to share his emotions with the child.
For example: “Are you so happy because we are going to grandma's? I also wanted to see her for a long time. " Or: “Are you upset that you dropped your bear into a puddle? I was also upset about this. But we'll clean it at home with you, right? And we'll tie a beautiful bow."
If this is not enough, we try to distract or switch his attention. Bright pictures, flowers, birds, people, passing cars, an airplane in the sky, even cracks in the asphalt for a visual child can become an object of interest.
When crying turns into a real tantrum, even then it is worth keeping feedback, but it should be minimal. Monosyllabic answers and no emotions in return. In the case of hysteria, the most effective way out is to deprive the brawler of "applause". His "performance" does not surprise you, does not annoy, does not infuriate or upset you, you react to him in any way. If there is no spectator, there is no point in performing.
All that can be said at a moment of hysterics is, for example: "Mom is there, I'm just waiting for you to be hugged." Calm, even boring voice. A few minutes of hysterics without response emotions, and it comes to naught.
It is important to note here that visual children are very sensitive, they subtly feel the internal state of the mother, and this also affects their behavior and can cause tears. How to react if the child is crying because of the mother's negative state? What should a mother do if she cannot remove stress by sheer willpower and cannot restore inner balance in a minute?
Open up. Honestly admit to the child that the mother is upset, offended, did not get enough sleep, was tired, did not have time for everything she wanted … Without going into details, you can explain to the baby that he is not guilty of anything and the mother loves him, as before, but today feels bad, but tomorrow will be a new day and everything will be fine.
Talk to him, support him, but do not forbid crying. What happens when a mother forbids a child to cry? The conviction is instilled that it is shameful to show your feelings, to show your emotions is indecent, not good, and in general it is superfluous. A boy who was forbidden to cry grows into a man for whom other people's emotions are an empty phrase. After all, this is something that should not worry a man, is it so?
A mother’s neglect of the child’s feelings forms the same attitude in him to her feelings.
“It is impossible to manifest, you cannot talk about them, you cannot even feel them. You are a man!..”What is forbidden cannot be developed. This means that he will begin to attract attention in other ways - actions, words, shocking appearance, defiant behavior. A sensually undeveloped child grows up as a callous, self-absorbed person, afraid of his own shadow. Often this becomes the cause of problems with adaptation in the children's team, such a child is more often than others, offend at school.
Effective parenting of tearful children
The psychological development of a child with a visual vector proceeds from the simplest emotion to the most complex and deepest feelings. The properties of the psyche develop from birth to the end of puberty.
The simplest and most primitive emotion is fear. All children know how to be scared, you do not need to teach this. And if a child's development stops at this stage, he lives with fears all, already adult life. Subsequently, such people are prone to various phobias, panic attacks, superstitions and other psychological problems.
Therefore, it is extremely important for the upbringing of a visual child to completely exclude any sources and provocateurs of fear - games with scarecrows at night, in the dark, scary tales with heroes eating or killing, threats in the style of “I'll leave you here” or “that uncle will take you away”; babai, baba-yagi, mountaineers, sorcerers and other creepy characters should not be present in a child's life.
Fear is simple, but a person is designed in such a way that he will always choose the path of least resistance. Until the child stops being afraid, he will not develop his psyche.
For the development of the sensory sphere, the baby needs a solid psychological foundation. This is the subconscious feeling of security and safety that he receives from his mother. Until the end of puberty, the child is completely dependent on his mother, since he is not psychologically ready to take responsibility for his life. Complete dependence is expressed in the fact that the internal state of the mother directly affects the state of the child, which is manifested in his behavior, words and actions. Mom is bad - the child is capricious. Mom is normal - the child is calm.
When a baby feels in complete physical and psychological safety, he actively learns the world around him, seeks to learn new things and, yes, wants to develop. It only remains to direct it.
The best and most effective tool for developing the properties of the visual vector is literature. Joint reading of classical literature stimulates the work of figurative thinking, develops imagination and allows you to feel all the heroes of the work through yourself. When choosing books, the plot is an important point - it should evoke compassion for the characters in the work. Children should learn to empathize with another, try to share his experiences, sympathize with hardships and hardships, rejoice in his victories and achievements.
"White Bim Black Ear", "Pippi Longstocking", "Children of the Underground", "Girl with Matches", "Pollyanna", "The Ugly Duckling" and similar works have the best influence on the development of the sensual sphere of the visual baby. Tears of compassion while reading are the best tears because they speak of developing feelings.
What does the development of the visual vector mean? How can we see the result? The focus of attention is shifting from oneself to others. Little by little, the child tries to attract your attention through whims, crying or tantrums. He often shows feelings, expresses them in words, pronounces his feelings. Concentration from a loved one is shifted to the outside world. He is more interested in the people around him.
Feel sorry for the baby who is crying? We'll treat you with candy. Feel sorry for the grandmother who is limping? We will help you bring her bag.
By developing the properties of the visual vector, we instill the ability for the most complex feelings - compassion, active empathy and love. It is these feelings that completely displace any fears from the child's psyche, as emotions of a lower order.
Only by developing sensually, a whiny and capricious baby can grow into a fearless, courageous man, for whom the emotions of another person are not an empty phrase, who knows how to love and is not afraid to show his feelings. Today there are many "real men" who can hit a woman, but there are also really real men for whom the life of a woman or a child is more important than his own.
How will your boy grow up, crying today from the flew away ball?